I dated a girl 5 years younger than me for around 6 months while she was working in my country. After it, we've seen each other three times for some periods of time like going to her country on my christmas holiday and such. I like her and she's beautiful, but I feel she's way more infatuated with me than I'm with her. I was a fool and told her that I loved her after she told me she did. She wants me to move to her country with her and I feel I'm not ready (and also something I'll add later).
Fast forward to this day:
I met a very attractive girl (half black, beautiful eyes, tight body) lately and she's giving me hints that she wants the D. I don't have any feelings for this girl apart from lust, and I would like to sleep with her and get it out of the way. I already had a one night stand with another girl while the first one was away, but I knew this girl would only be in my city that night and it was very discreet. Of course, I never told the first girl. I did it because (and this is the thing I wanted to add) the sex with her was not that great. I want her to be dirtier and into kinky stuff but she's too sweet and shy.
I want to be single so I can do whatever I want with my penis without having to hide it, but on the other hand I don't want to hurt the first girl by letting her know my intentions. I would like a clean breakup so that she suffers the least possible. I know I am an asshole for doing all of that to her and I will get a lot of "RRRRRREEEEE NORMIE CHEATING SCUM" coments. I was like you once.
>I have to options:
Breaking up with her, coming up like a total asshole and having her suffer.
Banging the new girl behind her back and hiding it from her until the chance to break up comes up.
Can I get some opinions on my situation?
Honestly, I think you fucked up by telling her you loved her when you really didn't. I know it was putting you on the spot when she said it, but you've got to sack up and be forward with what you want and how you feel.
In regards to your current situation, honestly, it sounds like you're not ready for a relationship of any kind with girl one. It just sounds like its not what you want. You need to be direct and tell her how you feel ASAP, because its going to hurt, no matter what. But she'll get over it and life will go on. Also, you'll be able to fuck your new girl without having to constantly have that in the back of your mind.
You're not losing anything. Guilt isn't something to protect. Cut her off and get your sex, or keep her and keep your sex.
All's fair in love and war. Just be clearer with the next girl so you don't fuck her over like this one if you feel bad about it. It's already given that you've fucked her over, so you might as well flip a coin if you don't like thinking. Who knows? If you stay with her, you might learn something. If you're gonna break up with her, you can be as clear and sincere as you can be, or not. All up to you. I'm not gonna tell you what to do.
This is a personal moral decision, and thus, a philosophical one. Just be the man you want to be by making the choices a man like that would make.
the problem is not that I'm not ready. It's that I'M ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER!
I know her family, friends, she keeps planning trips with me and I can't say no. I got out of a 4 years relationship a while back and got dumped during an overseas trip with her and it was devastating. I don't want to do that.
When I think about it, she's lovely and pretty, but as I said, the sex could be better and as of lately, I have been dipping my feet in dangerous territory with other girls. I love the thrill it gives in an otherwise dull life I have. Also, when I picture myself in the future there's only two version of myself:
1- Living with the first girl at her country and living a couple's lifestyle that somehow I learn to enjoy and be happy with.
2- Being single wherever I choose to move to and enjoy the lifestyle I actually want to have without giving explanations to anyone.
The choice seems obvious, but I wonder if it'll do me good to actually settle down a bit now that I'm getting into my late 20s. When I dated my other gf for 4 years, she broke up with me because she realised that she was curious about being with other guys and realised that she got into a relationship too early. I was devastated because at that time, I could only see myself in a future with her (I was young and didn't take the breakup well). I am terribly afraid that I get into another long term relationship only to see it crash and burn years after and regret that I didn't take the right choice when I had the chance. However, it could be the other way around and regret that I can't find a sweet girl when I actually want to settle (if I ever want it at some point).
Hope this clears the situation a bit more.
You might be currently in a relationship with girl #1, but you don't sound ready for it. You present two options, but it's ultimately on you to decide on what you want to do.
Do you want to be in a commited relationship with girl #1 or do you want to be single and unaccountable for your sex life?
The decision is 100% yours, no one here can make it for you. Like I said, to me it sounds like you're just not ready to commit to a relationship with girl number #1.
Either way, whatever you do, decide fast and keep the applicable people informed. It'll make getting over it MUCH easier.
Bumpin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
So I can get more opinions.