So this maybe a little long. So I’m gonna split it up.
Basically I’m 27 and a half. Never had a girl express interest in me or ever really been able to get one to speak to me in real life. The only time I’ve ever even had a girl’s number is from people I spoke to online who texted me that I was never going to meet or girls who have given me their numbers without me asking(or gotten my number from other people I know) and usually these people make a point of telling me they aren’t attracted to me so when the past couple times this has happened I generally tried to avoid anything non-platonic.
In fact people usually tell me I can’t be passive and expect girls to do anything. But this thing is I am aware everyone thinks this and am not like this even remotely. Women just tend to ignore me entirely me or ask me to go away. Or if they are being polite say something to change the subject as if I hadn’t asked for their number. Like it just straight up does not work for me. Then people don’t believe me when I tell them I’ve had women give me their number without asking several times or if they do believe they are like well she obviously is into you. But clearly that is not the case because in almost every instance of that happening the girl in question has told me relatively soon if not immediately that it isn’t the case(even if they say like me as a person/talking to me and want to keep doing)
I also get told I just can't recognize "the signs." but then I ask what they are and actively look for them and never see them.
I know I’m not a supermodel looking guy but I think I look fine. In fact I've been told much uglier guys than myself do well and even seen this be the case(although some people still insist it's how I look). But when I ask people for their opinions because I honestly don’t get other people and I know I can’t speak for others they all just tell me my problem is I’m not confident blah blah but I’ve had girls actually tell me I don’t come off as having low self-esteem or low confidence at all. Probably because those things don’t fucking apply to me and I have no idea why this “has” to be the reason. Plus I’d say the two guys I know who have been with the most women are also the straight up most insecure I know even by the admission of some girls they’ve fucked. So I see literally ZERO correlation there.
Started working and saying it was the only way women would notice me more. 2 and a half years later I look different. Women still ignore me and I’m still told I’m below average(in which case it’s like why did I waste all this time and money on fitness only to still be below average? I don’t really care about this that much. Maybe I would if it’d actually made a difference). I know people are just going to say I should be working out “for myself” but I don’t give a single shit about working. Most of the girls I get ignored by when I approach them probably don’t work out.. It doesn’t give me an “enhanced sense of well being” like it does for everyone else I know who does it. In fact lifting weights just makes me feel super stressed out.
I’ve literally only ever had women tell me I’m ugly. Even though both the people who said this have also said I’m cute and really good at holding a conversation so I should have no problem with women. But these are also girls I met via message boards so it’s not like I was going to meet or fuck or date them. They were just people I wanted to speak to because I don’t really have friends in real life and these people told me they felt like we got along or they had a “connection”(another concept I don’t really understand at all) with me and they seemed like neat people who were easy to speak to.
Speaking of which that’s another issue. People tell me I should just get with girls who “actually like me.” But the thing is those people don’t seem to exist since the only time I’ve ever had women speak to me willingly is online. I literally CANNOT get women I don’t already know via someone else to speak to me at all in real life. Much less give me their number(aside from the few instances of someone giving it to me without asking which usually turns into me texting them like twice and being asked who it is even if they already acknowledged me or just not responding at all). I find it very easy to talk to people IF I CAN GET THEM SPEAK TO ME AT ALL. But that latter part is less likely than time travel being discovered in my lifetime.
Some more successful guys tried to put me on okc and Tinder and insisted at first they could get me laid or a date at least. Then they try and build me a profile or wingman me or introduce me to girls they or their fuck buddies or gfs know and just in general nothing happens. Even when women try to help me out and insist they could do better because they are women. It honestly seems like nobody is able to help me. And when this becomes clear guys usually default to telling me it’s how I look and it’s like ok but I’m lifting weights already and there’s only so much I can change about my natural appearance. And women are usually less specific but tell me I should just do something else. It’s frustrating because most of the guys and girls saying this are people who go out of their way to get laid or date a lot and act like it’s weird I’m interested in it(and feel the need to tell me so but ignore it when I point out the hypocrisy)
I’m honestly not sure how interested I am in actually “dating” seriously. I’m 27 and only lost my viriginity less than half a year ago to a backpage escort because people kept telling me I should fuck a prostitute and then I’d see sex isn’t a big deal. it was never a big deal I just wanted to get laid lol. But the point is I’m not particularly interested in being the guy who gets stuck with the first or second person they ever fuck and everyone else I know even if they want a relationship still gets to date around to varying to degrees. But when I explain this even to some of these same people I get lectures about how girls aren’t just sex toys or whatever even when I go out of my way to explain that I am still interested in getting to know people to begin with so we can bypass that.
Someone please tell me what the fuck is going on in all of this because frankly I don’t get it. People tell me to get hobbies and do other things. I already spend all my time doing other stuff. Doesn’t mean I’m not still interested in this aspect of life..
Please no one tell me to see a psychiatrist, get meds, or talk to a therapist because I already do those things(and have been for nearly my entire life) and they haven't very helpful in solving this mystery.