How do you be a marriage-worthy girl on the admittedly shady market of online dating sites?
Here's my list:
> be young
> be pretty
> thin or fit
> pleasant personality
> have hobbies other than watching movies and eating at restaurants and hanging out with friends
> girl hobbies that keep you fit, like yoga, dancing, swimming, running
> girl hobbies that make you homey, like cooking, baking, canning, but don't use it as an excuse to eat too much
> play an instrument to entertain guests, piano, violin, cello
> enjoy going to shows, museum exhibits, plays
>> play an instrument to entertain guests, piano, violin, cello
So sounds like you want a trophy wife to show off to your friends, neighbors, and society.
Better have that $$$ if you're angling for an object to show off.
Most men want marriage, or at least to settle down with a partner, at some point in their lives, even if they don't want it now. That's just the normal course of life in our society.
Are you trying to marry up or something? Because I'm after something serious, but a lot of this stuff is superfluous.
Just be upfront about what you're looking for and that you're not interested in ambiguity or casual dating.
I've done that, and I've ended up with nice boyfriends who treat me well, but then they break up with me because they can't see being in a lifelong relationship with me. They just want to sow their oats, I guess. I don't even bring up marriage in conversation, ever, it's like they can just feel it
You're broadcasting and it feels a little desperate and they can pick up on that. Maybe you are a candidate for a nice stable relationship that could end with marriage, but nobody wants to think about marriage before they even date someone and see if they're a good fit. Chill a little
First off, what you listed in the OP would indeed objectively qualify you for wife material. The downside is if you "advertise" it in the same way on a dating website, then you'll come off exactly as you are: overly willing to marry. Which might eventually get you a guy but remember you're using a system aimed at people who are looking for dates
I'm sure you've thought about it plenty, but perhaps it's worth checking with a close friend why you want to marry so much
The process is usually more like
>discover each other
>fall in love
>ride it out for a couple of years, yes the spark might be gone but you'll still want to be with each-other
>realize you want to commit
Unless you're in a culture with arranged marriages, which I doubt, you are very likely to set yourself and your partner up for some major drama if you marry for no other reason than to marry
I'd rather be alone forever than go through another relationship where we get along and everything is great and then we break up because lol we're too young to grow old together byeee
Now, first date, I'm making sure that marriage is a definite if we get along well enough to date.
Men who only want to date and who are upfront about that are fine. I'm also upfront.
Ok I think I see what's actually going on
You're just broken up about various guys that you've liked a lot and left you because they couldn't commit
Well best of luck to you. There's nothing essentially wrong with what you're going for, it's just unlikely to make you actually happy
Maybe. Perhaps in 1 year I'll see the error of my ways, but I'm really tired of nice guys who are nice but still want to do whatever they want to do as single men, instead of the nice things in a relationship.
You won't change the minds of those guys by becoming whatever. If they want to live the single life, they will live the single life the only difference will be that they will either leave you or live the single life behind your back. However you won't feel yourself good because your whole relationship will be built upon an act.
Sounds like you've developed yourself well. I'm looking to settle down, and I look for girls more or less like you.
First of all, you want to find guys who are actually looking to settle down. The common advice here is just to date around and see if one sticks, but I have to disagree with that: the universal dating suggestion here hinges upon the law of numbers and, while that's great for getting laid or a quick relationship, it's terrible for getting married, when you want to weed out poor candidates. To that end, you should ignore advice that tells you to give everyone a chance or anything like that; be selective.
Dudes under 25 are often looking to get their dicks wet. I say often because there are exceptions like me, who started wife-hunting at 18. Do note that guys like me are the exception.
Look for guys who are traditional/conservative and have strong family values. Dudes who are close to their family are good, and it might not be the worst idea to leave subtle signs that you're close to your family as well. Don't bother with guys around your age, go for older: the 28 to 32 range is your sweetspot.
If you insist on younger, you might need to hit up a church. Many guys get involved with church largely for the purpose of finding marriageble young women (whether or not that is misguided is open to debate, but a topic for another thread), so you might find like minds there. If you're not traditionally religious, you're playing on hard mode like me.
Good luck, you sound like a catch.
I see pathetic reading comprehension on this board every day, but it never ceases to amaze me just how terrible it can get.
Go get a girlfriend for real instead of sitting behind a computer, and don't get married until you've been happily together for a good while. Treat her the right way and don't expect her to be perfect, because nobody is.
A couple of things here.
I agree with everyone that says you're going about this wrong. Getting married just for the stability is going to lead to resentment later in life where you realize you don't actually love the person. Like one anon mentioned, you seem to be hung up on the guys that left you, that probably did so because they realized that this wasn't going to work out for either of you in the long run. That should be applauded rather than locking themselves into something that doesn't work just because marriage is the next box on the checklist of "things you're supposed to do."
Second, as a guy who has both been on dating sites, has his life together, and is open to the idea of marriage to the right girl, you sound ridiculously boring, and I wouldn't even message you if you were cute and had a list like this. All of your hobbies sound ridiculous and solo, and it sounds like you just want to sit in your tiny bubble the rest of your life doing your things right nearby. I want a girl who is adventurous, and can complement my ambition when I need her to. Someone I have fun around. Someone who also doesn't cling to me at all times of the day, but has her own interests and friends that we don't necessarily share all the time, so both sides can get their space.
Different strokes for different folks, but you might want to open yourself up to the idea that these guys left because they were flatly bored. I've done it.