>be virgin male
>22 yrs old
>get gf in college
>loving 3 yr relationship
>shes really awesome
>thinking about marriage
>shes not a virgin.
Ive been doing a lot of thinking and its come to me that I dont want her to be my first time. Or really I wouldnt want to be with her unless I had also slept around a lot. But I really dont know what to tell her. Shes been wanting sex really bad for a while now and Ive been thinking that my feelings for her are strong enough to where Im okay with doing it. Then it dawned on me that she wasnt a virgin and it wouldnt be the same.
Should I break up with her? I dont want to cheat on her. But its weird because I feel like shes the one.
Ive cut all sexual contact out until this is sorted
pic semi related.
I think you're entitled to your feelings, but I feel you're being unfair. You knew from the beginning she wasn't a virgin and it bothered you. Why did you waste so much time? I don't understand why you would hold her sexual history against her, especially if she's been faithful and patient and respectful of your choices. If you really feel like she isn't marriage material strictly for the fact she isn't a virgin, then yeah, break up. I personally think you'd be making a mistake, but it's your call.
This. You dated her for three years before you FINALLY decided it was okay to bang her, and then you're all "she's not a virgin omg" and now you're off sulking.
Go fuck her already, you moron.
Thats because its not really easy for a virgin to understand the impact sex will have on them. It wasnt until recently that it started bothering me because Ive only recently really thinking about having sex.
I mean of course Ive been horny and lusted for her. But thats not the type of sex Ive been thinking about recently and the reality of her not being a virgin is just now clicking. Talked to some guys who went through something similar and they said that having sex ruined their relationship.
Its not that she isnt marriage material, its that she isnt marriage material for someone like me who has been abstaining their whole life. Im already getting resentful thinking about her having sex with other people, going into a marriage bitter isnt a good idea.
Heres what a friend did when this happened to him. He finally slept with his gf and then dumped her because they were getting too close. "theres no way shes going to be the only person Ive slept with if its not the same for her" Something along those lines. And honestly that sentiment resonates with me. But I do love her. I dont want to wait until things go south.
I also dont want her to be my first because it feels like Im throwing it away to a person who doesnt understand its importance.
What exactly do you think changes? Why do you feel so negatively about sex? How does having sex ruin relationships that have been in good standing for years without it? Why would you be resentful of her having sex before you even started dating? It doesn't make sense. Most people have sex with multiple people before getting married. You discover things about yourself, your likes and dislikes. I guess there's always the whole "you can't miss what you never had" aspect of it...but you shouldn't think less of others just because they have had sex before.
How much did she sleep around? If she's slept with like 7+ Random guys then I'd understand why you had reservations, but just because someone's not a virgin doesn't mean she's a hoe.
They were getting "too close"? What does that even mean?! "There's no way she's going to be the only person I've slept with if its not the same for her" again...what?? I don't understand that sentence. "Throwing it away to someone who doesn't understand its importance"...you realize she was a virgin too once...I'm pretty sure she knows the "importance" of it. Only, it's really not that important. What's important is that you do it with someone you care about, someone who will respect your body and your feelings, and someone you can trust to stay loyal while you're together. Doing it with someone equally as clueless as yourself doesn't make it more special.
>What exactly do you think changes?
Ive always held sex as something important. And even though Ive stayed committed to the idea, having sex with someone who doesnt understand just completely negates the reason why I was doing it.
>Why do you feel so negatively about sex?
Because sex wont be as special and important as I want it to be. Yeah to you and her its no big deal, but for me I can make it as important as need be since I havent ruined its value yet.
>How does having sex ruin relationships that have been in good standing for years without it?
Going off how I feel now, the budding feelings I have, and my friends thoughts, having sex would mean engaging in an activity that would drive us apart and make our differences more real. Its like admitting defeat and Ill never have that special moment I put sex on hold for.
>Why would you be resentful of her having sex before you even started dating?
I agree with my friend. I dont want her to be the only person Ive had sex with or my first since its not the same for her. Thinking about it feels like Im giving something really important out while getting nothing in return. Yeah I love her and want to give it to her, but thinking about how she has nothing to return just makes me realize I may have made a mistake.
>It doesn't make sense.
I know its hard for people who are sexually active to understand why some people value sexual intercourse. But I do. I want to 'discover' myself with my wife. I get triggered by thinking her sexual expertise came from someone else.
>Doesn't understand its importance
So because she had sex once, she has no idea what virginity is like....
Yeah, maybe you should let her go. You seem like the kind of moron who shouldn't be trying to pass on his genes because HIS VIRGINITY IS SO IMPORTANT.
look op- if that's how you feel, then that's that. Don't continue to waste your time.
That being said, I think you should do your best to try to adjust your mindset before you ruin a good thing for a bad reason.
So- you think it's unfair that she's had sex and that you haven't. Or rather, you can't see yourself being with someone like her while you're still a virgin.
Why? Why do you feel this way? Try to identify the underlying cause.
Is it insecurity? Curiosity?
When did you decide to commit to abstinence? Is it because you've never had a woman sexually interested in you before now? Or did you have to turn down hoes who were all over your dick?
what's would you do if you broke up with her? Look for a virgin? Or would you sleep around and then settle down with someone who isn't a virgin?
What are your long term goals? Family life, or bachelor life? If you want to start building a family, you can't afford to spend too much time dicking around
It means that he felt that he was going to be in a committed long lasting relationship with her. That he had no reason to ever break up with her and that their feelings were becoming too strong and solidifying that idea that they werent going to ever part.
>you realize she was a virgin too once
And she gave it to someone else. Why does she want mine.
>I'm pretty sure she knows the "importance" of it
Unlikely, if she did she would have valued it more.
>What's important is that you do it with someone you care about, someone who will respect your body and your feelings, and someone you can trust to stay loyal while you're together
Sex means more for me. Thats not enough.
>Doing it with someone equally as clueless as yourself doesn't make it more special.
Two people throwing away their virginity is obviously not important.
I didnt ask for a hard number. I know that its more than five just from her chats about the past though.
Just because I've had sex with multiple people doesn't mean I don't value it. That's the difference between a hoe and being sexually active. I am still very picky when it comes to who I spread my legs for. I don't go home with any random guy who gives me attention. I still have respect for myself, and sex is still something valuable. I haven't ruined anything, and to be honest you're coming off as very offensive and pompous for implying such a thing. I still fail to see how having sex is something that would drive you apart or magnify your differences. Generally speaking, sex is a team building exercise. I fail to see how it's "admitting defeat". Defeat of what? And it's horrible that you feel she wouldn't be giving you "anything in return" - last I checked, time, attention, and love, are all very important and valuable things to give to someone, which is exactly what she would be giving you while engaging in intercourse.
She can know what virginity is like, doesnt mean she should receive someones.
>So- you think it's unfair that she's had sex and that you haven't. Or rather, you can't see yourself being with someone like her while you're still a virgin.
In a way both of these are true. Its unfair for her to be my first, last, and only when its not the same for her. If I didnt think she was the only one then I wouldnt mind. But that contradicts why Im a virgin.
>When did you decide to commit to abstinence?
Id say around 16 a girl tried to seduce me when I was over her house and her parents were gone. I decided then that thats just not what I want and its not the life for me.
>what's would you do if you broke up with her?
I dont know. I didnt really secure a backup plan for this girl.
I could go either route and look for a virgin or throw away the ideas ive held onto. But continuing what Ive been doing isnt okay.
So they broke up...because they thought they were going to be together forever...and that's...bad...???
She wants your virginity because she's been abstinent for three fucking years for you and she loves you and wants to have sex. It's not difficult. You're overcomplicating an extremely simple thing.
It just means you value it differently than I do. Youve ruined the chance for you to place the value I give to it. Like you lost something you cant get back. Now you are perfectly fine with that, but Im not which is why Im a virgin.
All of those things we give each other anyways, sex will only ruin that as well since its me valuing it more than her. She can never value it as something only between the two of us. Something that she only hands out to people she loves as much as me. Something special that only the two of us share. Its just too different of an idea and I only lose from doing it since Im giving up on the reasons Ive been a virgin until now.
I actually agree with you op.
I'm a girl and I have had sex with two people in my life- both were long term boyfriends that I dated for 3+years each.
I think my opinion of sex is closer to your opinion than to the normal opinion.
I view sex as an incredibly intimate activity. In my personal opinion, you're essentially become one with the other person. You're giving a piece of yourself to them emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
I believe that such an activity is reserved for someone who you care deeply for and see a future with.
I would not be able to date someone who did not have a similar opinion of sex, in the past I've dated guys who have said they'll "respect my opinion" even if they disagree, but none of them have been able to keep true to that promise.
To me what's important is the attitude towards sex, not the number of sexual partners- because the attitude will stay the same even when the number changes. I encourage you to consider what's actually important to you here. placing a lot of value in virginity is a little dangerous sometimes, because it results in a loss of identity and sense of worthlessness when one does lose their virginity
This thread makes me actually feel sick. If you break up for such a stupid reason you are going to look back on your life and regret this more than anything. And when you finally have sex, you are going to realize just how stupid you were being about it. Sex is not some kind of holy amazement, regardless of what you want it to be. Take it from us who have actually done it, you don't know shit about it. You are looking forward to a delusion. Your ideals are simply delusions. If you continue on this path you're going to drown in your twisted ideals.
If this is a troll thread good job, I'm triggered
I want hers as well. We cant all get what we want.
Its not just that they were going to be together forever. Its that he would never experience another girl. Which is unfair for him since she would have experienced others.
If sex were so simple I would be sleeping with hookers.
Because I love her and it wasnt an issue to consider or one that I understood the importance of until now.
While cheating would fix the dilemma I have. Itd have to be multiple times until I feel like we were on the same playing field and everything was fair.
Secondly cheating goes against other morals I have and I dont want to do it.
Okay - well regardless of your thought process, it's painfully obvious that you're gonna have to break up with this girl and find yourself a like minded virgin to marry. I feel like your reasoning is bullshit and you're gonna blind side this woman who's been faithful and patient and more than understanding. She could have found someone else a long time ago and you've stolen three years of her life from her. And I think she is gonna feel like her time is a lot more valuable than your holier than thou attitude regarding sex.
Oh no, honey.
OP deems you as an unworthy Jezabel now because you've given it up to someone who a) wasn't a virgin and b) isn't your husband (who should also be a virgin). According to him, you don't REALLY value it it properly because despite your 3+ year commitment, it isn't enough.
But it is that simple. You're over complicating it and putting sex on a pedestal for literally no reason. There's no guarantee your relationship will last forever. What happens when you decide to give it up and then you break up? You'd consider it a waste? But think nothing of wasting years of someone's life just to break up for literally no good reason?
Its not the virginity strictly speaking. Just what it means. A girl could have been raped or married to someone else and nothing would be loss.
Which is better. Looking back and regretting it. Or staying with her and resenting her?
>Sex is not some kind of holy amazement, regardless of what you want it to be.
I can make it as important as I want it to be. Its impossible for you to value sex the way I do because youve ruined that chance. You will never be with someone and know that this is a special thing between the two of you. You will never get give them someone you value so much. You will never get to tell them that they are the only one youve connected with like this. The meaning of sex is more important than the act of procreation itself. But for you thats all it can be. I dont expect you to understand why I value sex. Thats an unfair expectation.
she fucked someone. i know it. due to your stupid idiotic shit you didn't satisfy her. fuck her now, whats this bullshit waiting for marriage? ITS THE YEAR 2016
SEX IS MAINSTREAM NOW
SEX SEX SEX
I have never met a woman over 19 that is virgin.
I said in the OP I dont want to cheat. Thats not advice.
>putting sex on a pedestal for literally no reason
Sex isnt important for people like you because you sleep around. But for those that dont it is. If she couldnt see why its a good reason it just means we were never really meant for each other. Its a serious issue and not one to be dismissed.
You only feel like its bullshit because you cant value sex the way I do. It only goes to show that going into a marriage with someone like you who doesnt value sex is betraying the ideas Ive held steadfast to all my life. I know shes going to be hurt. But it would be me wasting all of my years of abstinence to ignore this.
I met her when I was 22. We all have very successful careers so we cant be too retarded.
>SEX IS MAINSTREAM NOW
Whats your point? That I should throw away my values because you have?
>While cheating would fix the dilemma I have. Itd have to be multiple times until I feel like we were on the same playing field and everything was fair.
>Secondly cheating goes against other morals I have and I dont want to do it.
So break up with her and try to find a virgin to fuck you. Although not fucking your committed gf of 3 years is absolutely mind boggling retarded its your life and you'll never get your current gf back after these mental jumping jacks.
>throwing away values
dude sex is a normal thing. you two find each other attractive and your brain goes i want to stick my dick in her and cum in her and make some beautiful kids
no, you want to wait for marriage which 50/50 will fail and you'll be devastated, even suicidal, that a woman you sacrificed so much for, left you. probably for a guy with a bigger dick.
I wish I could reach through the screen and rip off your tiny useless dick. Fuck you for telling me I don't value sex. And fuck you for feeling that your celibacy pact means more than wasting years of her life for no reason. You're a selfish, entitled, delusional idiot with no regard for anyone else's feelings than your own.
I could argue that divorce rates are tied to the amount of fornication that goes on in society.
My brain wants to do a lot of things. Doesnt mean its the right choice and we have the power to decide.
Why would you have to live a life of degeneracy? What makes you think non-virgins are degenerates? I think you have a lot of misconceptions when it comes to sex and people who are sexually active. The fact that you only take advice from your virgin friends, or friends who have very little sex lives to speak of, gives you an extremely one sided view into a world of which you know very little. You are being extremely unfair and judgemental.
Op's opinion is just a polarized version of what most people feel.
Idk about you but I personally think less of people who have been reckless with their sexual partners.
I believe that since having a child is a realistic consequence of sex (even using protection) both partners should be willing and able to raise a child together if a child is created.
People who have casual sex with people they don't really know, in my opinion, are acting irresponsibly.
I don't think that you're wrong for having the beliefs that you do- just really think this through before you end things.
I gave myself to those two other men before I met my current boyfriend, but that's because at that point, I loved them so deeply and truely that the sex was just a physical manifestation of the love I felt for them.
My boyfriend isn't my first love, but I want him to be my last.
I don't necessarily think it's wrong to have loved before. I guess that's another question that you should ask yourself- are you ok with the fact that your girlfriend has loved others emotionally and spiritually before you? Have you loved others this deeply before?
Personally, I don't regret any of the decisions I've made because I've stayed true to my beliefs.
You obviously dont value sex. I dont even know why you are so mad there.
And its every year of my life and betraying my ideals or a few of hers. I wouldnt be who I am if I just threw away the things I believed.
You're a fucking idiot who honestly doesn't deserve her, to be honest.
You're also putting a priceless value on something that doesn't even have value; her virginity.
No, really, where do you even get this concept that it's somehow of value? Some notion you might be royalty when you're in reality a regular schlub like everyone else? A heavy religious upbringing you haven't phased out of yet?
You're not in highschool anymore. The girls you meet from now on have gone past the "not until I'm ready" stage because they grew out of it.
Most normal dudes your age who still had their virginity would have gotten over this fact and gone for it. But you, for three years, decided to not deliver?
What the fuck for?
Where did I say I made up my mind. It would really help me here if I knew what I already decided on.
If Im not a virgin then Im not entitled to feel the need to sleep with other virgins. Now I could argue that Im still entitled to sleep with people in my same sexual partners range, but while trying to find someone else who values sex might as well find another virgin.
Obviously I have a lot of friends with ranging experience. A lot of them see sex like you do. But they are all people who dont value sex at all and have slept around. Its not one sided. I just know the other side isnt for me because I have values I place on things.
I very much do value sex, just not in the same way you do. And I think you're disgusting for being so flippant about wasting someone else's time. The only person who gives a rats ass about your virginity is you. Literally no one cares about your self righteous abstinent ways. It's one thing to stay a virgin for your own beliefs, but to be so smug and arrogant and judgemental on top of it makes it hard to relate and impossible to respect you.
people & op:
There's a miscommunication happening with the word "value".
I can "value sex" in the sense that I think it's amazing and I try to get it whenever I can. Like if you really value a person and you always wanna be around them. Or if you value a food and so you eat as much as you can.
Op is using "value" in a different sense- it wouldn't make sense to say "I really value being around that person so I avoid them whenever possible- right?"
Op means value in a different way- he means it To be like "selective"/"special".
When he says you don't value sex, he's just saying that he's pickier than you, and that he only wants to enjoy sex it it's "best form" or he wouldn't be doing the idea justice.
I don't believe he's trying to insult you all by saying that you don't value something which you clearly do.
He's just conveying the idea that he's picky. It's like people who LOVE ice cream but only the very fancy French gormet kind. To them, eating normal ice cream would be poor in comparison, even though normal ice cream is also delicious.
>You're also putting a priceless value on something that doesn't even have value; her virginity.
Only doesnt have value to people who sleep around.
>What the fuck for?
Maybe because Im not some sex crazed degenerate.
Im not a virgin so that you can approve of me. Why would I want to approval of people like you.
You can value sex. But never give it the value I can. Never said I was flippant. But Im not about to ignore myself and my values.
The only difference is her hymen isn't going to pop and be a painful experience for her.
Your obsession with it is high-school tier. You're not in high-school anymore. The majority of people you meet are no longer virgins.
This is a childish notion to keep up. Let it go.
The majority of people arent going to be the right person for me virgin or not. You dont have a point there.
The way you see sex is just because youve ruined the chances for you to see it a different way. As something more.
Saving yourself for marriage is another childish notion; You don't even know how eachothers sexual chemistry is going to be. Easiest way to find out is just have sex on a regular basis and see how that goes.
>sex crazed degenerate.
Yeah, no. Average couple has sex on a regular basis and completely expects new partners to have some experience. Throwing "degenerate" just makes you seem pretentious.
This only matters if you sleep around. As long as she isnt asexual I cant complain since Im sure I suck at sex as well.
>average person isnt a degenerate
believe whatever you want.
>This only matters if you sleep around.
No, this matters when you stick with a partner for an extended period of time. ESPECIALLY IN MARRIAGE, WHERE YOU ARE FUCKING LOCKED IN.
You, as a virgin, can NOT make this statement whatsoever.
>reading OP's replies throughout the responses
OP we've both got something in common - we're both virgins and we're both with people who aren't. However, I honestly think you should break up with her. This is enough of an issue that you think she wouldn't value that moment with you. The value you're placing on sex is that it would be your first time - it's her first time with you. That itself already has meaning. If you think she has a place in your life and in your future, then take that into consideration. No one's telling you to drop your morals but if the relationship is as good as you say it is/was, then that moment would still hold value.
People only want good sex when they are sexually active. I wont even know what good sex is. Thats something only people who sleep around need to know.
Just another downside to not being a virgin. You are now comparing your partners. Sex is meaningless for you.
How can it still hold value. Going with the ice cream example its me trying to create a special ice cream eating moment with someone who eats ice cream with anyone. Its not special.
ive never loved someone else this much. Enough to want to marry and be with. I could ask the same for you though. Can you really say youve loved others as much as you loved your bf if you want him to be your last.
>I wont even know what good sex is.
You have a girlfriend who's been with you for three years and knows you're still a virgin, but still wants to have sex with you.
You ARE going to suck at your first time. This is a truth for 99% of guys.
But you will get better as you get over the anxiety and learn nuances of sex.
She stuck with you for three years, knowing you have no experience, yet is willing to do all this for you.
You're here for advice, not for making excuse after excuse after excuse:
Fuck her now and keep fucking her, or break it off and abstain from sex altogether.
There are your options. MAKE A DECISION, NOT AN EXCUSE.
I did when I was dating them.
Those feelings changed due to their actions and my actions.
The same goes for my boyfriend now. I love him with all my heart currently, but if he were to betray me or mistreat me, that love would go away.
Does it bother you that your girlfriend may have loved another deeply before you?
Well it just means that Im thinking too much of our relationship if shes felt this way about multiple guys. because for me its not something you feel with anyone but for her it would be. Guess it just means Id love her more than she would me.
No, this is an advice board.
We gave you advice. We, as people who have been in relationships (inb4 4chan,relations,etc), are telling you your "beliefs" are childish and unrealistic, because many of us have gone through nearly identical though processes, only to grow out of them.
We are giving you the raw truth here; You are setting unrealistic expectations for what sex is, what it means, and setting yourself up for massive disappointment.
Your view on others is grossly black and white and also completely unrealistic; Apparently you see girls as "pure virgin" and "slut that fucks a new guy every week." These are extremes that do not reflect the reality around you.
You have to throw these notions in the fucking trash because you can not get over your insecurities by latching onto them like this.
Your girlfriend fucked five other guys before. No one fucking cares.
If I wanted to, I could just post the video about Chasing Amy, because it describes your scenario almost perfectly.
You're a fucking idiot kid. It's guys like you that ruin women for us. See what's going to happen is you break up with this girl who has been with you for 3 years, being faithful, and after hearing your bull shit excuses and irrational reasoning behind it, she will be jaded AS FUCK. Hell no is she going to make the same mistake again. The next time she is with a guy who, for all intents and purposes may come off as "wasting her time" like you did with her, she is going to ruin her next relationship, for the fact that you gave her this bullshit.
Face it kid, sex is sex. You think you are a special snowflake? You think sex is some kind of pure act? I value sex more than you do. I enjoy it actually. You completely misunderstand the difference between people that want to sleep with as many women as they can, and people that just really, really like to have sex, not necessarily with multiple people. All my relationships have been good sexually, because I just love women.
YOU on the other hand, fucking comparing it to some bull shit analogy like ice cream. No, my friend. Sex is not like some special ice cream eating time you spend with your dad. I've eaten ice cream with lots of people. Just had some with my coworkers on valentine's day, and another time with my other friends, and trust me, there was nothing different between sharing a good bowl of ice cream with them.
You're going to realise this at some point, but you are going to have sex eventually, and one day that woman will be out of your life. For any reason. And you will be in your girlfriend's position. How the fuck would you feel if you dated a virgin girl after having sex with women, and she came to you after three fucking years giving you this same shit?
Fuck you and fucking grow up. Sex is nothing "special." What's special is just doing it with a person that matters, like your fucking girlfriend.
You should break up with her because she doesn't deserve a cunt like you.
Wow how can you being this hopeless?
You came here for advice, you get some and now calling names everyone for treating you like a little kid?
Because you are m8
You litteraly can't have any idea of what sex really is before doing it at least 3 times. I say 3 times because the 2 first was a true discover, and take a little time to know what to do with all these feelings. And the third was the beginning of true pleasures, like times after this.
I was virgin until my 20, and you'll see for yourself that your first time isn't going to be the best, virgin partner or not. And I can tell you that I didn't sucks at it, I just wasn't familiar with this at all.
Your assurance of valuing sex through virginity is kind of ignorant
Yo, my fiancee and I were virgins before we got together, and I've always been extremely glad of that fact. I don't think casual sex is immoral or anything but we certainly appreciate being each other's one and only.
And even I think this guy is fucking insane.
I mean, three years? Three fucking years? I absolutely cannot believe she waited around that long. This girl must be a saint. The time to figure out that shit is when you first start dating, it's completely unfair to keep somebody hanging that long, even if they're so selfless or in love with you that they're willing to do it.
You are a stupid cocksucker.
YOU have no idea what you are talking about. You are literally a virgin, the only thing you know is based entirely off external imagery and your hand.
YOU have no idea what sex is like.
YOU have completely fabricated this notion that a woman is only worth her hymen's condition.
YOU are scared you can't live up to the other people before you.
YOU are too dumb to realize she doesn't want THEM, she wants YOU.
Why the fuck would you do this to another human being?
>sex is sex
for people like you who sex is valueless for.
>You think you are a special snowflake
yeah Id like to be special for the girl I want to marry.
>You think sex is some kind of pure act
Not if degenerates are doing it.
>I value sex more than you do
The value you give sex is worthless in my eyes. But if you are proud of that enjoy it. Im not trying to convert manwhores.
>Sex is not like some special ice cream eating time you spend with your dad. I've eaten ice cream with lots of people.
This right here is my entire point. You can never value sex because you do it frivilously. How the hell can you value sex when you just slept with someone else last weekend. As said before, itd just be cruel to expect someone who's ruined their chance to value sex to understand how meaningful sex can be.
>sex is nothing special
Yes, I get that you think nothing of sex. Obviously someone who doesnt value it has nothing of value to add here.
Also, you're full of shit. You clearly said in your OP that you'd have an easier time handling this shit if you'd slept around a lot yourself, that you even saw some appeal in cheating on her, because it'd somehow equalize things between you two.
It's not that you feel sex needs to be deep and loving and meaningful, which is an old-fashioned but basically respectable attitude. That's not you. You're just insecure. Stop lying to yourself.
Only someone who sleeps around wants sex to amazing. I just want that special moment. Ive been suppressing my lust just for that. You think Ive been doing it so that I can have sex with some professional whore.
>my fiancee and I were virgins
Glad you made it. Nothing insane about wanting something to be important.
>The time to figure out that shit is when you first start dating
Can you honestly say you knew what sex was going to be like before you started dating your fiancee. maybe you two just havent been together that long before you had sex. If not then itd be just like everyone else.
OP, I understand being a virgin and wanting your SO to be a virgin too. I understand wanting to live happily ever after only sexually knowing one another. Not everyone is going to agree with this outlook and that's okay. I understand.
However, you are a complete retard with the way you went about this. HOW DID IT TAKE THREE FUCKING YEARS FOR YOU TO REALIZE THIS WAS A PRIORITY? You say you realized you "valued sex" at age 16, but it takes you three years of dating this chick to realize you can't handle her not being a virgin? I mean, my god, what a waste of time for her. Poor girl probably has her biological clock ticking and is expecting marriage -- and you're probably about to dump her. Over her sexual history, which I assume you've known for a while. What a fuckup you are, OP.
If you really can't handle her not being a virgin, that's fine, break up with her. You should have done that a long time ago. But PLEASE get your priorities straight before starting a long term relationship next time!
You don't have any values, kid. That's literally the point of the post you just responded to. Some people's values preclude promiscuity. You, on the other hand, are just insecure.
You made that very clear in your OP.
Well see, I don't think you understand now.
You love her this much- but even so you're planning on breaking up with her because the situation isn't what you want it to be. so does that mean you're doing an injustice to your next girlfriend? Have you already betrayed her by loving your current GF so much?
No. We're humans. We love all sorts of different people in all sorts of different ways.
I love my boyfriend with my entire being. I couldn't love him any more than I do now. If anything, I think having experienced love before makes me appreciate him and love him MORE because I'm able to appreciate things that I wasn't able to in my first relationship.
If you are not ok with her having emotionally loved people before you, then it's possible you might have an insecurity/jealousy issue that can be addressed in therapy. I don't know if your ideas of virginity are also partially driven by insecurity, but it might really help your situation to consider those factors.
Sex is fucking sex. You don't value it because you're treating it like some taboo ritual. You are mistreating the true meaning of sex, dumbfuck.
And you are special for your girlfriend you dumbfuck.
If you have sex you are a degenerate? Well, why are we even having this conversation? Clearly the answer is to not have sex at all, ya dumbfuck.
See, the difference between your eyes, and other peoples eyes is on the level of morality between a cult leader of some insane religion who believes he is right in forcing families to marry off daughters at the age of 11, while the rest of the fucking world thinks that's insane and immoral. You are the cult believe here. The value I give sex is more than the value you give sex, because you treat it like it's disgusting, while I treat it like it's some natural human activity.
Also faggot, when I date a girl, I only fuck her. Because cheating is bad. Dumbfuck. You missed my entire point with the ice cream analogy and at this point I think this is b8.
I value sex as what it is. You value sex for what you fantasize it to be. So go ahead and dump your girlfriend, but be sure to include that you're dumping her because you want to lose your virginity to another virgin. At least then she'll be spared this fucking bullshit.
And I love how you have nothing to say about what you're going to do if you meet a virgin girl after having lost your virginity and she breaks it off with you after 3 years for this exact bull shit reason. Oh the hypocrisy. Get off this board faggot.
All that projection.
It doesnt matter if she wants them or not. She cant have the special moment I want because shes slept with them.
If anything I only now feel shes inadequate. Itd only be stringing her along if I stayed with her with these feelings.
>Can you honestly say you knew what sex was going to be like before you started dating your fiancee.
Nobody does until it happens.
Most anons will tell you the first time is mildly disappointing, very awkward and done in about thirty seconds.
Which is why we're saying look beyond that, because first time is not really a hallmark moment.
You're a troll.
This is b8 guys. Look no further.
It was a good couple months before we were both ready for sex. The better part of a year depending on how you count it (we were basically dating for a few months before we called it that.)
If you'd taken a couple of months to figure out how you felt about sex, what importance you attached to being each other's firsts, and whether your girlfriend's prev. experience was a deal breaker for you, people would not be treating you this harshly. But that's not what you did.
You waited three. Fucking. Years.
You wasted an appreciable chunk of this poor girl's youth, potentially to only decide in the end, "no, I don't think I can do this, I might have to dump her." That is simply a shitty way to treat somebody. You're not squirming out of this one.
>She cant have the special moment I want because shes slept with them.
Dude, virgin sex is not special. We've been trying to relay this to you, but you aren't getting the message; you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
If she was still a virgin, you're special moment would be the same; lackluster.
I dont want her virginity for its own sake. I dont care about the first time. I want to be the only one so that we can share a special moment. The virginity is just a small part of that.
>Nobody does until it happens.
Which is why saying that you have to figure this out when you first start dating is pointless.
>>Or really I wouldnt want to be with her unless I had also slept around a lot.
What the fuck is wrong with you retarded people? I can't fucking understand - why is this even a issue? I feel like I always see men and women bitch about this as being a major problem in their otherwise "perfect" relationships. Why does this make people so insecure?
Let him believe what he wants to believe. He's going to throw a relationship down the drain, and then have a hard time finding his virgin gf, growing older, and eventually will turn into a 30+ year old bitter virgin who will scorn women and men that have a healthy sexual lifestyle.
Let him delude himself into thinking the first time is important, even though he's barely going to get it up, he's barely going to even put it let alone cum.
I'm literally laughing at this point. Not sure if troll but definitely bravo.
>It was a good couple months before we were both ready for sex
Then we dont have the same view on sex. To me you just appear like everyone else.
Honestly anyone who thinks Im trying to squirm out of this, Id have no sympathy for. Because we werent meant to be if you cant understand. Values aside Id just see you as a terrible person.
>Have you already betrayed her by loving your current GF so much?
If I were to break up with her and get a new gf and sleep with her, it would mean I would have loved her more than I do my current gf. Because sex is something Ive kept important and not something that I gave out to my last gf.
Now if I slept with my current gf then I couldnt keep my values in perspective to the future.
>Sex is fucking sex
To someone who doesnt value sex, this is true. I dont want to have sex with someone like that.
>Because cheating is bad
But its just sex right.
>And I love how you have nothing to say about what you're going to do if you meet a virgin girl after having lost your virginity
Ive already answered that question. Try reading.
>I love my boyfriend with my entire being. I couldn't love him any more than I do now.
Just means your boyfriend is only as special as those other guys you slept with. And if hes more special than thats not something you can express with sex.
>Which is why saying that you have to figure this out when you first start dating is pointless.
You'd be wrong, because you never went through this, while others have and are telling you to listen to them. That's the entire point of the advice board; We have the experiences you don't have. We're guiding your hips because you asked us.
Marriage before sex is usually a shit show. I know girls who ended up divorcing soon after because it turns out sex is a regular part of a healthy relationship, and being almost permanently tied to a dude who does not mesh well with them in bed makes sex not a fantastic memorable thing but a miserable chore.
Which is why people give it a go before making big life-changing decisions such as marriage.
Sex is important, yes. Bottling it up does you no good.
>virgin sex is not special
Im not looking to make my dick feel good. Im looking to connect with someone in a meaningful way. Itd be special just because shes the one I chose.
Its not insecure. You just want to be with someone who values sex as much as you. Since she cant value it as much as me then the alternative is me removing value from it by sleeping around.
Dude face it. At this point everyone knows you're trolling. You can't honestly believe in your own words without realising how much of a hypocrite you are, unless you truly are ignorant. Either way, I'm going to make damn sure you realise how disgusting and irrational you are. Because for the sake of this girl, I'd rather not have you fucking break her fucking heart over this fucking nonsense.
I value sex because it feels good, and it feels good when I make women feel good and if you can't see that then I don't give a shit. You on the other hand value sex because it's some moment you have with a person who also never had it? That's literally the worst kind of sex imaginable, especially if no one knows what the fuck they are doing.
I think you should try to read instead of being so closed minded as not to accept the possibility that maybe, JUST maybe you're wrong in all of this.
Know what? Give me your girlfriend's number. Break up with her tonight. She's better off with a normal guy and not some insane autist like you. I literally have no respect for you because you disrespect your girlfriend. You disrespect her by not considering the fact that her time is valuable and she gave it to you. And here you are saying she doesn't value sex as you do and that to you it's nothing. Fucking bull shit.
beggars can't be choosers, wtf is it with 4chan and people being so worked up about whether or not someone has slept around. she's dedicated three years to you so she's not by any means a slut, stop being so fucking highly-strung.
It most certainly is.
You have a jealousy problem, to an insane degree which resulted in a sexless relationship for three years.
You also said she feels guilty about it, which seems to suggest it's possible an abusive one as well.
Id never be in a relationship with someone who picks a partner based on sex. You just have a superficial standard. Thats important to you. Dont project onto me.
>At this point everyone knows you're trolling
>everyone who values sex is a troll
Man the world is really in a pathetic state.
>I value sex because it feels good
Not even going to read past here. What you value in sex is worthless to anyone with moral value. You cant value sex more than that because you use it for that. Its like having a really special handkerchief thats passed down in your family as an heirloom. If you blow your nose with it, that just reflects how little you value it and the person who gave it to you.
>You have a jealousy problem
Im not jealous. I dont care about those guys. I care about the special moment that we cant share though.
I definitely dont remember saying she feels guilty about it, but you can feel guilty about whatever, doesnt change the fact that what is done is done.
>I care about the special moment that we cant share though.
Again, as a dude who went through the same thing; It isn't special. What IS special is every time AFTER that, because you learn and grow in that particular thing. "It's not the destination, it's the journey" or whatever analogy you think will work.
I have moral value. I don't cheat and I an extremely physical with the women I date.
You may not read my words, but everyone else in the thread is. and the more you deny my words, the more obvious you become to other people. You came in here looking for advice? Here it is. You want to argue about it? I don't give a shit. I'm telling you what's going to happen because I have experience. You can't respect that? I don't give a shit.
I am telling you that you are placing worthless value in sex, because you're wasting what you can have right now. You must be autistic though so it's okay.
But the sex isn't a symbol of you loving her more, it's a sign that you married her.
You could have loved her more but happen to get married to someone else and have sex with them.
"Only as special" isn't a good way to phrase that.
The specialist one is the one who I choose to marry, because they're the one that I'm committing to for the rest of my life. The specialist one is the one that I will create children with and have a family with. The specialist one is the one that I will grow old with.
To you, you're waiting to give your self sexually to the specialist one. But that's not because the sex is WHAT MAKES them the specialist one.
It's all those other things. It's the partnership, the commitment, and the bond.
The sex is not the important factor here- it's the commitment.
We love a lot of people in our lives. I love my friends. I love my mom. I've loved several boys. But there is only one person who will stand by my side until I die- and it's not "the one I have sex with"- it's the one I commit to.
>people who value sex are faggots
And im the one baiting right?
>You have an issue with your girlfriends past, which is something that can't be changed.
You people have the weakest arguments. Do I really need to play the
>point out why the past matters
game. Or do you not care if your spouse was a serial killer. Its in the past bro. Stop being insecure.
>the past only matters when I say it does.
Its really a pathetic stance used by people to try to absolve themselves.
After reading through the thread, there's really only one right course of action.
Break up with her, and reassure her that it is not HER, it is YOU.
You have made it clear you will not change yourself for her, despite how great she has been to you. Even after three years, you haven't grown as a person or even as an adult.
What you want from her can't be given realistically, unless you manage to time travel. Which you can't.
Let her go.
OP, how can you have standards and views on sex when you've never had it to begin with?
How do you know what you are saying is the real truth, despite what everyone else has had to say thus far?
>people who have had sex
"Yeah that was fun, but not like life changing"
>people who have never had sex
"YOUR GUYS DINT UNDERSTAND!! SEX IS THE BEEEEST I AM TELLING YOU IT IS LIKE THE EPITOME OF HUMAN EXISTANCE NOTHING IS BETTER!!"
how can you know if you've never experienced it??
Please don't abandon thread, this is so entertaining.
I don't even really care if OP's trolling. I mean, if you waste several hours of your life on here and your big accomplishment is convincing several hundred people you're a dumbshit, is that really a fucking win for you?
You really are a cold bastard. You're telling me that you're only thinking of this now because you're considering marriage? How did vetting for marriage not happen earlier in this relationship? Either you were serious about her or you've just been using her for attention this entire time.
Regardless of your "morals," you have unapologetically wasted this girl's time because of your lack of forethought. I hope you feel that shame forever.
For your own sake, I hope you're a troll.
Im telling you its only worthless to you because its something you can never have.
I wouldnt marry her if I didnt love her as much. And in this case it would be more since I loved her enough to get married while I didnt marry my current gf.
>The specialist one is the one who I choose to marry
Yeah, thats the only way you can show how special they are in regards to the others. But for me I can share a special moment with the person I choose that says how important they are to me. Its a connection that is incredibly special.
>The sex is not the important factor here- it's the commitment.
Its because for you they are different. For me they are one and the same. It just reiterates my earlier point that this isnt a value you can give to sex.
Listen OP, since you aren't going to admit it, I am going to admit it for you.
You don't value sex. This has nothing to do about valuing sex. You are so content into believing that sex is special and pure that anyone who just "does it without meaning" is worthless and doesn't "value" it like you do, when in reality you are so scorned and bitter that everyone else has had sex, and you haven't. The thought of having sex with a girl who already has had dicks in her pussy makes you feel like to her you'd just be another dick. And to you this pisses you off and you immediately lose all respect for her, blinded by the fact that she faithfully stayed with you for three years.
But you want to have your special moment, believe that everyone else has had their special moment, and those that haven't just don't value sex as much as you do. You delude yourself into believing this and you can't help but feel angry about it. All because you haven't done it, and everyone else has, and to you it seems like sex isn't special to them.
Sex is pretty darn fucking special. It's why we like it, and it's why we do it. So fuck you.
>There is no "special moment"
For you because youve ruined any chance of sex being special because youve slept around. It shouldnt be this hard to understand that not everyone has ruined the value of sex for themselves.
How is it troll logic. Its selfish for you to think that you can accept some peoples past when you want to but not others. Im not christian but I understand that someone who repents and begs god for forgiveness is no different than anyone else. You think the past matters when you say it does. Its a really weak argument.
How is it going to be disappointing. Im going to be sharing a moment with the person you love.
Are you saying that marriage and doing things with your loved ones is disappointing?
Ok, I understand.
Well op I hope you find what you're looking for.
I disagree with you but our views on the matter are fundamentally different.
So, how are you going to find a virgin girl your age?
It's extremely difficult. You can look in religious areas but unless you're the same religion as then it's unlikely that you'll meet their criteria
>the past matters when I say it does
People like you have nothing of value to say. Thats just a selfish mentality.
Do you not understand the concept of being someones only.
Because Ive never had it, I can make it out to be as special as I want it. I can dispose of it like a used napkin like you people, or I can choose to share it with the person I love the most.
>All our faces knowing that op will die alone
>all our faces knowing that op will regret breaking up with his girlfriend for the rest of his life
> all our faces when, on the minuscule chance that op finds a gf he is content with, he has sex and it's mediocre and not the "special moment" he ruined his life for
>people who have discarded the importance of sex
>"Yeah that was fun, but not like life changing"
You obviously dont understand what it means to value something. All you think with is your dick. Id never want to be with someone who thought so little of sex.
I have it every time I have sex man LOL.
The satisfaction of taking my ex's butt virginity was intense. Just as intense as it was to sleep with some hot petite chick who was tight as hell.
Okay, okay okay. I will admit. I will admit this. Because it;s just you OP. But I secretly am THRILLED that I was the first dick up my ex's ass, and her pussy. First dick. Left a life lasting groove in her cavities I'll tell you that much.
So ya know what? I can understand you would be upset. Your current girlfriend has many grooves in her pussy, and who knows? Maybe in her ass as well. Good luck looking at her in the eye after tonight ;)
So, you're expecting things to be different after you have sex? Your life is going to CHANGE MIRACULOUSLY?
Or, will everything stay the same like it does for everyone else? Hmmm... It's almost as if sex isn't life changing!!
>Because Ive never had it, I can make it out to be as special as I want it. I can dispose of it like a used napkin like you people, or I can choose to share it with the person I love the most.
Then just dump her and enact the next step of your master plan.
>How did vetting for marriage not happen earlier in this relationship?
We met in college before we had jobs and marriage wasnt a real option.
If I was unapologetic I would have dumped her already.
I see. You consider marriage as soon as you get with a girl.
>eggs rotting away
Not as bad as betraying my values and my whole life. If anything this is what happens when you sleep around.
I understand the concept of being someone's only. As much as it butchered me to type that out.
Spent 8 months with a really great girl. I was her only and she was my only for 8 months. Then hey she had a problem being with me and it wasn't working out. And her guess what, she started treating me with such disrespect, as if I was a strangers, not hanging out as friends or talking or any of the shit we did in those 8 months, and that basically killed our relationship. That killed whatever feelings I had for her.
So time to find my next only and see how long that will go on for. Rinse, repeat!
>when in reality you are so scorned and bitter that everyone else has had sex, and you haven't
If I wanted sex I would be having it. I know its hard for you to understand but what you are saying is just like every other degenerate.
>the people who have moral values are just mad they arent engaging in [insert degenerate behavior] like me
Just a really pathetic argument.
Im not particularly thinking about others girls at the moment seeing as how Im still in a relationship. Ask me that if we break up. Just know that I know of virgins my age.
>eggs for the more sex you have
Um.. No. Have you ever taken a science class in your life?
You're right. Hitler never betrayed his values, either. He may have ruined a few million lives- but hey! He was true to his beliefs and apparently that's all that matters!
How can you live with yourself knowing that your IDIOCY literally ruined the life of someone you love. Not even the fact that you have certain views about sex- the fact that you DATED HER FOR THREE YEARS before realizing that you were incomparable due to something you knew at the beginning of the relationship.
What on earth, dude??
I think you're letting yourself get psyched out by that friend who offered you that "advice" since he broke up with his gf before sleeping with her. You know what really happened? She probably dumped his ass and he made up some crap to save face. You're literally ruining your life and the person you love's life because of some jackass's made up excuses
If I have a wife who we were both virgins, Ill have a lot of fun looking her in the eye knowing I was her only and she was mine.
>It's almost as if sex isn't life changing!!
Its not for people like you with no values and just ruin the value sex has.
With sex comes a connection with my wife. I look very much towards that.
Are they people who you would WANT to date? Are they people who'd even consider dating you?
Also, you need to start thinking ahead dude. first you don't even consider your future before starting to date this girl, and now you won't even consider the consequences and plan of action if you break up with her? You need to start thinking more about how your actions will affect your future.
Also, I don't know how you could even consider staying with her after this thread. You've successfully referred to everyone as a bunch of scumbag degenerates- and your gf is included in that group. How can you commit to someone who you don't respect?
I'm tired. Too many you's.
In any case, at this point we've established that OP secretly thinks about the dicks that have been in his girlfriend's vajay jay and that OP want a story book fairy tale to happen with his romance life, and he believes for some reason that some one who has already had sex can NEVER EVER EVERRR have "their special first only moment" or whatever.
Took my ex's virginity. Was pretty special. She stayed over my place, we couldn't sleep, made it and fooled around in my bed, both got naked, I teased her pussy with my dick and she said, "before we go any further you better put a condom on." Even though we didn't cum it's a pretty good memory I have of her.
But OP doesn't see it that way. He's selfish. Wants his special moment to be the way he wants it to be. And I don't blame him. Children often yell and have irrational tantrums when they don't get what they want.
You probably should have thought out who you slept with more. If you both saw each other as someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with then things would have had a better chance. Shit happens but if you were married no one can complain.
Sex is a part of an average relationship. Some place more value into doing it than others, but for the most part everyone fucks on a regular basis it's an incredibly intimate experience that makes both people feel fantastic. Euphoric, one might say.
Sex the first time sucks for both parties, as the dude finishes in less than a minute and the girl has a ripped bleeding vagina.
No, your "moral value" will not make this any better, because everyone builds up false expectations about things they've never done.
Sex, however, can get better with a consistent partner, like a boyfriend/girlfriend. You find out new stuff like what they like to do, what they want to try, what they don't like, etc. Same goes for you, you find stuff you like and dislike. It gets very intense and more enjoyable, much more than the "first time."
"Sleeping around" doesn't make you a better partner. It honestly sucks, as guys tend to suck in bed and as a result girls get a wet spot in their sheets and the female equivalent of "blue balls." So throw that notion out the window, as reality says it doesn't happen often to begin with.
You're so caught up on sharing "that" moment, you missed out on creating nearly three years worth of better moments. You really fucked up.
Also, too young to be marrying. Statistically, most marriages end up being unhappy ones when they're young. Coincidentally, marriages with weird overconservative views on sex also end up being unhappy shitshows as well. Mixing both is a disaster.
Don't greentext and project, because you have zero knowledge on any subject compared to the rest of us.
I live in the Bible Belt and I work as a relationship counselor for families and married couples.
I'd say about 75% of the couples who come to see me are there because they have a loss of identity after losing their virginity, they're not satisfied with their partner's sexual performance, and because their expectations were not met.
So not to put a damper on things, but even people who successfully did exactly what you're trying to do have been unimpressed with the result of their efforts.
>We met in college before we had jobs and marriage wasnt a real option.
>Marriage must be an immediate option before I vet for that
I hope you see the irony of scathingly assuming that I "consider marriage as soon as I get with a girl." If you're considering a long term relationship, you need to vet them for marriage (assuming this is a goal for you and them - in your case it is) otherwise, you are wasting their time and attention.
I'm this anon
and likely the only person in this thread that shares your fundamental ideal. Your problem is that you don't value people half as much as you value this idealistic "special moment" of yours. Your problem is that your moment can never be special if you don't value the person, and you simply don't value people.
>If I was unapologetic I would have dumped her already.
Every moment you string her on, you waste for her. That IS being unapologetic.
I would also like to add that you are vile and completely unworthy of what you seek.
You contradict yourself man. First you say this isn't about virginity and now you re saying it's about being married to a girl who you were the only guy that she's fucked.
Going to tell you right now you're an idiot. What will happen when she dies or leaves you? Then you will no longer be the next girl's only. You will have fucked other pussies before the next girl, so how would you feel being discriminated for your sexual experience?
That's what you're basically doing. You are discriminating people and your girlfriend for their sexual experience. You're in the wrong dude. Face it. I suggest you grow up.
>OP leads along girl for 3 years
>makes her false promises of marriage and life together
>one day reveals his true nature to her, that he was always lying to her and never intended to marry her
You are garbage, OP. Please jump in front of a bus and kill yourself.
Yes, but you need to LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES.
You don't have a game plan at all!! You need to THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE and consider your options so you done end up hurting more people!
If you actually read what I said, youd know that virginity was just a small part that comes with the territory of being someones only. Im not looking for a special first time. Im looking for every time I have sex to be with the person I hold dearest.
>What will happen when she dies or leaves you?
Then the next gf can know that sex with her is as meaningful as sex with my late wife.
If a girl was married I wouldnt expect her to be a virgin and I would look past that. You cant expect to be more special that the person they chose to spend the rest of their life with. Only as special.
Fuck you lol. You're a cunt.
>You probably should have thought out who you slept with more
How fucking dare you lol. Your words will bite you back in the fucking face mark my words.
Im not looking to be impressed. I expect sex to be shit first starting out. Hell Ive heard people say masturbation feels better. I dont really care. Ive crushed my lust all these years. You think Im going to give way after having sex. I dont have grand plans for my sex life. Just sharing an intimate moment.
>With sex comes a connection with my wife. I look very much towards that.
I'm excited for you! Here's the three possible ways that's gonna go.
>Wife: Oh OP, I'm so ready for you to finally fuck me. God I'm so wet for you. Put it in me.
>OP: [looking down at his half-flaccid dick] Erm, yes. Sure. Just let me ...
>OP: [jacking off]
>OP: OK, wait. Yes. Almost ready ...
>OP: [jacking off]
>OP: Fuck dammit penis what's your problem? Today of all days?
>OP: [jacking off]
>Wife: You, uhh, just want to go watch Netflix or something?
>Wife: Oh OP, I'm so ready for you to finally fuck me. God I'm so wet for you. Put it in me.
>OP: Sweet! Okay! [puts it in]
>OP: Hrreeuurrrurnrnnrn eeuurrrfff furrrrrrrRRRRNCK
>Wife: Did you just ...? Already?
>OP: Fuck, was it amazing for you too? You want to go watch Netflix or something?
>Wife: Oh OP, I'm so ready for you to OW. OW. FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. IS IT REALLY SUPPOSED TO HURT THIS MUCH?
>OP: Oh dear lord there's blood down there fuck shit what the okay please stop screaming at
>Wife: GOD DAMMIT ASSHOLE. YOUR DICK IS MADE OF FIRE ANTS OR SOMETHING. TAKE IT OUT. TAKE IT OUT.
>OP: Christ, fine. You want to go watch Netflix or something?
It's an intimate, almost spiritual moment that you'll remember for the rest of your life. You're smart to save it for the one you love.
WOW that sounds exactly what I have.
I am glad we can finally agree OP. Go have sex with your girlfriend now because clearly she
> knows that sex with you is as meaningful as sex with her previous exes
Well you seem to be confused then.
You stated things implying that other people's sexual experiences would not compare because your moment would be so special.
You can choose to do whatever you'd like, of course. I just don't want you to regret such a big decision, since many people have that expectation of a "special moment" that never happens
Holy shit though, at this point the Best Possible Outcome for her is he breaks up with her. Can you even imagine the hell of being married to this fucko? Being made to feel like a degenerate for having had a previous relationship? I hope he breaks her heart, so that she can get the fuck away clean.
Yeah, thats exactly what I dont want. Im not looking to be as important as her previous exes. Im looking for a connection you only share with the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Thats definitely not what you have and not something you can ever give someone.
OP, normally I'd just call it quits and let an egomaniac like you to fester in their misery for a bit until they decide they had enough of doing that.
Unfortunately, your predicament is going to affect the trajectory of another person's life by a large, large margin.
Maybe you should focus less on yourself and ask yourself "is this fair to her?"
OH SO it's okay for YOU to have previous sexual experiences and for girls to know that to YOU having sex with them will be as meaningful as your late wife, but NOT when it' the other way around?
Are you sexist or something?
Op, you only know how to deal with the current situation properly by anticipating the results.
Please don't tell me you're actually arguing that thinking about the future doesn't matter when making decisions? You're really going to argue something so fundamentally invalid to try to save face for ruining your Gf's life? Just own your mistakes atleast dude.
Everything in the universe is a series of actions and reactions. For instance, you know that if you put your hand in a fire, your will get burned- so you don't put your hand in the fire because you predicted a bad future and chose to avoid it. The same should be done for your situation right now. Think about the choices you can make, and thing about the probable outcomes of those choices. Obviously you can't predict with 100% accuracy, but you can greatly improve your chances of ending up with a happy future by eliminating choices that will almost definelty lead to a bad future.
>only the first time is special
you just dont get it. Sex is special. Not just the first time. Every time. You have to be trolling me because I dont think you can honestly be this dense.
Yeah it wont compare because mine will be more than just my dick feeling good. Thats what you want from sex. that doesnt have much value to me. It will be special in that it will be the beginning of a series of connections that me and my wife share. Hell the first time I kissed a girl we didnt know what the hell we were doing and it was bad, but it was incredibly special just because of that.
I thoroughly look forward to getting better at sex with my wife. Something others cant look forward to.
If you really think that thinking about it before wouldn't change your mind during/after marriage, you either are buddhist or very confident about your gf's love about you.
Humans change their minds. You can't do anything but accept it. It's everyone nature, so is yours.
Yes, 100% absolutely. What would be unfair to her is letting her rot in a relationship with someone who will never ever respect her. He's asking fucking 4chan if he should end a 3 year relationship ffs
But anyway, yeah, OP, why the hell wouldn't you consider this going in? You knew her sexual history, and you knew your own principles since you were 16. Why would you start a relationship at 19 with someone you knew you would never want to end up with, and then continue to lead her on for three years?
Its okay for anyone in a marriage to have sexual experiences, because the marriage is supposed to be the bond you only share with the most important person. You cant ask for more than that and expect more than that. Theres nothing sexist about that. Ive already said Id be fine if it were sex in a married relationship. Not the degenerate behavior you all engage in.
That's what marriage is for you idiot. We already have a socially established way to show someone that you love them the most.
It's a personal communication as well as a social one.
This is what you sound like:
> OP: "Maria, I love you more than anyone in the workd. I present to you a ball of lint that I have been carrying around for my whole life."
>HER:"oh... Why? Thanks I guess"
>OP: "YOU DO NOT APPRECIATE THE SACRIFICE? Where is MY lint ball? You mean to tell me that you HAVNT been carrying around a ball of lint every day since your birth?! How am I supposed to know if you truely love me?"
My point isnt that you are a degenerate and experienced whore. I only point that out so that you understand our values will never align. Im not here to tell you that being a whore is wrong.
>Maybe you should focus less on yourself and ask yourself "is this fair to her?"
Jesus christ thank you. While I'm entirely confident he's going to be majorly let down regardless of what path he takes, this woman has wasted three years on someone who isnt invested in the relationship.
OP that is stupid and you should know that.
i'm not a virgin and my bf is not either but i've slept with at least twice as much as he have. Which bothered him extremely much in the beginning. But he realized that it didn't really matter because i wouldn't cheat on him and it's not like he can feel i've been with more guys it's sorely a thought and when you get over that there's nothing wrong. we've been together for three years now and are in a very happy and loving relationship hoping to get engaged this year
Your gf have been faithful for three years to you while no sex, that should prove to you she loves you and wants you not everybody else, and you should learn to get over the fact she had sex with others, it's a long time ago she can't change the past, neither can you so why even bother your head with it?
you're together and you're happy why let such a little thing bother you?
you're asking questions about relationships and sex, but you think anyone who has experienced either a degenerate whore. I'm not really sure what you even want... I would tell you to talk to a priest or a monk but even they would think you were retarded.
The fucking arcanines would think you were retarded, actually.
>"exchanging lint balls is a part of marriage. It's more than just the lint balls."
You can't just assign value to random things and expect people to have been following your unique moral code
>Ive already said Id be fine if it were sex in a married relationship.
What if it ends up being a miserable experience for her? What if you two cannot connect in this aspect?
said, 3/4 of the newlyweds that try to do it this way end up divorcing because of this. It turns out to be a pretty big deciding factor if a marriage holds up or not.
It's better to have a breakup as girlfriend/boyfriend then husband/wife.
>"is this fair to her?"
Not fair to her. Not fair to me. Definitely worse case scenario is ignoring the situation and getting married.
Im not about to stay with my girl friend only because Im afraid I wont find someone else. And Im not about to only leave her when I find someone else.
>you shouldnt care about yourself at all
Marriage is what you do when you know you are at that point when you are with the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. You wouldnt get married unless you were confident in your partners love. You treat sex as something less.
>but muh values
Then leave 4chan.
This is the worst place for any hyper-conservative religious person to be in, as a majority of our thoughts go greatly against whatever bible-belt morals and values you have set up in your brain. We are actively the "bad influence" on you.
why the fuck are you here
Lying through omission. All you had to do was tell her at the beginning that you will only marry a virgin. Instead, this poor girl wasted 3 years of her time on a manipulative sack of shit. She could have been looking for someone who actually cares about her.
It's not about finding someone else, it's about weighing your options.
Think about your life plan, and your goals. What is the best method to go about achieving those goals? Which are the main goals and which are the secondary goals?
I'm gonna go ahead and just let you know that you're going to have to compromise somewhere. If your current wife is TOO MUCH of a compromise then that's fine and you should move on- but your next gf may struggle in an area where your last gf was great.
Just try to consider as many factors as possible
You are so selfish. You only want to be approved of. You only want to take from him. Im not going to make you feel better about your past.
I didnt ask a question about sex. You just tried to preach to me about joining your degenerate ways. Obviously I think you are wrong. You think you stand out in a world that preaches for casual sex.
Do you only exchange lint balls with the person you are married to? Because otherwise your analogy fails. You just have meaningless sex and cant see how other people can value it.
Fuck you and your brain-washed christian marriage paranoïa. I never married, never will, and it doesn't stop me considering my wife as the most important person in the world. Yes, she is my wife, and it has nothing to do with marriage.
Marriage is for religious persons, privileges or familiars pressure. If you really love someone more than anything, it has nothing to do with fucking marriage but if you are a little kid watching princess movies.
I'm a religious person who's saving my virginity for marriage and even I think op is acting crazy.
1) I can't believe he dated a girl for 3 years without thinking about their future.
2) he's acting awfully superior for someone who's never even experienced the thing that he's talking about.
I mean I have my views but I don't think they make me better than anyone else, and I certainly wouldn't judge my partner for their past actions in such a way as long as they were willing to wait with me (like op's gf has been doing for 3 years)
I dont see the point of this post.
Oh you have no influence on me. Dont worry there.
>All you had to do was tell her at the beginning that you will only marry a virgin
Its like you didnt read the OP. Not even worth wasting my time.
You are telling me to abandon my values and weigh my options. If I wanted to pick an option like that I would have thrown away my virginity a long time ago.
Op's not even religious he's just an idiot
Yes, you only exchange lint balls with the person you marry.
The argument is the same as the one you've been using, but I replaced sex with lint ball to demonstrate how you're placing a lot of value in something very common that most people do not value
>only christians have moral value
You obviously dont value sex. Being religious actually hurts you here because people do those things because thats what they are told to do and dont actually believe in them. Your reasons are just that you are following what you are told to do.
what you're saying makes absolutely no sense at all! I don't need to feel fine about my past, i'm trying to tell you it doesn't fucking matter, the past is the past and if you really love someone it doesn't matter how many they slept with as long as they are faithful.
No one remembers how sex with previous partners feels after three fucking year, she most likely can't remember a shit about how sex felt with her last partner, just like i sure as hell can't remember how sex feels with other than my bf.
you're being a retard and throwing something away because you have way to low self-esteem and can't handle she had sex with others because "THAT'S UNFAIR" you act like a child "MUUUM THOMAS GOT MORE CAKE THAN ME, WAAAAAH THOMAS IS STUPID"
seriously i think you should leave her, but only because she's waaaaaay to good for you
After reading this thread, I feel nothing but dread for Op and his gf, as this is going to be a total shitshow.
He wants magically tailored advice that'll fix his dilemma, but magic doesn't exist. It takes time to consider the advice and not once has he done it, he has only been arguing nonstop with the people trying to point him in the right direction.
OP, you need to just get off the computer. You've been at this for nearly three hours.
You need to think long and hard about all this, not respond to everything with name calling and excuses. Just get off and ponder.
Did you wait till marriage to exchange lint balls. Its exchanging lint balls some sort of ritual. Because if so then yeah its fine.
But if you think exchanging lint balls has no value you also wouldnt mind if you cheated, I mean exchanged lint balls with someone else right.
i'm not trying to get you to throw away your values- try to understand. Your values are a part of your future. It's like a condition. For example:
Say my goal is to make all A's- but I have a moral condition that I want to make all a's without cheating. How do I do this? By studying a lot. My morals actually helped me narrow down my choices, because before, "cheat" was an option.
So think about your goals.
Say your goal is "I want to have a family". Now apply your condition to it.
"I want to have a family with a girl who is a virgin"
Ok- well now you know what you have to do. Your current GF goes against that moral standard, so you CANT marry her while maintaining your value. You have to choose either her or your values.
If you choose your values, now you know what your next priority is- finding someone who is a virgin to date. As long as that condition is met for you, you can focus on the other aspects of pursuing your dream
abandon ship ASAP, she deserves someone who cares about her, instead of some religious prejudice.
If you seriously consider leaving her over something like this, do it! there wasn't any real love to begin with!
I could value sex with her if she didnt sleep with other people.
>the past is the past
lol this weak argument.
Fortunately I can do this while doing my work. So its not wasting my time.
I dont want to be pointed into the direction of degenerates. If I wanted to join you I would have a long time ago.
Haha I'm actually a woman so I wouldn't be able to help her much. I feel very sorry for her though, given this circumstance.
What an arrogant view you have. I guess I already knew that by the way you referred to others as "degenerates". You shouldn't assume that I'm only doing things because I'm told to do them.
In fact, my perspective is actually close to yours. I want my first time to be with the person I have married, because I want to give my full self to them. I believe that is a duty of mine as a woman of God.
I also know that this is in part to protect me. What if I gave myself to someone and they broke up with or cheated on me? I'd be heartbroken. By waiting until marriage to give my full devotion to a man, I am saving myself from emotional pain that could potentially make my heart bitter.
Unlike you, I wouldn't care if my partner had made those "unwise choices" in the past because a huge component of Christianity is to forgive.
As long as the person I married was able to appreciate my waiting for them and wait along side me until our marriage day, then I'll be perfectly happy.
You're being terrible, she deserves someone mature you're acting like a child and you know it.
The past is the past yes, you can't change what you've done when you were teenager and you should know that. you can't even change what happened yesterday.
You went into a relationship knowing she wasn't a virgin now three years later with her not having sex to respect you, you don't want to be with her because again as acting like a child "SHE GOT MORE CAKE THAN ME WHAAA"
it's so stupid, you say in the beginning if you went out and screwed around you could be with her, but you know the next girl you will date are probably not a virgin either and it is sooo important that the person you give it to gives you hers too right?
because three years without sex to respect you is not giving you anything. You're being a terrible person and should break up with her so she can go get someone who really loves her
Dude the whole point is that no one expects you to exchange lint balls.
It's something totally random that suddenly popped up as a crazy random requirement that one individual person has for marrying someone.
You have to deal with the consequences of your actions.
>because three years without sex to respect you is not giving you anything.
3 years. kek. try your entire life.
>it's so stupid, you say in the beginning if you went out and screwed around you could be with her
whats stupid about facts. Having moral values is not wanting more cake. Youre just another degenerate saying people who dont engage in degenerate behavior are just mad they are missing out on said degenerate behavior.
Yes, I do have to deal with the consequences of my actions, just like everyone else does. I'm not sure why you mentioned that?
Is it because I said that I'd forgive someone for having slept around before?
I believe there's no reason to hold grudges if someone isn't going to repeat the mistakes they made.
Plus, those actions already had consequences. I'm not in charge of bringing forth justice for things that I disagree with. Those types of things have their own consequences (like heartbreak, regret, pregnancy).
It would be unfair for me to try to punish someone for making a choice in their past that I simply happened to disagree with.
Anything that has been deemed bad by society has a legal punishment, and in my belief, anything that has been deemed bad by God has a spiritual punishment.
>leave her because she's not the virgin you deserve
>leave her because she deserves someone who cares about her and not some superficial requirement.
pick one, either way the thing you need to do is the same so what is it you still want advise on?
>You know, honey, before we take our relationship further, you need to know something. I absolutely can't marry you if you are not a virgin.
Would it have been so hard to tell her at the beginning?
OP is an idiot.
He only cares for himself.
He has bullshit irrational logic believing that because his girlfriend has slept with other people she is sleeping around.
OP is also irrational to believe that if you have sex outside of a marriage then that sex is meaningless.
OP is a sheltered kid growing up in fairy tale beliefs. He argues like a toddler, missing the point of an argument trying to solidify his own.
There's a word for people like OP.
More importantly, OP's psychology of reasoning is that of a toddler's.
OP thinks sex is only special in a marriage and it's not special outside of marriage, and if people sleep outside of a marriage then sex is meaningless to them. When in reality sex is pretty meaningful, it's why we do it.
So get blown the fuck out of here OP lol I hope you break up with your girlfriend tonight.
OP also believes that it's fine to lose his virginity with a woman who has lost her virginity in a previous marriage, but it's not fine to lose his virginity with a woman who had sex outside of a marriage.
That's just backwards logic.
>Hurr durr it MEANS something if I lose my virginity to a person who lost hers to her married exes, but it DOESN'T mean something if I lose my virginity to a person who lost hers outside of marriage.
In which case there is no hope for OP. Marriage is not special. Most people get married to get divorced and take half their spouses shit. Most people get divorced in marriages.
This is literally what I meant by sex is sex. In this scenario, neither one is greater or lesser. The degree is arbitrary, and only a fool would believe otherwise.