>go to work >easy to not think about my ex >go out with

Can't help you op, because I hate myself right now, I don't date.

>be like satou
>apathy and anxiety on the same level as him
>everything is a conspiracy, no wonder
> still no Misaki to teach me
>an hero

Think about it. Feel every feeling. Feel the loneliness, the regret, the anger, the dissapointment, let yourself feel all theese things and let the feelings evolve into better ones. Shoving shit in a box and ignoring it never helped anyone in the Long run. I am two months out of a 3,5 year relationship. And the first thing i did was to allow myself all the emotions that follower. It has led to me being in a state where i can date and party. Ive been sexually active and i manage to feel good about being Me and not the old Us. Its not done overnight. But its necsessary for the healing procsess