I have diagnosed clinical depression, and it does not make me a special snowflake in any way, but it comes and goes very harshly. I get extremely sad and lonely and everything crashes down on me for about 3 to 4 hours, and as though from nowhere, my mood increases to where I forgot why I was hurting.
I'd like to say that it's caused by episodes of hurt in my life, but that's not true, it just makes them hurt worse.
I'm pretty lonely and I'm trying to get a girlfriend, eventually, and I don't think this is going away anytime soon.
(This may or may not have broken a previous relationship I had into pieces.)
Do you think this will be a problem?
It seems that strangers and newly-met people are sympathetic at first, but after talking to me about it, they become ghosts.
What is the healthy amount of talking about this with new relationships/friendships?
This sounds stupid, but I need guidance on how to talk about this. I don't want to not trust someone by not telling them, but I don't want to tell them if it makes me less attractive.
Thank you. That's very reassuring and helpful. Thank you for this post.
Take it from someone who's in your shoes.. Getting into a relationship while you're trying to rebuild yourself (and maybe even your life) - I know it's a long haul, but you have to love yourself first... It's taken me 31 years to learn that myself... Not saying that it'll take you that long, but I suggest get help.
Therapy, Medication (it does wonders, trust me) and possibly Case Management to help you better yourself... I say this because you may end up attracting the WRONG person of whom can damage you more, or you end up damaging them.
If you're super lonely, you can come play Second Life? It's free to play, but you have to have to invest real money to get the really good stuff ... Or dig deep for quality freebies. - I can't help at the moment, I'm broke. lol..
Jesus Christ, what do you want from me? To tell you it's perfectly okay to drop mental illness bombs on people who are little more than strangers?
It's fucking not, but if you're going to act like a sarcastic little bitch, then fine. Do it. Just think twice before crying to /adv/ that people pull away from you for getting way too close way too soon.
Even with depression you can enjoy life and have a positive outlook on things. I would view your illness as something to manage and thus if you really want to date now, you should be upfront that you're going to have bad times, but you want to have good times with a gf too.
When it comes to talking about depression in a "healthy" way, people expect you to at least be able to say you're functioning with it and you expect to be healed from it at some point. Like, what is your regime? Do you have meds, exercise, whatever? I was diagnosed with clinical depression as well years ago and now I'm generally fine and don't deal with anything, but I tried several things to fix it when it got really bad. If you want to date, be upfront but also add how you're managing it. And depression really isn't an excuse to not be a reasonably happy person during your "on" times, so remember that's who your gf is dating. Not your illness, since it's very possible it'll pass. Just my two cents.
It's not something I talk about with people I'm just developing a relationship with. I avoid it altogether until I've known someone for quite a while and am especially close to them. Telling people you've just met is a very "special snowflake" approach to your depression. Keep it to yourself; no one wants to deal with someone who talks about big problems right off the bat.
There's nothing more in my life to rebuild or improve, really. If there was stuff within my power, I would be working on it.
The only thing missing is social contacts and a relationship.
I know these things, I'm aware of what can happen if you don't fix up your own shit first.
Therapy: I've done it and had the clinics drop me because they decided there was nothing more they could do.
Medication: I'd rather kill myself then alter my brain chemistry.
I would love to be able to manage it, friend. But I don't manage it, it manages me. All I can do is take cover and wait for it to pass, which takes about 4 hours, and it feels like it's never going to leave during that time.
Unless I can fap, sleep and drink, it doesn't pass any quicker.
I'm a very happy person during my 'on' times. I try to make everyone else around me happy and I'm a functioning person. I don't use this as an excuse for things- I have a perfect driving record of 3 years, which almost never happens- I didn't wreck a car and then blame 'muh feelz'. I also maintain continuous employment and school enrollment.
My main issue is: If I don't tell the person, some things might happen.
1: They'll think it's about them or offend them if I'm like that when we're together.
2: This would be a lie of omission, could affect the foundation of trust.
3: They might think something is actually severely wrong in my life (recently deceased parent, etc.)
So even past what, 6 months? So at some arbitrary time I can fill her in?
Point A, that would be kinda-lying, and Point B, she'd be sure to notice by then.
> I rather myself that alter my brain chemistry
And this is why you will never improve. I mean really what the fuck do you think depression is that, some kind of spiritual bad feels. If you want to get over this let alone talk about it with people, you have to accept that your brain chemistry is exactly the problem, and that there is nothing wrong with fixing a malfunction
That altered brain chemistry means I'm no longer myself, and I become altered and different.
I'm not interested in being numbed so I can't feel any emotions at all, as many, many, many people describe SRIs and other medications. That sounds worse than this.
Not to mention that those can fuck you up if you don't take them at the same time every day, or if you're forced to withdraw.
Also, as long as I maintain plausible deniability that my therapy is strictly familial/abuse related, I can get easier access to employment in the sector I want.
The second Antidepressants touch my bloodstream, I lose very very very many of my desired opportunities.