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Post No. 16852504
How do you stop hating yourself for being attracted to men?
I'm 25, always considered myself bisexual, but I have since a teen felt a very strong attraction to men. It's hard for me to say whether I'm more attracted to men or women, my preferences fluctuate with time. I've had sex with women in the past, but at the same time avoided sex with men because even though I've chatted with hundreds of guys online, had near gay sex experiences in real life and been masturbating to gay fantasies/porn since a teen, I still feel deeply ashamed of my attraction to men. I know my parents and family make fun of homos and would make fun of me for being attracted to men.
I'm not even attracted to the girly boys, generally feminine men disgust me regardless of their orientation. It's the highly masculine, older, rugged, physically fit kind of men I am attracted to. Big buff guys with crew cuts, deep voices, long muscular legs and large feet drive me crazy, I admit sometimes I've even gotten flustered around men like that. I have a rather long list of Hollywood actors I've had sexual fantasies about, a few pro athletes too. There's something about highly masculine men that make me very sexually aroused. Some of the guys I've chatted to online were fit, tall handsome men in my area I felt extremely attracted to (some even sent me pictures of their large cocks, which I admit drove me crazy as well since I'm a hung man myself and always wanted to rub cocks with another fit, hung man), but chickened out of seeing due to my fear of gay dating/sex. Still, I felt thrilled that men like that even found me interesting. Sometimes I imagine if my life would be happier if I was dating some handsome guy.
I have only kissed men a few times but I did enjoy it with the handsome ones. I am not a full on gay, I feel like if I dated a man and wanted to date a woman later people would think I'm weird or girls would wonder why I didn't feel like talking about my ex (of the opposite sex).