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Post No. 16857570
I live abroad. I moved abroad after a few years of uni back home. Also moving abroad with me were some of my classmates. One of them is a girl that I have a massive crush on, though I'm 95% sure she's not interested. We were going to study at the same uni abroad as well, but my classmates all backed out one by one, at last also my crush. I stuck to my guns though, and thus I ended up at one university, all of my friends at another. We still live in the same city and study the same subject, though we don't see each other very often.
I have no friends in my class now. It's not like I haven't tried, but people just don't want to hang out with me. There was one guy I did a lot of stuff with last year, but since new year's, he's been busy and/or "exhausted" (his words) literally (literally) every time I ask if he wants to do something.
I feel totally socially isolated. All I'm ever doing is sitting at home, struggling with homework or playing Terraria. I've tried Tinder, but no luck. I've gone out a few times alone, but I always end up with no new friends or anything else. The only people that wants to hang out with me are my old friends, on average 1-2 times a month. However, every time I get back to my place after hanging out with them, I get depressed because of this girl that I adore so much, yet can't get. It really is a hopeless feeling.
I don't know what to do. I'm performing poorly in class. I've started drinking heavily, about half a liter of vodka 2-3 times a week, sometimes skipping classes because of it. I regret more or less every decision I've ever made, especially how I went to Uni 1 while all my friends went to Uni 2. There was literally nothing stopping me from tagging along. Should I just have stayed back home? My self esteem is non existent, I'm gaing weight and losing sleep.
I'm 25, and I just can't see any scenario anymore where I'll ever be happy.
I don't know what kind of advice, if any, I'm asking for either. I just needed to write this down.