>Codeine & Prometh
>rum & cognac
I can't seem to feel anything without a system full of vices. Not trying to quit, just find a way to find the same joy and ambition without them.
I'm never happy, never tired, never hungry or thirsty, never depressed, sad, or upset, never want to do anything, or want to buy anything. I don't worry about shit.. except for the fact that this is an ongoing numbness that makes me feel detached from the people around me, like I'm just simply existent. I wanna be fun and interactive. help me /adv/?
I have friends, but I feel like the majority only hang out with me because I'm a solid connection for most things they want, or because they're friends with my only true friend. I quit my job because I lost the motivation to deal with the bullshit, and made more in a day doing nothing but hanging with friends than I made there in 2 weeks.
Only reason I have sex is because my gf is a nymphomaniac, so my sex life is healthy (about 6 times a day unless she has to work)
I like to think I'm not addicted because I never feel the urge to do any of these drugs. I regularly go weeks at a time being completely sober, despite the sheer amount of connections I have on hand. but everything bores me (besides sex) and it's just making me feel like a scumbag of a person. like the shittiest tier of human society has to offer.
If it didnt make me feel like such a waste of oxygen, I wouldn't mind it so much. It's just that for the longest time, the way I figured it, you have your /g/'s, your /a/'s, your /cgl/'s, your /k/'s, your /out/'s, your /r9k/'s... everyone has their interests that they dump all of their time and effort and money in... and mine just happens to be frowned upon. But I really do enjoy them. I find weed beautiful, shrooms fascinating, addy miraculous, lean theraputic, and tobbaco and liquor classic. in my head there's nothing incriminating about any of it.
Is there something in the background that's wrong with me that I'm just not seeing? if so I don't know what to do about it and nobody in my life has the ability to point me in the right direction.
You could be going through a detachment from reality (desocilazation I think? I don't know the correct word).
On the other hand, you could also just be dependent on these drugs.
Doing drugs releases dopamine, that's why depressed people or people who are dependent on drugs find it hard to quit. Anybody who is dependent on something usually does so because their brain reward system (serotonin and dopamine) are released as a result of doing that specific thing.
Fulfilling goals, feeling empathetic towards others, and taking care of responsibilities also releases dopamine, but it takes some work and is not as something as easily accessible as drugs.
Try going a week sober
See if u can get a handle on just enjoying life for its beauty without needing to be in an altered state.
Drugs help you see the beauty in the world but it's always there, dont think you need substances to be happy or have a good time, they help but depending on them sucks and really cuts you off from a lot of potential good times.
Take a hike? Go to the park? Read a book?
Invest yourself in a project or one of your hobbies
could you elaborate on what to do about this if this is the case? unless anon under you is you.
On a regular basis I go 3 weeks to a month sober, and this has been ongoing since last summer.
that's the problem I'm having is that in this months time, nothing is interesting, I have no ambition, I'll do everything I typically enjoy doing and practically die of boredom. now I just go on /adv/ and read other peoples problems, helping when I feel I can.
>invest yourself in a project or one of your hobbies
pic related. spend $300 on longboard parts because my friend tought me how to ride and it was generally fun. putting it together was great, had about 4 good sessions with it.. it no longer interests me.
pic also related. $400 on a ps4 and destiny cause I heard it's could take 10 years to do everything in, so it seemed like a good investment. great game. I don't enjoy it though (200 hours so far) I just play to play
I also have read a lot on mycology because shrooms and shit... doesn't interest me though.
would socialize more, but all my friends do is go to parties and drink/do drugs.. so I decline cause i could do that shit at home, with 100% less drama or people to irritate me.
I really do want help with this though. I've tried quitting all together but it hasnt changed anything
read some 200-400 page novels for the sake of completion and don't play games that don't end.
your happiness is a matter of biology, not philosophy, so you have to retrain your brain's reward system like anon said
Go to /lit/. They're assholes but as long as you lurk, you will find books that stand out.
Actually, Infinite Jest fits your situation well. It talks about anhedonia (look it up) and its connection to drugs, as well as covering a bunch of other subjects. Its also 1000+ pages so it will keep you busy. Good luck anon.
Will take be acquiring both of these tomorrow. guess I'll head over to /lit/ and see what's up there.
Good luck bro, I mean idk what you partake in, but you should be straight. not partaking isnt the hard part, it's being satisfied with life in the mean time.
Would you suggest then, giving it usual dosages? or would that make me a junkie? have considered tossing out all my paraphernalia, but have bonded with some of it the way people bond with their cars. pic related
This is a huge possibility. 4 of my good friends (people I considered brothers) were killed in NC two Novembers ago. My relationship has since then been rocky cause I suck at communication. I've been prescribed 60mg celexa/citalopram (started at 20, then 40, now here) and simply stopped taking it because it didnt do anything for me except make me more emotionally open. Also the issue of this thread has been bugging me, cause I feel like I'm just a burden on society and should be more proactive.
but when I try to be proactive, I share my wealth and resources with people for damn near no cost at all (4 16oz bottles of lean for $1k, half pound of weed for $1k, etc.) and usually just piss away the money because I don't really need it. I'll go and buy a qp and a few bottles smoke at a friends house and just leave the next morning and tell him he can keep whats left. He's often told me I'm completely retarded for doing things like this, and he's probably right, but it used to make me feel good. But like all things, it's lost its feeling.
btw, sorry for tripfagging up there. try not to do that too often when seeking personal advice.
Also I'm not rich. bank account stays at a solid -$30 to +$30, depending on whether or not bills cause me to overdraft. It's hard to explain 70% of the money in my life isn't really ever mine. It's accounted for long before it reaches my hands. I still bounce back and forth between my grandmothers house and 3 other houses and apartments in a 30 mile radius. Don't have a license or a car. could've had 30 by now but just havent gotten to it, because life hasn't forced me to yet (complete lack of ambition.)
all of this has caused a shit tier scumbag complex. but It doesnt sadden me, I just feel 100% emotionally vacant.
do you have a goal anon?
Fuck no. that shit is legitimately revolting. Would not even let her touch a single blunt of mine, or the tomahawk, or the glass bowl, and only reason she hit the bong is cause there's 4 tubes.
I'm a shallow person, and won't stick my dick in anything thats below a 6. and even then, I dont fuck any 6+'s if I know anyone they've fucked, if they try to fuck within 3 days of knowing them, or if they cant put their phone down for longer than 10 minutes. other definite Nope's are body odor, bumps on the lip, bad breath, shitfaced, strung out, signs of self harm, and visibly weighing within 30lb of me (180+) I don't like sloppy.
Needless to say, I've only fucked 6 girls in my life, and that bitch aint one of em. plus she stole my lighter.
also realizing that I cant be sexually interested in anyone who I don't view to be smarter than me. so if she says some dumb shit in the first week of talking, or has no knowledge behind what comes out of her mouth, she's instant friend material at best.
>do you have a goal anon?
i mean i want to do things but i cant seem to do them, i know i have talent in my career
i think its just depression/stress. weed takes it away but it doesnt make me happy, it just numbs the feelings
i dont care about anything, they call it depression i just live my life and drink alcohol. alcohol saved my life. i wouldve killed myself if it wasn't for the effects of booze. its the only thing i live and work for. sure i know common sense to have a house and a job and all that but seriously what is life about? i dont feel depressed but people say i am. is it because i drink lots? or the fact that i live my own life and i dont want to change?
I get you. what are some of the things you want to do? have you tried turning your nose up to weed for a month or so? Bullet journals helped me straighten out my stress levels and actually accomplish some shit. funded a full blown trip to mexico, CA, TX, and NC in the time span of two months (trip was 2 weeks long). profit was $130k split 5 ways.. after paying off debts and buying people "I appreciate you" gifts, bought myself a pound of weed, 3 boxes of backwoods, some liquor and a knife. Effectively broke and not giving a fuck.
my point is that bullet journals are a great way to maximize efficiency and keep track of shit you need to do. you'll feel like a teenage bitch doing them though, but they're helpful.
I guess I am. Only thing I would change is that I had the $$$ to drink 24/7. I drink daily but when I'm out of funds it sucks ass man. I can't quit cold turkey or i can die. Thank god for valium.
im in the creative field and need to uofate my portfolio constantly, eventually id like to launch a magazine cause all the printed matter in my country la very weak, id like to change that
thats solid advice btw, ill look into bullet journals