I am not attracted to my boyfriend whom I've been with for 5 years.
I was 15 when we got together and for a long time didn't really understand what attraction feels like. We have lots of sex but I rarely get the desire to initiate.
This last year, I've been feeling attracted to other guys. Some of them I would never consider to date, other ones - maybe.
I don't know what to do. Maybe a bond is more important than sexual attraction? How can I hurt the one I love the most?
I trust myself not to cheat. Even talking to a guy I think is attractive makes me feel guilty so I ignore them the next time.
I feel content and happy with him, but I never feel butterflies or like my heart stops or very very aroused.
I used to think the reason I was not attracted to him was his looks but I think it is more his lack of leadership. The way he acts makes me want to protect him but not to have sex with him.
You were 15 when you got together. You were literally clueless kids. Now both of you are adults and understand there is far more relationships than you thought. You only got together because you two were available for each other in a tiny dating pool. Your world is much larger now.
Very few couples who got together at 15 stay together. You have already been together abnormally long. Forget about how many years you have been together, only the future matters.
Do you see yourself being happy with him in the future? Yes? Keep dating. No? Break up and look for someone more suitable.
You got together when you were 15. At 20 you are an entirely different person. So is he. It is quite possible and natural that the people you are today might not have the same bond that the two teenagers had.
Stop trying to rationalize your own shitty behavior by claiming it is normal. Not everyone who has sexual desires for someone else ends up cheating or falling into despair. People deal with it every single day, especially men.
I almost get the sense you're not interested in keeping it going. On the other hand I'm not so sure someone can just change their personality. The bottom line is you should be honest, the longer you wait the worse it'll be. You started young and been together a long time so maybe tell him before you break up, see if anything can be improved.
Sounds like it's time to strongly consider breaking up. Teenage relationships rarely last, and if you've lost attraction to him at the age of 20 - spoilers, it's not going to get any better.