My husband wants to have sex with other men. Before we got married he wanted to try it and I gave him the freedom to do so, I thought it was important for him to find himself and figure himself out. He says he doesn't want to kiss or date guys but like to be a bottom. Months later I had his phone and somebody texted him asking "Have you gotten somebody to suck your prick yet?" I immediately confronted him and he swears he never went behind my back but he was still talking to the guy he experimented with. Now were married (we have a pretty good sex life or so I thought) and while I love him things arent great and this morning he asked to hook up with a guy again. Says he doesn't want an open marriage because he cant stand the idea of me having sex with other guys. I am totally lost here.
This sounds suspiciously like my cousin and his wife. You aren't from Britain are you?
>I am totally lost here.
Are you? Your situation sounds pretty straightforward to me:
>husband marries you
>you're aware he's bi, likes fucking men
>he didn't suddenly become fully straight upon marriage, and so wants to continue fucking other guys
I assume that he still genuinely loves you, and your marriage is otherwise functional (i.e. he didn't cheat)? It's not impossible at all for a man or a woman to 'stray' by agreement of their partner and yet maintain a happy, healthy and loving relationship with their spouse - in fact it's probably quite a bit more common than you assume (but people keep it secret). I don't think it's particularly healthy to expect sexual fidelity over the long term, but that doesn't preclude a greater sense of marital fidelity. He could still be a devoted husband and father while getting fucked in the ass every other sunday (or whatever). And look, he's definitely a hypocrite for not letting you have the same opportunities to fuck around, there's no question. (I would suggest a threeway with a bi dude you both like as a solution for that) Or maybe he's just got to get over being a hypocrite in order to get what he wants.
The real question is: is it worth it to you to continue your arrangement with him while being a little bit monogam-ish, whatever that looks like?
He wants you to be monogamous, but is unwilling to be monogamous himself. My advice: no dice.
When he understands why he can't stand the thought of you fucking other men, he will understand why you can no longer stand the thought of him doing the same. At that point, he has several different options.
>My husband wants to have sex with other men.
>says he wants to be a bottom
>I gave him the freedom to do so
Ayyy OP. How the hell did it occur to you that marrying a gay man was a good idea? I mean, it's your own fault because you knew beforehand.
The guy is clearly into dudes and marriage won't change that fact.
I think you can negotiate for lopsided non-monogamy, as long as it's acceptable for both parties, and done with honest and open communication.
If my girlfriend (who is bi) wanted to sleep with another girl, I'd be all for it, under certain restrictions.
hes being unreasonable. he wants to have sex with others, but isnt letting you have sex with others.
either way, implosion eminent.
you can either put up with it (and if you do, condoms and PrEP please) or you can break up with him (my recommendation).
im not saying hes gay, but hes clearly still 'exploring' his sexuality. and why you would marry someone who is exploring their sexuality is beyond me