Is it really that fucking hard to take care of an 8 year old, 3 year old, and 1 month old? Wife does not do anything about the house and its messy as fuck when I come home, and 3year old awake until 3-4am for me to put him to sleep because she's too occupied with the baby... I've stayed with them at nights and I never had a problem, and I keep the fucking house clean... Is it true when they say kids are different with the mom and dad? I just think she has no discipline... What do /adv/?
I understand all that, plus postpartum depression.... But is it really fair for me to come home at 3-4am to put a 3 year old to bed, clean up the whole fucking kitchen. Pick up trash... Am I asking to much here?
I never had that problem, if I know they can get into shit I move that out of their reach. Exm. Snacks, she leaves them where they are, the 3year old gets into it and is all over the floor... And doesn't bother cleaning it up... Well guess what? There's a mouse in the house now and I've been trying to catch it...
It is true that men just have to be stern at most for children to obey (assuming there's not lacking trust in the relationship). You find its plain obvious in child abuse statistics.
I can't tell if she's trying to do her part or not, impossible to tell really. My mom dealt with 5 kids in rapid succession. So you can be dealing with 3. My mom is pretty amazing though.
Not at the moment, she will be going back to work mid March. Another example... Two days ago I made dinner before going to work, I eat before work so I don't waste money on food(I have a slow metabolism so food lasts for a while) she didn't bother doing dishes or pots and pans... Shit still there and I'm not touching.
Kids do act differently towards each parent. There's often a 'good parent' and a 'bad parent' and kids just tend to behave better with the 'good parent' because they're often more lenient with them and thus don't cause reactions. Your wife is probably super tired like >>16850181 suggests, which means she'll snap at them, and they'll retaliate causing her to feel even more shit. You say you've been with them at nights, but they're asleep then. Try spending the day with the three year old alone and you'll get sick of all the babbling and annoying questions, and trying to keep them entertained while out of trouble at the same time. Then consider how much work it is looking after the baby who's only one freaking month old, and the 8 year old who's probably feeling neglected and jealous on top of all of that. And then on top of THAT, you're expecting her to keep the house clean and tidy and serve you dinner and whatnot.
I feel like you're not being as understanding and dismissing your wife's feelings because 'how hard could it be?'. Parenting is a partnership, and if you're not supporting your wife, your relationship is going to suffer.
Well here's the thing, I work third shift, 6pm to 3am... I stayed with the 3year old all day, I had a set schedule, wake up at 8am, feed breakfast, go to gym with him(they have daycare/so he gets to socialise with other kids) come home around 10am, bathe him, play with him, then lunch. After lunch two hour nap so I can get some sleep as well and not be tired at work. I had it down good... Now that schedule is practically gone... And at night when I've been with them the two oldest one behave, in bed by 9pm on weekdays, 10 PM weekends. And kept place spotless...
It really depends on the kids. The 8 year old should be pretty self sufficient, but I have a three year old and a baby and it's really hard. I am lucky because my 3yo is on a solid sleep schedule, but I find it hard to get shit done because my baby absolutely is happy as a clam until I set her down to do dishes. My oldest was easy, but this one... Goddamnijt.
Then again, I don't know what it's like to have an older one. Try spending two solid days alone with the three of them, but I know my oldest is SO different for me than for my husband. For instance
> kid comes up to me
> I WANT SOME JUICE!!!
> so I say "woah, you had better start again and ask me nicely. "
> 3yo walks into the next room and says to her dad "may I have some juice please."
I mean what the fuck? What the absolute fuck? I am the one who has been drilling please and thank you into her vocabulary since she was 6 months old. I am the one who taught her to sign please and thank you, and remind her with sign language when we are out and about to be polite, yet she treats me like a servant. Fucking kids. Literally every word of my mouth is a challenge, but every person I have ever left her with has said that she is an angel.
Okay, so you survived looking after one kid. What about looking after three simultaneously? Just one month after pushing one of them through a small hole in your body, and you're still trying to get used to the changes and your body's still recovering? Your nipples are sore from being sucked dry, your twat is still sore and you're still randomly bleeding from it, you feel fat and unattractive, you feel pressure to lose the baby weight, and you've got all sorts of hormones running through your body doing who knows what to your mental state. Oh, and your partner is barely around because he's working, so you have next to no support in looking after all three kids.
Have you tried that?
I actually have, she drove up north to the next state to pick up her mother, 8 hours alone with three kids. Two oldest listen to me, oldest one a little better, 3 year old I have to repeat myself maybe twice and gets it. Baby, fed, and sleeping soundly. I get to take a shit in peace when I'm with them. All I have to say to the oldest is, "I'm using the bathroom let me know of something is needed" they behave for me, and listen to me more than their mother. And again, I get to do shit around the house....
You can say that, already that's what it looks like when I get home. My friend already complained to me that everytime she's come to visit I'm doing more around the house than the wife
Those 8 hours were probably the best 8 hours she's had in at least a month. And no, you haven't experienced that. Don't pretend you have, because you haven't.
Look, she doesn't need you throwing a tantrum like another child right now. She needs you to be understanding and supportive and to help out where possible, even if it means doing more than you normally do. She's tired, and you're going to be tired - that's just the nature of a household with a newborn. These are your kids and this is your house too, you shouldn't be complaining about this.
Why do you have friends coming over for social visits when you've got a wife struggling with three fucking kids, including a newborn? You're making EVERYTHING harder for her. Have you even spent any one on one time with her, alone, since the baby was born?
What the fuck is wrong with you? She has to take care of three children and has ppd. You're lucky she hasn't killed herself or a kid yet.
Use all this energy you have to bitch about her to help her you dumbass.
Like stated before, I work third shift, I get to come home to put a kid in bed and clean... Last week I've been staying awake till noon taking care of the baby and 3 year old. I get she's tired, so I let her rest... But have SOME consideration.
Yet you're still bitching. Get the fuck off the computer and off your ass. Help your wife raise three children and clean the house.
So far you apparently have only been able to take care of them for eight hours. She takes care of them 24/7. Plus she has ppd. Try taking care of three children while being so depressed that you think killing a kid will fix the sadness.
Shut the fuck up and be supportive of your wife.
He perceives her to do nothing. While he does the chores and works all day. How is he a useless complainer? A complainer perhaps, but I even find it justified to question things from the way he describes it.
Everyone here is defending the wife, and I totally get that because raising kids is hard as fuck, but if your 3 year old isn't on a sleep schedule, this is a problem. I imagine that this is either a result of her being shitty, or dads shifty hours, which contributed to my toddler having a 11 pm bed time for a while (figured out when dad left for work, so stayed up to say goodbye) but I think getting the 3year old on a reasonable schedule is step one, because unless he toddler in in bed the baby will never conform. Sleep is fucking important. Sleep deprivation is a classic torture tactic. People don't realize that moms not getting enough sleep is fucking dangerous and awful.
Point exactly, I'd take pictures of the place but it's the Internet. I gotta be up at 745am to get 8 year old ready for school. 3 year old just fell asleep in his bed. And I haven't touch shit in the kitchen... And dirty dishes from two days ago are still there... One I think just waved at me. I'm sure if she has more discipline she can get more shit done. To be honest, taking care of kids isn't that hard at all
I imagine when he does help out, he's doing so in a passive aggressive manner. I just get that vibe from the fact that he's complaining that he's actually got to do shit with his house and family on top of working.
It's not chaos when I'm home because I get shit done and keep it that way, kids listen and actually behave. Pic related, 8 year old not listening
Sounds like you've found a shit woman, OP. Women claim that being a full time Mother is a full time job(i disagree, unless netflix is part of the work load), but why don't they treat it as a job? No discipline, no set schedule, usually no education about the subject, and they have the galleri to complain about the guy working to provide for a whole family.
You sound like a really nice person. I have nothing to judge from but his description, it seems to me you're making the assumption she's doing things well. All I said was really that it's cause for concern.
I know. I've had many siblings and most of the time mom had us take care of ourselves when we were as old as 8, so that's 2 kids to keep track of really. Really at 8 I had made my first webpage. It's crazy to think of but kids grow up stupid fast. Couldn't sustain myself obviously but it's clear I wasn't high maintainence at least.
Yeah it could of course be that. But according to description it's pretty awful. What can we really do? Assume people lie when they describe things on /adv/? Doesn't really help much.
THIS. OP is right. A fucking 3 year old should be on a reasonable sleep schedule. Babies do what the fuck they want, especially before 4 months old, but if you have a 3 year old that is staying up until 3-4am, you have a PARENTING problem.
This is why I refuse to have kids. Men just don't get it. I see what my friends and aunties go through and I would never want to go through that shit and on top of it, have a cunt of a husband on my ass about bullshit too.
>men just don't get it
The man has been at home taking care of the kids for a while (doesn't say how long, but long enough for her to get back after a pregnancy) when she worked.
What is it we don't get? I really don't see reasonable explanations in this thread except for hormones and being insecure about your weight. Is that it?
You just have to do better than those bitches. I found an amazing husband who is a spectacular dad who is happy with what I provide. I keep the kids alive, and fed and cleaned, I keep HIM fed (which seems to be a big part of it), and I put out. I have always worked at least par time, and I think he didn't respect that until a long time ago when I lost my job and my puddly check that he made fun of suddenly made a big difference, but since that time like 10 years ago he has never given me any shit.
I feel like I have to refuse to believe I won the lottery. My man is amazing, but is he so singular? His father was a drug addicted loser, he came from nothing, yet he provides for his family with love and understanding and all sorts of touchy-feely shit.
Did I hit the jackpot, well yes, but maybe is the answer is to get together as idealistic teenagers who can mold themselves into ideals?
Good men exist! Good women too! As I get older, though, I start to feel that both are anomalies
I agree with you and I'm not OP, but postpartum depression is more about the woman feeling like killing herself rather than her kids. Even 2 yrs after the kid is born she can still have it.
OP I suggest you take her to a doctor for some depression meds. She may be feeding and caring for them, but she has no desire to clean because of the depression. She just had a newborn, think of all the hormones that just left her body from having that kid.
Gotta say that she has a tougher time with the kids, especially the older ones, is because they don't respect her enough to listen and because she spends all day everyday with them. A friend of mine has the same issue where her older daughters don't listen to her, but they listen to their dad. Their dad isn't even strict, he lets them do whatever they want so it makes no sense other than them wanting to please the parent they see the least.
You need to be more supportive instead of passive aggressive. Youre obviously having anger issues because she didn't wash your dirty pans yet you have time to come here? Talk to your wife or help pitch in. You can't expect her to do all the work just like she can't expect you to do it all either.
She is communicating. Fuck knows what my friend.
Pretty much like the wimmins in this thread who are all 'give her support etc'.
What she needs is to be able to communicate without all her passive aggressive 'I will just leave that for HIM cos he ruined my life.'
Speak with her and don't let her fob you off with 'support' shit. We all need support, not passive aggressive torture.
So make her speak to her root feelings, see if she wants to be the main bread winner? I suspect you could have a part time job and have her out wage slaving.
Defo worth a shot. Think of the fun you can have with all the free time whilst caring for your lovley kids.
Oh the kids... You think she isn't harming them too?