Think I may have beginnings of a tulpa-ish thing? It's not a person or even a chosen construst, it's just that as a manner of visualizatioon meditation, I tried for a while to picture a form that contained my negativity, and then I'd turn away from it and try to feel more positive for it. Well, at first all that happened was some shady blackness (oooh spooks *rolls eyes*) but I'd turn away and return to what I was doing. I wasn't trying to do much in particular, just sort of "there is the bad, now I'm looking away from it" type of mind game. Well, after about four weeks it started gaining definition, just like a blob of ink or something, stroked through the air in that space. I didn't pay it much mind, but rather thought I was doing better by habit, and it had been working. Gonna need more room, will reply with more.
Well, I decided to stop the habit, because it seemed I had gotten all I wanted out of it, but I turned away one time while still doing it out of habit and out of the corner of my eye it seemed to carry with the turn just a bit, but not enough to follow into my new field of vision. I truned back for a double-take and it was gone, no big deal, I'm kind of scatter-brained so I moved on. It happened two more times, but the second time I just ignored it. The last time I remember doing it out of habit, I felt that feeling of someone coming up behind me, so I turned to look at who it was, and for just a second I thought this thing was at my shoulder. It wasn't but the feeling I had learned to project onto it was.
Well, that kind of reaffirmed my mentality of stopping, so I deliberately thought against it for a while. However, I think that was a mistake, because I was actively thinking of it. Against it, sure, but always on my mind. In class (college student, hi) I'd remember it and feel it at my shoulder, but turn to see nothing, except occasionally a confused student sitting behind me. Eventually, that cycle broke. I finally turned to see that form, only for less than a second, but it was there, over my shoulder, as though riding, or latched to my back, and leaning over. It spooked me.
I'm not sure what happened in my mind at that point, but I think it was bad. I started seeing it for glances, noticing a shadow over my desk and turn to see nothing. However, it started showing up semi-regularly, not even vanishing quickly. All the while, my own negativity seemed to radiate from this thing. I noticed before long it gre arms, before much longer, three digits on each limb, fingers? It grew red flecks a kind of scarlet for fine linen, but it still had an inky texture in appearance. I think two of these red flecks may be it's eyes. I'm not sure, I try not to look. It now showd up most times in a mirror, and often if I get lost in thought I can snap to and realize in talking to myself, I had started conversing with it. I looked up similar phenomenon and found this "tulpa" term. Can someone tell me how to deal with something like this, maybe point me somewhere that can?
This belongs on /x/. If you're telling the truth, you've given the "bad" part of yourself a physical manifestation and giving it attention is making it more powerful. Remind yourself it's not real. It's in your head. People are darkness in their peripheral vision naturally. Remember it's not real, and ask the /x/philes for help. Good luck.