TL;DR: Is it unfair to make boyfriend sleep on couch for picking a fight when I'm paying most of the rent/bills and I paid for the bed (and most of the furniture) in the house?
Back Story: My boyfriend is a felon. When he was 18 he wrote a bad check that bounced for enough the recipient could press charges, so they did. He had a shitty lawyer, unhelpful parents, and spent a little time in prison.
We've been living together about 10 months. He's had a bad run of luck. Had a shitty job I'd been trying to get him to quit because it's AWFUL. Turns out it's hard for felons to get decent jobs. He got fired for attitude when he complained about retaliatory behavior of one of his supes. No biggie, I said. I was already paying most of the rent and bills, I didn't mind footing them all until he got back on his feet.
Now for today: I am home sick with the Crud. I'm asthmatic so everything goes straight to my lungs. He goes to a party, gets drunk, his car gets towed b/c he parked in an employee parking spot. He gets a ride home, and then picks a fight with me because at the party one of my friends was talking about the drunk parties we used to have as teenagers, and it's SO UNFAIR that he went to prison for what he did wrong but I didn't...
So I get mad. Of course I get mad. That was 15 years ago and why would he pick a fight about that? I kick him out, lock the door, and he FLIPS HIS SHIT. He says "we're through" and because I locked the door "I broke up with HIM". Later he turns to anger and says... a lot of very nasty and hurtful things through the door.
So my question is: Is it unreasonable that I kicked him out? Is it unreasonable to ask someone to sleep in another room when they've intentionally upset you? He was drunk so there was no way we were going to have a rational argument about whatever was REALLY eating him up. I just want to know if my actions were unreasonable and unfair.
Sounds like you think yourboyfriend is a loser, in the entire story you just told you didn't mention any bad aspects about yourself in the relationship, you just listed tons of shit he did. If you have no fault in it and he really did all this stuff then fuck him, he sounds like a shithead.
Your first mistake, which is really typical of women in modern western society, is that you picked a shitty mate. Women are generally pretty dumb, and they're very good at choosing bad mates. Why do you think in most societies throughout history they've strongly restricted your ability to freely fuck whoever you want? Who you choose to mate with has very real outcomes for society, and is largely why modern society is as bad as it is right now.
I'll be honest with you, I can't think of anything I've done wrong in this whole situation. I don't pressure him about rent or bills when he doesn't get me the money. I'm a slob, but he knew that before he ever moved in with me and that wasn't what he started the fight about nor has ever been a subject of argument. I tend to pride myself on being very reasonable. "That's fair" is a phrase I use a lot in arguments. I've tried very hard to be understanding and supportive when he's going through shit.
But unfortunately that doesn't answer my question; is it unreasonable to ask someone to sleep in another room when they're drunk and fighting with you?
Yes. If I've been unfair anywhere and owe him any kind of apology, I will do that. Fights don't end on their own. They end on reconciliation. Generally that means both parties gives somewhere. But I don't know where in this fiasco I have done any wrong. That was the only thing I could think of. I decided to ask an impartial 3rd party.
You sound like a huge pussy so I'll spell it out for you. You are not being unreasonable, from what you said your boyfriend is a tool and an immature brat and if you don't grow some balls and stand up for yourself and your life you will die with a litany of regrets.
You should have broke it off with him much earlier. You should have broke it off when he pulled that shit that got him on the couch. You're being overly nice by giving him the option of being kicked to the couch. I'm betting you already know all of this though.
It is when people have your respect. Life isn't just about being confident, I am a forward person in real life as well but with an accumulation of many other great aspects I command respect from all members in my circles. You need to value yourself before you can fix anything.