In a sea of "how do I get a girl" or "I think my girlfriend is cheating" threads, I have a question about marriage.
Seven years into a relationship, three years into marriage, 1.5 years into having a kid. Wife doesn't work, I have a full time career that supports us. I come home, I spend a few hours upstairs with the family usually until the kid needs to go to sleep, after that the wife puts the kid to bed and I head to my den for a couple hours.
While I'm upstairs I help take care of him, change him, entertain him, help with dinner, the trash, busywork, pay the bills, most maintenance stuff you'd generally expect the stay-at-home spouse to do, but I still want to help.
So I have the kid for like six hours alone today while she's going doing her errand shit like grocery shopping, dry cleaning, that shit. She gets home, I'm pissed off because the kid has been a little faggot for the last two hours and he's got me pulling my hair out. She wants to know why I'm "pissy," I say its because of the kid, and she flips. Five hours later and she still won't talk to me because "it's bullshit that I complain about taking care of him for a few hours" and that I "never want to help out."
What the fuck. I mean, just what the fuck. This is a common thing, too. A consistent issue where I bend over backwards constantly. I wasn't doing enough with the kid at first, I step up. I'm not helping out enough around the house, she says something, I step up and do more now. I was spending too much time in the den, I stay with the kid till he's asleep and have fun with him. I do everything for her including picking out the house with the one hour, one way commute that she loves and is more expensive, rather the in-the-city house with the fucking seven minute walk from the office that was cheaper to boot.
I love her to death, but I have no idea what to do here. She makes me feel like I'm the one failing the family when I'm working my ass off probably 75% of time.
Women, literally, never, ever, ever, under any circumstances will ever be happy. She will always find something that doesn't suit her, and while it isn't an excuse, it's universal. All women are like this.
Even wives of millionaires who have servants and caretakers and lounge around all day find reasons to get mad at each other and their spouses.
This is more of a situation where you put your food down, rather than try to be accommodating. Good for you that you take care of your kid, you should. But being more attentive or sensitive or whatever will not solve the problem, it will exasperate it.
I know I probably make her sound worse than she is, because she is a great mother and she really does take care of me in many ways. I love the fuck out of her and I'd never want to leave her. I just want things to work better, because logically they should. I don't think either of us are good -having- kids. We're good -at- having a kid, he's raised well and is very happy.
We were just much better off together before we had him. I'm hoping things calm down once he hits preschool at 4, with her. She mentioned homeschooling once because we both hate public schools and I know that would just not work.
I really think this is true. She tells me she likes when I'm assertive and I control the course of the relationship because we're both into a kind-of 60's nuclear family sort of deal. She acts like she isn't but swears she is. So maybe I just tell her she needs to fucking deal with life and quit whining about it, that I get to be upset about things too, but she has it pretty nice and if she'd like to continue to have it nice she needs to calm the fuck down.
This seems to be common among many ladies this day and age. They want a man to take control, even if they'll never admit it - my brother's wife did the same thing. He bent over backwards to do everything he could to be with his family, take care of them, and try to make her happy - and the more he bent over the more she seemed to be preparing to give it to him up the ass. (Especially during their messy divorce.)
Put your foot down while you still can.