I regret almost everything in my entire life. The choices I've made, the type of person I chose to be, what a huge asshole I was, the people I screwed over for the sake of screwing over. Basically I hated who I used to be, but now I am a better person and it's hard to push the past where it belongs because it haunts me and creeps up on me every day.
/adv/, how do you stop feeling regret? How do you get over it all? Also, how do you prove that you've changed to your friends and family?
Come on guys, it's not another "a girl looked at me what does it mean" thread
Don't be afraid of failure man. U need to be happy with who u are now. Life isn't all regular assholes crack it up to be. If they don't accept u u just have to move on. Don't let it destroy u. U seem like a good lad and I wish u the best man. Hope this helps.
I don't regret anything. Thermodynamically there is no way you could have been anything but what you were, and where you are now is the end result of what you've been.
In other words, you are a better person because you were a bad person. There's nothing to regret.
I think that's normal OP. People who don't have regret haven't done much. It's logical, considering we're fallible creatures.
I don't know how to cope with it anymore OP. I have a hard time with regret. I do something I regret everyday, and know that i'll regret before I do it, but so easily give into my whims that what I'm supposed to do goes out the window...
I have moments where I audibly scold myself for things I've done in the past. "Fuck you motherfucker", "stupid motherfucker, i'll kill you", "piece of shit faggot" etc. The memories pop up seemingly at random and illicits very strong emotion.
I've had regret before. Who hasn't? What I did before was identify why exactly I was feeling that regret, force myself to remember what happened, and what specific insecurity that regret stemmed from.
Then, the hard part, I worked my ass off to reverse my insecurities. Not a viable course of action for the faint of heart.
Now that I'm the way I am.. I feel incapable of doing so.. but that's by the way.
And it doesn't automatically denote that you'll be a better person. That's kind of a ridiculous claim in my opinion. There's things people do and say to us that adversely affects us or our mal-adaptive schemas (automatic thought processes).
Being a shut-in after years of social alienation/isolation/abuse is not an improvement in the human condition in any way. Breaking that pattern, yes, is, but many don't.
What I am saying is that by contrasting yourself against the way you used to be, you can become a better person. Everything you did or didn't do is now CONTEXT for the way you live.
Regretting your previous state and wishing you knew then what you know now is pointless, because what you know now is a consequence of what you didn't know then. You are a better person for the experience you have being a bad person. If you didn't have that experience, you might not be as good a person now as you are.
I didn't say having bad experiences will certainly turn you into a better person, but if you perceive yourself to be a good person, in an agreeable state, then regretting the path you took to get there is not reasonable, BECAUSE many people don't get there at all.
I've tried to live by the whole "your past shaped what you are today" thing, but trying to explain away bad things youve done with that never works. Even if I myself can move on, others who get to know me will still judge me for my past. I can't be honest with people.
That was intense man I feel that .
Oweal best of luck to ya Assholl.
I have much the same feel. In my opinion there is no escape, you will never 'get over it'. I just try to reassure myself that things are different now, but something will always trigger you to think back to your mistakes. Time heals you get triggered less as time goes on but your still scarred. You just got to live with it everyone's the same to varying degrees sounds like you and I got it bad but that's the way it is. I'm just thankfully I never screwed someone else's life up as much as my own. Friends are difficult I lost all of mine before, but the few I've got now I'm thankful for. You fucked up anon and im sure your family were worried or disappointed but they'll still be there for you. Just keep on keeping on.
fuck you man the fuck up .
I should have died with my men , go fuck your self kid grow up.
Have you attempted to make amends with the people you've wronged, lied to, acted selfishly towards, and have done regrettable things to?
You will be forever plagued by guilt and remorse if you do not fix your past actions to the very best of your ability. Most people are welcoming and forgiving, and some won't be, but the important thing is to take the virtuous action, regardless of the results. In that way you can reclaim your life in full, with the knowledge that you have acted the best you can in all things, and in total acceptance of the results of your best efforts.
I've done the "My Name is Earl" karma thing a few times in my life, and they all expressed appreciation and we let each other carry on. It felt pretty good, it stopped plaguing me. I'll try and my my own list, kek, and see if I can make these people/myself feel better. My only fear of doing this is that they'll say exactly that: "Oh you're just doing it for yourself." Whatever.
If this Anon wants to try what I said above, let me tell you that you need to make it clear you don't have any other intentions towards these people you've wronged other than to apologize. Especially exes - they might think you're trying to get back with them, but make sure they know that you're not. You don't need to push yourself back into a friendship with anyone either, unless it works out that way.
>get to a point that other people's opinions matter little
Absolutely. It's hard to bypass human nature though.
you stop looking where you have been and look to where you are going. otherwise you might not see that tree that is right in front of you.
i can't fix the mistakes i have made, they do not define me. if people can't accept who i am now:
i wasn't put on this earth kiss your or anybody else's ass. that just makes you look like a brown-noser.