I'm 24 and still haven't gotten my first boyfriend yet.
But at this point the relationship I fantasised about all those years when I was a teenager is impossible.
I'll never have a passionate youthful teenage relationship or a sexual awakening
What's even the point now?
It's really depressing.
How do I get out of this depression?
you dont what happens is you start getting close to 30 and feel that clock ticking and you settle for somebody you dont really love who just acts as a provider, your shot at a loving marriage and long term relationship is nearly over
OP I'm sure you could find some awkward boy to do awkward things with right here on this site. Just look at this poor fella: >>16843250
He's offering to be your boyfriend and all he has seen of you is a few words. So cute right?
Teenage relationships have no emotional fulfillment and there is nothing for you there unless you have the brain of a teenager.
Your teenage days may be past you, OP, but that doesn't mean you can't love someone, and be loved in return. Sure ,it won't be the same, but that doesn't mean it's automatically worse. It's easy to forget ourselves in the past, but it's important to live in the now, too. Good luck.
Teenage relationships are so innocent... its hard to find it when youre older.
The bad part about it is there's a lot of irrational things going on with teenage hormones constantly fluxing about. Love alone provokes irrational action, teenage love even more so.
It isn't meant to act as a substitute. Like I said, the teenage years are gone, you aren't going to have the experience you want. My point is that you can still achieve love, and that it isn't necessarily a bad thing in comparison.
Teenage relationships are absolute shit. You missed out on nothing. They aren't sweet and innocent idealized little gems. You can still have a sweet, caring relationship now. The kind of relationship you have is based on the person you're with, not your ages.
I met my current girlfriend when I was 27 and she was 24 and I feel everything I felt when I had crushes on girls in middle school or high school. She's just incredible. I think anybody can find someone that does that for them.
You don't know what you missed out on, only an idea from what you heard on movies.
So how can you possibly know what it feels like to have missed something you never actually experienced?
Maybe you had a bad experience.
My first love was in my teenage years.
Yeah it was absoliutely dreadful and confusing, but at 15, having a girl come over your house as you skip school and not worry about paying bills and status and what not is definitely more innocent than "adult" relationships.
In teenage relationships, you have a a chance to grow with your partner in their developmental years which could be a good or bad thing.
I'm sorry but teenage love isn't real because it's very hard to havean emotional experience with the profundity of "love" when you'rea teenager. When it happens, which, you're 24, it will probably happen, you'll know. Just sit back and relax and focus on yourself.
If it helps OP I am more or less like you and I only had two teenage relationships (no sex though for various reasons, but the passion was there). They sucked because I was anxious and moody as a teenager. Now things are much better because I am much better.
Don't obsess over things that you can't change. You can't turn back the clock, and neither can we.
24 is hardly an old woman, so you're being ridiculous. Stop moaning and whining about the past, there's nothing to be done about it, and you're just acting like a baby. Look to the future. Start learning to put yourself out there.
If it makes you feel better, the fantasies you've got in your head about a "passionate youthful teenage relationship or a sexual awakening" RARELY work out that way in real life. You probably enjoy those fantasies more than most girls enjoy their first time, or their first boyfriend. The truth is most young people don't know what they want, don't know how to treat each other, and aren't emotionally equipped to be in a relationship. Many of these relationships pretty much end in heartbreak, sometimes rough enough to leave people bitter and untrusting for the rest of their lives. MANY girls have a "sexual awakening" when an older guy pretty much grooms and molests them.
In many ways, you dodged a lot of pitfalls by waiting until you're a bit older, more mature, more experienced with people. A lot of 24-year-olds would do ANYTHING to have a clean slate again. So you could look at it as a positive, rather than fucking whining and self-pitying all day long.
I've always put myself out there. I've just been unsuccessful.
Let's say I'm lucky enough to get my first boyfriend now. So what? It's not going to be anything like what I want, it will just be a boring adult relationship,
I don't have a clean slate I've had my heart broken by people who I liked but didn't like me back. I've been severely bullied by people to the point where I don't trust anyone who's nice to me.
I don't have any of the relationship experience that most of my peers have. They're the ones who are well equipped to deal with relationships, I'm not
Where the fuck is the positive in any of this
Sounds like an odd thing to be depressed about. Are you actually sure that this is it? You sure it's not just a longing for the past because you don't consider yourself doing as well as you'd like right now?
>Let's say I'm lucky enough to get my first boyfriend now. So what? It's not going to be anything like what I want, it will just be a boring adult relationship
How do you know that? Adult relationships can be MUCH better than teenage relationships. Ask literally anyone who has experienced both.
The problem is that you're dwelling on the past and clinging to a fantasy. Just open your fucking eyes and look ahead. Keep an open mind. You're not going to get anywhere by crying over spilled milk, so just get over it
Jesus God, and I thought I was a cynical fuck. Believe it or not, there's plenty of men out there who didn't have young love either, who'd try their damndest to replicate a passionate and innocent relationship. Only a small percentage of young lovers actually marry each other, so its not like you missed out on finding a husband, and Ive known several guys that got charged with stautory rape for having underage sex. If you've given up all hope on relationships, ok, but its a shitty reason to do so just because you never got to experience the impossible, romanticized version of young love that happens more in movies than in real life.
Why do you presume you could ever get a relationship that isn't boring? And why not now if you could have one in the past?
Your past experiences don't have to color your future so much.
It seems you have a view of teenage relationships that's a bit too romantic. Especially considering you've never had one. Relationship experience isn't really required if your partner is good at that stuff. Sure, leaves you more vulnerable I guess.
>Male complains about not being able to get a girlfriend
Stop being a fat loser!
Get some hobbies you fucking weirdo!
Buy some better clothes!
>Woman complains about not being able to get a boyfriend
There's the right man out there for you.
Please, tell me about your emotions and we'll talk about what they mean.
I'd be willing to give you a shot, anon.
You're young and there's still plenty of time!
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Fuck all of you faggot and your pandering bullshit.
Not me, friendo. The problem with men vs women is that men have to work to get girls, so generally its just a matter of motivating them into improving themesleves. Girls get so much attention anyway that any girl who cries about being foreveralone probably has some deeply rooted emotional issues that no amount of time in the gym or job will fix. That's why I left this reply >>16843349
because I get resentful towards women who act all hopeless and depressed when over all, I think men have it worse.
Guys I've figured out a way to not feel so depressed
Some people miss out on having parents or having legs. My missing out on early relationships is just my own personal misfortune just like people have other ones.
I think it's because people talk about early relationships like they're a universal experience, which makes you feel inferior and depressed when you haven't and will never experience it
Just like the way people talk about having mothers or legs or whatever like it's a universal experience. But it's not.
And I'm not inferior or subhuman because I was rejected by everyone growing up. I'm just different.
That's a very fair point. I'm a virgin everyone I've known have had sex now. I really want sex, didn't really care for it before. Very similar to your ideas about teen romance.
Didn't view it like that at all, I thought I was just sexually frustrated by now.
That's your problem OP
You have high expectations. You're also probably bitter and jealous. I had a teenage relationship and let me tell you right now that it's filled with irrational arguments and even more irrational behaviour.
It's riddled with exaggerated expectations and trends, like "text me at 6 AM EVERY morning because that's when I get up and I want to see your text before I shower and do my hair and get ready for school and then go to my classes. I don't want to wait until LUNCH to hear from you." And other bull shit like that.
You think teenage relationships are so innocent? Get your head out of anime culture, even the Japanese portray teenage relationships as a rebellious phase. People that put those type of things on a pedestal often get disappointed and shy away from those experiences, even more so whenever you fantasize about anything, your mind tricks itself into believing it has already accomplished it and experienced it, therefore you never really get to experience it at all.
Instead of dreaming, fantasizing, and having high expectations, I suggest you just do it. Don't judge the guys you meet and just have fun meeting guys of any size, age, or culture. You set yourself up for disappointment otherwise.
And going back to teenage relationships, the kind that last for 2-6 months. They are horrendous. Especially when you're about to graduate, because then you both have to make a decision whether to go to a school YOU want to go to, or go to the same school, and then whether you take the programs YOU want to take, or both of you pursue the same degrees.
In any case, relationships, feelings, and emotional connections are all messy things. They are messy and seldom few people fully realise most of that shit even past their 20's.
So even though you absolutely convinced yourself you'll never have a "teenage" relationship, whatever the hell you mean by that, let it be known that people in their 20's are basically still teenagers.
>Instead of dreaming, fantasizing, and having high expectations, I suggest you just do it.
Hah, if I could just do it I would have had a relationship many years ago.
I've never been successful at getting a relationship, I wouldn't know how to get a guy to like me in that way.
Whoa guys let me translate for you:
>I've never had a guy whom I thought was attractive enough for me like me. They've always friend zoned me. Why are all the good guys taken? No boys like me...
Fuck off you dumb cunt.
Instead of doing the bait technique why don't you just genuinely get to know a guy, see if you like anything about him, then build the relationship to get to know him more.
You are seeing relationships as a status instead of a process.
Literally talk to a guy, ask him about his life, listen, talk about yourself in line with his response. See if he's actually worth talking to.
I have no standards only except that they don't look diseased and they're not an asshole.
I have had crushes on guys that my friends think are very ugly and make fun of me for it.
That's how you make friends with a guy. I have plenty of guy friends
Out of the male friends who I've liked romantically, all of them didn't feel the same way.
If I could just get a boyfriend by getting to know a guy I would have had relationship many years ago.
Translating is busy work!
>I only go for guys that aren't diseased or assholes. Oh they also have to have a nice body, a good face, have a good job, and have many interesting hobbies. My friends made fun of me for going after a guy who made less than $100k/year. He was so cute though...
Wading through your bullshit is tiring work.
The basis of all great romantic relationships starts from a good friendship.
Anyway, you've tried baiting them in... Doesn't work. So you try to actively search for one.. Couldn't find one.
Do you even. Know what you are looking for?
Anyways, you seem hungry for romance. Don't be.
I want a guy who likes me back in a romantic way that I can have an intimate relationship with.
It's normal to want to be loved and experience a romantic relationship where you and the person are special to each other. I wouldn't know how to switch that off.
> my own personal misfortune
Oh fuck, a professional victim. Yeah, that's going to be attractive.
Life is what life is. Hell, I wanted a billion dollars by my age. Didn't happen. Stop whining about how life isn't fair and go pay yo bills, nigga.
That's all it takes for a guy to get with you, just to be interested in you romantically?
What makes this person special is just the fact that he wants to romantically be involved in you?
And no one's taken the bait yet?
Sheesh. You must have something else you're not telling us.
OK then. Start being assertive. Nobody expects quality openers from a girl. You can say 'I really like you' to a stranger and he'd respond however he felt. If you're already friends that's better ofc.
Maybe you're ugly?
Maybe you're boring?
Maybe you're un interesting or don't look approachable?
Maybe you have a weird fetish?
Maybe you are looking for someone who is more interesting?
Maybe you're not satisfied with your current pick of male friends and you blame it on the rest of male population?
Stuff like that
I'm definitely not very pretty but apart from surgery I've done everything I could to make the most of what I have
People say I'm very interesting and know a lot
I'm not sure what would make me look unapproachable
I don't think I have a weird fetish that I know of
I'm looking for anyone
I would date any of my male friends but they don't want me as anything more than a friend
Passionate isn't a word I would use for teenage relationships, it's full of drama, broken friendships and fights over silly little things that don't really matter. You do know that most boys in their teens and early twenties are still children, a lot of them expect everything in life to be offered to them on a silver platter and have no sense of responsibility whatsoever. Some of them take to late twenties or even early thirties to truly grow up.
Relationships get a lot more passionate and romantic at mid twenties when some of the boys stop playing around and eventually (hopefully) turn in to men. So you still have at least a good 10 years of lovey dovey a head of you.
Fuck you. Seriously. Fuck you. You're a perfectly normal looking person. You have no excuse. I fucking hate people like you who waste their youth and good looks. Fucking fuck I want to punch you in your stupid face I hate you so much.
Because you're full of shit and always make excuses. Fuck you. I fucking hate you. I wish I could have what you do. Fucking fuck I'm 10/10 mad right now. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt through this entire thread but now I know you're just a scared little girl who makes up excuses as to why she's never had a boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with you physically. Fucking use it you gigantic douche.
>What's even the point now?
Because there is still fulfillment to be had in a good relationship even if it doesn't meet the impossible expectations you had.
>How do I get out of this depression?
With realistic expectations for a relationship.
>How is a teenage relationship an 'impossible expectation'?
Because it's an idealized relationship as viewed by a teenager's definition of what an ideal relationship is.
That should be all you need to know. And if you don't understand, you will in about 5 more years.
OP I read the whole thread and thought about it for maybe half an hour. There's two possibilities:
1. If truly, honestly, no males have ever been remotely interested in you all your life then you're a bitch. A huge, complete bitch. Guys are willing to put up with a lot when it comes to bitching, every husband sleeps on the couch after his wife screams at him for no reason. So if you're actually a big enough bitch to keep anyone from being interested ever then you are a MASSIVE cunt. And before you tell me you aren't I want you to spend a day or two thinking about it. Very few people are assholes on purpose, and it's hard to tell because people who are close to you (family, long term friends) either don't see it because you act differently around them or won't tell you because they don't want to hurt your feelings.
So think long and hard about whether you might be a horrible person. Without meaning to and without knowing, maybe you're awful to be around.
2. Guys have shown interest in you and you shut them all down.
In which case everyone else has already said to lower your standards.
Because you're already 24. You could just wait "for the right guy" until you're 40, and guess what? All the 40 year old singles will either be obese bald businessmen or construction workers with a police record a mile long and bodies that are falling apart after decades of manual labor. College guys are at their peak, hitting the gym and in their sexual prime - this is the best looking dating pool you'll ever have in your life. If no one's good enough for you now then no one will be good enough for you when you're older.
The best sex is mostly about love and trust and looks aren't that important.
I never say anything nasty to people, I'm not passive aggressive, I have a compulsion to do favours to people and give my lunch away
So I don't think I'm a horrible person
As for lowering my standards I don't have high standards I just want someone to like me in a romantic way
I've never shut anyone down
I'm so lonely.
The only other possible answers are that you're severely autistic and don't understand that "I really like you do you want to go on a date sometime" is being asked out (IE you don't think anyone's been interested but they have)
Or that you're Muslim and people are scared of your parents.
I think you would've said either of those so I'm going to stick with what I said in the previous post.
Have you ever thought "I just don't like him in THAT WAY"? You subconsciously conveyed your rejection with body language and tone etc.
I've never been asked out on a date or had any guy tell me that they really like me
Hmm, I can't really recall thinking anything like that
How do you reject someone with body language?
It's really not all that special. Teenagers are particularly stupid, it's not like those movies.
Stupid fights because people expect their partners to be mind readers. Refusal to communicate. Conflating lust with love. Blah blah.
>Teenage relationships are so innocent...
Teenagers are assholes, and that doesnt magically stop when they start dating.
Like seriously OP you're pretending you know more about what a teenage relationship is like than people who've actually gone through one.
By your reaction towards touching (hand on shoulder, pat on the back, the look on your face when he goes in for a hug)
By your reactions when he tries to open up and be more vulnerable and not just making small talk, if he's trying to get personal and you come off as cold or disinterested that's a major sign.
You look alright but that's one picture. You say you're nice but few adults are mean on purpose. Acne covered whales, raging bitches and girls in wheelchairs can all get boyfriends. Unless there's a major thing you're not telling us the problem is your personality.
now you know how the average man feels like after being rejected his whole life and the only time they will pay attention to him is because they want his money after he made something out of himself.
Got my first when I was your age, kinda regret those bf-less years before, although I've never really met anyone as right for me as that first one. I felt the same, then it simply happened.
20's guy here. Got out of a relationship with a 20's woman. Started dating a teenage girl.
Made me remember the times of teenager-ness with girl 1 I somehow blocked. I don't know how I didn't see it then, but young love is so filled with drama and nerves and anxiety that holy shit.
Short version is this, OP. You're a woman? Why would you want a "man's" relationship? i.e. with a woman. You wouldn't, right? Because it doesn't fit you.
Well, now you're in your twenties, and likewise a teenage relationship won't fit you.
As to what you missed out on, I don't consider relationships with older men to be trying to substitute a fatherly relationship, I don't see relationships with young people to stimulate younger sibling dynamics, friends to be childhood friends, etc.
Accept things for what they are, instead of what you want them to be. You _can't_ be young again. So appreciate what you have now.