I did a lot of things for you in the past. I know you'll never love me back but I will always be here for you, a loyal friend to the end
But then that psycho bitch who threatened to kill you in the past shows up now to ask forgiveness and befriend you again. You act interested and even hinted at wanting an NSA relationship with her. I defended you from her, I asked her then to cut out her jealousy-inspired shit and leave you alone. I went to the police to support you, I feared for your life, and now this? I don't understand, it hurts so bad, my mind is in the clouds right now and I'm spiraling back to depression. Why do I have to love you so?
You are the light of my life. The sky is a little bluer with you around, the grass a bit greener. Us finding each other was a pivotal moment for us both, and I hope we cherish it and each other for a long time. You are who you are and I am who I am, and that's what makes us just right. I know a lot of the time you feel as though you are at fault in some way, but I can never think of an idiosyncrasy or habit of yours that isn't endearing.
Aap meree heh.
Meh apka who.
I heard you when you were sad when you discovered that our coworkers were talking behind your back and you said that you dont understand since you never talked behind theirs
Well guess what, you do! You even did it to me. I know that you told the guy I like that I treat YOU like a competitor (I dont wtf) because I act all sad and lonely when you guys are always together (I am but for different reasons, I just thought I could be on my real emo self when I'm around you because I trusted that you guys would be my true friends) and that I'm afraid that you'll steal him from me (I dont because I already know he's gay, you dont)
You make up shit that affected my relationship with him, but did I blurt it out? DId I confront you about it? NO, I stayed as your friend
But it's nice to see you taking your own medicine. This time,unlike mine, the things they're saying about you are true
I miss you man. I don't wanna bother you too much so I'm trying to avoid sending messages but you're on my mind, I care a lot and I'm here for you, really. No matter what you're going through or what you need. Anyway no rush, just don't forget about me, I'll be around, & I hope to hear from you soon <3
I wrote you a break up letter in the form of a love letter. It's been years since I wrote it, and when I finally gave it to you you cheered. It tore me in half, but I still love you, and I'm happy that even after all of the turmoil I put you through, for a second I was able to bask in the warmth I used to know so well.
I'm at fault. I'm one-hundred percent certain that every issue we have at present is because of my being an autist, unable to read your mood.
But I can't help myself. Lately, you're all I think about. Before I met you I didn't understand what it meant to truly fall for someone so hard you start to lose your self-restraint. I'll be more subtle in the future and I'll give you your space, but know that I'll always be here for you. You know exactly where to find me.
I wish I could think of something lighthearted and romantic to put here, but I can't because my mind is full of nothing but lewd, indecent thoughts about you.
Every day you wake up in the morning, and think of all the things you should do. You imagine the great possibilities that there are to achieve in your life. You see your self getting to the top in all categories, but you know what really happens. You stop caring. Why? You used to be someone who knew what they wanted to get and would get it without caring for the advertises that would come in doing so. Why'd you stop? You use to be someone who didn't care what others thought, but instead tried to do what was right. Why stop now? You had dreams and ambitions that were you couldn't imagine living without. Where'd they go?
You need to ask your self why? Why are you losing everything around you? Why do you let these things happen? Then when you understand these things, ask yourself why you should care about these petty problems and instead get what you want.
There's always something you can do with your life. So what is that you want to do? Not what you have to do to get it.
I get it, you don't want to have anything to do with me. Well, I tried; god knows I really want to fix things between us, but since you don't even want to open a stupid snapchat from me and respond with something equally stupid - so we can start talking again and I can say I'm sorry and all that - then I suppose it's clear that you want me out of your life. Fair, given everything I've said to you, but still shitty cause I miss my friend.
You finally got me to stop trying, congratulations. You pushed me away hard enough that I don't want anything to do with you anymore. You know that you'll never find someone else who loves you like I did. You admitted it to me. I've seen your exes. I know how they treated you. Its the way you treated me at the end of our relationship.
I wonder how long it will take you to realize that and apologize for how awful of a person you've turned into. I'm glad I moved away from that waste-case area where the most exciting thing to do is going out a few times a week to hole-in-the-wall bars.
I made the right decision. Did you?
If I don't see you tonight I'm going to feel sad. But if I do see you I'll go home even sadder because you won't even talk to me. And I can't talk to you because I don't want you to push me away again.
I.. I just love you, Sara.
It is simple as that. I would go with you everywhere, trough everything. I just can´t get my life straight without you. You are my reason to.. almost everything.
I can´t get you from my mind.
If only you would answer me. If only I was not such an idiot a year ago.
Yes.. if only.
I wish you all the best in your life. Maybe you´ll remember me. Someday.
The only reason I don't bother you more is because you never have made much of an effort to contact me first. Even when we do talk, you end up disappearing and I'm not about sending you a million texts again before I hear from you. I really wasn't that important to you, and I realize that. I'd love to say I'm okay with how we've fallen apart, but deep down, I don't think I'll ever get over you.
I know you will probably move soon. You deserve it. Hell I would have done the same if I were you. I'm trying not to be bitter about it. We've known each other for about 4 years, but It's not until recently that I've found out I have misjudged you. Anyway I really feel close to you, I think we think the same but at the same time I dont know if it would work out between us. Now it is too late to try. Anyways, have fun.
No one likes a fatty.
And since physical exercises and diets only seem to keep you at a steady (yet still fat) weight, it's time to starve yourself.
Maybe this time, it'll work.
And if it doesn't and you die? One less disgusting fatty in the world. The planet is thankful for one less waste of resources.
I love you too, J; I always will.
But like I said to you over the phone, I need to grow up.. you need to grow up.. we both need a lot of work before we date - if we date - again. You have to understand.. we moved way, way too fast and while I knew after our first time that you were my soulmate, I was too immature to realize just how special you were to me and jumped into temptation and bruised your trust.
Believe me. I DO love you still, and I will always love you no matter what happens, no matter who I get with and no matter who YOU get with. I just want to take what happened in our relationship, learn from it, and move forward. That's not to say that we won't get back together... But right now? No.
My crush isn't going away. Tried and tried. You gave me a lot of looks yesterday that seemed very meaningful. I want to act on this, but how do we? I gotta make the break official, but I'm as good as free.
I want to know you, dammit.
Dear meme lords,
Join our epicmafia game. I've tried getting people from /v/ and even /b/, but no one is joining because they're all watching fucking Oscars.
All we need are 20 players. I can't believe I have to go to /adv/ to try and get some people to play.
I should probably say hi or something
I usually see you when I am waiting for my next class but I am embarrassed you will see me a fool and brush me off as some dullard, You are really cute and seem like someone I would like to know.
guy waiting for his class to start
Please stop taking advice from those stuck up pompous and dumb ass poets from last Friday at waffle house. Those people have never had one original thought go through their head. All they do is spout overindulgent and over symbolized bullshit. I know that you think that they're amazing and are a source of sage advice, but if these guys are so great, how come they're still here? How come they don't just go out and do their poetry for a living? The only advice they gave you was stuff that other people have told them they had to do. They don't understand that art is subjective. They're like 12 year old boys who only like what they like because it's what they like and they're too narrow minded to ever branch out and open their minds to new ideas. You're stuff is great. The things you write about and find online have message. They make you think. They're grounded. They don't sit on a bunch of metaphors that are so vague that their meaning is lost. And that's just what people need sometimes. Sometimes you just need to come out and say, "Just because you think you have flaws, doesn't make you an inferior person. Be proud of yourself because theirs are 7.4 billion people in the world and only one of you." There doesn't need to be all these pretty words and imagery in vocabulary to say something profound in a gripping way. And it doesn't make you less skilled then them. Sure, they have a lot more practice than you. A hand full of them may have improved their delivery beyond shouting. But there's only two that have any kind of substance in their work that seem to carry any kind of emotional weight. And they weren't even there. You're taking advice from the wrong people. And I know you probably don't want to hear it from me. You probably don't want to hear it at all. But those people are nobody. They take all the fun out of shit like that because they take it too seriously. All the best and most influential artist in the world did them. You do you.
I fucked up. I should've know what was going on. I should've known what that camp was, what your parents did to you. It was my fault. I wish I could've came and stolen you away. But i sat by, and you took them, your teacher, and yourself. I'm sorry R. Not a day goes by that I don't regret what happened. and not a day goes by that i don't think of coming to see you. But i'll be strong. For you.
I am sorry for how things turned out. I don't know what to say, really. I wish, more than anything, that I could redo the last two years of my life. It's a selfish wish, because it means you'd still be part of my life and still be my friend, instead of married in Scandinavia, starting afresh, with no desire to contact anyone from here.
I can't be what you want, at all. You need to not fall in love with me. I'm an emotional fucking vampire.
Can we NOT be like that fucking Childish Gambino song? I mean, jesus. I know we've got a fucked up history, and I know we're both the product of our failed relationship from years back, but fuck. This is only going to end badly.
I jerk off to all of your instagram pictures. That's the only reason I have instagram. One time I tried to not masturbate and I made it two whole weeks until you posted a pic where you looked really good, so I broke my no fap streak to it and busted a really good nut on the floor. Good thing it wasn't on the carpet.
We fucking tried it your way. We tried being normal, building a normal life, having a normal job, having a normal relationship.
Look at where that got you.
Sooner or later, we are going to have to try it MY way.
I'm looking forward to that.
I feel so used by you. You pretend as if you had not done anything wrong just because you have a black out from that night. But what about the many other nights? They were just as bad. Fucking alcoholic. I wish I could just forget the way you are sober and only remember the bad memories. I miss you and still love you, but I wish I would never have to see you again and want to hate you.
Stop manipulating me its not fair
I dunno how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to get you back. Over the course of the last few months I've been changing myself, for the better. Even if this doesn't work, atleast I'll be a better person. We were supposed to go to Mexico, and I'm going to make it happen. All I need is another chance. Maybe through some bullshit luck you'll be at the casino with your stepdad and mom or shopping at the grocery store. You won't even recognize me. I dread and look forward to the day I see you again.
I really like you, just seeing you around always goofing off brightens my day. I want to spend more time with you and learn everything there is to know about you. I love hearing your voice. Every morning I well up with anticipation, wondering if our paths will cross today. My heart leaps when I recognize you in the distance. If only things could continue on like this forever, but the season is ending and once this job is over I'm sure we will never meet again. My stomach knots up when we talk lately. I want to ask you out so terribly, yet I hesitate because I can never quite get a read on you. Past rejections badly stain my confidence. I just wish this winter would never end so we'd never have to part.
He idea of our eyes crossing and clashing in this chaotic universe is wonderful, too much, and all I need. That's all, us. I love you so much, I won't deny you, look, touch, let whispers be, let's make it together
Enjoy moving interstate to be with your weedy, autismal, faggot boyfriend.
When he puts the brocave ahead of you, as per usual, and gets tired of using you as fucktoy, don't bother coming crying back to me for sympathy.
I feel like you don't really want anything to do with me lately and it's a shit feeling.
The only way we're going to actually talk to one another is when we're drunk so let's drink tomorrow night.
I hope you are doing well. I would be lying if I didn't say you crossed my mind. I hope you are happy with your new guy and that he's treating you well. I just want to talk and see how 6 years apart made us different, and if we had stayed together then, how would you look and act now?
Alas, I'm opening up another old wound which time has already healed. I'm a different person now but my care for you still remains. And if there's ever a time you need need help, or you're homeless, or need a free loan or an ear, though we haven't spoken for half a decade, you will always have a place in my heart.
I am doing well, not writing to you today. You know, like a normal person. No emails, no text messages, no nothing. Go, me.
Yeeeeeeah, I do kinda want to write you something. Just a long rambling email about what I've been up to and how I'm feeling at the moment and what's coming up next and oh hell yeah I've got a list of shit that I want to share with you. An actual list, so I don't forget anything. I miss talking with you. And I miss writing you shit. But I'm being sensible, because you don't deserve to have to deal with all my craziness.
Sooooooo, yes. Me being sensible could end up looking a lot like me ignoring you. I hope you don't think that. I hope you're happily busy enough not to even notice. If you say hi then I'm gonna explode back at you with too many words, though, because I have no self control - and you're on my mind. Like, all the time. You know, like a crazy obsessed person. Because that is what I am.
But I'm aware, now, of how far over the line I'd drifted - and this is part of getting back to being normal. I can do this. Yep.
I hope you had a good weekend. I wonder whether I'll cross paths with you this week. It would be good to catch up for a while if that does happen. Yeah. Like normal people.
If not, though, I will see you soon.
Love and affection,
I could have sex, perhaps even choose. And then so what? It never goes anywhere, I can't feel. It's never been better out of love. I'm in love, so why would I seek sex elsewhere. I'm not. So I'm losing out. On..mediocre sex, because. I'd rather..have you. Not sure where this leaves us. Together (I hope)
I want to thank you badly for having me. It isn't your fault that you had to leave when I was 9 I was only just a kid and I was going to understand later on that it was only natural. I want you to know one thing though. I remember everything. I know everything.
Those times when you would take days off of work to just be around me and give me treats and spoil me rotten were punctured into my head. Your beautiful face was all that ever gleamed across my memories. You sacrificed so much of your time to make me and Andy so happy. I wish I could thank you for the times you took care of me when I got hurt or when I cried like such a baby. I feel so ungrateful and there's no blame to give or take.
Dad says you were the best thing that had happened to him his entire life. He never said one negative thing about you. You were so perfect to all of our lives. The love story you and dad made always amazes me. It gives me confidence about how nothing is impossible in the world. That when one person does his best to gain what they so desperatly want, nothing can stop him and that is how he got you mom. That story is my favorite. It always shows me how human you were and how forgiving and how caring you have always been.
Grandpa loves to talk about you too. There are so many infinite stories about you being little and being so full of energy doing the craziest things at such a young age. He always talked about how you have wanted to fly. He told us about how much you love planes and trampolines or anything that could shoot you into the sky.
It has finally reached 10 years mom. I know you still look after me as you are up there watching over Andy and I. We never forgot about you mom and we have and will always love you for being you. I know you are up there. Fly mom just like you imagined. Your family is down here doing their best in this world and we are taking care of each other. So fly away as you dreamt as a kid and never stop. Take it easy mum.
I want things to work out. I want to try again. 3 years is a long time and I can't just throw all of that away. But you break my heart. Over and over again.
I try to make you happy. But I can't even make myself happy. I'm a total mess. But I'm afraid that I'd be a bigger mess without you.
It's been quite a long time. The last time I saw you was on a hazy summer day, in the middle of the afternoon, where we walked around a lake, talking, and pretending things weren't awkward. I was probably 13, or so, and really needed a father. It was no secret that mom, no matter how hard she tried or how hard she worked, was having difficulties raising my sister and I, or that your problems were too problematic for you to maintain a relationship with me.
But I didn't know that was the last time we would ever meet. I had this sort of sense that we'd always meet again that was slowly killed as years passed. But to this day I've contemplated how my life would have been different if you stayed in the picture. I know that it's not productive to think about the past that way, but I can't help myself. I would have had someone to just hang out with. You could tell just by talking to me that I was going through a hard time around that age, and that what I needed was someone in my life. I'm older now. Maybe not as old as you, and almost certainly not half as old as you (though I'm not sure just how old you are). I learned to fend for myself, and eventually things as a whole improved for the family. But honestly, I still wish I had a father in my life. I know it could never have worked, and I know it was probably for the best, but dad, why didn't you stay in my life?
Don't think of me any less. I'm turning myself around completely, and as lame as it sounds, my real life is going to start as soon as I get over this dumb little ordeal. I just hope it doesn't haunt me in the future, because then I'll be serious about the edgy thing I said.
If you're out, I understand. I lived, learned, and lost a lot. A little bit of false happiness in the moment isn't worth anything, is it.
I love you.
Lately I've been dealing with a lot of self-loathing and anxiety. I've had nightmares nearly every night these past few weeks, but waking up with you next to me always reassures me. Being with you makes me feel so safe. I'm sorry I haven't told you about this, I just don't want you to worry. I'm afraid of seeing your face when I tell you that I feel like dying. So I probably wont tell you for a while. I think I'll be okay, I just need some time. I need summer. I need to get my shit together so I don't have to worry about everything so much. Now the hard part is actually doing all of those things. Thank you for putting up with my shit. I hope you're not getting tired of me. I'm sorry that I am the way I am right now, I'm trying to get better for you, and for me. For us.
I wish you were feeling better already.
I can't tell you in person because encouraging you to fap would just slow recovery even more, but spring is in the air and I'm the most cock-crazy I've been since college. I'm fucking dying over here.
I was doing good, but then I listened to a song that used to make me think of you back when were like 15 and infatuated with each other or whatever. We were so young.
I miss you. I wish we could've met.
You are always so god damn obsessed with random configurations of numbers- did it ever occur to you that some patterns are inevitable, and that your monkey brain latches onto the patterns as something important, and then proceeds to make up reasons for why it's important?
I have to love you, because you might be the one who finally destroys me.
Plenty have tried before and I loved them once, but no more.
So if I die now you'll be the last love of my life, my lord and conquerer.
It's hard talking to you, because we have nothing in common, I don't understand your point of view, and I often downright disapprove of them. I don't think I'll look for you ever again. You keep me company, but the effort isn't worth it.
Did it ever occur to you that adherence to cultural norms is entirely normal, so the facetious reference to repeating numbers in a community in which this is a cultural norm is entirely normal? I'd say this is something well-adjusted people understand, but this is 4chan, so who am I kidding...
You need help. So does Mom - you're both fucked up but unless Mom's put on Medication your childhood is going to be hell. Also, stay strong... I know it's hard, but she doesn't mean what she says and does, she's not in her right mind - plus her raising doesn't help... She really is a wonderful Mother who later in life will be very supportive.
But seriously, love, get help. You'll need it and I guarantee your life will be much happier if you're put on medication and get the proper therapy.
Your 31 year old-self.
I like your smell and the way your hair looks in the morning. I like you for what you do to me. I don't know. You're the only one that makes me feel this way. Don't move away. I can't take this any longer. Why are we how we are? Why can't we just be more? What do you feel? What do I feel? I'm lost.
You never met them yet you know them and miss them? Did you talk on the phone a lot and nothing else?
Reading this did make me think back about something though. Someone I never met in person, only talked with on the phone.
I'm just so afraid right now that its hard to handle. I analyze every word you say, thinking its you showing me signs of the end. I know its not true, and that i have to trust you, but its so hard to trust anymore, not after the last few have tricked me and and lied to me and crushed me. I do love you, but i'm so afraid that you don't really love me. i feel horrible, all of the time, even when i do the little things, that make me happier, more confident, i feel like you don't care about that, but when i'm down, insecure, i feel like your all eyes on me, i know thats just insecurity, and i haven't told you any of this yet, nor will i. Its not your burden to bear, i just wish i could ask, just once, if you really do love me, think i'm beautiful, smart, or anything redeeming, but thats selfish and i have to deal with it on my own.
We were never able to meet in person but were friends through the internet for like 5 years. Video chat and such. So I can't say i physically miss them. But I miss talking to them and I miss the friendship and stuff.
I jokingly said that if you gave me take-backs again, I wouldn't be surprised. It still stung. I was stupid to stick around. Not that you're a bad friend, nor a bad person, but because I was foolishly going to keep looking for something that wasn't there in the first place. I said I needed space, but honestly, I'm just going to cut ties. It's going to take more time for me to grieve this than we have left. I'm terrified that you won't miss me, that it will be a relief that I'm gone. I don't have any regrets, but I need to move on.
I just wish you could have given me a reason why, so that I'm not sitting here thinking that there's just something dirty and unlovable about me that scares you.
Maybe you're right, maybe there is just too much history and that's why it's been tainted. That fucking sucks.
This fucking sucks.
I'm afraid I'll never be faithful again, and that you're the only one I could ever be faithful to. How can I tell you something so intense and soul baring? I've fallen for a projection I've placed upon you, but I just get this weird feeling that you're my kind.
I've never felt this way. When I look back on the things you've done in the past, I feel stupid and like I may have hurt you terribly, and it upsets me so. I'm not good at this having feelings thing. I need to confess to you, and get this over with. Then maybe I can move forward with you, with myself, with someone else.
But I really only want you.
These last few days have been great, which just makes it even harder and it doesn't get any easier that I have never loved someone before like I love you. Sadly though there isn't a passing day which I don't think about ending all this, sometimes the feeling is stronger than at other times but it always remains in the back of my head. You have not done anything wrong, you have just been who you are and I cannot, will not, and don't want to blame you for that. We are simply incompatible to each other and this incompatibility is really tearing me apart, and I think this is the best for best for the both o us. Sooner or later either of us will be hurt, really hurt, so I dunno. Unless something happens I will break contact soon. I promise to handle it as maturely as possible, face to face and all cards on the table. I don't know how much this will hurt me, or how much it will hurt you, but I hope we can both get through this, even though we are not together.
Tonight something very good happened to me. And it wasn't something random, either. I was rewarded for being me.
And it was pretty much all because you acted like such a pissy bitch to me.
Get over yourself. I'm not going away so fuck yeah come up in the club and then walk out when you see me there like a pussy. What you think ima come up on you again? Shit, gon do your business you're dead to me ho. But don't pull this shit like you're afraid of me.
Funny but all this is making me finally realize that YOU are the one who isn't over this. And shit, I fucked with you and that stupid bitch you were with just clowning, dog. I really did want to see you fuck her. Isn't that what whores do? How much for that? I'd have paid… ummm… $5. Maybe $10. I mean it! And I'm broke as fuck.
Anyway, I wish you'd reconsider your present attitude and mind your fucking manners around me. You can greet me like a human being, bitch. And I can do the same to you. Then we can both go on about our business without all this needless bullshit.
I made a mistake. I'll admit it freely. I was a total idiot to fuck you. I was weak. And selfish. And stupid. I don't blame you for my mistake. But I do blame you for stepping away from me when I tried to hug you in a show of "it's alright." That's a deep deep cut, man. But I'm willing to forgive and forget as long as you act nice. But you aren't nice. You're trying to shame me for something that you wanted, too.
You're pretty. You're sexy. You're beautiful. By some unsupervised miracle, you are all of those things. How can you be pretty and sexy at the same time? If you're sexy, it means that you're usually slutty. But you're not a slut. In fact, you seem to be perfect. You're clever, you're talented, and for the love of God I'd wish we could go to prom together. But let's be honest- there's a slim chance of that happening. We do have a lot interests in common, but I'm me, and well, you're you. It would be inappropriate. So I'll put that all the business of formality and aside and tell you, unfiltered, what it is that I want to do with you.
I want to fuck you.
I don't mean like they fuck in porn. It's not about the perversion of the act, rather what it would signify, which is that the two of us would be in a position where our love transcends my strangeness and your perfection, and we would be with one another not out of pure and unrestrained passion. Not romance- romance is a crock of shit. I resign what I previously said- you're not perfect. You're depressed and anxious, but you're better at hiding it than I am. The act of fucking would mean you casting aside that veil, and the two of us indulging in one another's basic vulnerability. I honestly can't even imagine the events leading up to such a scenario. They would consist of the usual social contest that typically leads to sex, which I'd inevitably lose since to say I'm not in your league would be an understatement. I enjoy reading and dreaming about nonsense like this. I have barely any friends. Batter out.
But I want you. I want to be with you. I want ravage you, revive your soul out of raw sexual power, and continue to fuck you until the two of us meld into one another and simply are, in the moment, and truly with one another.
Sorry for being so weak. I've shown you all my cards and seen through my poker face. Yet, why do you love me still? I am afraid that this will lead nowhere. I am afraid to lose you. I am afraid that my past mistakes will destroy this work of art we call "us". Why do I have to meet you now? I could have done more if we met earlier. My life definitely would have changed. You are so perfect. You have everything I need. I know i've told you this a million times.
Im sorry for being a jealous bastard. My friends like you too. But they dont know anything about us. Everything we shared is something I will never forget. I know Im the only one for you but I hate that you're too nice to everyone. I sometimes feel you'd rather spend time with them than with me. I just want to be happy with you.
Please stay forever.
Why do I feel like I'm in love with you, J? I don't even know you, and it's been far too long for this to be a simple infatuation. Maybe it's because I can't avoid seeing you, maybe I'm just a fool.
But something just feels different about this, and if we could have a chance to make it work... That'd be amazing.
You really are amazing. Ive never fallen for someone so hard before you came around. We always had a great time when would be around each other. Hell, we even went on a date. A couple of days later, we suddenly break contact. This really hurt considering that we would talk and text all the time. Why'd we stop? I'm not gonna bother texting you more than twice if you're not gonna respond. It's been awhile since the absense started. It's been maybe a couple of months and we've only said like 4 words to each other. Don't worry, I know that you aren't interested any more. It wrecked me, man. I had the lowest self esteem in the world for a while, and it probably showed. Ive come to realize now that there's no point in being so sad considering that my feelings and respect for you are still strong as ever. Despite still being subtly melancholic, I still like you more than you realize. At this point, it just makes me happy to see you happy. Just remember that I will do anything for you, even though, at this point, you're just somebody that I used to know.
I've been an enormous mess the past 3 years since she left me but meeting you has really made me feel like a new person. I have no idea what you see in me but I love every minute we spend together. I hope I don't seem too eager, I just feel like you have a similar story you're not telling me. I can't wait to see you again tomorrow.
I have no words. I would ask you to forgive me, but I don't even want that. What I want is to apologize for being so immature for so many years. I was selfish and accidentally cruel. You shaped me. You were my first experience with love when I was 16, even if we never touched one another. Your fantasies, sexual and otherwise, combined with my own personal development shaped me. I want to thank you for that. I want to say sorry for never coming to see you. I know you won't believe me, but that last time I really did have a ticket in my hand. I went to Chicago even though you wouldn't be there and I listened to Colors. I cried and I sent my love to you. I want to tell you that I meant what I said when I said I will always think of you, always love you, and always hope for greatness in your life. I hope you believe me. I hope you think of me, even if it's a bad thought. I want to say sorry for loving someone else, and I want to say sorry for pressuring you to tell me how you felt about her. I was jealous because of our history. My childhood makes me possessive for love, and that's my own problem. I should have never acted so ruthlessly or rudely. I want to tell you to call me or to e-mail me. I want to tell you that when we had phone sex the last time I felt like a filthy prostitute because you didn't even want to talk to me. I want to tell you that I'm pregnant and I'm going to be a mom and I want to tell you that you were the first person I ever imagined having a family with. I want to thank you for being so gentle with me. I love you and I hope you grow. Maybe one day we'll see each other on the street and smile.
Please don't ignore me today. Please have a reason why you never called or replied to my text.. I don't care if you had a woman over - I'm not your girl and quite frankly it's none of my business.. But I've been ignored before and it hurts.. it hurts a lot, esp since you said that I could text you whenever I wanted.
Please show me that you care. Somehow.
I wish you were nicer to me. I wish that I trusted you. Why did you shatter the beautiful connection we had?
I'm trying...but you don't relive the pain every night. I'm too scared to go to sleep. I want those bad memories to go away. I want you to hold me. I want you to understand me the way R did without me saying very much at all. I hate that in 30 mins of conversation he makes me feel more secure and beautiful than you ever have in the 3 years I've been with you. Be kind in a natural way ...instead of forcing niceness and then exploding at ANYTHING that disrupts your neutrality. Also fuck you. You broke us.
Fuck this shit, man.
You've got to know by now that I'm not going to come up and try to talk to you when I see you come in a bar I'm at. I'm not going to interfere with your ass-pedding.
But no you got to make a big show of leaving. I don't have $5 I'd spare to watch you fuck someone else just for the laughs, so gon do your thing fuckboi. I always got other people to talk to.
Ideally we could just be civil and then go on about our business but I guess you still gotta add insult to injury. I'll freely admit it was a huge mistake to fuck you. I was weak and selfish and stupid. For a long time i was very hurt but I never confronted you except that one time, and I was serious about wanting to watch you fuck that cow. Isn't that what whore's do? But if not then I got no interest in anything you do any more. Now if you're ashamed of being a grimy little grifter then mabye that's a good thing so just stay away on the nights I'm there. There's plenty other days in the week for you to turn tricks, babe.
Why can't you just chill the fuck out?
>I'd wish we could go to prom together
99% chance that
>I want ravage you, revive your soul out of raw sexual power, and continue to fuck you until the two of us meld into one another and simply are, in the moment, and truly with one another.
will look exactly like pic related
Dear J.H I am so sorry that you are together with someone as depressing and emotional as me. I will do my best for you and hopefully you will never notice my sadness which is based on literally nothing. With lots of love your boyfriend M PS I love you DS
Please stop pissing in my cornflakes. Also you can shove these pharmaceuticals up your ass as well. Also please throw that punchline to that joke I've been choking on for years, growing tired of trying to untangle its meaning. I need a filter. I've swallowed to much dirt.
Sincerely growing bitter against my will, L
You have corrupted me. You have complicated my life. You have made each day into an exquisite torture. I suffer.
Thank you, from the bottom of my simple heart.
Do what you like with me. I am your plaything now. Use me or discard me as the fancy takes you, and I will sing your praises.
I feel the same. When I was with others, they couldn't compare, you were always in mind and now I can't pretend or settle for less. My reactions at times were somewhat out of character, I realise emotions were uncontrolled around you, as my feelings are so intense. I can't wait for a heart to heart, it's what we need. I don't want anyone else as I can only be true to you love, no matter what I do
But that is what I want. I shall submit to her will, completely. She can keep me and humiliate me, or cast me aside and ignore me - either until she snaps her fingers (and I come running) or forever.
If her desire is for me to be lonely then I will be the slave to that desire.
fuck you with your fucking appointments before lunch you know how fucking fast the idiots in the building leave for lunch. now i missed you and now you're going to go on another power trip
I can't believe I've found you, like I kept returning to you with such a deep desire to reconnect, and in less than a second - it's no effort at all. It's stronger than ever, I know. Visit me, write to me, whatever it takes. We can find each other the way our hearts say, not anyone else. I won't worry about what they think, it's not about them. I was out of my mind. Please be mine, you're a lovely friend, yet we're lovers made
You say this because there is a her. If you were to be discarded, there would no longer be one. You would have willed your own solitude into reality on the instruction of someone else. It wouldn't be teasing or punishing you, you'd cease to exist to her and someone else would take that exact same spot in her life
Same. The sad thing is I can't fault the ones that could easily replace me. There was only one constant, and that was me. I couldn't be of use to people I cared about, so it was natural they'd replace and forget me
It wasn't about feeling replaced, in this case, we didn't have need for that, if it were so easy, it would have happened, trust was created over time, losing them from the beautiful world we share I can't stand
I'm glad we reconnected, it was the only way for me to get closure from you. Though I hope we still remain friends, I'm no longer in love with you. I hope our feelings are finally mutual.
Solitude isn't an issue, I have a long term partner.
Who is quite unaware that I will do whatever this woman says without question.
...maybe I should keep this secret as a secret. Possibly I should not tell the woman that I am her willing slave if she wants me. There's always a chance that she would decide to entertain herself at my expense (which I would go along with, of course) which could be detrimental to my partner's happiness.
I very much doubt you're my recipient, but how the hell did I "fuck with" you? I only wanted to make you happy, in a healthy way where you ideally reciprocated, which would have been nice. However, then it all changed and you changed, and I've got no clue for who you even are anymore.
If anyone is fucking with anyone, it's you fucking with me, that much is clear as day.
Hey. You want a kid? I think I want a kid.
You're, what, thirty six now - probably shouldn't leave our much longer if you are going to get pregnant. It would be difficult, but I think we could make it work.
Obviously we should both divorce. Which adds an extra layer of complication. But come on, let's do it.
It's like you're actually trying to sabotage me. Nice to know that despite everything you've said you still put your friend ahead of me. How much longer will this go I before I stop expecting support from you, support that never comes?
I'd be better off without you. The constant disappointment is grinding me down. It would be better to be alone and deal with my shit on my own than to be led down the path by your promises that all turn out to be lies.
I am so sick of this.
I don't understand if its me or a personal issue. You haven't spoke to me in 3 days. Until I called you earlier & all you could say is "yea, sorry im playing a game". I hope youd tell me if it were me, so I could ease my mind and move on.
You treated A better than you do me, and I was the one to tell you she was doing it. I don't understand you.. Please talk to me.
I miss you buddy, and im sorry. Im sorry I let you down when you needed me at most.
I think about your dad, day and night, still after these years. I was handling my own greaf, I wish i was stronger at that time.
I was your best friend and I left you in toughest of times.
You fought and found the light from where I left you, while I started using.
Look at us now, I wish we could get a fresh start.
I'm sorry //Your old bestfriend
I almost can't handle the feelings I have for you. Don't be afraid to say hello. Life is too short to burn ourselves on the torches we carry. Damn what others think, damn the consequences. You and your beautiful mind... I'm all yours, and I have been since the day we met.
And then again, if we speak there are plenty of people out there who will gladly laugh in your face or tell you you're crazy if you talk this kind of shit to them.
I know, it's happened to me.
At first I thought you had a long term girlfriend. Then I thought you were single. Then I thought you had a girlfriend again and you were purposely saying things to make me jealous, becase other people noticed it too. Now I think you're in love with a woman who is married with kids, and trying to convince her to move back to CA. I'd like to know if you and she ever dated, because if so, you really have to move on. It's kind of creepy how often you talk about her and make fun of her husband, but then again, I know I'm just bitter as jealous. But, I see you comparing me to her and bringing up your age all the time. If me being 7 years younger really bothered you, you wouldn't be flirting in the first place. You really do just want attention, don't you? That or you're really trying to convince yourself that you're too old for me. You're 32, big deal. Life doesn't end in your thirties.
I'm starting to get over you.
It's these two sides of the coin that always keep me in limbo. Your words have touched me, anons. I wish we could all speak our feelings without fear of judgment.
I feel that he isn't the type to judge. He's a very respectful man. And I feel I am the lucky one for having met him.
I'm sorry, I keep going on. I guess I just can't hold on to this anymore.
N, I know it would freak you out if you heard this from me in person because you'd think I'm on the edge of falling back into depression again, but I am so happy we met. You're such a good friend. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a supportive and positive influcence in my life, and I can see how genuine you are. Even when I feel like absolute fucking shit, like I did today, you made me feel better and have me a huge hug. You have no idea how good that felt. If I had to choose someone to be the sister I never had, I'd pick you every time. And thanks for being so much fun, even though you encourage me to go after that guy I really shouldn't. That's okay though. You know I really like him.
really, I've known you like...what 2 months? And you've been nothing but a bitch to me?
What have I done to you? Everyone in this social circle I've been incorporated into is awesome and I'm so glad to make so many new friends right off the bat of transferring to a new college but for some reason you're still a bitch.
Out of all the girls, you're the one who's the most basic, there is literally nothing special or interesting about you. Ever other girl has her quirk, but you? I still can't think of one. All you literally have to do for me to like you would be for you to be nice, that's fucking it, but you still can't seem to do that. So fuck you. I don't even know why these people hang out with you, all you do is complain and judge. It's also Interesting you're the most unattractive one out of all of them, maybe that's why you're so bitchy?
You're fat, unattractive, basic, boring, uninteresting, judgemental, close minded, childish, mean, and you find a way to complain about everything, and you blow things way out of proportion.
Like I said, I have no idea why the fuck these people choose to hang out with you.
All you have to do is to be nice to me, and I'll consider you as a friend, but you can't even seem to do that.
I miss when we talked every single time one of us came online. I miss when we always made sure to say good night and often good morning. I hope we can go back to that someday, cause sitting here not talking always sucks a bit.
If hell has any toil greater than the suffering you have granted my soul, I dare not know it. To have held you to my breast, yet to have endured without you, is a sparagmos of the spirit.
Made less for the living, is every day since your departure. Every hour that I cannot kiss the tempestuous bow of your pert lips, or partake of your womanly figure, is a torture I never knew one could undertake. You haunt my dreams, like a blemish on my mind. One that has deemed that I know naught but fire and shadows. In the fleeting breadths that I glimpse your ghost, I am too ashamed, I think, to know her.
I am so sorry, my love.
I didn't mean to do it like that and I didn't realize you'd end up on disability but you shouldn't have chased me. You can't expect me to care about fucking up someone's life over nothing when you were about to fuck my life up over nothing. Even almost twenty years later, I still think about you sometimes and it kind of scares me that I'm not sorry. Nobody knows it happened so I can't explain it to anyone, but it bothers me that I would have to defend it. Fuck you for making me feel this, fuck you for making me think this, I'm glad she left you because you stopped being a man in her eyes. Thats what you get for trying to end a child's future for a paycheck.
I have patience.
This is correct.
I appreciate the round of applause.
The chance were slim.
wondering how things are going w your bf. I'm going to refrain from making a judgement value on either of you, but i do want to say i think you two are a pretty good couple and i wish you two the best. I could even see you two getting married. sometimes i wish we were at least friends but i got in the way of that every single time you tried. I think it'd be cool to hang out every now and then, catch up and hang out. I always loved spending time with you. you really were a pretty important person in my life and i miss you. i love you. hope all is well. see you in my dreams
I kinda meant that day in particular, or at least erase this one stupid thing I did which can't be fixed, but I will get fucking over it.
My whole life's been in the shitter for a decade though and I'm more than capable of turning it around at the moment, so I should probably follow your advice in the broader sense.
You confuse me ever so. Some days you're chatty and flirty, and others you're distant and uninterested. I wish you'd just let me in and tell me how you feel about me. I always go to tell you, but I never work up the courage. I know it's as simple as asking; and in knowing your answer, I can let go or be delighted. I don't know why I can't. This is so disjointed, and I know for sure you'll never read this. I love you.
And yes, you can have my sea salt.
I spend hours every day coming here and to the confession/secrets threads on /b/ to read and sometimes reply to people's problems, because it's easier than dealing with the endless sea of shit I seem to always be neck deep in.
Too Jan and Cyn
I love you too so much. My disorder makes this difficult, Ill never cheat on you Cyn and Ill always protect you andbe there for you Jan. I'm sincerely sorry for when I mess up and cause pain, I'm sorry im flawed and things will happen again. The day I loss either of you, I know its my fault and I deserve death. You two are my purpose andI will satisfy your needs. Please note, If I messed up, I will still love you and if I can't make up... I loved you both.
I know we broke it off a while ago, and I'm pretty sure u moved on. But I still can't get over the fact that you make me the happiest person ever. Your everything I want in a girl, pretty, funny smart and fun to talk to. Whenever I'm depressed I just have to think about you and it all goes away. I miss skyping you for for 6 hours every night and I just want you to be mine again. Even if its only for a night. I'm sad that you only had an infatuation when I'm still struggling to stop thinking about you
I'm so sorry. I know the only reason for our break up was me putting too much pressure on you. I knew what you're like, yet I forced you to act like someone different. I'm young and stupid and a bloody liar and all I did over the past couple months was restrict you from your life.
I can't cope though. You were and are the love of my life. On my birthday I will take my miserable life. I hope my memories will stay with me until that time.
I love you.
I hope you miss me enough today to text, or call me... I don't know why it bothers me so much that you won't. Maybe because you're giving me mixed signals? I dunno. I just wish you'd make up your mind and let me in.
Why did you have to be nice? Why did you motivate me to get out of bed, to make sure I was awake every morning and being a normal person? Why did it have to be you? I have a debt to you i want to repay, which is what i feel is fueling the fire stoked in my heart for this long. Every.single.day.
I need to let it go though. Nothing will or can come of everything i feel.
Just keep orbiting around ya ugly bitch haha you're so deep in friend zone. With a face like that I'm sure you know. Time to get back to protecting the corn scarecrow. Not like he'll ever take you out in public haha
You are so great. I watched you a little while through the window today, sorry. I know that's rude, but it's hard not to look when you're the most beautiful thing for miles around.
I like the way you put your hair up today. Your face is lovely. I'm glad you aren't hiding it away.
The angles of your torso and shoulders are perfection. You manage to make that horrible coat you have to wear at work look really sexy, just by being inside it.
I'm thankful for the short time we had to talk today, even though we didn't talk about anything important. I love your voice. I love the mind that directs it.
Today has been a good day.
You're the best.
There's a place where I can get you kicked out if I see you. After I saw you the other night being a fucking pussy and looking like shit I ran into this club owner and vented. He said if you ever came in his club I should just point you out and he'd ban you.
Then I asked him half-jokingly if he knew anyone who could fuck up your face. Like, not a life-threatening injury, just something that would make you pretty no more. Then we'll see how many bitches pay to fuck you, ho.
I'm sorry I was so rude with you that time on the bus, when I yelled you to move. Some of your friend told me you were a cool guy. My mom saw your parents and brother and they still look so damn crushed. May God always have you on sight.
I don't write in my journal as much anymore to vent my feelings but that's probably because I'm just getting lazy.
Nonetheless I think about you everyday still. Don't have the guts to try and talk to you again yet. I saw you broke up with your new guy so maybe I will, who knows. I still love you and I hope whatever you're doing now you're happy with it.
Yeah, boy, you picked up the guy who spent the last couple of months telling everyone how gay he is for you so if you'd be so kind as to keep him busy that'd be great. When you're occupied he feels the need to take jabs at me even more than he did while we were seeing each other. You jumped at the chance to be with him once he popped back up, so I'd like it if you could keep him busy. Show him your dick or something some more, it had a good record of stopping him from talking.
wtf are you playing at? I've done everything I can in order to put you at ease, but stilll you don't want to even semi-commit, and seem to be content with a little bit of contact here and there under the table and playing with my feelings through messages. i know this situation is new territory for both of us, and you know my personality well enough to judge i won't make the first move. i feel you're judging me, one minute you'll decide I'm not the one because of my personality, and the next you're tracking my path from across the room and staring at me longingly when you think i can't see. you need to make up your mind, before we lose contact and everything we could've been is lost to fantasy
Love love love love love love love.
All I have for you is love.
The world is a palette of gunmetal grey and slate. You stand out from the background like a saint in an ancient holy book. Behind your head, a delicate pastel yellow halo with spines and flares and ribbons of green and gold.
Did you realise that you are the centre of the universe? Everything else blurs as it circles you.
Yes my dear, this was a bitch move. Why this, why today. You threw a can of fuel right into the fire. Could I tell you this? No. You'll be full of regrets tomorrow and I don't want to make it worse and create big drama. All I'd like right now is a day or two off to sort my mind out. But can I ask you for it? No, you'd wallow in self pity to a point where things would become irreperable. The only option left for me is just to take the blow and maybe let the thoughts eat me from the inside. I bear grudges easily. Be careful with your accusations.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I know only thing I do is hurt you. I know there is nothing I can do to make you feel better. I know right now I don't know how to change.
Leave. Leave before I tell you all of this. Can't you see that I'm trying to give you the easy way out? I don't want to cause you pain anymore.
Why won't you leave?
Dear earthworm Jim
During my teenage years I joined a cult of people so to say that a few Original Group'S of men would gladly go to jail for me. I've already told them your name and your friends names should I go missing or hurt. Haha. You ain't no good niqqa just an itch Wigga
I know you're dead now, but wtf man. Why couldn't you have been something with your life. I grew up in a crack house because of you, I had dreams to be something great, but you just had to get so high on crack your heart stopped. I was really hoping you'd be able to see your son be successful get married one day. I wish you were there for me growing up.
That hurt me so much, and it always will dad.
All I want for you are no nightmares, no anxiety, no voices, no sadness; if only just for tonight.
Maybe we wouldn't be good together. We were both having a shitty day yesterday and neither of us cared enough about the other person to make one another feel better that morning. Or maybe you did try, but I just didn't understand it or couldn't see it, and didn't respond the right way. I was feeling absolutely fucking awful. I felt like everything was falling apart again and am used to not being able to share any of that with someone else, even my closest friends. My lack of control over another situation was driving me fucking crazy and I've been told that it's written all over my face when I get that way. I'm sorry. I felt powerless to do what I needed to get done by the end of the day, and that coupled with the feeling of abandonment from A going radio silent was freaking me out. At least we met up again later in the evening and had a good talk. Not about us and how shitty we individually felt earlier, but just a regular type of talk. You seemed far less stressed (even C noticed that you "were no longer on your man period") and I know I definitely was finally feeling back to normal. Amazing how peoples' moods can flip like that once you have your work shit under control at last. Come to think of it, that was the first conversation we've ever had since this thing began that you didn't try to crack any jokes. We enjoyed talking to each other but it was pretty serious...not seriously serious, but we weren't trying to be witty and do that normal banter thing we usually do. Is that a good thing? I think it is. We were able to talk and enjoy each other's company without any flirting. That is good. Yay us.
It's awful tbqh. But I was, am, and will always be nothing; I shouldn't have been so foolish to think that maybe I could've been more than nothing, especially to them.
Hope you're okay anon. Have a cute cat for your feels.
How the fuck are you so into golf? Literally the only exciting thing about it is getting to drive the golf carts around, and they won't even let you speed when on the course.
The only thing worse than golf is bowling, but at least bowling is like a 1/10 on a scale of pretentiousness, while golf is a solid 10/10.
I wish I could tell you all the things that are on my mind, to write you a letter with the digits in my hand, about the way you amaze me when you do your little number. But sadly, the world doesn't work that way, and I can't break the rules other people have set out.
i'm realizing that you are a wasteland for me. you don't make me feel wanted even in the most superficial of ways. i'm not upset or anything, just disappointed. i'm tired and lonely and just want someone to be sweet to even with no serious emotional commitment.
I like you, but it's so hard to tell if you're dropping hints that you like me too or not. Maybe I'm just an idiot who can't tell when someone's dropping obvious hints, but I can never tell if it's just coincidence or not. I know you invited me over to watch movies for some reason, but that'll happen when it happens. For now, I'm sorry if I sound like an awkward dork when I talk to you.
-You're gay, N
You fucked up, so i'm making everything equal, I don't think I deserve this. It's bad and I wish it could be reversed, this situation. But in the end, and it will end, I can say I didn't completely miss out on your love. I wish so many things can be forgotten or erased even, but nothing in life can be perfect. I don't know when i can launch the rocket ship out of here, but i know it will turn everything into burning ash right before, and it will hurt. Too bad it will be a double edged blade. But this time i'll be the one to make it out ahead. Life is a bitch.
I have no love for you. Eight years of my life with you. We're adults, but mentally, you're still in higschool. You never grew up. We only know each other, and we have no idea how to deal with anyone else. I have such an absolute policy about cheating and loyalty that I can't even consider cheating on you. I was hoping you'd cheat on me so it gave me a chance to leave, but it's never going to happen. You do nothing every day except play games until I get home from work. You hate social events with my friends. You'd rather sit at home all day and play games. You're incredibly fragile. I've tried to tell you many times before that you need to eat more and see a doctor, but you apparently know better. You treat me like shit for having friends, and any time I spend with them is me not spending time with you.
The only reason I'm with you now is because of your Dad. I made a fucking promise to your dad at the hospital the day before he finally succumbed to the cancer that I would take care of you. He was so fucking weak that he couldn't even answer me, but he gave me a weak smile and mustered all his energy to give me a thumbs up. He was a man of honor and a man I respected.
So I'll stay. We'll go through the same routine every day. I'll come home and I'll pretend to love you. I'll eat the food your mother makes us, and eat whatever you don't finish so that she doesn't notice you barely eat. I'll work out with the only hour of personal time I have a day to think about my lack of future. We'll fuck every few days or so, gently the way you like it until you're done. Immediately after that I will absolutely destroy you as ruthlessly and with as much anger as possible (which you also love) and blow my load on you. You'll grab my 3DS and start playing while my cum cakes on you late into the night while I rest for work the next day. You'll shower a few hours later, wake me up for sex one more time, then let me sleep to go to work and repeat the day again.
What a Life.
You are so smart. It probably does you a disservice to comment on this as if anyone should expect anything else, but you are head and shoulders above the other people I know so that makes it remarkable to me. So I'm remarking on it.
You know so much about so many things. Your mind is so sharp. Times gone by when I listen to you give advice to people, drawing on what you know and your own experiences, but improvising for the situation - I have been taken aback by How Good your advice is. A mixture of jealousy that I am not at your level and happiness that you are yourself washes over me. I'm lucky to know you. Anyone who interacts with you is lucky. You're stand-out special.
Today you had that horrible coat on most of the day. Still making it look sexy on you. But you seemed a little smaller today, a little less imposing, as though you were just IN the room rather than owning it. I hope that everything is ok and you're feeling good.
Ps: I love you
I regret not hanging out with you in the summer. I know I made many excuses, but believe me I was out of fear and not because I didn't like you. I honestly still have feelings for you, but it's been a while since we've seen each other face to face so I'll just keep admiring.
M, are you mad at me? Did I not give you enough attention or ask as many relevant questions or laugh enough at your fucking jokes this morning? Why the fuck are you being so mean to J? Jesus christ. Maybe you're just embarrassed because you realized you were being a total dick to him in front of all those other people. Wow. Being smarter than everyone else doesn't afford you the right to make fun of them when they ask you for help, and you TOLD us you want to help. I'm starting to understand now why you can stand being around A, who is a douche to fucking everyone. You both act like insufferable twats to people you see as "below" you. You fucking signed up for this. You should know how to at least be decently polite about it. I don't even know why you treat me well any more. I feel like after what happened today, I might get on your shit list just like everyone else because apparently there's no fucking line you won't cross when it comes to berating other people.
I don't know if these are your true colors starting to show, being a little bitchy manchild, or if you're just having an off day. If this is what you're really like, how you're really going to be around me and especially around other people, you can fuck right off. On Tuesday we were both having a shitty day, but god damn this was some next level shit you pulled. At least you apologized to him but that didn't make it any less awkward, and he was definitely messed up after the experience but was lying to you telling you it was "fun" to try to be respectful. Then N comes in like ten minutes later and asks the same goddamn question and you ignore the fact you wrekt J for asking that earlier. Nice. Fucking nice.
We aren't doing this for you. We're doing this for ourselves. Whether or not you get your bragging rights is fucking irrelevant. If you did a shit job at it, then there won't be a way to hide. I'm kind of hoping that happens, that most of your people do worse than A's. Do you need a nap? Snacks? Shit.
I hope you are rotting in that psychiatrich hospital.It's your fault that mom's is in there too,and you had always made our family life a living hell.Now i'm alone taking care of our lil bro,and stepfather is almost never home,and dad is,as always,a bitch.I'm tired of always being a goodie-two-shoes son and always making everything i can for my family for you to come with your stupid scratches and bitchy attitude and ruin everything for everyone.If mom comes out of there worst than when she went in,i swear that as soon as you get out of there i'm going to beat the living shit out of you.You should've never existed.
Today was a great day for me because I got to spend some time with you.
You'll never know how much you affect me.
I didn't realise how much I'd missed your company. I've been thinking about you a lot, but... yeah. An hour or two near you today and I've been transformed. That was a surprise. My mood is completely turned around. I have a feeling of peace and contentment that I didn't even realise was missing. How have you done this to me so easily? It's not like we talked asst great length or even about anything particularly important. Just being around you is wonderful.
Fuck. You know, while we've been apart, I've been talking to myself a lot about how I should think and act. I've decided that having an emotional dependency on you is unhealthy and unfair to you, so I need to find other things in my life that will make me happy. I've been searching out the good things each day that bring me joy. I managed NOT to send you another long email talking about all of this and enthusing about the mundane joys, because I've been writing to you too much and I need to stop. I'd convinced myself that I'd made decisions and was sticking to them. I gave myself a little pat on the back for being mature and rational and slowly putting the crazy back in the jar.
And then I spend a couple of hours with you today and it's completely obvious to me that this whole thing is a lie, a sham, a delusion.
You're like a drug to me.
Is it true, that the only way I can get over my crush on you is to cut contact with you for an extended period of time?
That would be torture.
Why would i hurt myself that way, casting myself out into the darkness where there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth?
I need you.
And, I want you. I never want to be without you. I'm not lusting after you (although you are attractive) but I crave you in a more complete way.
Every part of me yearns for you, to be near you.
I know I'm insane but I can't get rid of this stupid grin. You add life to me.
I get that family comes first, but we had a deal. Listening to you tell people over the phone "yeah, we're trying to spend more time together" and discuss our relationship problems while you ignore me and I eat dinner alone feels like you're really rubbing salt into the wounds.
But sure, go ahead and piss away the limited time that we could have together in the evening.
Go ahead and enjoy your weekend away without me too, I'm sure I'll find something to do.
Do whatever you like.
But don't insult me later by asking why I've given up. I've been trying, whereas you have just been promising to try. The broken promises hurt more than if you hadn't said anything at all.
I can't go on like this for much longer, you know. I'm breaking.
But yes. I guess I'll say "hello and how are you" now, and then go to bed. You are still on the phone, and have been since I got home two and a half hours ago. Not once has a chance come up for you to say "hey, I'll call you back in ten minutes, my husband is home and I just want to say hello to him".
Strange how that works out.
Guess I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight.
Goddamnit Yuki just fucking respond already when you wanted to talk to me. Not knowing why you wanted to talk to me through my friend and back out when my friend told some lie to get you off my back about me having problems with other girls is making me more worry than anything else. Don't make me create a crappy FB account for this. If you keep up straight ignoring my mails,that is.
Knowing that you browse these threads and only read it for your own entertainment is kinda ironic because I do it as well. But it's not funny because I know you because of these threads. And I kinda wish I never did.
bump limit reached but i need to write
i miss you so much
i thought i saw you tonight
i want you to text me one day and be like it's all okay anon i actually do love you
i've written so many of these letters to you
i miss you, but i don't blame you
i wronged you, and i deserve hell