Ok, /adv/ I never post on here but today I come for you because I am truly in need, in love related matters.
This story starts like every other love story. There is this amazing girl [...]
And that is pretty much what it takes from every other love story.
She has studied in Stanford, Asia, and other places, and is an excellent student, and she is truly smart. I'm not talking here about a flipping burgers relationship.
She had had a boyfriend for about five years or so. The guy is dull as fuck, a total loser, antisocial, and beta. She was pretty much with him because of nostalgia and friendship.
We have been friends for about four years now. Her family used to treat me like a son, and we were great. Her family also used to think I'm gay (I'm bi but they are too conservative to think it is OK to be bi but are OK with gay). We started a software development business and are doing pretty well, about a year ago or so. We see each other every day for about 8~10 hours for work related stuff.
We started going out while she still had his boyfriend, and everything was good. We like nightclubs and dancing. Everything started going casually and smoothly. We started flirting and my feels for her started getting stronger and stronger.
One day, one of her overseas friends was coming over to get to know the country, and stayed on her house. We were traveling the next day, so I stayed over as well. That same morning we woke up at 4 AM and started our sexual journey.
We traveled with his friend for about a week, keeping the routine. Visiting nice places, fucking, kissing, taking photos, being happy and smiling. And next week we decided to go to a work related congress in one of the most picturesque towns in the country. Same story. Everything was beautiful. We talked and laughed a lot and used to dream about a future together. We went back to the city we live in and kept the gold work up, lots of office sex. (Contd)
Everything was so nice for about four, five months. We had lots of sex, had lots of laughs, and stuff.
She decides to travel to Asia for a month or so see some of her old friends, and it was OK. We were romantic as fuck in the time, texted a lot, sent nudes to each other, and used to talk about all the things we were going to do when she came back.
Her relationship was already dwindling. It was shitty. She brought me tons of presents, plushies, and was overall great. I got more presents than anyone else, even his boyfriend.
It was great. I was so in love. We did have our problems, like me getting jealous over a friend of her, and a little bit over her boyfriend. But we sorted them out and were great with it. Remember we used to be best friends.
We even dreamt of how beautiful it would be to live together someplace and travel around the world together. We decided to star making a fund to travel to Asia next year for about a month. As lovers or as friends.
After she comes back from Asia everything was getting better as well. She even decided to break up with her boyfriend for me. So that we could try something more serious in between us. She had already set a date. February was the limit in which she would break up with her boyfriend. Things got messy and complicated afterwards, because of several family meetings where the bf's parents had invited her mom over, and vice versa.
So, it was getting to the date. She had said "next week I'll speak to him". And she was so sure of it. Of course she was a little bit saddened to let her boyfriend go, because she had sometime pictured her life with him and thought would never fall put of love. It was harsh for her.
They were supposed to talk things and call it a breakup this week. But they saw each other last week and had a fight, and she broke up with him amidst it. She cried a lot a was really hurt.
The guy was an ass, did lots of drunk texting, and stuff. After two days she started missing him. It was kind of ironic because they didn't even see each other anymore. Tops one day a week.
So she got depressed. And has been a rough week. Like a rollercoaster. At first she said it was all my fault, that I had been dishonest for being with her while on a relationship.
And then said that she wanted me now as a distant friend. Then she said she was willing to try something out after a year or so. Then she changed her mind and didn't want to see me anymore. It has been a rollercoaster ranging from "I love you" to "I don't want to know anything about you" and everything in between.
I took some hot chocolate two days ago to her home, she turned it down. She has been cold with me ever since. I decided to give her some space and not text her for a while, since we already see each other so much. It had been two days since I decided to give her space.
Today she texts me a smiley face, then asks back for all of the books I've borrowed from her.
Then proceeds me to tell me she is going to give me my part of the money we were saving up to travel to Asia next year. I tell her we should talk about it in person. She doesn't want to talk about anything with me right now. Proceeds to tell me "I guess it is over now".
So essentially you've hit a rocky patch as she goes through the struggle of disillusioning her family and not meeting their expectations. Stay steady and keep working--it's called a relationship, not a party.
May be a lost cause. Now that she's testing her wings after breaking with her family's expectations, she's cutting all expectations. Give her time and see if you want to hang around for her to discover herself or if you want to do your own thing.
So she tells me two days ago she loves me. One day ago she only wants me as a friend because I'm good friend. Today she tells me she doesn't want anything more to do with me.
I'm saddened. I know it is a rough patch and that I have to bear it, be strong, and keep up the good work. I'm afraid she might go back with her ex boyfriend as her current state is unstable.
I know anon, thanks for that. It is something that I do have in mind already. How can I handle the rocky patch? How do I reach out to her if she doesn't want to be reached out to? Two days ago she told me that how she feels is none of my business.
She hasn't talked about it with anyone. Not even her best female friends. She mentioned something to a good mutual friend, but then repented and didn't talk about it to him, I don't know why.
How can I be there for her? What do I do if she doesn't want me to be there for her right now?
Thing also is, I had had a crush on her before, for a long time. She never knew about it, it dwindled, and I had a "crush" with a man in between. I'd wait for her. But right now I'm also hurt. It is difficult to go from a thick almost marriage-like relationship to this. I know I need to endure.
I read the wall of text, didn't I?
>Still waiting for a question.
On second thought, don't bother OP.
You called her boyfriend a beta, but clearly he knows what he's doing, better than you do.
Give her the books, take the money, don't speak to her for a couple of months. If the boyfriend is the loser you say he is, the breakup will sort itself out, without you getting mixed up in it. It's actually better if she doesn't associate the breakup with you.
Also, she has a good self esteem. (Or used to have before the depression), but she always said that I kind of intimidate her. I'm going to sound like a docuhe here, but I'm a solid 9/10, but she doesn't feel as beautiful as she is. She has a pear, curvy body, and big aureolas. And isn't overall confident because of the contrast of me being somewhat muscley. And stuff.
Help me endure, anons. Give me your wisdom. What do you do on rough patches? Do I give her space and time? Do I force a serious talk, then give her space and time?
He doesn't know what he is doing. Pretty much bashing on her. The problem is the emotional investment she had made with him at some point, and the post-relationship recoil (or rebound, if you want to call it like that). It isn't that he is doing anything at great extent to get her back. Her two best friends apart from me , nor her family approve of her relationship as of lately, and they are confident it wouldn't last long if they get together again. They'd face the same problems as before. I guess that I'm not expressing that as straightforward as I should.
Right now I'm feeling a mixture of pain, agony, relief, despair, and calmness from time to time. It has been an emotional bomb for me, and I don't want that to hit me as hard as it has been hitting me.
This is a girl that is wife material and I really want things to sort out. Not speaking to her for a couple wouldn't be as productive because we have to lead the company together, and leaving the company would cut my income greatly.
What else would you do? Or how would you go about it? Would you talk so soon? One week into the rough patch? How should I start a conversation? Or not start it?
Also, guys, I sincerely thank you. Sincere words like yours help me a great deal in my moments of frailty. I'm in debt.
>We started going out while she still had his boyfriend
>The guy was an ass, did lots of drunk texting
if you ask me
well, he has the right to do it, since she is was cheating..? i guess, you get what you deserve
Yeah, alright, fuck, I forgot about the company.
Hm, tricky. I guess my one answer that applies no matter what else you do is
DON'T force any conversation. This is not something you have to fix right now, even if every alarm in your body tells you to. Rushing things will only lead to more of the behaviour she's showing you now. Good one day, bad the next, eventually jeopardising your company and possible future together.
Fact: your emotions are running wild, but there are things you can do about that, that doesn't affect her, which it shouldn't anyway. (Like ever, dude)
The absolutely best thing you can do for both your sakes, is be a good man. Be patient, be understanding, don't let her walk over you, but don't demand anything from her. Be all the things she'd feel empty without, but give her (and I mean really give her) time. Don't tell her you will give her time, just do it. Accept that you won't be kissing her for a good while, and count your gains one week at a time - right now your counting hours. If you playboy right, her soon-to-be ex boyfriend will fuck up sooner or later, but if you continue to repeat your recent mistakes, he will remain an equally good option for her.
We agreed to be considerate to him and not let him know he was being cheated on. He comes from a very emotionally unstable family, sister is suicidal, mother is overcaring and overprotective. Parent is apathic, and they have no contact with either part of their extended family.
Morality nor karma are issues of discussion in here.
Be a good man. I will be anon. Also, I had this habit of making her one origami rose or flower every day. I'm guessing here I should drop the habit for a while.
I will be understanding, caring, but not pushy. Help me anon, what gestures should I be making right now? Should I go buy her coffee once in a while for the sake of courtesy?
We also had this habit of her picking me up and me picking her up one day each to go to work. I also used to go ear everyday at home with her and her family, but I have dropped that habit since there weeks ago, to give her more space for herself.
I'm also concerned about her closing up to everyone. At first she would reach out to me, but now she isn't reaching out to anyone. Should I reach out to her friends and give them a lead like "hey, you know, she needs someone to talk to right now" or something. I guess she is smart in logical stuff. And for how things have played it, I guess she handles her emotions like her dad (barely, and doesn't show them too often) and griefs like her mother (holds grudges, is childish).
I won't be hugging her anytime soon, it seems.
I'd like to think not. The few friends whom she has spoken to tell me to be strong and that it isn't that much of my issue, but the one with the issue here is her.
I've got my hopes up.
I get it, you're concerned for her. Show her the courtesy of not stirring things up for her. She might feel even worse if you go to her friends on her behalf. Let her figure it out herself. She'll know what to do, and spoiler:
I got a feeling she'll want to reconcile when the time is right, as long as you keep your interaction down to a professional level atm. But be nice about it!
Instead of worrying about her, give time to yourself.