I recently learned that a friend of mine has cheated in a relatonship in the past (although she broke up with them afterwards), and it's gotten me thinking about how I feel about cheating.
There's no doubt that it's absolutely reprehensible, but do you think it's possible for someone to change, and would you date someone knowing they had cheated?
I'd also like to hear any related stories, if anyone has them.
I think it's possible to change.
My gf of 2.5 years cheated on someone in a previous relationship and learned from it apparently. I can't know 100% for sure whether or not she has on me, but I believe her when she says she hasn't, we really REALLY are in love with eachother and fantasize about living together, and it's very obviously genuine and sincere on her part as well, as someone whom it's very hard to win over their trust, I trust her completely now, I can just hear how much she loves and cares for me in her voice and can feel it in her actions, she's the most caring, and amazing person I've ever met, and honest I've been fantasizing what it would be like to marry her and have kids with her, which I haven't told her because I don't want to scare her with rushing into things, but the idea of it is so fucking beautiful and I think she would be An amazing wife and mother to my children
It all depends on the situation.
Would I date a woman who had cheated on her previous husband? No.
Would I date a woman who did a stupid thing back in high school and it's been well over a decade since it happened? Sure.
sometimes someone doesnt understand how important fidelity is until they've actually cheated or been cheated on. until then it might not seem like a big deal. but after fallout, people grow and change a bit.
repeat offenders are probably going to serve lifelong sentences though.
all that being said
>its absolutely reprehensible
is it tho?
I think cheating is the one thing I would never forgive if it happened to me, and never forgive myself for if i did it to anyone else. It's a betrayal of trust, and--because of the way I carry out my relationships--one that would reveal and fundamental failure of communication that would be indicative of some inadequacy or incompatibility in the relationship that is irreparable.
That being said, my best friend is a serial cheater. While she hasn't done it since I've known her, she's told me she's cheated on almost every serious girlfriend she's had, and while some part of me finds that reprehensible, some other part of me knows that's just who she is. She's not a great person, but she's not exactly a bad person either. To her, sex is just sex, and my beliefs withstanding, I completely understand her point of view.
She's in a committed relationship right now and she's admitted she's had the urge to cheat on her girlfriend a few times already. She's wondered, why is it that she can't love this girl and just want to sleep with other hot women, is that so wrong?
Some people don't have the same views of monogamy as others.
Some times there are times where you feel weak, or life's fucking you over, and things are crazy and you make stupid decisions (lord knows I've made my share of those, especially while drunk) so I think i might be able to forgive it if it happened in the past with someone else, and I truly believed that we believe in and want the same things.
All of this is to say that I feel like that's what matters in the end: having mutual values.
I have a friend that's cheated on her husband twice. She begged him for attention and he wouldn't change, so she had an affair. He changed for a while afterwards, then he went back to his old habits so she had another affair. She admitted a big part of why she married him was stability and citizenship. They are happy now, but we always talk about how handsome this guy or that guy is. Her husband is pretty cool about it. I think that in some ways a full-blown affair is better than a one time screw. For someone to be willing to throw out a relationship for one fling feels really cheap.
My best friend cheated on her bf when she was 16. She saw him with another girl and hooked up with a guy. It made her feel sick at herself. She's never cheated since then but, for as much as I love her, she has cheating tendencies but at least she has the decency to break up with people before getting together with someone else. Even though she'll be emotionally invested in them for a while before that.
My first boyfriend cheated on me and we broke up and never spoke again. 8 years later he still had my email and was trying to get a hold of me for a hook-up. He's married with kids. Blech.
I strongly believe that "once a cheater always a cheater" is the honest truth so I would not consider a long term relationship with a cheater. Summer fling at best. I've never cheated. When I'm in a relationship I give my all and would never cheat and I would never knowingly be with someone who was already in a relationship. Unless I get back together with my most recent ex. Just to fuck with his head. I would break all my rules and do it with somebody he knows though. Married or not.
the thing to remember about cheaters is that if they did it once, there's always a chance that they could again. if i started dating a guy and found out that he cheated once back in the day and hasn't done it since, i could let that go. if he has cheated more than once, i would end it before it got too serious. but even that one time could stick in the back of my head.