Starting to lose my sanity with my GF, I don't know how to approach this situation
>her bday weekend
>bought her gifts,etc but she wanted to have brunch with me
>fight starts b/c i'm "wearing" inappropriate/disrespectful outfit
>it's dark denim/jacket that I love wearing when I go out
>I'm at a lost for words as to why she is throwing a tantrum over what I have on
>she starts crying and saying how I dont "care" and if I did "care" I would put something nice on.
wtf guys, I was so lost/confused by her actions. It was a simple sunday brunch and a bit chilly (50 degrees). I wore something comfortable.
Is this normal? Do your gf's nag you over what you wear when you go out?
She stormed out of my house just now.
I'd understand her if I wore sweatpants with some beat up sweater. I don't get it.
I called her out on being a spoiled/entitled brat.
I'd leave. Don't tolerate that shit. Unless you'd like to use her for sex or whatever.
It doesn't teach her anything and you will be in an abusive relationship if you don't break it up. From what you've described anyway. Severe overreaction.
Two things I'm pretty sure of from this post.
1.Your girlfriend is emotionally unstable.
2. You've been making her feel neglected for awhile.
Its mostly her problem... but you probably had some part of it.
I told her to calm down and stop the yelling multiple times, which never helps.
I'd understand if it was a romantic dinner date at some fancy place.
It was a casual sunday brunch, I couldn't connect her overreaction to what I was wearing to eat some burger/mimosas.
she said my attire was "depressing". wtf?
All I could think about is "this girl is going to forever control/manipulate me to get what she wants"
Been with her for almost 3 years now.
to answer your question.
1.Everytime her period is about to come, she can't handle a centimeter of anything she doesnt want or make rational sense of. Which is why I told her to "control herself" when the insanity began
2.We are both in school/I'm using military benefits to get my undergrad. I let her stay with me rent/bills free b/c she is also a struggling college student. The little time we have, we are together at home/making dinner/watching movies together.
The only "neglect" I see is if I have exams coming up, and I zone myself out to study.
Her actual bday was last week, but I had midterms so I was sleep deprived. I actually passed out on her actually date of her bday, but I made sure to get her some meaningful things that day.
She bought up the fact that "I slept" on her bday when she knew I was exhausted from exams that day.
I just dont understand how she thinks.
Jesus dude. Get out. It's not worth it to stick around a girl like that.
Your thought is completely right. She's just trying to control.
Again just more confirmation.
Yes you're experiencing an abusive relationshop
It does lead to depression frequently.
So she does feel neglected, despite the fact you're trying.
I can understand getting upset at the "control yourself" comment because to her it might seem dismissive... but overall she sounds under appreciative of your efforts. She doesn't sound like she is worth the stress she is causing you.
Yea, i figured most girls would be undetstanding and just be cool with what her bf is wearing as long as its not some bum attire.
She just said that im wearing the same shit i wear to school..wtf??
Why couldnt she just appreciate my gifts for her and just be happu that i was dressed, ready to go until she decided to comment on what i was wearing.
Her main goal was to make me feel bad for not dressing up....
I initially stood my ground, expecting her to come to het senses.
All she kept doing was making me feel bad for not respecting her bday with something nicer to wear...im so damn depressed by her actions towards me.
What more can I do? Im struggling to keep up with school, its not like im a working professional with tons of money and free time to please her needs all the time.
she is 30, which makes this even crazier.
I don't care what's going on that say, her birthday is her birthday. You dropped the ball here, although she is overreacting. You can do for MAD by kicking her out, but for now it would be wiser to give her her space. Let her cool off, and then make a decision.
Like I said, the little time we have, we spend it meaningfully by spending time together at home. Majority of our time is spent studying due to school/work.
Was it right for her to act that way towards me b/c she didn't like what I was wearing?
As a guy, if my gf wore something she was comfortable in, I wouldn't give a damn if it wasn't "appropriate" for my bday.
Long as she is happy/comfortable, I wouldn't change that.
But my GF wants everything done her way even though I'm wearing something I find comfortable/acceptable.
Nah ignore that poster.
You're with a borderline personality chick. You either get her to admit she has a problem and work on it together or give up.
If you care about your sanity and happiness, you should give up.
Get ready to get the cops involved, she's not gonna want to let go.
I don't think it's that bad. But I dunno... I mean, who would react that way to this jacket?
I'm a guy and I wouldn't like to be seen around that just as your friend even.
I can understand it now. I retract my previous statements. Likely she has complained about it before.
Maybe she's got other things that she's upset about but didn't mention. While that's not right for her to do, it might explain why something seemingly small set her off
oh jk, please find another jacket to wear when going somewhere with your girlfriend
i genuinely find her behavior excessive. my bf wears jeans and neutral (white/gray/black) shirts with other neutral colors. like even when we go out on dates. it doesn't bother me because i've always been of the belief that you should dress for the occasion but wear what makes you comfortable. it would be one thing if you were dressing like some hobo on the side of the tracks but you were wearing what you would usually wear. my guess is that due to the circumstances she looked at "brunch" as fancier than it actually is/was. tell her that that behavior has to stop - she's going to overextend you and soon you'll be stretched too thin of patience.
Without knowing her history it's impossible to say. But no one as old as 30 is going to fly off the handle like that without serious underlying issues.
You can try talking about it but if you get nowhere then there's nothing to do but leave.
Also nice jacket.
if she doesn't stop then she seems to be unstable emotionally. i understand her being frustrated (you're both under stress) but freaking out at you over your casual clothing is too much, especially if she's done it before and she may be prone to do it again. i'd consider that a red flag if she's not willing to try and deal with it.