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Need a bit of input here
Doing outpatient mental health program, its mandatory. Severe anxiety, had an inpatient stay, now outpatient daily for eight hours a day. Wellbutrin XL 300mg in the morning.
I've been doing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, some other workshops while there, and noticed my stuck thinking. I was always trying to achieve because I could never manage my anxiety well enough to succeed or make friends or just live.
I took a lot of things personally over the years, some rightfully so, some not so. I'm 19, 25K in debt because dropped Uni twice (they thought I was bipolar, two years of in and out of psych wards), currently in this program, and not sure what to do with my life. When I look back at my prosthesis "research" if you can even call it that, what was I doing it for? Money? Attention? Fame? For the image? I feel...
So lonely.
So what now?
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>>16852210
And I noticed how I embarrassingly spilled my guts to a few people over the years due to a lack of social skills and lack of support structure. I was lucky to have a roof over my head and food, but never had the other stuff as I grew, not to say my parents didn't try what they thought was best. I was meant to go to Uni and be successful, not be a nut case. So here I am.
What the fuck do I do with my life? I'm worried the therapy and meds wont work in the end, that I'll isolate myself again (its MUCH easier for me this way) but a part of me wants to go on, fight this, because it seems theres hope for a fulfilling life. That I won't have to use my research as a means of self validation and meaning, and that I could have close friends and other enjoyable dreams. Guess I'm scared? Don't know anymore.
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