I could use some /adv/ice.
There's my girlfriend, i fell in love with her 2 years ago. She got into some family problems not long after, and started getting depressed. I cared for her and wanted to help the woman I fell in love with. We got into a relationship together over a year ago. Lately I've felt suffocated by a thought. She has mentioned before that if it wasn't for me she'd not wabt to live. Now it feels like a burden. I love her but i can't handle the responsibility, i feel like she needs to be able to be happy by herself before we continue.
How do I go about this? I've never been in a similar situation.
Be gentle as fuck no matter what you do. I'd stop overthinking it (suffocated by a thought) first and foremost. The next thing I'd do is try to set up some reoccurring event (weekly poker night, guys night out, etc.) and try to encourage her to do something that she likes during that time. You could also try introducing her to hobbies that are the check in on type (painting, reading, etc.) so that she can start doing things on her own while you still are able to be supportive of her.
She has a few hobbies. These include reading and cooking mostly. She doesn't do much active things, which I think could help make her feel better about herself too, but she's not very open to this. As soon as things seem like I want her to change something she'd be like "why does everybody always want me to change??" And makes me look bad. She often says she is bored..
Hiking is always a killer option for nudging someone into shape. You have the whole splendor of nature thing to fall back on as well. It sounds like she needs to start living, which can be especially hard after a family trauma. Cooking and reading are great examples. Try going to a museum. If she expresses an interest, support her and encourage it. If not, try other activities/locations that express something to others that a person made/did on their own. Sooner or later one will stick.
Exactly, because what you want is healthy and normal. If you start tripping yourself out about it constantly you are going to run the risk of becoming incredibly codependent as opposed to one of you being dependent on the other. If anything, you can use this as time to expand your interests as well to keep your mind off of it.
She has depression, it's easier said than done. For what it's worth she probably would carry on even if you left her, she'd just be in a bad place. People with depression tend to overthink things and have a flair for the dramatic in relationships; at least, I did.
What you have to do is be a cast-iron source of positive and energy in her life and she'll forget all that bad shit. Come up with fun or romantic ideas, tell her you're doing them, find ways to distract her when she starts getting depressed. Eventually she'll pick up your positivity as well and emulate you.
Some good advice here, things I didn't think about myself.
I'll keep encouraging her to try new things, as said one will stick. I guess I can't expect too much of her because of her depression..