I got divorced almost two years ago and haven't been on a date, but i met a really nice guy on tinder who asked me out (femanon) how do i not fuck this up? i was married for 6 years so i haven't dated in a long long time.
What am i supposed to do? so far we seem to get along well and i really don't want to screw this up.
The basics of dating:
Don't think of it as a date. Think of it as going out and doing the things you would normally do to have fun, and you just happen to be with someone new and interesting.
If you guys both have fun, that means you might be have potential.
If you don't, that just means you aren't compatible .
This is all assuming this is just some random tinder dude who assumes you're there to hook up.
i've been forward about not wanting to have a hookup or one nighter, his profile also said he wasn't looking for hookups and wanted to meet someone.
i guess i just don't want to meet up and him not be interested and get disappointed.
just fucking chill
think of it this way, no matter what kind of facade you put on, if you two date its all going to come down to the true you. if you try to play some kind of act, and it flies, and you start dating, and then the real you doesnt work out in the relationship, is that a good thing? not only did you waste all that effort pretending to be something youre not, you also wasted lots of time on a relationship failed from the start.
really, just be yourself and enjoy the guys company.
do you know what a date is? its pretty common to not really have a definition if you dont think about it. a date, in the strictest sense, is an opportunity to get to know a member of the opposite sex and see if they are suitable for a relationship. your job isnt to try to impress him, but to learn about him and see if he fits you, and its his job to do the same.
if your goal is to fuck, then being straight up is good, or just going to a bar/club
Go out with him
Don't talk about your marriage at all
Talk about yourself and what you like to do
Don't come off too desperate
Don't fuck him
As a dude the main thing that puts me off girls that are recovering from long-term relationships that went sour is the emotional baggage they usually carry and how desperate they can come off. Desperation makes women look like an easy fuck but will drive men away from you emotionally.
Just be confident and happy about yourself and he'll pick up on it. Don't act like a desperate divorcee.
Thanks I appreciate the advice.
I usually don't mention the divorce unless people ask.
I'm actually really glad I got divorced I feel much happier and I did learn a lot from it.
He's seems pretty cool so I don't want to blow it.
I want to be myself and not put up a facade or anything but I get very nervous and shy.
Ive forgotten how dating works so it's all new and confusing.
So just have fun and get to know one another and see where it goes?
How do I not come of desperate?
What are some desperate behaviours?
I would like the date to go well but I don't want to immidatly jump into a relationship or anything, I would like to just kinda let it figure itself out.
Don't worry, it's perfectly normal. I only began dating again after a 3 year hiatus recently myself but the worst thing you can do is overthink things. You can play out scenarios in your head all day but ultimately the day will just play out one way regardless. Just remember:
1. There will be awkward silences or moments, it's totally normal for a first date.
2. Have a list of things you want to ask him or say about yourself beforehand.
3. Try to drop hints of where you'd like to go for a next date to encourage him to ask again.
And again, no sex or too much intimate contact on the first few dates. If you give too much up too quickly he'll lose interest. I'd start with just a hug or a kiss on the cheek and ramp it up slowly as you go on dates.