Alright /adv/ I need some help, I'm gonna be filing for divorce, I have two biological children and a stepdaughter. The wife is currently not working yet. If I file before she works and I'm the one paying rent alone can I tell her to leave? And two, do I get to keep the kids if she doesn't have a place safe to take them? This is really scary for me and I'd like to do it the right way.
depends. you're treating this like its going to be a simple process, and its not. if she doesnt agree to whatever terms you are laying out (such as her being kicked out of her fucking home) then its going to result in a very long and lengthy court battle.
while the divorce stories arent as bad as they seem to be in comedies and other fiction, they do tend to favor the woman. shes not working, which implies that you take care of her. therefore when she gets divorced you have to keep paying for the life style she is accustomed to.
as for the kids, it quickly becomes a 'they need their mohter, i can take them to live wiht me at their grandparents house, where they'll have three guardians (her, and her parents) whereas anon works all day so cant be there for them!'
and t hey tend to favor that.
Well the thing is, she doesn't really have a place to go... Kinda, her mom just got out of jail for drug related charges and right now is at a Midway home. Her stepfather lives in Florida, we live in Virginia. There's really no good life that she's living. I make enough to pay rent, car, insurances and phone bill. We don't live in an apartment or home, I'm renting a basement because that's what we could afford when she stopped working because of her pregnancy. So not really a flashy life to be honest.
doesnt matter if the life is 'flashy' or not, its still 'the life she is accustomed to' and you are responsible for providing that for her, even if you seek divorce. no judge is gonna be like 'lol well its not fancy so you're off the hook mate, fuck her right?'
you are the one divorcing her. and unless you have good reason (like infidelity) it isnt going to be a walk in the park.
all this being said, talk to a lawyer. you will ahve to talk to one to divorce her regardless, so do it.
Attorney here, I don't do divorce, but at least in my state
The court does take these things into account, yes, but most courts are EXTREMELY loathe to strip a parent of custody absent some sort of abuse/drug use/etc. Basically how it works in my state is you have to agree to a custody plan with the other parent, if you can't the court steps in and tries to do it equitably.
Also the "accustomed lifestyle" thing is bullshit in most divorces. Yes, the courts will account for the sacrifice one spouse has made to quit their career to start a family, but maintaining a woman at their accustomed lifestyle is something applicable only to the very wealthy. In most divorces, splitting a household simply makes that impossible and it's not the standard.
Basically, go see an attorney about it.
the problem with equal custody is that the kids suffer. equal custody isnt ideal for kids. what are they going to do, have two seperate bedrooms at two different houses and go to two different schools? are they going to be forced to stay at moms monday through wednesday, then dads thursday through sunday? then alternate the next week? are you gonna force them to miss hanging out with their friends cuz ur forcing them to be with one particular parent the whole weekend?
>infidelity matters in divorce
yeah like forty years ago. That's not the case now.
That's likely what you're going to get while the kids are too young for school. The real issue is not cutting up the school year - usually one parent gets the school year, one gets the summer/breaks. If you're close enough you can do weekends, too. Perfectly equal is hard to do, but there's reasonably equal. Really the courts aren't that unfair or unreasonable. It's the PEOPLE that are unreasonable.
But don't get your fucking advice from 4chan, go talk to a lawyer (from your state, idfk anything about VA)
OP, you should find a lawyer and stop looking for validation/legal advice on 4chan. You probably won't get any advice better than you already have gotten.
I mean, sure, your wife sounds pretty shitty. At the same time, it sounds like there were a shit ton of red flags that you chose to ignore. You kind of made your bed, so I really don't feel bad for you.
On the other hand, I feel for your kids. Consider what this anon >>16852449 has to say. They will be growing up in a divided home at best. At worst, your wife will move to Florida with her stepfather, and you'll have a hell of a time ever seeing your kids or making sure they're actually provided for.
Generally, I don't approve of staying in a relationship "for the kids." But based on the choices you made, I'm inclined to say you deserve it.
Again, you should seek actual legal counsel. Divorces with kids involved are never clean breaks.