can't. fucking. stop. won't stop. I got shit to do. fuck this flu, fuck the shit in my way this last week. I've either found partial work arounds to problems or just worked it all out. now its time to get some shit done. gotta keep pushing.
She's the one who starts texting me. And every time she says it's because she was thinking about me but her replies with one word messages and the coldest tone ever. What gives?
And of course if I bring it up she'll call me paranoid. I just feel stupid actually getting my hopes up when she does that, because I just end up feeling like shit when her replies turn to passive-aggressive.
Tonight she texted me saying she was stranded in her town with no place to sleep (I don't live there) and that she was thinking about me. So of course I start thinking of ways to help her, places to send her to like a cheap hotel or such. And I tell her to warn me about how things are going. And on top of the short replies getting few and far between she just stops answering until I ask her again where she is.
At her brother's.
Now it's a battle to get her to talk. This is the last time this happens. I'm not here to keep her busy.
I'm reminded now that the same thing happened with a girl stuck in a train for hours. I think i'm being too nice and caring.
I didn't think it would be possible but slowly you've made me feel disgust when I see your name or see you somewhere. You cast yourself as a neglected victim yet spend all your time posting images of your body to gay guys on /v/ who just want to jack off to something, and even told them you had plans to make more videos for them.
Sure, you do you, but don't go thinking I want to associate with the you you've gone back to being. I broke up with you because your circumstances with your supposed abusive ex, you immediately went around handing your pictures out to them again. Come to this month and you're doing it again, while casting me as a villain with your friend for ending it when I did. You could trust someone who supposedly hit you when you had an issue and not the person you were with. Don't call yourself the victim because I broke up with you over that, and don't act surprised that I stop acknowledging you.
Attention whoring is something I'm already not fond of, but it happens. What you do is actually worse than what an attention whore does, it's no different from the act of a slut. I will sooner rot alone in this life than associate with a slut
Why do I whenever I feel like I should get some new friends think immidiately when I finally get the courage to speak to this not-yet-friend person that he's better off to talking someone else but not me?
Huh. When writing that out it's clear as day because I wouldn't really like to talk to someone like me,but becoming a person that I would talk to feels wrong somehow. Gonna have 2 weeks off soon but everyone I knows already got plans for that time period so wow,I'm stuck.
I loved the man I was with a year ago, and when we broke up, my family was worried - because I have a track record - about being reclusive, sleeping and crying all the time.... But instead? I feel great. Sure I miss him and I'll cry if the right song comes on the radio, but I am not super depressed like I used to be when it came to break-ups.
I'll probably add more as my thoughts fill back up. I'm just so tickled with myself. :)
>be at a gig this night >didn't expect her to be there and even if, we would not meet each other >sure enough at the first smoking break she saw me and came to me >hugged me (a bit special these days), said she knew I was there and decided to look for me because she was looking forward to meet me >asked me straight up if I will come to a club with her and her friends >said 'Sure why not?' >went on to pretty much ignore me the whole time >granted, she was there with a very close female friend >after the gig they wanted to drink some other place before going to the club >a very dumb kid that I really REALLY dislike and that she is very good friends with is there >think to myself 'I don't need that shit' and decided to go home and drink at a local bar by myself >realized she ain't that pretty and cool and that I don't need her anymore
Three months of cocoon mode including ghosting her have paid off. I don't know WHAT devilish game she's playing, but I have left the game and it feels great.
My temper is getting worse and worse by the day, i barely have any time to myself to relax and do what i want freely(play videogames) and relax i cant even fucking do that, i loath half of my family and my mood always goes left when i see them i just cant stand them
My friend thinks this guy and I would be perfect together and keeps encouraging me to go after him even though he's definitely not available because of the rules for dating within our company. He seems to really like me and the more time I spend with him, the more I can't believe someone as awesome as him exists, let alone likes me too. He's very caring but also so funny and fun to be around. He's a bit awkward but I "get" him and his sort of weirdness, so we always have a blast together even though it's just over eating our breakfast in the breakroom a few days a week.
But I need this fucking job for at least two more years so I can qualify for the job at the place I want and can get the fuck out of here and work across town. I doubt he will stay single for two more years, and it's not like I'd really want him to be alone (I'd want him to be happy and with someone) but I know it would kill me to find out he's gotten a girlfriend. I don't know how this is going to play out, but I'm basically dreading the future because he's going to see that this thing we have can't be anything more than what it is now. Right now I'm just taking it day by day, enjoying being around him but our flirting is clearly escalating and even though it makes me super happy at the time, I feel sad when I think about it at the end of the day when I get home because I know nothing can really come of it.
I fucking hate this job, too. But I need it. At least meeting him has come of it, but god damn.
>>16855787 Venting does nothing for me at this point, i just want to hit something and dont stop till i see mush all over the floor, awhile ago i almost picked up a brick and was going to kill a kitten. I honestly was ready to do it but i didnt bc the area i live has cameras and probably at that particular spot must of have one right in front of me. Im just fucking sick of this i fucking hate it here. Im having thoughts of vandelisism just to relieve this anger i cannot surpress it any longer..
Too bad the story isn't over yet, she will continue to pester me on WhatsApp and maybe facebook, and she will come to me every other friday night at a bar we go to, but I will just, well, endure it and not think of the whole situation too much.
Either she's interested or not. If she is, she needs to show it clearly. If not I have to assume she just wants to be friends, and that is not enough.
>>16855766 Yeah alright. I'll try to keep this short and sweet. >New girl started working at the supermarket I worked at >We would talk constantly about things when I had time >Asked for her number and got it >We talk non-stop and we both happen to do archery together >In a months time I had to move somewhere else for University. >Turns out she's moving there in 2 months time. >We do movie marathons and spend each day with each other before I left. >We keep in contact when I get down there but it's limited. >Then when she gets down there she doesn't respond to any of my texts >Felt lonely and cut off >Then I suddenly run into her at the shops >We hung out for a bit but it was different...she was different. >So I ended up leaving and we never spoke again >Not until recently where I saw her at a party from where I used to live. >Apparently she couldn't handle where she was and all the rest. >Since then I've never put a girl on a pedestal again. That took forever
I'm really sick of losing. Everything I've tried for, everything I've wanted, has been lost. Every heart broke mine all at once, and I don't have the strength to go on...
I wasn't destined to thrive in this world, I was born broken. I was born weak, a failure, a genetic error. It seems I am undeserving of love, and destined for a long life of gritting my teeth, or suicide.
I've forgotten who I am, I don't have the strength to succeed, I'll always be a failure
>>16855881 >Have broken arm >Take strong meds for the pain >Have a drink or 2 >Gets fucked up >Slut I've known for a few years starts talking to me on snapchat (she lives across the country) >Says she has a bf >Says "Well I guess you can't have sex with me" >She replies with "No lol" >I say "How about your sister? lol" >I always thought her sister was older >But she flips out and says her sister is 13 >She types a full rant and tells me she's going to report me to the cops and then blocks me.
>>3 and a half weeks later >Nothing.
I was sorta freaking out when it happened, but now not so much.
I'm so fucking sick of being nothing more than an idea person.
Everyone always loves my input, my writing, my thoughts, but I just don't have the talent to do anything with it all. I want to draw, I want to create, I want to bring my ideas to life, but no skills ever seem to stick with me. I refuse to give up, but it feels like I'm beating my head against a brick wall and wasting my time.
I guess I could try and be an author if nothing else, but there's so much I'd rather do before that. But without my own skills, I'd be nothing more than a leech, having to rely on others to make my products. And why would they? Anyone can come up with an idea. No one's going to put their blood and sweat into something while you sit back, unable to help even if you wanted to. And I do. I want to contribute. So why fucking can't I?
As for myself, I've decided to vow myself off oof ever falling in love with a man again. It'll be difficult, but not too much. I just need to make sure I know the worst of a guy before I can fall for his best. It's for my own good. To not be rejected again. To not be treated like a dispensable thing again. To never let a man step on me anymore.
All I can think about lately are the thousands of things I'd love to be able to experience with you. At the top of thst list is my head on your shoulder looking at the stars or in your eyes. I just have a feeling about you. I would like to know if you might feel the same.
My mom is literally abandoning my dad and me over a joke and a drink. She's apparently got a ticket to fly tomorrow night, and she's only been back with us for 5 days.
All these years making sure I didn't get close to other people or become more independent, or making fun of how I looked and what I enjoyed, or trying to instill her warped sense of hatred in me. Pinching, hitting, and screaming at me. Shouting at my cousin and calling her a "retard" and a "whore" while expecting her to do favors for her. All she's done is play victim and lie.
Plus, I'm so envious of the people around me who've always had supportive parents. Or stable parents, at least. Not ticking time-bombs who've left you permanently mentally crippled. I feel so fucked up. Other women and girls always talk about how their moms are their inspiration or heroes, and all I feel is disgust at my own.
I feel awful for simultaneously despising her and wanting her to stay, so she could get better. But I know she never will.
I know I'll never be a good mother because of her. Or a good spouse. Or a good friend.
write a godamn book. You don't need drawing skills for being creative, unless you really want to be a painter, sculpture or whatever the fuck you want to make with your own hands, it's just matter of time and practice.
My dad laughed whenever he felt emotional stress. My mom hated that. She felt like he was laughing at her. He was afraid and sad whenever she confronted him. So he laughed to feel better. She only got angrier. So she left him. They both hated that.
So what I'm getting at is that you're above that. You are who you are. Your parents are a part of you, but if you understand them, you can see them as human.
You see what I'm saying? You are an observer. You can see where they went wrong.
I've never had anything this traumatic happen to me.
I am undone.
I am closer to giving up every day.
I desperately need to move forward and let these connections to the past slough off of me, but my ex has our kid- so I'm being forced to twist around backward to keep facing her and I can't fucking see what I'm doing to move forward.
How do i get over someone i never really had tho? Like theres been enough time passed and so muchhas changed but i still find myself thinking of someone from time to time and it just feels like i should be completely over it by now. But im not. I fucking hate myself.
>>16856026 >I know I'll never be a good mother because of her. Or a good spouse. Or a good friend. Hold up. I understand you're in a shitty position, but this part is nonsensical.
My maternal grandmother basically abandoned my grandfather and married a piece of shit. This piece of shit kicked my uncle with steel toed shoes all over, and we believe that's why he's sterile. He yelled at my aunt and made her a neurotic mess. I'm fairly confident he at least attempted to rape my mother from what I've pieced together. All in all I consider her a great mother even if we have our differences. She is absolutely the stable and supportive and parent you said you envied.
You can let this shut you down, or you can put yourself back together and walk out of this all the stronger. I'm entirely confident you can do that if you put in the effort and time, don't just throw it away because you think you have some internal limit built in.
>>16855805 that's not good anon. there are people you can go to who will not fail you and can make it better. >>16855132 don't give up anon. life is full of unfair bullshit. strength isn't in resisting it. don't let yourself be blackened by the events. people need you. someone on this board probably needs you whether you know it or not. and whether you like it or not someone in your life needs you. it can be a job. but don't lose it just yet. not yet. >>16855157 i feel this. if i had somewhere to go i'd take my chances in another city than this damn small town. >>16855362 dont give up. the temptation of defeat is greater than the will to live sometimes. only thing keeping us going is the life of it all, pushing through moment to moment. >>16855722 this is very good news anon. i'm proud and happy for you. >>16855762 i would hug you anon. to be loved, to be empathized with, to feel the truth of love in all its spirit - there are few greater things. i love you anon. sending positive vibes your way.
“Happiness is not something that you can find, acquire, or achieve directly. You have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of those conditions are within you, such as coherence among the parts and levels of your personality. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you: Just as plants need sun, water, and good soil to thrive, people need love, work, and a connection to something larger. It is worth striving to get the right relationships between yourself and others, between yourself and your work, and between yourself and something larger than yourself. If you get these relationships right, a sense of purpose and meaning will emerge.”
“If you are in passionate love and want to celebrate your passion, read poetry. If your ardor has calmed and you want to understand your evolving relationship, read psychology. But if you have just ended a relationship and would like to believe you are better off without love, read philosophy.”
>>16854851 The crippling depression that comes every day when i see how my crush likes my best friend and her buttfuck ugly ass friend likes me makes me suicidal, like makes me feel i'm so fucking ugly, i don't get it
>>16856057 this is such a real fucking goddamn problem. i don't know how to fix it for you anon i wish i could just take it and make it better jesus christ i wish i could i'm sending positive vibes your way and i hope it gets better i'm so sorry i feel like there's more i should be trying to do
>>16855904 All of the above I did love her and I tried to make a move. But I think I'm more cut that it wasn't going anywhere. Sure there were feelings on both sides but we took it too slow and things just fell apart.
>>16856054 I'm sad to say I'm less depressed that I'm not the only one, as sick as it sounds. Sorry you went through that. >You are an observer. You can see where they went wrong I'll try to take this with me wherever I go with my life. As scared as I am of falling into the same mistakes both my parents made, hopefully I have the experience to avoid them.
>>16856061 And yeah, I know it's irrational, but my mother made the same mistakes my grandmother made, even down to leaving their families and ruining their husbands' finances. But like you said with your mother, I (hope) got it in me to actually make something of myself. I'm glad you and your mother have got a healthy relationship, by the way.
>>16856094 >someone has worked hard to make you feel this way This really hit me, and I hate it because I never realized this was a possibility. I don't understand why someone would ever do this to a stranger, never mind their own kid.
Thank you so much for the replies. I genuinely feel better and more hopeful. The part that hurts me the most is that I don't want my relationship with my mom to end like this. But if that brings me closer to ending my depression induced NEETing and start accomplishing things, I'm fine with that.
>>16856184 >As scared as I am of falling into the same mistakes both my parents made, hopefully I have the experience to avoid them.
You won't. I love my parents. I love them so much as separate people.
They both made mistakes. I can see that both. My father dealt with pain in a way my mother couldn't handle. One time we were driving and he spilt his guts over it. He told me he was afraid and sad.
My mother did the same in a less direct way. When I was a kid, she threw a chair through the wall and when my father confronted her, she said that anger was a legitimate emotion, just as much as love was.
What I'm getting at is that you're both your parents. Love them for teaching you.
>>16856184 listen anon. blood is thicker than water. and family *always* gets a second chance. always.
but there are times in life when enough is enough.
my brother is a drug addict fucked up alcohol addicted douchebag and gets every fucked up shitty thing he deserves. but guess what: he calls me in the middle of the night saying he's in jail and needs help, who bails him out? not mom. not dad. me.
he's a freeloading sociopath who only cares to hear himself talk. that's okay. i'll give him a job, maybe put him to work, so he can make something of himself. working with family is doubly harder than one might think now that i'm seeing it. but hindsight is 20/20 yes.
the point i'm trying to make is family is family, yes, this is true. but on the same token, enough is enough.
it's okay to cut someone out of your life. family or not.
it's not an abhorrent sin to god. its just life. it happens. i know plenty of people with dysfunctional families that cant make it to thanksgiving or christmas because guess what? they're a bunch of fuck ups or crazies. not their fault. just how they're wired.
all i'm saying is if this person drags you down to the brink, to the point of beyond saving, it's *okay* to let them go. it's your life to live, not theirs.
My life has completely turned to shit. I miss when I still had a gf and my life together, but that seems so far away and in the past, and in the present, I am hopelessly crushed and unable to get up. I've returned to what I was back in high school, someone who is stuck to this loathful self-imposed social isolation, and I hate my inability and lack of motivation to become anything other. I've lost my confidence since she left me, and the fact that she still keeps me as a friend makes it hurt even more. I don't see a good end out of my miserable life, and I wish I never existed.
>>16856184 >but my mother made the same mistakes my grandmother made Shitty behavior breeds shitty behavior. You're aware of the cycle however, which means you can absolutely break it.
>But like you said with your mother, I (hope) got it in me to actually make something of myself. I'm glad you and your mother have got a healthy relationship, by the way. I'm sure you can. Both of my parents came from iffy situations, but they managed to improve their station over the years. Hell they went from living in the ghetto to upper middle class by the time I graduated highschool.
>I don't understand why someone would ever do this to a stranger, never mind their own kid. People that are mentally ill often lie to themselves to justify their behavior. I've seen people make shit up right after a situation happened, and by the end of the day they fully believe their lie. So when she calls you a terrible daughter, I'd wager that it's so that she could avoid addressing her own glaring flaws.
Sometimes you need to cut ties with family. I've done that, it's difficult, but people like that probably won't ever get any better.
>>16856512 Met at work. We both were honest about it after porn/lolicon etc. came up, though as she sees herself as the victim in the fantasies while i am the perpetrator it might make it easier for me to accept.
>>16854851 Since I broke up with bf I cant sleep until 7 in the morning and then only get to sleep for about 5-6 hours. I feel like I am going mental. Also had a panic-attack for a whole hour yesterday then I called the hospital and they connected me to a psychologist on the phone who eventually managed to calm me down. The problem is that I there are good reasons for the brake up, but it is killing me. He did not cheat or anything, but a few other things happened which I will not explain here. It would have been killing me eiter way. I just hope it will get better soon
im so head over heels for my friend and i can't fucking take it anymore i feel like im gonna explode i told myself i'll keep it a secret unless she shows genuine interest in me but fuck it i feel so fucking bottled up not like she'd feel the same anyways im a fucking ugly waif
I'm under a lot of pressure at work and also on my side group project.
I haven't slept in a while, but I need to deliver my work and it's not going by smoothly.
I keep thinking irrational thoughts and keep thinking I'm worthless because I'm behind schedule. At this point I'd be better off dead because I've already fucked up everything by merely just existing.
I bet everyone who meets me wishes I already killed myself by now.
I'm barely good at anything and easily replaceable. I'm not a good friend because I never explain myself or my intentions and everything just comes out vague and sometimes rude. I wish I could just be honest to everyone.
>>16855911 >having to rely on others to make my products I feel very similar. I can teach people how to do things, give them valid opinions and insight, but when it comes to actual talents, I'm not particularly good enough at anything to succeed. I'm not a good enough programmer, not particularly great at math, and in order to be a teacher at the level I want, you have to go to grad school and that's not possible with my lack of achievements. I can manage people in group projects, but ask me to fucking code the whole thing myself? No fucking way. Just because it works doesn't mean it isn't a huge mess. I can design things but not implement them efficiently. The only things I seem to be really good at fucking useless in the real world.
For the first time in my entire life, I've thought about actually resigning myself to becoming a housewife for someone. I can cook, clean, and look decent enough, laugh and entertain people and make them feel fucking special, but I'm not good enough at what I do academically/job-wise and it makes me feel so goddamn ashamed.
I feel things been going really bad lately. I'm such an insecure mess. I feel if someone likes me it's just for sex. These past relationships really fucked me over and this time around I feel like this person is going to do the exact same. Maybe I'm just insecure. I don't know how to go about things anymore and it disgusts me.
Sometimes I think about you even though we haven't spoken to each other in years. I chickened out on having sex with you and stopped going on my dirty Skype because I just ended up feeling empty. I'm too emotional of a person and don't think I would've handled a nsa thing too well.
Still... I enjoyed masturbating with you on cam. I almost felt proud of myself that time you came so hard that the cum hit your shoulder. I do still wonder what sex with you is like. I'm sure we would've had a lot of fun together.
I don't see a letter thread, so I'm going to write this here... There must be a serious lack of fun shit going on in my life right now that I can't even come up with something to make me happy or distract me enough on weekends to stop myself from looking forward to seeing you and waiting for the weekend to end. How fucked up is that? Friday/Saturday/Sunday is just nope, looking forward to the week beginning again because I'll get to see you. Or maybe it's just an indication of how much I like you. I guess that would be better...that it's not that I have nothing going on, but that I'm so into you that those feelings override my own desire to enjoy myself on my own or with my friends over the weekend. I wish I could tell you how I feel. This one stupid fucking rule would get us both in trouble, which I know is why you haven't said anything. I've never met a guy before that makes me feel this way. I've never wanted to ask anyone out before, but you just... do it for me. It's so strange to feel this massive attraction to someone for the first time in my life. My friends think you look far too unattractive: short, weirdly young face, for some reason you can't grow facial hair well despite being in your 30s. You don't take good enough care of yourself and should really stop eating those crappy muffins in the lounge all the time! But I feel like melting when I'm with you. You make me giggle like a retarded schoolgirl and I see I make you blush at the drop of a hat.
I hope our friendship is enough for both of us, because that's all it can be for now, as hard as it is.
I feel like I wasted my time with my time with my mom. Nobody is ever going to care about me the way she did. I don't know why I squandered the years we had. What was I doing that was so important? Fucking nothing. I could have called. I could have visited. I could have done anything.
>>36184667 greentexting because fuck it who cares https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0PvZGVPiJU >go to bar near home >order cheap scotch and ginger >put in pinch of grizzly >drink scotch and contemplate life >so many wasted years >so many failed relationships >so many mistakes >drink more scotch >the only thing that was never a mistake was the Iron Church >the only true love I ever felt was the war overseas >drink more scotch >think about the paramedic school I'm currently attending >accept the fact that I'm simply using it to as a means to go back overseas >think about how I came home but didn't really come home >realize I want to go back to my war so I can die there and be with my brothers >perhaps I will ride the rainbow bridge to Valhalla >perhaps my brothers will be there, waiting for me >drink more scotch
>>16856764 Not who you're replying to but I know that feel. Except you're lucky in believing the whole 'love will conquer all' thing. I used to believe that; now, not so much, if at all, so I'm pretty jealous of you.
>>16856869 Never finding a body is worse than finding a mangled one. People need closure. Honestly I think the easiest method for your family to deal with is a one that leaves your face completely intact and your body nearly completely intact. Bleeding out via wrists or, if you want to be hardcore and spray blood on the walls, rip the femoral artery, are options.
You're forgetting that suicide forest means birds pecking out your eyes and other creatures eating you up. Your autopsy photos will look jacked.
I want to be her slave. I want her to humiliate me. I have a fantasy that she locks me into chastity without the knowledge or consent of my wife. This leads to a gloriously embarrassing and hurtful conversation when my wife eventually discovers the device. "Her" man has allowed himself to be locked up by another woman. I want her to use me and abuse me, to treat me like dirt, and I will worship and adore her like a goddess.
I went on this site as a middle schooler. Left forever ago, had life was married. Wife is dead this last year. Last few years were bad, hospitals, bills. Had bad back, many pills, eventually wifes pills. Now endless dope. Forever debt, family dead, only drugs, no hope of returning to normal life. No point nor place for me. 27 club?
aaaand now I'm having doubts. I really shouldn't have texted him; I mean sure I wouldn't know until I found out... But I haven't received a reply or a phone-call. I'm worried that when we see each other he'll tell me that I cant do that anymore.. Or worse.
>>16856908 Turning 27 no less hah, married at 23, stupid I know. She had a grade 4 astrocytoma (gbm) diagnosed june 2015, made it 4 months. I got vics, she was on oxys but small ones, I was getting opanas eventually but always had friends in low places.
>>16856928 Seriously though, I never felt inadequate before I fell for this woman. It's pretty depressing to know that I'll never be desirable to her. Not because I'm "not good enough" but just because I'm not the type of person that she's interested in / connects to / needs in her life. The height thing isn't so important.
I don't want to get naked on cam for you because it's fucking boring. You just want me to do certain things or pose a certain way when all I want to do is just touch myself. Why should I do all of this when I'm not even getting any pleasure out of it and you're the one who gets the show? Fuck off
I told you that I needed you this weekend, needed you to help me get things done. You know I'm struggling. You know I can't do this on my own. You know that I can do it with support, though. So we talked a bit about how things would go, and what I needed, and what you were prepared to do. And when you agreed to help me, I was pleased. I was optimistic.
And when you then did exactly the opposite of what you'd agreed to do, two days in a row, I was crushed again. Why am I wasting my time negotiating for support from you, when this is always what happens? You're selfish and I'd be better off without you. This. This is why I'm looking at other women and imagining how much better life could be. You are not good for me. I am obviously not giving you anything that you want or need emotionally or intellectually. We are not right for each other. I'd rather be alone than with you.
>>16856871 Lol, believe me, when you are in love, the thing you should always hold onto is that happy feeling, and never let go of it. Sometimes you're gonna slip into the pool of doubts, sadness, etc but everything will work out. :^) beeeee haaapppyyyyyyy anon
I really wished you hated and ignored me for some other reason than my stupid mistake. You'll never understand it, but you are special to me. I hope I'll get a chance to be honest with you, I never could before. And if you've moved on, I just want you to know how beautiful you are. How much joy you bring. I don't want you to go through life wondering if you mean sonething. You mean the world to me. I hope to see you soon.
my husband has long-time friend who is sending up red flags for toxicity. They don't talk much anymore, but lately this fucker has been calling my husband regularly. I'm not the type to get between bros, but if i hear ANY "i got burned by stacy so all women are whores" sentiment of ANY variation from my husband, i swear...
Recently I'm becoming more and more convinced that I deserve to be alone. All signs point to it.
The most important part is the fact I've got more medical conditions than fingers to count them on, the most severe of which cause near-total non-functionality of my lower body. Including the disgusting kind.
Appearance-wise, my face is average at best, and it hardly matters as it's all ruined by looking even more ill than I actually am - plus, the rest of my body is a disaster, with surgical scars left and right.
Because of all that resulting in insecurities, I'm massively socially awkward. I can talk to a stranger, sure, but it takes a while of hyping up and inevitably ends abruptly as I run out of anything to say, or they get put off by my blatant discomfort with talking to them. It's not even just lack of practice - I find it hard to emotionally connect with people in general.
I don't even have the mental acuity to make up for all this, since life isn't about balance - or at least, what I have is wasted due to my lack of interest in any actually useful area, not to mention the lack of social skills interfering with career prospects.
Speaking of which, also poor as fuck. Living off benefits exclusively, much to my own disgust.
I guess I'm a failure as a human being, that's all. In every way that matters. It was probably stupid of me to think I'd ever find anything in the first place.
Please no.. I've been trying to forget you all this time... Please get out of my head. Please stop bringing your presence near me again. It's so painful to see you're changing. I hate you. I hate to know the fact that we are just friends. I hate to thinking of you before I sleep. I hate to see your cute panda eyes. I just hope we will never meet again. And it will be happen soon. I'm really looking forward to it.
>coworker asks if I play video games >tell him no (lie) >asks "what do you DO?" >tell him i'm too busy to consume media at home >ask what he does in retaliation >he plays video games >can never admit I play video games to him or I shatter lies i've told him for months and the world for years This is why I have no friends ;_;
I'm a broken soul. I hate to get to involved in inter personal relation ships. I do have a girlfriend I love, but some parts inside me want to dump her so that I can dedicate my life to what I love. Being a commissioning engineer. That's been my job for the last year, but it's temporary. I fucking love it. Traveling all over the place. Meet awesome people that and all interpersonal relationships are constantly in a superficial state. Changing places and environments all the time. Free food/beer in the airport lounges. The only job that would be better would be some higher level shit and go business class and deal with real problems, not technical problems.
>>16856024 I'm not suffering through abusive relationships, I'm just tired of being treated like garbage because I'm irreversibly ugly, that's all.
I hope you manage to leave that toxic relationship alive and the smallest emotional scars you can (since it's impossible to not be emotionally scarred by abuse), no one deserves to be treated like that.
>>16854851 Im fucking tired of trying to hold my tongue around SJW cunts. I had two friends who were girls, and recently they've started posting SJW shit on facebook, about how women are being held back, they're so oppressed, etc etc.
I just want to rage at them, but the times I've tried to have an actual conversation with them in person, they start bringing up other subjects, raising their voice, and literally shutting down their brains and looking at me like I'm the bad guy for saying that women don't really have it so bad, and guy's have problems having to conform to gender roles too.
Fuck, I just want to cut them out of my life, but I can't handle doing that because I'm co-dependent.
>>16856026 My mother left my family when I was young as well. I held on to the resentment for a long time, but it was much better to let it go and try to repair things while keeping her at a respectable distance. A few years of loneliness really softened her up.
One day you look around, and you come to the realization that other people who are working on their own thing and being a success, they didn't "follow their dreams", their dreams chose them.
What Im saying is that people rationalize why they do what they do, all the time. In school, home life, love, people rationalize why they do things, what they pick, etc. We have that in our brain as part of the self-defense package so that we can live as animal beings and "succeed".
Society and its needs and offerings might have changed but the human mind hasn't. Most people naturally gravitate towards their skill set, without making a conscious effort to override their shittiness.
Its like asking someone with sclerosis to become an amazing sculptor. They might be able to finagle something out of it, create a niche market, and in a mixture of pity and that sort of disgusting excessive interest in seeing things like car crashes, people will pay for that art, and support them.
They aren't "a natural winner", though.
Same thing is true when people have a talent for building music tunes in their head but not for painting, and they "just naturally" gravitate towards music, and consider it their dream, instead of going into painting to be creative.
Long story short, people who think a lot tend to do stuff they're not exactly cut out for, because they're cerebral and can short circuit the brain's natural tendency to push you towards your best skills.
I want to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. Screw being the "bigger person" here. You deserve to hurt. To worry. To doubt. To question. To cry. To scream. The fucked up thing is...nothing fucking bothers you.
>>16855807 Live your life! Don't be afraid! Be together and see what happens over two years. Situations change. You don't like your job, maybe you'll realise you don't like the next job either and get a different idea. Maybe he'll be willing to follow wherever you go. Don't miss out living your life from the fear that it won't all be perfect. It won't all be perfect, but even 60% good is a great result. (if you're happy 60% of the time, you're doing better than most people.)
When I was in a relationship, I wanted sex all the time at first... then it gradually stopped to a trickle, confusing and hurting my partner greatly; he believed I was cheating on him because of it. What I couldn't understand - nor make him understand either is that I believe it was my Mirena mixing with my psych drugs that made me uninterested in sex. Maybe I was going through a spout of depression because how we fought constantly? Maybe it was because I felt trapped more than I did loved? I don't know.
As much as I still love my ex, I'm glad to be single. I still don't want sex, but it gives me time to figure out how to tame my issue - whatever it may be.
I moved three months ago and I had to find new friends. If I hadn't I would have been completely alone. But why did I have to find such a shitty friend?? We are complete opposites! I am a theistic satanist and she is part of a christian sect ! Now I have to pretend I'm a 'good Christian' everyday :( And her sect is really weird! Women have to wear skirts and aren't allowed to cut their hair, paint their fingernails, etc. Even JoS is normal in comparison to them! When I visited her and ate with her family I HAD to pray :( Why can't I have friends who are at least atheists ?
>>16858403 >>16858425 Yeah someone like that lacks introspection. Even if they do feel hurt they will never admit to themselves that it was their own fault. In a way they are almost better because of it, this is a sickening world.
Go show him your dick some more. Don't go complaining again how you don't have any friends. You have the ex you live with, and now a gay guy who has been looking to be with you even when we were together.
Whenever you feel you need more money, sell the account I gave you instead of this time just giving it away to someone and taking it back later.
Last friday i went to the er to see a psychiatrist due to ongoing depression, anxiety attacks,etc. I haven't told anyone because my mom always reacts badly to this kind of thing and she will probably call me over dramatic, we're that disfunctional. But now that a few days have passed, I realise how fucked it was that I had to walk myself to the er (while it was raining too) due to how desperate I was feeling, and I have to go through all this shit alone because I have absolutely no one I can talk to besides a payed professional. Well at least I'm medicated now so things are easier to manage
On the other hand medication makes me so faded I can't concentrate and engage in the few activities I used to enjoy, so I don't anymore, which leaves me more depressed. I think what I ultimately really want is someone who seems to care about me and give me attention, which aparently I never had growing up, but that's not something I can acquire that easily otherwise I wouldn't be in this shit hole to begin with.
Fuck everything you've put me through in the last month. I recognized all of my mistakes. I said sorry enough times for the both of us. Fuck your "give me space" when we haven't seen each other in two months.
I'm glad last night was shitty enough to give me a reason to resent you. Maybe that's what I wanted and needed for me to give you all the space in the world. Maybe I wish you the best. Probably not. I didn't think I would ever be at the point where I couldn't care less if I saw you again.
Tell enough lies about me to your friends back home to make you believe that I was the one in the wrong. Turn me into the shitty ex that your next boyfriend asks about. I can only hope you slip up and give him too much info and make him question why you acted the way you did. Maybe you'll tell him you never loved me and think of a lie good enough to get pity, like saying I was the one who left you.
Everyone was right when they said I should have stopped giving you the time of day after that night at your school.
I love you. God, I love you so much. You make me hope that there is a God, and an eternal afterlife, so that we can just spend every day laying in the grass, soaking up the sun. An eternity, with you, would be too short. I want to become Gods with you, live trillions upon quadrillions of lifetimes, so that I may find and fall in love with you again, and again, and again, over, and over, until the very fabric of existence falls to shreds at our feet while we shed our temporary shells to become eternal, intertwined, enmeshed together as one enlightened being. I want to build the universe with you, one quark at a time, and rediscover love for the rest of this convoluted, strange, wacky existence. We talked about eloping again this morning. Nothing would make me happier than to be your wife. I'm ready.
When did it all go wrong. I used to have it all, almost any girl I wanted, people loved being around me. Now all I do is jerk it, watch anime, and play video games. Complacency is hurting my career and I don't find anything entertaining anymore.
I've met a guy online who makes me excited anytime he talks to me. I don't find guys sexually attractive, but I'm lying if I don't think it's a crush. Is it worth trying and seeing how it works out? Is it worth the "gay" label hanging around?
>>16855334 >>16858765 Just going to merge these. Enjoy the new boyfriend you have, since you two have more in common than we ever could. At least here you'll have indecent picture sharing in common.
With me, you wanted affection but it didn't matter where it came from. With him, maybe you'll actually want him, not just the affection, and be unable to seek a replacement. Maybe you'll trust him, or maybe you'll trust the other guy still. Midnight struck an hour ago here, so it is now Monday, one day from a new month. Goodbye, March will be the start of the rest of the year where we never exchange a single word.
Enjoy your new relationship. An anon in this thread said that love overcomes all. I guess for you you'll have found that. I said it in an /adv/ thread back in December, but my role as the stepping stone you can easily replace ended. But hey, even if your new boyfriend doesn't work out, there will be so many interested in you.
Yeah, you're a slut, not an attention whore. But even sluts can find love and you've probably found it. And hey, any other time you'll just throw out videos and pictures for gay guys on /v/ again. You enjoy that relationship, I don't want one after the experiences of these months
>>16858965 OP here. I wish I had the ability to turn off caring like that. Like...I get it. You're sorry, but apologies only go so damn far. At some point, I think feeling the pain I feel will really hammer it home. But of course...there's nothing to do.
>tell brother to close gate a million fucking times >leaves it wide open and now my dog is missing >mom rear-ends my car >nobody assists me in searching for my dog >sister blows up my phone with bitchy texts while I'm trying to spend time with gf >gf is acting distant and I think it'll be over soon >come home to find out my mom 'cleaned' my room >tossed out receipts for two items I intended to return >tossed out some of my art supplies and sprayed shit in my room and it smells awful >find change from my coffee jar missing >sit on porch step just holding my head >dad walks out >Dad: "Buck up. Ain't nothin to be that goddamn depressed about." >dog still missing
I want to think that there is a legit reason as to why you haven't replied... Like, you have weekend company, or you've been busy. I'm sure you've caught on that I find you absolutely gorgeous and someone I'd love to date- but my negative mindset wants to laugh and say, "he just deleted the text, he doesn't give a rats ass about you!"
I used to think things like that about my ex all the time, pretty much every time I looked at him. I have a heap of letters to him, just like this one, lying around and in my phone. But I'll never let him see them.
You should send this to your man tbqh. I hope you two get your happily ever after.
>>16859471 My ex admitted to doing this to me on multiple occasions, essentially the entirety of our 2 year relationship.
He also admitted to intentionally manipulating me and pushing me to the point of suicide 'to see if I'd actually do it', among other reasons, and among many, many other manipulation and emotionally abusive tactics.
He pushed me to that point more times than I can count, and is still doing so.
You were shit parents and no amount of offering me money and sending guilt trippy messages to my partner on facebook is going to make me change my mind. I wish i could say it to your faces but im a fucking coward and scared you'll stir shit up with my siblings
>>16859941 I know what you're up to. You want to imagine this person's desires are atypical. You think they are terrible for having normal, natural desires 90% of the populations has, unless someone got their ass molested as a kid.
They think you've got the same feelings and desires, and they think you're interested in it, too, and they wouldn't want to do it if you honestly were against it.
You'll do it anyway and then harbor resentment towards them because, even though you enjoyed it, you don't want agency for actions. Instead all the responsibility will be laid at their feet, while you bemoan your victimhood because you can't say no.
You're getting everything you want, and the only person manipulating is yourself @ yourself. You will believe in you have no responsibility for actions, and that they're a terrible person, even though you enjoyed it and let it happen, because you think letting something happen gets you off the responsibility hook.
Newsflash for you: Letting someone fall to their death without helping them is partially your fault when you have a choice that can save them. Regular daily interactions are no different. It takes two people to do something together.
My girlfriend cheated on me and we have moved past it after a long while. I am now crippled with guilt because I happened to run into the guy she cheated on me with while on my way home from work (I was working back shift) 2 weeks ago on a Saturday night. He was very drunk and had his tongue down the throat of a girl who's boyfriend I know. I followed him for a while and jumped him when he was alone. He's in the hospital in traction and I feel like I should come clean to my girlfriend about what I done but I feel like it'll either break us up or irreparably change the way she sees me.
So I always see people whining about being lonely or >tfwnogf, but I've got pretty much the opposite problem.
See, I have no interest in and feel no particular need to make friends and be with other people. Most of the time that's great. I don't even know what loneliness feels like, to be honest. It's just not something I experience.
HOWEVER, being such a hermit is really going to hold me back. I have to find some way to at least pretend to want to be around people, and I have to find some way to motivate myself to build networks and such.
>>16860184 because >you don't hit a woman. >women have no moral agency (thanks a fucking lot, you ancient greek/roman fucks who decided not to saddle women with human responsibilities)
In short, sexism. The self defense mechanism is called Displacement.
You attack the boyfriend because women are sweet, innocent things. Women must have been manipulated or duped. They have no responsibility for their actions. Attacking a woman is seen as an incredible social sin. Its next to murdering infants. You attack a woman, and you cut yourself off frm future women, and you als olose friends and family. You attack a guy over a woman, and its normal.
Rephrased as the joker: You attack some guy for having sex with your girlfriend and nobody panics, its all part of the plan. you attack your girlfriend, and everyone loses their minds.
>>16860220 Anyone. Women have their own issues to deal with. Unlike men, whose extent of effort lies in fedora wearing and blogging on MRA sites, women have actually done something about their issues. You can tell by the shrill cries of manchild crybabies whenever they have to stop playing video games and pay attention to reality.
If a woman hits you, you call the fucking cops, regardless of your dumb shit attitude, anyone assaulting anyone is illegal and wrong. And she'll have trouble getting future jobs because she has a criminal record stating that she's a crazy bitch.
Fucking done and done, guess what, you lazy ineffectual shit stain? YOU JUST DONE SOMETHING ABOUT UR PROBLEM!
I don't really think I like sex act all that much, but I keep having it in order to appease the other person who makes it starkly clear that they'd like to do stuff with me.
It just turns into me staring at the ceiling thinking about a hundred other things that aren't about them, looking around their room and thinking about the books they have or the posters on their wall, or something. I'm not present, or maybe I'm depressed.
>>16859358 >>16859740 >>16860499 We've been having an affair for 2 years. That's why I can't say it. That's why I can't send it. I'm a shitty human being for what I've done, but I'm in love with my best friend.
I don't like your advances. I don't see you in a sexual sense. I enjoy your company and value your opinion, but that is as far as it goes. I know it hurts to see me so much and want me so badly only to get exiled into the platonic part of my life, but that's just it. That is the only part. There is no intimate or romantic part and I will never change that about myself.
I'm sick of being so fucking up and down all the time. My days are consistently boring as ever loving fuck because of my stupid job and it's like my brain tries to make up for that by making me flip between wanting to run through fiends and wanting to fucking kill myself during my precious free time. I actually had a relatively nice day today, where the FUCK did that go?
I'm also sick of fucking sleep. I fucking hate it and I fucking hate that I need it and I hate that I'm so goddamn tired all the time, I just want to fucking DO something. I've tried doing fucking A B and C to get to sleep at a reasonable time but call me fucking bonkers I don't really enjoy "trying to get to sleep" being the only fucking passtime I engage in during the week. So fuck it, I'll stay on 4chan until 3 fucking am if I want to and zombie my way through the work day, a goddamn monkey could do my job.
Braindead all day at work, powering down all hours at home, switched off all night, isn't life fucking riveting.
I just need to fucking keep it together until June without getting so depressed again that I lie in bed for 3 months instead of using that time to finding the fucking door to this place and getting out of this ridiculous fucking joke of a lifestyle and this shit pit of a city.
I'm so tired of you talking to me this way. I'm physically getting sick just cause of this whole fucking situation and you don't give a fuck. I only ask that you talk to me like a normal human being and not some numb teenage boy.
When the fuck does life actually get good? As a kid you have no power, as a teenager you're locked in an every day battle royale with all your brains all fucked up, as an adult you just work until you forget who the fuck you even are, maybe pop out a couple of brats if you're retarded to try and keep things interesting, MAYBE make it to retirement age which is climbing ever higher, then... what? Sit on the porch playing cards all day because you're too old to fucking do anything even if you're lucky enough to remember what you used to enjoy?
>>16855014 they dont find love you dumbfuck they find a broken person to control and abuse for their own sick selves. you rot in loneliness because you cant see the things you need to change about yourself so you blame others
The other day I was driving with my Dad somewhere and he started ranting about my mother. This is normal stuff because he's still extremely bitter about their split a decade ago. But this time he actually got very heated and started bringing up shit from around the time of the split. The big thing he told me is that in the months before he moved out she was having dizzy spells and was concerned about it. One evening she passed out in the driveway. He said he just stepped over her and went inside.
I love my Dad and I understand he has had a very difficult and emotionally tumultuous life (abused as a child, lived a violent quasi-criminal lifestyle, numerous injuries causing chronic pain and one big hit to the head that radically changed his behaviour). I tolerate a lot of his bullshit because of that, but this is too much for me. He says that my mother is a whore who divorced him because she wanted to go out partying with her friends. He doesn't realize that she wanted to leave him for a decade before she worked up the nerve and that it's his ranting and blaming and callousness that caused it. He blames her for stealing her kids from him, when his kids all hated living with him. And now hearing that he treated her with so much disrespect, to leave her lying unconscious in the driveway at night in the middle of winter, I don't know if I can come back from that.
How can I ever respect or even like my father if I know he did that?
Oh god oh god I realized that wow. I feel okay! But then I started thinking about him and all the stupid little cues I've missed and I broke down again.
He liked me so fucking much, and I couldn't muster up enough courage to hand him my number personally. I can only hope he still likes me, because otherwise I don't know how I'm going to ever get over this. I can't avoid him. Not forever, anyway.
Oh god please let him still like me. I miss the milkshake days when he could make it obvious.
I know you had a shit day today, which is why I didn't tell you how I fucking feel about you. But I'm going to tell you - even though you've drowned me so far into the friendzone that all I hear all day is your bitching and moaning about your other friends and/or potential love interests. But I like you - and we had a connection. I'm actually fucking happy to be your friend - but you've gotta stop talking to me about your fucking love interests because it hurts god damnit. It fucking hurts.
I'm going to tell you, I low-key like you, but it's cool. Because you make me want to be a better person - and I feel like that's worth something. Even after my feelings subside.
So you've finally realized what an asshole he is. Well it's too late now. I wouldn't touch your disloyal, cheating ass with a 10 foot pole. Take your "I'm sorry. I made a big mistake" texts and shove 'em up your ass.
>>16860919 >they dont find love you dumbfuck they find a broken person to control and abuse for their own sick selves. you rot in loneliness because you cant see the things you need to change about yourself so you blame others
You're really fucking dense. No, they don't "love", but the other person does believe they love their abuser. They get more than they deserve, therefore.
>>16861097 >Same 'ol story you've heard a million times, anon. >Been with this girl for 3 years. >Love her like I've never loved anyone before. She's everything to me. >Daydream about our future life together. Growing old together. >8 months ago, she drops a bomb on me. >She's been having an affair with this guy from her job. >I've met him a couple of times and he's an asshole's asshole. > The kind of smug prick you just want to punch in the face. (pic related) >She loves him and wants to be with him. >I throw my self-respect to the winds and literally beg her not to leave. >She leaves anyway. >I sink into a black pit of misery that takes me months to climb out of. >A few weeks ago, I hear from mutual friends, that she caught him cheating and broke it off with him. >After total silence since our breakup, I begin receiving texts from her. >The gist of them is, she realizes she made a mistake and wants to try us again. >I haven't responded and never will. Fuck her.
>>16861096 rofl, the go-to response for anyone who gets BTFO:
"U MAD BRO"
i'm just saying, instead of sitting on 4chan complaining about mean girls slapping you across the face, you could've done something useful and called the cops and pressed charges.
who ISN'T irritated by a useless slob who can't do anything for himself? honestly, you remind me of fat people who complain about being fat, but don't do shit about it. Yeah, you're as bad as those faggots.
>>16860611 Yeah that's what I'm talking about, this is actually my second serious relationship, that being marriage, and with every passing day I'm more and more convinced that monogamy is a total farce.
I mean, at this point I wouldn't give a half-shit if my husband wants to hit up a girlfriend on the weekend IF the underlying monogamous system we've got going on didn't make that girlfriend a potential threat to the integrity of our family unit. I know, I've tried this shit before. Was all happy and even got along with the other woman until she pulled a "i wanna move in, kick her out" type of deal.
I'm fucking dead inside, I've tried everything under the sun to re-ignite that spark with my current SO to no avail, but i'll be damned if I end up like another decaying unwanted divorcee in a long chain lining the pockets of lawyers.
It's all a scam, men are shitty, women are shitty and our culture makes that just fine. The energy and motivation of new love is an old ghost crossing the field.
Day to night, I cannot stop thinking about him so intensely. If only he hadn't led us this far, for so long, ask me to go on all those adventures with him, work and play with him, for him to cool off. We are so close, the long cuddles and kissing, I need to stay away from these games, because my feelings are real, unless I can be sure of him, I should keep a distance, yet he's still there, overtaking my mind, my life. We belong together, how can I know his real feelings? I need him, I'm madly in love with him, I'm worse each time, I let my soul evaporate, yet healing is still to come, and he's the only one
I can't find a job at all. I submit resume after resume, I tweak it, I make a cover letter. I do all these stupid fucking things that never work. I don't know if it's the shittastic economy or if I simply suck at interacting, but it's getting to the point where I don't want to exist anymore. I'd like a really long sleep, or a quick death I'd never see coming.
>>16860751 Life never gets good. There are some good things to trick you into continuing though. Like friends, or games, or sex. Sometimes a combination of 2 or all 3. But it's the same shit again and again.
I think I'm ready to move on from you. I don't think it's worth preserving our relationship as friends rather than lovers. It hurts a bit when I think that you are exactly what I've been searching for since forever.
>>16861355 It wasn't that case at all - there wasnt a 'girlfriend' or anything of the sort. We were best friends and fell in love. Spent a couple of years fighting it, to the point that it was like being a drug addict - I would literally fiend to just touch him. In the end, you can't be bitter at people for his actions - it takes two to tango, and there are plenty of faithful men and women - I've never cheated while _in_ a relationship, just an accessory and enabler to adultery. If you honestly feel this way, you are probably too insecure to be in a relationship, I'm sorry.
I'd fucking love for something to happen to me right now, anything whether it's good or bad.
Nothing ever happens, every day life is just a bland piece of garbage.
I would love right now to fall in love and/or be raped, like just make something happen to me for fuck sake.
Why must every girl that's interested in me be oceans away? Is it because bad luck or just because they know it's never gonna happen and the tragic romance bullshit can be present?
I'm just writing for the sake of writing, I should probably green all of this, probably not, probably doing this wrong, I lurk almost all the time and only really browse 4chan for fapping material or le epic memes xdd anyway.
I want my family to stop putting up with me and being nice, oh my god we all know I'm a cunt stop making me take part in family activities we all know I'm gonna sit there and do fuck all with a shit look on my face.
I want to stop whining and get my life together.
I want a hug. A hug from a stranger and not a family member, families love each other by default it just doesn't feel real, not to me at least.
I can't even be bothered to think of suicide because it's so inconvenient.
>>16862107 i don't know how you got that i was insecure and if i was, it stems from this culture that perpetuates the fairy tale of one true love, which is utter horse shit. i would love to be able to take a day off and spend it with a boyfriend and then come home and spend the rest of the week with my husband, likewise, i wouldn't mind it if he saw a girl once in a while, IF i didn't have to worry about that girl nagging him to divorce me so she can live her miserable monogamy fairy tale with my husband
are you projecting when you say something about being insecure? because none of what i said implies that I'm tearing you down in any way.
maybe i hit a nerve and you want to take this guy all for yourself forever and ever to write sappy love notes to?
She has a humor I find amazing, others find her a bit talkative. Is quite skinny (my type) but her cuteness and humor makes up for that. Loves basketball like me. Loves to talk a lot like me. Annoys her friends most of the time like me.
Can't get her cause of age. Other dudes find her cute as well and they have a higher chance because...well...I'm not in school. I'm not skinny really. She was into me at one point but i overall stopped talking to her because...she's 16 and I could get in trouble. Got high one night, ruined our friendship because I told her how I felt.
Months later her and I are "ok". Now subconsciously crush on her when I try hard not to. Try to avoid her because I want nothing more than just an acquaintance. Fear of never seeing her again but I really really like her when I don't want to. Trying to drop her and just forget about her but whenever we meet publicly (not on purpose) she makes me feel so into her and I cannot help but play along with her friendly intentions. Just like everyone who is into a certain girl, "she is not like every other girl I have met/dated".
So tommorow I'm going to wear a shirt I have that I believe is relavent to you and I. I hope you take it as a sign because I don't know what else to do besides just randomly tell you I am interested in you... Help me out here.
>>16862373 i don't know how you got that i was insecure > perpetuates the fairy tale of one true love, which is utter horse shit >IF i didn't have to worry about that girl nagging him to divorce me >so she can live her miserable monogamy fairy tale with my husband > none of what i said implies that I'm tearing you down in any way >maybe i hit a nerve >lol
"I won't be looking for anyone" is what I told you earlier this month in our very last conversation. I meant that. Focus on your new boyfriend, I'm not looking for anyone and I'm completely done with the rat race. There is no going back and I could never trust you after everything that came from us breaking up. I never go back on my word; I'm going alone from here on.
You're an ugly, trashy, pathetic fat bitch that will do nothing with her life and only be a burden to those around her.
I'm suddenly the bad guy now for trying to get you to get a job and get healthier. You have BILLS that need to be paid (not by mommy or daddy: YOU) and your weight is getting so out of control that your doctor told you weight loss/diet change needs to happen ASAP.
>talk to parents about jobs for you >bring home applications I've picked up >know managers at places that means you'll have a better chance >blow them all off and continue to lay on the couch and get fat >actually walk your fat ass out of an interview when "HE WAS SO RUUUDE" (I know he wasn't. you just acted like an entitled bitch) >ask if you want to go walking in the park multiple times past week >decline and sit around on the couch eating >I gripe to parents that you're doing nothing but being a layabout and tell them to get you in line >"ANON YOU'RE BEING TOO HARD ON HER SHE'S GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME SHE'S REALLY TRYING"
You've been going through a 'rough time' for two years now. I'm done. And yes, keep bitching at me for ignoring your texts. You're in the same house as me and can walk to ask me questions. Get off of your FAT FUCKING ASS.
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