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I want to fuck but my boyfriend doesn't.
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So, backstory.
We've been together for a good half year and we're really physically close to each other. Except.. He's really uncomfortable with sex. Doesn't stop him from being a pervert, or watching porn, but when it comes to anything with real people.. Well..
And the best part is, we're both virgins.

I've concluded that he's either asexual or gay. I'm leaning towards the second.

What should I do?
>>
dont have sex? why would you?
there are no reason to have sex anyway
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>>16842418
sex is fun kiddo
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>>16842399
He's not gay, he's just nervous and doesn't want to disappoint you. Just grab his dick and take the lead.
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>>16842423
But what if he means it? He says he doesn't want to do it, ever.
I don't want to sexually harass him.
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>>16842431
What's his reasoning for being a raging masturbatron and refusing to have sex with you, someone who wants him and likes him? Does he have problems with other activities together with you? Is he awkward?
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>>16842437
As far as I know, he doesn't have anyone else. Ad no, we do everything together. Literally everything. He's pretty awkward with others, but I guess he feels at ease with me because we've known each other for so long.
I'd say I'm okay, I have a great body. I'm not fat or anything. Pretty average. And, on several unrelated occasions I've sent him pics of me in underwear, he has them all saved in a hidden folder on his phone. So it's not that I'm unattractive..
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>>16842399
>uncomfortable with sex
>still watches porn and beats his dick

Just dump this retard and find yourself an actual man.
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>>16842447
Grab his dick. Lure him to a private place do something unsuspicious together, get closer to him kiss him and go from there. If he is at ease with you he won't mind unless dicklet and major insecurities. How comfortable are you together bodily? Do you hug, cuddle, kiss? If no, first you need to break those barriers.
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>>16842460
We do all that, yep. We did that before we even started dating. But we didn't date for so long because he didn't want to fuck.
I should have known what I was getting into. But 6 months is a long time.
>>
>>16842399
Your boyfriend's beta af and probably scared of disappointing you, you'll have to take the lead if you want it. He may also suffer from porn induced erectile dysfunction, do some googling on that. Or he has a micropenis, in which case I'm sorry for that poor fuck.

Have you talked to him about sex before?
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>>16842399
How old are you? You sound like two kids not comfortable with sex.
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>>16842486
If you try to approach him sexually, how does he react. If you kiss and cuddle, grabbing his dick is only a simple move.
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>>16842488
Yea. I know stuff about his habits nobody else does. It's never awkward to talk about anything related, but..
But I never directly asked him because I'm kind of scared of scaring him off. I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

>>16842489
We're both college students.
But I guess we're both late bloomers. Have no idea how this stuff is.

>>16842493
He replies casually, I suppose.
But I don't know, I think my chances are better if we actually agree on something beforehand instead of spontaneously doing it.
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>>16842399
First, get off 4chan, underage b&

Secondly, ask him to stop watching porn. That's what's killing his sex drive. Third, kiss him and make out with him more. The combo of no porn and heavy kissing will turn him around, no doubt
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>>16842526
He's a virgin. He has zero experience with initiating sex it responding to you initiating sex. Just be very direct and handle his insecurities. Guys like to think about sex as a performance thing. Make him forget this. Be spontaneous, if you give him Tom to thou too much, he will overthink it.
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Huge chance he has erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or dick issues.

Congratulations, you're fucked, but only metaphorically. It takes a shitload of patience, love and understanding to deal with those issues and maybe even then you won't.

I suffer from one of those and relationships DO.NOT.WORK. Even if YOU manage to sort of be ok with the heavily disappointing sex, he won't be ok with not satisfying you, he will feel inferior, he will eat himself on the inside and so on.

There is no good way to handle those issues. Literally the only thing you can do is assure him you will be with him despite them. But even then he probably won't believe you...
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>>16842422
Says the virgin...
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>>16842564
Ahhhhahahahahahaha
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>>16842399
Rape him. The courts will side with you
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>>16842559
I heard that guys just are too nervous their first few times, and then it goes away with experience.
What if it's just that?
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>>16842604
Ask him why. Has he given you a reason? No sex is a pretty big deal breaker for me, and he should know if it's a big issue for you.
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>>16842604
It is, that other anon is a fucking lunatic.
You're both virgins. It's fucking scary. He wants to impress you your first time, but it's also his first time. He doesn't know what he's doing and he could be scared of any number of things.

Hell, I'm not a virgin and sex STILL scares the bejesus out of me because I'm pretty sure I'm fucking terrible at it, and it always fills me with an unbelievably amount of guilt.

Try making the first move, if you havent yet give him some head. Try breaking the ice for him, it'll help show him you enjoy it just as much as he does and the entire weight of "good sex" isn't solely on his shoulders.
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>>16842677
Uh. Well he just says he doesn't want to. I really don't want to pry because as I mentioned before, I seriously don't want to scare him off.
He told me he got close to it once with another girl, but he couldn't.
And after some other experiences, he just wishes to avoid that forever.
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>>16842698
What experiences?
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>>16842698
Well, now you need to decide if that's a dealbreaker. Can you go the rest of your life with no sex? Is he willing to let you have sex with others to satisfy your needs?
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Same situation here, but I'm the girl and the one who cannot manage to get comfortable with sex.
Was a virgin too, but I was kind of forced in the end to do it.

My only suggestion would be, to just don't force it. Please. It makes everything worse and sickeningly terrible. Just talk through it with him, it is that probably he does want to, but not now. It is likely that he never meant "to never ever" do it.

If you have any questions please do ask.
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>>16842778
Alright, you ARE aware that this is a huge deal for many people? It's kind of unfair to expect someone who wants sex to just kind of wait around until a day that may never come. Would you blame someone for leaving you over this?
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Look, the thing is, he told me he never wanted to and so I never developed it farther or I guess even expressed my ideas directly to him, just hinted. I don't want to scare him off or harass him and even bringing this up directly will scare him away, I think.
But at the same time I must be dicked.
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>>16842788
No, I wouldn't blame someone. It'd be completely acceptable and normal.

Thing is, they wouldn't leave.
>>
Just fucking talk to him. Bring up the situation and ask him why he doesn't want to take the relationship to the next step. When asking say it in a supporting way so he feels comfortable saying his reason, and that you just want to know the reason. Don't make it about you and your needs because this is about him, and if you bring your needs into it it will just put more pressure on him.
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>>16842820
lmfao if you didn't let me see other girls I totally would. Are you referring to someone specifically?
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>>16842790
Well, is it a big enough deal to break up over? If so, ask him if you can fuck other dudes. If that fails, leave him.
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>>16842836
Sorry what do you mean by someone specifically?
It is my boyfriend, and I just needed time.

That or I'm either some asexual rubbish or just depressed as fuck.
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>>16842858
well you SOUND kind of depressed. The question is: why don't you want to have sex? Do you have some past trauma? Do you masturbate? Are you embarrassed of your body? Do you not have any sexual urges? Is it just your boyfriend? Are you attracted to other men?
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>>16842399
he's afraid he will do bad, talk to him about it retard
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>>16842790
Why must you be dicked? You have waited this long for it haven't you?
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>>16842399

this smacks of catholic guilt

Any chance he was raised a strict Catholic?
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Op communication is key, like so many have said just talk through it. Ffs it's not that hard
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>>16842880
I'm trying to figure out why I don't want to.
Haven't had any past/sexual related trauma, I used to masturbate a few years ago and was quite sexual at times not totally frigid like now. But even in the past I used to feel a bit sick and nauseous after having reached an orgasm.
I'm not embarrassed of my body at all.

I'd be into both genders, more into women maybe. But not as much to make me feel attracted/feel urges. I'd literally have to force myself to get myself think something sexual. Same goes for while I'm feeling "pleasure", I've got to keep myself concentrated in order to perceive pleasure as such and not as something else.

That, and my boyfriend is a fat whale. But I don't really mind and don't know how much this could be affecting me since what I said earlier.

Sorry for this long ass rubbish, I'd actually appreciate it anyone even caring to read this post.
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>>16842979
> fat whale boyfriend

that sucks, tell him to lose weight even if you're asexual.
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>>16842990
He sticks to fasting, pretending it's the way to go.
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>>16843017
well, I'd say that's the first thing to try. he won't get un-fat unless he stops eating garbage. you sound pretty unsatisfied with him and your life, so you should probably do something
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>>16842399
idk op, in a similar situation. I just have a weird feeling when physical intimacy starts and i get uneasy and i avoid it. I'm not fat but i have had trauma when i was very little.

>>16843017
just control his diet and not allow him to eat shit. unless he takes that sort of thing personally, good bit of people wouldn't mind it though.
>>
Your boyfriend is like me so ill bump
>>
If he was gay, he'd want buttsex.
Your first time should be with someone experienced, not an idiot who doesn't know what he's doing.
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>>16843041
I really do love him, the only reason I made him understand that he should lose weight is because of his health. Not just because of him being a fat neckbeard sitting around doing nothing all time.

I have always been psychologically unstable, but I did put that aside and managed for years to make things rights, working hard in order to improve things in our lives. Changed country, worked my loli bones to death, endured physical and psychological abuse and then again worked my guts out despite everything to get into uni and make things okay. I ignored myself every time he was going through a bad time and helped him out successfully every single time. To make him happy, and he is.

But I just keep seeing trash. I don't expect anything, don't get me wrong, I don't want to be praised or anything. I just want things to be fine for once, and avoid seeing all my effort, all what I grew in these years being ruined or trashed. I am just losing my grip, and I feel instability increasing loosely. The one I always felt, long before anything.

>>16843069
He wouldn't take it personally, I will just try to remark these kind of things more often I guess.
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>>16843169
he sounds awfully abusive.
are you sure you're not just with him because of being lonely or thinking there's no one else?
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Porn turns people into voyeurs. He probably feels unattractive and sexually incompetent compared to the stallions in porn.
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>>16842399
if your both virgin when he watches porn he is trying to drop a hint. tell him to turn it off and you will make your own (hint, hint)
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>>16842399
He doesnt want to have sex. Maybe he thinks sex is something important and wants to wait til marriage. Stop acting like a slut when you arent. You come off as a repressed slut from the OP. Try getting a bf who enjoys you acting like a slut. Your current one clearly has moral value and hes not for sluts like you.
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>>16844190
He's j7st honest with me. He hides his porn anyway but still mentions it casually
If I ask him to show me, he says no because it's weird.
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>>16844177
pretty sure she didn't imply he was abusing her, just regaling what she went through and endured for his sake while he isn't even putting out.

>>16843169
You said yourself you're not stable. that in its self is generally not a good start for most relationships.

Here's some times though, make you and your relationship potentially better.

For sex:
find out what his kinks are, what he faps to, if it's vanilla stuff it might be harder, but if he has specific fetishes you might be able to work your way in, he might be nervous and you might need to just get the courage to be a little more aggressive in a certain manner that fits his kinks, getting him to open up after might be easier.

Getting him to lose weight:
A lot of people don't know how to eat properly, it's a big problem. Stay away from almost all drinks except water, no candy or anything artificially packed with sugar, most everything else is fine.

Help him become a better more productive person:
This one is a little harder and takes a little more effort, being positive and motivational is a generally easy thing to do, but can take a lot of will power. actively taking interests and showing him that productive things are worth his time can help some one advance quite a bit.


It's all quite a bit to do and take a lot out of certain people. Don't feel pressured. your original issue was just getting him to have sex, maybe he's just a little self conscious, just s his d.
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>>16844236
Hi, im op and that person and I have nothing to do with each other.
here's their first post
>>16842778

My boyfriend is very fit and I think is less extreme than anon's guy
>>
he has to quit porn
like completely

only way to fix his shit
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Wow some serious fucking angst posting in this thread.

OP theres nothing wrong with wanting a healthy sexual relationship with yer boyf. There's also nothing wrong with him not being ready to have sex.

If he's got a trauma around sex, get him to see a therapist. If he's just religious or super moral, time to break up
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>>16842447
>he has them all saved in a hidden folder on his phone.

Why were you snooping on his phone?
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>>16842399
What type of faggot has a girlfriend and does not fuck her.

To be honest you're one of those girls who probably expect the guy to read their minds and magicly know that they want to fuck. But in reality you give absolutely no clues.

He probably assumes because you're a virgin you don't want to have sex.
>>
Ask him to introduce you to porn.
During porn session, offer to touch and ask to be touched.
Graduate to oral, ficki ficki, anal, threesomes and bestie.

After that, you can level up to lovemaking.
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>>16844177
I meant as >>16844236 said, I was referring to the stuff I had to endure for his sake.

>>16844236
you mixing up things, I'm not OP.

Sorry OP, I just sneaked in your thread without being of any help with my own issues.
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>>16846848
Wait, you're not the person who suggested I don't rush into it?
>>
he has a small penis

or thinks he has one
Thread replies: 62
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