[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Home]
4Archive logo
Opening up to people
If images are not shown try to refresh the page. If you like this website, please disable any AdBlock software!

You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 7
Thread images: 1
File: IMG_20160220_202850.jpg (332 KB, 1440x2560) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
IMG_20160220_202850.jpg
332 KB, 1440x2560
Hi /adv/,

My girlfriend and I have been together for a solid two months now. I'm really in love with her, and we get on on a mental, physical and emotional level. She's my first serious girlfriend, and I don't want to ruin this, because I really really really like her (I even love her, but can't get the words out of my mouth). I trust her. But my main problem is, is that I am not very open to people, and it takes a really long time (at least a year) before I trust someone enough to start opening up, and tell them how I feel about the world and show my true inside to them.

I want to tell her everything that is inside my head, and how I feel, and what I expect of the world, and things that hurt me, and how I enjoy certain things. But the fear of opening up prevents me from doing that. I really want this, but simply dont know what to tell her, and where to start. The main thing preventing me to open up is the fear of getting hurt if I do. I get the feeling that everything will become a lot better once I open up. But I don't know how to.

Do you guys have any advice on how I can open up to her, and get out of my comfort zone? Where do I start? What kind of things should, and shouldn't I tell her? What would be a small step in the right direction? What will be her most likely reaction to my closedness?

I thought of starting by telling her how difficult it is for me to open up to people.

Might help that I give this extra information: It is a natural part of my character to not trust people very fast. plus I got fucked over by my 'best' friend in the past, which put a large dent in my ability to trust anyone.

>pic related, it is the scarf I made her for when she went on her ski-trip
>>
Don't. You're trying to force something which should resolve naturally. Your two month relationship is not going to suffer a lick of damage over this situation right now.
>>
>>16858080
Unhealthy and I'll tell you why. You seek validation from other people.

Validation comes from within.

I used to be a lot like you, then around 20 I suddenly snapped out of it and started liking myself and my surroundings. I stopped needing justification to be me.

That's what you need. 'Opening up' isn't a thing.
>>
>>16858082
I always imagined that having a relationship with someone meant that I had this connection of total trust instantly.

So this is probably due to my inexperiencedness with relationships?

>>16858104

How did you snap out of it?

I recognize the needing validation. But it is only the case with her. For the rest I don't give a shit about what the world thinks/wants from me.
>>
bamping, because I'd like to hear some input of others
>>
>>16858133
A string of realisations. I realised everyone else is as boned as I am. If everyone's boned, then nobody's boned. We're all in the same boat. The same shoes.

I realised that no one wants to hurt me.

I realised factors utterly beyond my control shouldn't upset me.

Really I just saw that I could be happy anywhere and with anyone. And believe me, my past is as troubled if not more so than yours.
>>
>>16858225

>factors beyond my control shouldn't upset me

This is probably the key. I need to let all these thoughts go, and just go with the flow. I might get hurt in the process, but I will probably get over it anyway.

However if I force myself to be open to her, it can make things awkward which is not something I, nor she, want. I will see what happens.

T-thanks I guess
Thread replies: 7
Thread images: 1
Thread DB ID: 546420



[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at [email protected] with the post's information.