How can I, ugly, fat & introverted female, become less skittish and shy? I can't deal with human interactions, I'm very quiet, never initiate any kind of a physical contact and shy away whenever someone tries to touch/hug me. I'm so awkward and distanced it makes me want to commit sudoku desu
How can I, ugly, manlet & introverted male, become less skittish and shy? I can't deal with human interactions, I'm very quiet, never initiate any kind of a physical contact and shy away whenever someone tries to touch/hug me. I'm so awkward and distanced it makes me want to commit sudoku desu
I seem unable to lose weight without gaining it back plus some. I've been trying to lose weight since I was 13 (am 24 now) and it just doesn't work. Probably because I'm emotionally unstable and can't keep to a healthy diet and work out routine
I'd first recommend checking out /fit/, specifically about the best way to begin losing weight. It's difficult to judge right now considering we don't know your dietary habits or situation, but I agree with the other posters here suggesting you lose weight. Even basic exercise makes you feel like you've worked toward something and that in turn will help your self-confidence.
Three super easy tips off the bat:
1) Give up sweet drinks. No soda, no iced tea (with sugar), no crazy espresso drinks with cream and all of that bullshit. Not only will this save your teeth (helped mine out like crazy) it will also help you lower your calorie intake.
2) Give up fast food. This one is much trickier, but learning how to cook healthy meals with appropriate portions will not only help you shed pounds, it will also allow you to develop a skill which, in turn, can open up opportunities for friendship and/or making you more confident.
3) Join an activity. Meetup, clubs, etc. Anything that you're slightly interested in. Some require a bit more commitment than others, but you can meet other people through these and also find a fun way to stay active or learn a skill. Martial Arts is also a great way to boost confidence.
I'm not going to give you a schpiel about "losing weight is basically eating less than you use" because you've probably already heard it before. I will say this, though--it takes a WHILE to see progress. It's much better to commit, however, than just give up and not try.
This doesn't necessarily solve the problem. Although I've never been fat, I've been plain/ugly for most of my life, until recently. My personality is still the same and I'm still massively insecure.
All that's changed is that I'm more "comfortable" with being awkward, knowing that I'm attractive. If that makes any sense.
all i hear are fucking excuses
you either lose weight or die trying you fat fuck
most people are plain / ugly
you're not a special snowflake, if you're thin you're already physically active and fun to be around, nobody gives a fuck about your face when it's buried in a pillow
>How can I, ugly, fat & introverted female, become less skittish and shy? I can't deal with human interactions, I'm very quiet, never initiate any kind of a physical contact and shy away whenever someone tries to touch/hug me. I'm so awkward and distanced it makes me want to commit sudoku desu
Well first of all: Stop being fat and ugly. Taking care of yourself will do wonders for your self-esteem.
Second, during human interaction, you don't have to talk much. You can do fine just listening most of the time and asking the occasional question to let them know you're still engaged in the conversation.
Third: Quit fucking freaking out whenever someone wants to hug or just shake your hand. It's just as simple as that. Whatever the fuck you're thinking or doing to flip out and tear yourself away from that, just don't. Stand still during the hug and endure it until you get used to it. Follow through with the handshake and endure that until you get used to it. It's really as simple as just enduring human contact to stop being so skittish.
But I've known a legion of girls just like you so I know you're not going to listen to me. May as well start writing out your suicide note.
Look on the bright sid, you must have massive fat sweaty tits.
Thanks for bumping senpai
I don't want to go on meds, so I really don't care. I also don't care about losing weight at that point. I just want to be more normal. I know personally some fat people who are confident and normal in human interactions whereas I'm cring and always distanced
as one introverted, fat, ugly girl to another: being on 4chan isn't doing your self-image any favours. ironically people who are fat-shamed a lot (sorry to use a tumblr term but I just woke up and I can't think of a better way to say it) tend to get fatter, moreso than people who aren't, because surprise, self-hatred is stressful as fuck. but then people who are just lax about it and don't have goals tend not to lose any weight either. so it's a quandary, you kind of have to find a workable type and amount of pressure to put on yourself.
unfortunately it's also common for women to have a much harder time losing weight than guys. exercise doesn't seem to speed weight loss for women nearly as much as for men. and I have a similar problem to you where I have emotional instability issues as well - actually just got awarded disability for mental health shit - and if I cut calories to the point where I'm losing a pound every week or 2 (the standard "healthy" rate of weight loss), the depression/mood swing/suicidal shit kicks into turbo mode regardless of whether I take vitamins, get enough fiber/protein/sleep/whatever. if I bump up calorie intake by another 100-200 so that's not happening, the weight loss grinds to a halt. soooo idk there. I could brute force it with self-discipline but I don't like ending up in the psych ward and I like having a husband and friends. also if you are on psych meds, good luck with weight management, especially if your meds stop working and you end up on a different one that causes more weight gain.
continued, sorry this is so long...
ultimately I don't think losing a bunch of weight is going to help your anxiety unless you can also afford surgery to remove the excess skin. also if you feel you are ugly, you will just see yourself as skinny and ugly rather than fat and ugly. which I suppose is an improvement. but the root cause is that you feel people's judgments on you. giving people less reason to be judgmental about you is really just a bandaid. for some people that's enough, it eases their mind enough that they can get over it the rest of the way. a lot of people, not so much.
it's hard not to feel judged when people give you the stinkeye and make comments. it takes a long time to build up that IDGAF armour. it sounds like you have a near-seamless suit of it. it's a good asset to have, but it is time to figure out how to make some breathing holes and talking holes for yourself. I had to do this and most of the work was unconscious, so IDK if I can tell you step by step how to do it, except that it's very important that you take baby steps in trusting people.
I guess one way is to assess the risk in a situation; what's the risk of trusting this person in this situation? if the risk is low, give it a shot. if you get burned, ask yourself honestly how bad the burn actually was, and as soon as the burn has faded, try again. take breaks from trying if you need to, but always get back on the horse. and be completely honest with yourself and do not shy away from calling yourself out if you find yourself fudging the truth about anything.
another key thing, always speak to yourself with kindness. not indulgence, not making excuses, but kindness and understanding and compassion. this is very hard but can be done with practice. and be patient with yourself, because changing shit takes a long time.
anyway sorry this ended up so long and counselor-y, but all this is stuff I learned from my own experience. I hope it helped a bit.
Can you stop with that shit? You're thinking of suicide just because you're not socially saves successful? Doubt it. At least tell us about your other issues. Thinking about suicide isn't 'man my milk got spilled, I'd rather kill myself that clean this up' it's thinking about how you're currently just in pain and have no hope of recovering. So what's the point? Being awkward us being awkward, some people just find it fun to hang out with people like you.
that was my first post in this thread
Of course it's not -just- that, but I think it's a main point. My family broke me to the point I'm beyond repair, I'm old enough to supposedly be able to overcome this but I can't, I started being able to talk to people only about 3 years ago but still my social skills are null, I'm way too fucking alone and have never really experienced how is it like to care for someone or to have someone who cares for me.
I'm independant and supposedly sucessful, but it fucking sucks, I wish I could at least have one friend.
Just remember that the reason you don't have one friend is mostly your fault. Harsh, but true. If you're like OP describes then what you're doing is giving off all these signals and vibes that you don't want to talk to or be around anybody.
You can start by not freaking out if someone wants a hug or a handshake. If you can't talk worth a damn, you can at least listen. A lot of people like it when you listen to what they have to say. Keep the conversation going with the occasional question.
well, I do actually talk to people, so I guess I'm in a slightly better position that OP to be sincere.
I don't freak out with handshakes or hugs, but whatever, people don't really seem to ever want to be with me.
>A lot of people like it when you listen to what they have to say. Keep the conversation going with the occasional question.
I actually learned some conversational skills from being in the internal ISO audit team at work. they gave us training and one of the sections was how to ask questions so as to get the maximum amount of info out of people. open-ended questions tend to elicit more info. then you ask more open-ended questions based on that person's responses.
of course in a social conversation, you want to also share some of your own thoughts as well, not just grill the person. but the principle is similar. most people love to talk about themselves, even many of the introverted ones, if they feel like you're actually listening to them. humans like validation. often they will open up and be validating and accepting toward you too. if somehow they don't, well, you can't win em all.
well, people here (central Finland) don't really seem to like talking about themselves that much (still, I listen way more that I talk most of the time).
I think I progress in some ways but regress horribly in others.
Make up stories about who you are and later during conversation discredit them. It's way easier to lie than open up up here (I'm in Sweden). I'm sure nobody will really mind if you're giving your reasons for why you're lying. Then you can talk about that they're gonna have questions.
Even although fatness is most likely your issue, losing weight will be very beneficial to you.
If you are ugly, just use sunglasses like me. People dont give a shit about it and my confidence raises like 300% when I wear them.
Lastly, really, lose weight. Most guys will look at your body first instead of looking at you. After you gain confidence you will be socializing in no timr.
Pic related its me. I just took a shower after a 20 minutes session of exercises (I have being doing this a month ago) and later I goota go ti the movies with some friends.
You can do it Anonette! I can, too !
I think boobs just complement a girl's looks
A qt girl is still qt if she has a cups
Butt matters a lot more than tits and if you have a flat butt that's gross
Fake tits are also gross, my gf is a C and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if she was an A
Just with people like kylie jenner dominating headlines, i guess it's attractive to be natural