A big thanks to all my friends for leaving me in my hour of need. I know I'm not perfect and I'm trying to kick the drug habits. But you guys leaving me and ignoring me isn't helping. In fact it set me back a great deal emotionally.
And to the girl I fell for, Thanks for everything. You are one of the few people who has actually helped. I just wish life could make it possible for us to be together (assuming you still feel anything).
Hey, I miss you. I hope you're doing alright and I hope we talk soon, but I'll understand if we don't talk for a bit. Just know that I'm here to help, if you need me, message me. Keep your head up and remember to keep moving forward. I believe in you. Much love
It has been 6 months since we split and I still think of you every day. I know you would never admit it, but I can't shake the feeling that you miss me too. I know it will be quite some time more before a day passes without thought of you. Why do you think things are better this way? What do we have to gain by doing this?
I just woke from yet another nightmare in which you sprung from; this time I woke in a cold sweat after seeing you in the dream for only a few seconds. I'm really tired, even exhausted. I just want one nights sleep without the past looming over me as a constant reminder. Please, leave.
I feel like you're the kind of person to browse this website - not necessarily this board. You're too much of a narcissist for that. In any case, I'm happy you're no longer in my life, but I am irritated that you still come to mind. After you gaslighted me for months and then tried to tell me I was crazy - you can't tell somebody you want to be in a relationship, sleep in bed with them, spend the night with them on valentine's day, beg for them to give you chance after chance after chance... and then turn around and tell them you would never want to date someone like them, they're crazy, they're making it up, etc. And then blame it on 'oh I was probably drunk lol'. You're honestly pathetic, and probably the most textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder I've ever seen before in my life - and I only say this with confidence because I was diagnosed when I was 15. I've spent a lot of time studying up on it - there's a reason I'm going to school for my degree in clinical psychology, after all. Despite my rambling, I'm not upset - I didn't love you, but you occupied my time for 16 very long months. I am lucky that, during our small break in December, I found someone else. He seems to really care about me, so the transition is quite easy. Still, thanks for the memories. Our first kiss was one of the only times I actually felt anything, in my life. My heart still swells, now. I'll keep that nostalgia tucked away for a long time, but in the present day, you never existed. I won't blink when I see you again. Here's to a memory. Fondly, M
The only thing keeping me here is our son. I hate you because you're a self-centered, psychopathic moron who feels free to use me as a verbal punching bag whenever the littlest fucking thing goes wrong with your day and all you have to excuse yourself is "I was abused as a child". Well fuck you I was abused too you don't see me straight up lying to you and blaming you for shit that has nothing to do with you. If it were just us I would rather cut ties with everyone I know and live in my car than spend another day with you, but it's not just us. I wish you could grow the fuck up and be a real human adult if only so you don't pass on any of your insanity to our son but I suppose that's too much to hope for.
I want to kill myself every day because I know that I'm stuck with you for life.
you're actually turning out to be a bit of a shit friend. Why are you such an opinionated and blunt person? I was actually feeling pretty happy today but if whatever it was I was talking to D about was personally making you cringe then damn, good thing you came and told me then. Thanks for letting me know.
T- Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for showing me you love me. Thanks for making me happy in hard times... I know we've had some trouble but we've been destined to love one another. Forever. I'm happy of the years we've had and I can't wait for more. If only you'd come back.
I think I love you. We have nothing in common but you inspire me to be better than I am. It's a selfish kind of love, I'll admit. But I care for you deeply and I find myself wishing that you weren't so far away, or that I wasn't such a fuckup. I find myself getting antsy if you haven't replied for a couple of hours on Facebook, and I hate it when I know you've screened my messages.
So I think I have to let this one go. It's a shame too - because I still want to be better than I am - but I have some work to do before I can go out with you.
K, I fell for you hard. I feel like I'm finally over you, but there's always something that brings back feelings for you. I'm sorry for fucking things up over and over again. You never really deserved all the bullshit. I can faithfully say that I've gotten help and have changed considerably from when we met. I'm just taking the mature route of leaving you alone because it seems to be the right thing to do. I hope everything is going your way and that things are good for you.
Can't believe I'm still thinking of you at all, but proud to announce that it's not in the way it used to be. I'm over you. I'm finally fucking over you. It took almost 5 years, a nasty breakup, and the death of a brother, but I don't HAVE to think about you anymore. I don't lay awake at night trembling in rage at the thought of you and what you did. I could care less if you fuck with M's head again. No one I know likes you anymore. You are finally completely out of my life and that is so incredibly freeing.
So enjoy your life. Enjoy your shitty job at Olive Garden. Have fun with your ugly baby that looks just like your ugly baby daddy. I hope you despair that you're the last of the pretty girls in your family because honestly a bit of beauty is all your fucked up family had going for it anyway. Your finally out of my life for real so stay the fuck out. Don't send me another friend request. Don't come around my neighborhood. Don't even talk about me to other people. Let it go.
T I have missed you more than I should these past few days. I hope and pray that we get to spend some time together tomorrow. You're the thing, you know, the good thing that makes life beautiful. I love you even though I'm not supposed to, and I don't care. D
I uses to be over the moon about you. You remember the letters? I made you a mixtape with custom artwork, a REAL TAPE, and you told me you loved it, you loved the thing. I was a fool to think you could love a real human being. You're where you are, doing what you're doing, thinking that just because you are unholy-tier gorgeous, you can breeze through life, probably on your back by this point. I imagine my exwife is dead. But you... You still mystify me, not unlike the fisherman's sea.
And you're a diseased slut, so, that takes care of that. Shoulda stayed north, sweetheart. We call your town "south of here" for a good reason, you common harlot.
Hey D. Well I guess you know most of the story now. You must have figured out that I've had more than you in my life. I had to see other people to remind me why I'm still, after everything we've talked about, totally in love with you. I think you've been seeing other people too and I'm ok with that. Fucking around scratches an itch for a short time, the last guy i fucked, as I came I was thinking about you. You needed space and attention from someone other than me, but now I'm ready for us to try again. Are you ready?
fuck you I never wanted to say it, I didn't even want you to say it you insisted it was true no matter how much protested and you know how hard it was for me to finally say it it's scary how much I would've done for you
I told you I was catnip for sociopaths but also for boys with low self esteem that need a boost. and you're just another kitten
I don't think I can continue this type of relationship cause I feel like you don't even like me or attracted to me. I'm gunna leave and break up with you soon so you can fill your urges with the men you surround yourself with. Even now I'm starting to Dislike you with the way you talk to people and I also sense you do and meet up with people when I'm not around. So wait a few days as I'm figuring out the way to let you down easily because it feels like you're trying to open this back up when that's totally what I don't want while you sit back and lie to my face and stay silent on the things you've done when I'm not around.
I hope you did read the letter I did send you. I put everything I had into it. I can only hope you reply but maybe it will be easier to move on if we don't try again. Because knowing that you broke up with me once means you're more likely to do it again, and again. But at least you can't ever say I was the one who gave up.
I had a great time this weekend. I really feel like we grew as a brotherhood and towards God in what we did. I hope that we can continue to grow closer because you guys have no idea how long I've needed this. You're truly a blessing to me.
Every part of me, body and soul, is yours for the taking. So take me. I don't like belonging to her any more, it's poisoning us both. I will devote myself to you. I will love you in so many ways. Take me. You'll be improving three lives. Take me.
Dear d, I fucking hate you. You've made me so soft and all I do is think about your emotions and health All I do is cheak Facebook every ten min to see if your on. I don't even know why or how you found me. I was just sitting on the ground and you said hi and all you do is follow me everywhere. Im forcing myself to love you because I feel bad. Your exactly like me but I just cant stand you whining about " oh I hate my meds , friends, hair and job. Oh " from fucking 7pm to 5:30am. You say you think about others but all you do is talk about your self. Im not your physiologist. I still wonder how you got so many girlfriends. Love , C.
You have a pretty face Your eyes are so full of mischief when you smile or get excited - the mascara magnifies this. Mascara is magic on you. Your arse is superb. Your curves are sublime. The way you move is a delight to watch. Everything about your appearance fills me with desire. I never expected this. But I am just fine with it. First I loved you. Now I have become captivated by your beauty. My life is one of riches.
I don't want to leave you but I care too much. I'm going to school and I can't take you with me. The last four years have been decent. Being long distance is bad for both of us.
I am sorry I have been pushing you away for the last month but it's going to make it easier to say goodbye. This is for your own good. I am cutting the line now so I can at least see you get on your feet, no sense stringing you along.
>>16844501 what do you expect me to do? I'm totally into you. I want to make things work and i know deep down you do too but you're afraid of the consequences. If you want to know the truth ask me face to face.
Querida M. I still see you when I close my eyes, when I go to sleep, when I wake up. Only now do I begin to understand all the stupid harmful shit I did to you, and you were right to end our relationship. I sincerely hope you're having and continue to have a wonderful life, which you deserve if you're still even half of what I know you're worth as a human being. Please pray that I may find peace from you not loving me back, as I know you'll have peace from me some day.
I'm finally doing something I love, and I hope I become good at it. I also am having another relationship which seems to be doing well. I'm making an effort and we make each other happy. I'm not gloating at you, I just wanted you to know that I was fine, like I told you countless time I would be, in case you were worrying. I worry about you.
Thank you for the wonderful memories and the time we loved each other. Again, I'm sorry I fucked up so bad.
I can't believe it's almost been a year. Last year was the craziest time of my life. The most hurtful as well.
It still seems so unreal at times.
First we were talking about doing it. Getting married and having a family.
Out of nowhere you bailed on me. I guess you had been contemplating it for awhile and didn't want to talk to me about it. Then again, you always avoid confrontation.
You absolutely destroyed my world. I have dated quite a few girls and had my fair share of one night stands. But no girl ever touched my heart the way you did. No girl ever made me feel like she was worth marrying...spending my life with. Or having a child with. And it was gone in one evening. All of it.
The next few months were pure hell. So depressed. So much so that it physically hurt. You were the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought of at night.
And then what happens? Just as I was starting to get a little better, you contact me. You tell me you made a mistake and want to do it now. At first, I was weary. But you convinced me.
A few days later, you're stuff is packed in to my place and I'm the happiest guy in the world.
But I'll be damned if you didn't stab my in the heart again.
Just a month later and you sneak out while I'm gone. Not even a letter or anything.
Just a text rambling about the fear you still have. The constant interfering of your family and me not meeting their standards.
It was so fucked up. But whats more fucked up is I still care about you.
Its so weird how some days I wanna text you and absolutely rip you a new asshole. And then others I just want to hear from you. Just to say I miss you and will always care for you. And that we both missed out on a hell of an opportunity.
But today I feel better. The bitterness has dwindled down quite a bit. And I think about the good times we had.
And I will always remember you as The One that got away.
I loved you and I cared for you, I wanted you to be happy. It seems I'm either too autistic to even understand what you're trying to tell me most of the time or you really never did an effort to try to understand my position and the way reality feels to me... How can you feel so entitled to me when you never made an effort? Specifically to the point of thinking of yourself as better than any ex-boyfriend of mine who did indeed genuinely care for me and enjoy my company. I knew it was going to be a trainwreck fast, but this was too fast.
I think I'm in love with you? Which is weird because I'm not gay, but you are different? This is weird because, like, I know we just met but I feel the same thing for you as I have for girls in the past.
Salut, ça fait un sacré bout de temps que l'on ne s'est pas vu, ni parlé. Je ne sais pas ce que tu deviens. Parfois je pense à toi. Je ne regrette pas ce qui s'est passé. Je pense que nous avions raison et vous aviez tord. On a passé tellement de temps ensemble mais maintenant c'est fini. Presque 3 ans je crois. Je t'ai aimé pendant tellement longtemps. Je ne sais pas si c'était réciproque. Je crois que je ne le saurai jamais. J'aurais voulu que ça marche entre nous. Vraiment. Je pensais faire partie de ta vie, être quelqu'un d'important pour toi. Peut-être pas au niveau sentimental mais au moins, au moins en tant qu'ami. On m'a raconté certaines choses qui expliquaient un peu ton comportement. Tu avais des problèmes je pense. Tu pouvais m'en parler. Je n'attendais que ça, que tu me parles. Mais au final, on ne s'est plus parlé du tout. Parfois tu me manques. A une époque, on s'entendait bien avec les autres. Maintenant c'est fini ce temps. J'ai tourné la page. J'ai un peu oublié ton visage. Ta voix, ton odeur. J'ai oublié comment s'était avec toi. Et le pire c'est que je ne ressens rien. Tu aura toujours une place dans mes pensées mais plus le temps passe et plus tu t'effaces. Je te souhaite du bonheur dans ta vie. S
I know you perhaps least intimately of all my friends and yet you're the only one I feel who actually cares and gives a shit about me beyond a superficial level at this point.
I'm sorry for offloading all my shit on you at 2 in the morning. I know you've got shit of your own to deal with. But at the same time, thank you. Because you actually listen.
Because you actually /care./
To "Gaiman" and "Crowley":
Okay you know what. Fuck both of you. Fuck both of you because you two are so busy basically jerking each other off you completely ignore me. I've complained about this before but now I'm especially pissed because I /needed/ help. I was begging for one of you to notice, to give a shit, and lo and behold, neither of you could give a fuck. You still don't give a fuck. I could put a bullet in my head tomorrow and you two would STILL be too busy with each other to notice.
Para A Today I have a dream about you. About we finally meet again, and we forgive the past and start be friends. I think you're an asshole. Half relationship was a nightmare. Our break up was hard because I don't know how to do it. But I miss you. I miss you so deeply. I miss your jokes, your laugh, your warm. All my friends say that I need to stop thinking about you but I can't. I just want to be friends again, like before. Sinceramente, M
I couldn't care less about people picking sides. It isn't my objective to convince you or anybody of anything. If it was then I would be bending over backwards, trying to get people my side, blowing smoke up your ass and saying whatever it takes to smooth things over. But I'm not. I know what the situation really is and that's all I need. If you really wanted the level facts to make an informed decision you would have come to me. We can still hash it out if you want. Otherwise, for all intents and purposes, it's no skin off my back because we had already cut ties. But understand that moving forward, you and I and whoever else he's been lying to will NEVER be able to reach a good place unless the air is cleared on EVERYTHING and you especially allow me a chance to address each concern regarding these recent developments one by one. Because it definitely matters. That being said, at this point it's probably just better all around to remain secure in myself, accept that the bs exists, the damage is done, and to continue on with my day. You aren't worth the effort right now.
I, Fuck you. Her I am at 4 in the morning, holding back tears, because of you, my friend. You are a bully, the very thing me and so many others around us tried to escape. Every day, I come home and wallow in the memories of what you've done over the past two years, and stuff you keep doing. Every day I watch you be a dick to little kids, our classmates, almost everyone. Except, of course, your precious ladies. Me. 'Oh don't say cunt because it's a BAAAAD word' even though you have said several times that people need to get over the bullshit of treating certain words as special. God, you are such a fucking hypocrite. And the person you claim to hate most, he's just a carbon copy of you. An arrogant, holier than though prick that uses 'charisma' to force people onto your side. I don't fucking understand how you have amassed this cult of friends who will defend you no matter what. Your ex girlfriend, who you have said some very unsavory things about to me, who wa probably just playing second best to the real apple of your eye, our friend. You were so obvious about it, and it made my blood boil because you spelled it out to us, yet you treated it like we would have no idea what you were talking about. I'd ask 'how dumb do you think we are' but I already know the answer to that. And yet, every day, I come back and treat you like my friend, like nothing is wrong. Weakness on my part. I'm too scared to lose the only 'friends' I have, when I and my family have invested so much in trying to give me a good education, one where I don't need to deal with this bullshit. And I can't get you to stop, either. Your alpha male, holier than though persona won't let anyone tell you what to do. I watched you, an 18 year old, rub in a 12 year old's face that we beat him in a scavenger hunt. How petty are you? And this is the same kid you've threatened pretty graphically. I just...I don't understand. Why am I so weak? Why can't I say this stuff to you? I want to do the right thing. -M
well its was for my self protection, I told you a number of times that I'm not well in the head, and a number of other stuff, yet you said it, and thanks. I did mean it when I said as well. But how it is now, I'm to unwell for anyone and missed a lot what you are going through, now I know, but than no there wasn't a chance that I could, I can explain, all I want to know is that you are, well and safe.
I have met this person maybe a month ago. Real nice person actually. I just got out of a 5 year relationship with the guy I thought I loved. Turns out he became a meth head with his new gf, but back to the subject. Many men don't stare at me now. This guy, however gives me the time of day. I don't want to rush into stuff but honestly I don't mnow how it feels to start over again. I keep thinking maybe this guy is just a one night stand knowing I haven't had sexual intercourse in half a year. I'd like to know that there's more than that. I hope so.
I know you hate me now. but with you two it was the best time. I wish none of all this has happened you helped me through a hard time, but i tripped over the edge and I am still falling. as you can see I am not out anymore, I try too avoid every place where you could be, to make it all unconfortable for you. I try to walk on alone but it´s hard. Every attempt for an excuse can´t fix the things I have done.
its time for me to hit the ground. i will never forget you
>>16846583 Life is change. We can never stay standing in the stasis our minds are mired in. I'm slipping. I thought that looking through the lens of rational thought would show me a future that I wanted to see but I'm just not sure anymore. When did this happen? When did the world change around and within me? I don't think I even know what love means to me anymore. Maybe it's just going through the motions and liking how it feels to have you near me.
Is it that I can't stand to be without you, or just that I can't stand to be alone
I think you are extremely cute. You are also the funniest girl I ever met. Seriously. We've been talking for a while now and every time I'm just happy to be talking to you. You probably don't feel the same way about me, tho. Well, what can I do? I just hope we can go out and do some stupid things like drink milkshakes and play air hockey together one day. You warm my heart. Kisses, S.
I'm scared I'm developing feelings for you. We agreed to leave it at a platonic relationship and I'm more then happy with that, and I don't want to lose our friendship.
So why do I secretly wish you could break up with your current boyfriend? Why do I think about you when I masturbate? Why can't I look you straight in the eyes anymore or get near you without feeling butterflies in my stomach?
I pray it's lust and hormones. I'm not good enough for you, even if I'm a shoulder to cry on. I'm too young for you, even if your current boyfriend is my age. I shouldn't be taking my friend's sloppy seconds, even though I've known her way longer then he has. I shouldn't be desperate and go after you since you're the only girl I know, even though you are everything I would want in a partner. And I shouldn't be entertaining a thought that is both wrong, and we agreed not to explore.
I don't know how to tell you this without damaging our relationship... Could you look at me the same knowing I thought of you as more than a friend? I just hope I can get these thoughts out of my mind and things can go back to normal...
I don't know you at all and I like it that way. But I think you're okay. I like watching you take authority over some these little bitches. You're not that hot but you have a nice face and I'd fuck you in a minute if you wanted to.
I wrote in this thread last night but fuck it, since there have been developments since then:
You're getting on my nerves now. After tonight's phone call, I'm very clear about how you feel about me. You called me just to rant about your situation, about how you kind of like this 'buff fob' guy, but you're not sure about him and he's "not funny" and you want to keep your options open. You sat next to him at the library and blah, blah, blah. Then you went on to criticise me about my fucking job, which I work very hard at and sometimes bitch and moan about because other people don't do their jobs properly who I have to cover for as a lowly peon - but 1. at least I have a job, and 2. I work hard because I'm proud of my work and because it's very fulfilling for me. I don't fucking take a job at half the salary I could get just because it makes me miserable, you cunt. You don't even have a job, you're broke, and you're still miserable, so explain that Einstein.
And despite this, I don't hate you - you're just clueless, idealistic and naive. I was attracted to the potential in you - because maybe you could remedy my cynicism and bitterness, but now I see the inconsistencies and hypocrisy of your ways. It's fucking devastating, seeing someone you like slip like this - but you fucking are slipping. And you don't know it yet. I hope you're very happy with whoever you end up with. Because it's not going to be me. We can be friends, but at some point you're going to have to stop bitching and moaning to me about your problems and do something about it. And I'm done making myself available to you. I have better things to do with my time.
I usually reply to everyone as soon as I can on social media and chats, but I'm going to make an exception for you - because I value my time more than that.
If you're my friend, you can say whatever you fucking please and I can tell you off or not. But if I'm fucking you, you better as fuck say and do whatever I want. Because I am just using you for that. And I'm not going to any more, because I don't want to be with you. I'm thinking about someone else. If you dont' know that you're an idiot. And you're an idiot to try and stir up shit between me and my girl. I've warned you about that shit before, nigga.
Point is I am looking for an excuse to stop fucking you so actually I'm glad you're an idiot.
Fuck, your legs ARE really long. Just so you know, I will be thinking about them later. Not in a "treat you as a piece of meat" way... more in a "one more wonderful thing about you" way. There are so many wonderful things about you. Or maybe, things become wonderful when they are about you.
I miss you, it shoudn't be like it is now. It's my fault, it's me the one who should be blamed. Never wanted to go this far, but you made me I just never thought that I could end up here, in this possition and all efforts we try to be familiy again it's not going...
I see the saddnest in the people, the ones who are driving in the bus, the ones walking by me on the sidewalks, in the clubs while they are laughing so hard. It's pathetic, to be able to see everything and be powerless to help in any way.
It's pathetic to be able to know what will happen and do nothing to change it.
It's pathetic while you sit behind a computer and talk to someone online, you don't know and you feel sad about the saddness that surrounrs you.
>>16848077 You called it. It's a terrible feeling. I'm not at all used to being in control like this and I hate it. I hate it.
I always wondered which was worse - to be the user or the one who is used. I'm used to being the latter. I'm used to being the one who cares and the one who is hurt. But it's worse not to feel. It's worse to know that you're using someone.
And all the while the person you really want wants someone else who doesn't want them.
But it's better to feel pain than to be dead inside.
The problem of me is not the physical feeling or the emotional one, is the part where you exactly know what will happen and yet again you don't try to change it.
You know that if someone close to you will try to do something and he thinks it will make him happier and you know it's the bad thing, it's not like that and you cannot say anything since you will destroy the hope he has, and yet you don't even believe in hope.
Thinking of you lately, and your opinions on a lot of things. I've been taking a class on ethics and for 3 weeks we've been talking about suicide and the right to die. I find myself sharing coarse opinions on your behalf. I even had to restrain myself from making an inappropriate comment at the mention of using a shotgun to kill oneself.
The other day a friend told me that when he left school for the funeral a teacher asked "What got him?" and he responded "Himself" and I couldn't help but laugh. I think you would have laughed at that too. Little things like that make me feel closer to your memory but I still feel so detached.
It's been more than two years now. I wonder if you'd be proud of where I've gotten to in that time.
Empathy has a way of re-enforcing passivity. Or maybe it creates passivity, because the feelings are so overwhelming and as I've had them since childhood part of me just became used to knowing that I can do nothing to affect my world because it's all too much to bear.
Or maybe what you're saying is this -- that people who are highly empathetic have a lot of trouble refusing someone something you know they really want, even if you know it's wrong and will turn out badly. I know I do. Maybe just to have a feeling of being able to make someone happy, to have some kind of control over all the sadness. I want to give people what they want.
>>16848087 This is getting depressing. I've written so many things in the past dozen threads that have picked up similar comments. The reason I'm writing in this thread is because I CAN'T tell her these things. Ffs. I'm married. She's... well, she's separated - but I'm not the kind of person she would want/need as a partner. She's been a wonderful friend to me but my fairly recent obsession has a good chance of fucking that up, possibly forever. Maybe some day I can have a sensible conversation with her about how I have developed a crush on her, and we can figure out a way to work around that and still be friends. No part of that conversation will involve me explaining that she is all I think about from the moment I wake until sleep claims me, or that I tell myself out loud that I love her any time I'm alone, or that I draw hearts on hotel mirrors and write her initials in them, or any of that other crazy shit. I've gone insane. Completely insane. I'm not sure whether writing in these threads is helpful, or if I'm just encouraging myself to be stupid. But either way, the craziness stays in this thread. She doesn't need to deal with that mess. Not even the "lovely" bits of it.
Hey, you. I'm sober, I'm reasonably healthy, and I'm not clinically depressed any more. All three are thanks to you. I owe you my life. It would mean a lot to me if I could ever repay you in some way. Please, if there is anything at all that I can do for you, just ask and it's yours. Any time, day or night, anything at all. Xx
You have to sign the receipt. If you don't sign the receipt, I'm not allowed to get the tip you tried to leave me. Not signing is just as bad for me as if you didn't tip at all. I know you're a little buzzed after that wine I served you, and you're probably having a great time with your date or whatever and feeling all loose and casual, but what is a tiny little detail to you is actually really important to me because it marks the difference between whether or not I get paid.
And if I catch you in time just before you've left the restaurant to remind you to sign, why the hell would you laugh like that, like it's no big deal? Would you like it if somebody just forgot to pay you at your job and then laughed like it was funny? It is not funny to me.
You're an all round shit fuckin person and I was stupid to not have taken you out of my life sooner. I'll always hate you for what you did and I hope to god you die alone so you don't abuse anyone else like you did with me.
If you ever feel like you want to be friends again, let me know. I'm aware I've made a lot of mistakes throughout our relationship, I know my explossive temperament and weird antics are bothersome. But I miss talking with you.
You pretend like you care about everyone close to you, but all you care about is yourself. You take advantage of anyone and everyone around you, and constantly try to guilt trip those close to you.
I gave up so much shit for you, which of course was my own stupidity. After all the fights we got in, I never did anything to harm our relationship. I tried to keep it going. And then you started cheating on me. To this day, you've denied it, but the evidence is overwhelming to the point of being total proof. You're a lying whore, and the nerve it must've taken you to try to get back in my life a year after our break up just to ask a couple favors days later is astonishing. I blocked your ass without saying a word and I never want to hear from you again. That said, I don't hate you. I'd be glad to see you turn your life around and become a better person.
But I know that will never happen. Keep smoking enough pot to be stoned every day and wonder why you still work minimum wage jobs. Peace.
I wish we were really dating that we werent just kinda more than friends less than lovers. I wish I was older. youre 3 years older than me. maybe thats the problem. I wish I hadnt have been a bitch to your sister back when i went to the same school as her. I wish I could ask you out. We live an hour away from each other and ugh.
I don't like any of you anymore. I want to leave, but I don't want to be alone. It has turned into a huge circlejerk shitfest ripe with arguing, but it's also really good for practicing my willpower not to openly react to how stupid you all are.
Dev You fucked up this time.I gave you trust and you threw it away. Now my best friend is crying because you decided to think with your dick and not with your brain. I told you she was off limits. Now she drinking her pain away. You better hope this is the last time. I don't take this shit lightly. LEAVE HER ALONE AND FUCK OFF YOU LYING CUNT.
I didn't try hard enough. I never do, and I hate myself for it. But the only point in my life where I wasn't egotistic and thinking of myself, was when I was with you. I valued you more than I valued myself and I hoped that you know me well enough to understand. I've acted like a cunt so many times but I never had anything else other than love for you. I guess you just couldn't see. I still keep everything you've given me and I'll never forget your face the last time we were together.
I can only hope that I cross your mind from time to time so you don't forget me. Because I tried, and I failed.
That day, I felt there was still room for us to do something and keep going, but instead of forcing things I preferred to respect your decision. Some days have gone by, and I'm starting to feel the weight of your absence. Not only I feel sad because I'm no longer in the marvelous company of a person like you, but I've also come to realize that now I don't have that someone to talk to everyday. And anyone will not do, because you would genuinely show interest on the things I did or thought about, and would always listen to me with undivided attention.
I'm still so confused as to why you decided to leave. Before I met you, I would spend my days trying to learn about healthy relationships and respect for one another. I tried my hardest to correct my mistakes, I would not stop until they were fixed. I spent a good chunk of my life trying to make myself worthy for whoever wanted to be with me, and when that moment came I was apparently not good enough. After four years with you, I would proudly and easily give advice about love and relationships to people who yearned for such wisdom, but today it appears as if I do not know a single thing.
It didn't matter just how shitty a day or an entire moth was. There was always that one thing that would comfort me in the end. I would get home and talk to you, and all the problems I had would seem to be greatly diminished. When you left, I lost a girlfriend, but also I lost my best friend. I won't simply just give up and throw everything away, I know there's much more to live for. But I can't deny either, than since you are gone... my life has become more grim. I guess I have only myself to blame for it anyway.
I have feelings for you and I think you have feelings for me. Or do you just get a kick out of coming on to me? This thing we do, flirting whenever we see each other, even in front of OTHER PEOPLE when we're supposed to be working, must be so awkward for them to watch and it needs to stop. That guy was looking at us today like we were crazy. My friend, the one who is always with me when we run into each other, thinks it's adorable and thinks you have such an obvious thing for me. I kept my mouth shut when I thought it was starting to happen, and I told no one, but then she dragged me into the elevator last week and told me that she "knows what she just saw" and couldn't believe I didn't see how obvious the chemistry is. She can hardly speak fucking English but your body language was apparently so obvious that even she noticed it, and she's oblivious to everything. R
It's certainly been a while since we talked. I know that we diverged in separate paths since early high school, but we were best friends since kindergarten. I just wanted to see how you've been, what you've been up to. How's your brother? And your father? Do you still live around these parts? You'll never get this message, but I just wanted to let you know that we're still brothers, you and I. I may never see you again, or maybe you've forgotten about me. Either way, I still remember you.
>>16842081 Miss C. I never told you in two years, but i loved you every day since. You may be way older than me but your light blue eyes have been in my mind in every thought. If i told you personally i dont know what would happen. Would you laugh? Would the rest of our days in class be awkward staring? Would anything happen between us? Or if so i would ruin your marriage and maybe get you fired? This is why i can never express my feelings. Every time we talk in class i grit my teeth not to let anything slip me P
You make me so happy. Every time we talk to each other you fill me with such joy that I can't even begin to express how much it uplifts each and every shitty fucking day. I know you won't ever be interested in me anymore than as a friend but I just wish I could make you as happy as you make me even once. That alone would be enough for me.
This was going to be a pissed off letter, but I've decided to try to be less negative in these threads, otherwise I'll get more upset, and I should really just be enjoying "us" for what we are, not what we could be.
M, I bet you get off on how much attention I give you, the same way I do with how you treat me. But I guess it's okay, because it's fun. I feel special when you single me out like that, even though it's not really right. There are some jokes that you say to the whole group that are so obviously meant for me specifically, because you already know they aren't going to know what the hell you're talking about. Your obscure references and terrible puns, like that AWFUL pun today. The first one! I knew exactly what the punchline was going to be, and couldn't keep a straight face so kept looking down at the floor as you built up to it, to not spoil it for you. The people who didn't immediately roll their eyes just had looks of pure confusion on their faces. I don't think you realize how silly it makes you look! Or maybe you do know how silly you are, specifically how silly these things you say are, and you just don't care. Maybe part of it is because you know I'm going to laugh every time. You know I am, and I hope you can see it's genuine. You really are honestly one of the funniest people I've ever met. And that look on your face is pricesless, when you know you have a new joke you haven't tried on me yet. You look so fucking proud, I'd be offended if you were anyone else. But I think it's adorable and hate how giggly I feel inside when I see that face. Like at that kitten pun? WTF. I'm going to have to use that on someone else. There's only one other person I know who might get it. And that's part of why this thing we have is so special, when I think about it. I know so many people - I'm friends with so many different kinds of people, but out of all of them, you and only one other (my closest friend) are the two I can connect with on this level.
I wish you wouldn't smoke so much. This isn't related, but I wish you could find the motivation to get better grades and do well in college. I wish you knew what you were passionate about, or what your dream job was. I wish you cared for yourself as you care for me. I wish you were more sexual. I know LDR sucks and it's tough, but I need more of that kind of affection from you.
I don't know what I need to do for you. I wish you would say anything, or at least open up to me. I guess it's fair though, I mean, I don't really open up to you - at least not to the fullest extent. Mostly because I'm afraid of worrying you or sounding like an edgelord. My paranoia's also set in, and I'm afraid that this whole thing is some elaborate scheme or facade to fuck me up. I'm afraid of saying anything more to upset you. I haven't the faintest clue how to be sweet and comforting.
It's weird, but after meeting you, I actually understand how platonic friendships can work. Spending time with you is always a blast. I hope that we stay in touch after you graduate. I'm going to miss you.
I'm only dating you because I asked you out in a moment of desperation. Sorry. I actually think you're gross and pathetic. I'm not attracted to you at all, and I'm endeavoring to sabotage your efforts to see me because I can't even stand the thought of you touching me. I'm jealous that you could blindly accept my "love" so easily all this time.
I genuinely hope you enjoy it, though. I don't know how much longer I can keep this act up, but for now at least one of us is happy.
Daniel, I think you're really cute but some light creeping revealed to me that you have been carrying a torch for some chick for years. I secretly hoped that it was me but I don't even think you remember me from your first year. I was going to ask you to coffee today but alas I didn't see you. Well it kind of a relief too desu.
I know we finally stopped talking, but now I keep thinking about you. I lost the umbrella you got me and it makes me want to cry. I remember when we ate lunch at the pizza place near my old apartment, and I got the pizza again tonight for dinner.
It's not like I'm desperately missing you, but I'm lonely and I get sad and nostalgic thinking about the times we had. I remember the bad times too but they seem so small compared to the good times.
Although I know where you are now in your life is nowhere near where I am. You have become cold and aloof and you're not the same caring guy I once knew. I know you mentioned getting back together last time we talked, but I can't even believe you. Not a week later you are already wishy washy and saying you aren't sure if you want to get back together. You can understand why I don't trust you.
Everytime it rains and I think about my umbrella, everytime someone has car troubles, I think about you. I think about texting you but I know I will get a response from the indecisive, heartless, 2016 you, and I don't want to talk to him. Only the memory of you. So I haven't texted you, I won't text you.
I am secretly glad your relationship with M fell apart, and I love seeing your mom's fb statuses about her family's relationships aren't working out. she's not as vague as she thinks she is. I hope you regret being cold with me and letting our relationship die even more when you realize that you're getting old and have no opportunities to meet people, where I am so much younger and can meet people at work and school and I am always making new friends.
I remember sitting with you while you washed your car, watching the history channel, eating breakfast, playing games, driving out to fast food, having dinner together... but I also remember when you choked me in the basement, when you punched me when I was leaving out the front door, when you ignored me every valentines day, when you threatened to kill my cat. Peace.
I have so little to offer you. The reason I don't make a move is because I can't imagine why you would want to be with me. And if you would say yes to me, I'm sure I'd disappoint you because your standards are just like the ones I grew up with. I can't see how you could possibly live with yourself being with someone who has accomplished as little as I have. Even worse would be if you pitied me and stayed with me to try and "fix" me or pretend like it's okay that I'm like this in some patronizing bullshit manner that other people have done.
If we were together, and you had to describe me to one of your friends, what could you say? Let me be as optimistic as possible: "She's pretty and laughs at my jokes. She's smart and can make me laugh, too. She can hold a conversation with almost anyone, is very polite, and she'll do just about anything in bed." The things you wouldn't say are: "She just barely graduated college so works a dead-end job she's trying to get out of, hardly makes any money, has been on pills for depression over a decade and will probably never recover, is a 7/10 at the very best, and has an insane family that she can't get away from. She thinks my favorite sport is about as interesting as watching grass grow."
I know you like spending time with me. It feels so effortless being around you. I love how I can make you laugh and for some reason you seem to hang on to my every word even when I'm telling stupid stories where nothing interesting happens. You seem to light up when I'm around so clearly there's something about me that you like. But I'm sure that will fade. I get moments where everything seems so hopeless and I hate myself. I can't see you dealing well with that. You try so hard to help me with everything I bring up to you, so I really don't think you could handle seeing me at my worst, knowing there's nothing you could do to stop it. You want to help me. It would hurt you to know how bad I feel.
Dear C I don't know if I'm in love or not, I told myself that I am only infatuated with you, but even now I'm not very sure. Sorry for leaving you when you needed me, it's because I was scare... scare of my infatuation and that it can ruin our friendship. I love you too much and will take whatever relationship I can. The two years I slowly drifted away from you made it easier to deal with my emotions and it was successful, but only for awhile. Everytime I see or hear from you I get so excited and old feeling rush back again. My biggest guilt was not be able to help you with your self harm... I'm sorry for not being there to continue supporting you, even though I know I'm the only person you can rant to. I always feel like it was impossible to make you stop it anyway, I know later on that it will stay with you forever, like those scars on your wrists. I don't want to date you yet I want no one to date you, a selfish love which I don't understand myself. Thank you for letting me loving you. Sincerely, T
I've been thinking about you a lot. It's gotten to the point where I'm writing about this on an anonymous imageboard. Maybe I'm just bored. Also I'm putting off other work.
Anyways I never told you how much I liked you. I think it's for the best. No matter how much I try to convince myself it probably wouldn't have worked. Telling you now would just make things awkward.
I think the issue is I made a persona of you in my mind; something pure, something perfect. It's something I need to work on - I'm constantly turning people into the images I want them to be rather than the humans they actually are.
You've always been friendly and supportive of me, and I appreciate that greatly. You have amazing skills (and you actually work hard), and I know you will be successful at whatever you chose to do.
God it would be weird if you knew I was writing this. It's not like we're even that close of friends, merely classmates with some strange coincidences. Or as you put it, instrument buddies.
Well that's about it. All I have left to say is you probably deserved first chair more than I did (not for jazz though, I still beat you on that).
Thanks for being such an unbelievably pleasant person.
I know you most likely won't see this, (Hell that's why I'm writing it) but I'd just like to let you know that I'm aware our break was not mutual. I'm aware of the things you say to people about me, and frankly I don't care. I do not hate you for our stale relationship.
I wish my tears were worth something. It would be nice if I could find a way to bottle them up. God, I wish other people's pain didn't cause me pain too. Every night I dream of apologizing to everyone I've ever known.
I'm sorry we met. Hahahaha, I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry once in a while I want to tear you apart like a paper towel. I'm sorry I'm so impulsive. I'm sorry I don't know how to do the right thing. I'm sorry I was raised wrong, I'm sorry for the way things are. I'm sorry for being scared and sad. I want you to be okay, but at the same time I want you to drown. I wish feelings were easier to explain. I wish I were stronger and didn't melt into a psychotic mess so very often. I want to make people happy.
I wish I was cut out for this. Without help, I'd be completely hopeless. When I receive negative feedback all I want to do is apologize and cry like a little gay baby. I get so nervous that I can't find a solution, I just get in this horrible loop of perpetual apologies. I want to be strong, but I just can't do anything on my own. I don't want to disappoint anyone. God, I just want to make people happy.
>>16850132 Nah, that's not how it works. I found the girl of my dreams a decade after getting involved with the wrong girl. Even if dream girl wanted to be with me there is no way that could happen. No way in the real world. Situations. But dream girl doesn't want to be with me, so it doesn't matter anyway. I'll just carry on feeling either sad or invincible, by turns, with my foolish infatuation.
I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I honestly wonder if I could feel any sorrier if I had run over someone's kid with my car. There has to be a limit to what someone can feel, right? Jesus Christ, I need someone to talk to. I'm going insane here.
S, Hope you're doing well. I think we both fucked up in our own way. The rumors didnt sound good after the fact but i hope you got better. Cutting ties ultimately worked out the best for me, and you. I wasnt right for you, so thats why i left. You're mother was toxic to you, and i still believe she helped ruin us. Sorry for being such a coward when it came to what you waited such a long time for. Sorry for that classy act at the end as well. I hope someone as patient as you were comes along. You're welcome for the help with depression, and thanks for giving it to me. I still love you in my own way, and this is why i will never talk to you again. -b
I haven't talked to you since I sprained my ankle. I haven't seen my alleged boyfriend since I don't know when. He doesn't bother texting me. This is not a real relationship. I've started going out with other guys because I can't fucking deal with this shit again. And I can't break up with him because I never fucking see him and I'm not doing it over text.
You wouldn't have treated me this way. I wish I knew how to get you, if you wanted me. I made a mistake, and all the soul searching I do just turns up you.
Maybe I just need to be single for another three years. I'm getting a little too old for this shit.
You're such a cunt. I tried so hard to make you happy and the only thing you've given me in return is misery. When are you gonna grow up and learn how to take care of yourself and not just screw over everyone around you?
i am sorry for what i have done to you. i was not myself when i did it but i know you can not understand that. i just couldnt bring myself to tell you. i cant hurt you thats why. i know that by not telling you i betrayed you and worse, myself. believe me, the man i have been died that night i will never be the same. i love you
You the one I always enjoyed talking to and possibly one of the last people that when I saw your text I was actually eager to see what it said. I feel like whilst talking our situations were quite similar and we seemed to just click, also a large bonus that you're attractive in every sense of the word.
Yet it seemed our similarities are what drove us apart from the beginning. Always wanting to meet up and both being busy. Maybe we shared the same reasons. Fear.
I have my fucked family life holding me back and I'm guessing (hoping) you had some sort of similar situation holding you back. And it was for these reasons that we never really met, we never hung out, we never touched or kissed or did anything we could of done. We just stayed in this back and forth 'text-message relationship' and when it felt time to move onto the next step we cut ties, what could of been us vanished.
Now when scrolling back and forth, up and down hoping for something good to happen I occasionally see you. The best, the only thing I can do is give you that double tap and hope that you might notice me, have a change of heart, someone jump into my life and fix my bad situations; I don't even know anymore, just be there for me.
But you're not.
Maybe a fault of my situation, maybe a fault of me, maybe a fault of the age we live in, maybe all of these or none of these. But somehow we just never made it together.
And since then I haven't met someone I wished I could be with so bad, and if I did I found a way to fuck it up.
I'm probably just holding you up on a pedestal but I'm lonely. And really scared that I don't actually know how to love someone at all.
I just want a lovely lady that I can comfortably start my own life with and spend as long as I can in that life with that person. And I guess my brain picked you as the best person that I've met so far for the job.
Lonely and wishing I had someone, anyone that loved me the way you might have ended up loving me.
D You wear your winter coat extremely well, and it's because of that coat I'm breaking up with my partner. Everything about you is already perfect but after I saw you in that coat I knew. Thankyou for helping me decide what's best for me. I would still be stuck in a relationship I'm not happy in if it wasn't for that winter coat. E
V., I don't know what to do. On one hand i want to hang myself, but on the other hand i want to live a happy life....but with you. I don't know why i started to feel. I don't know why am i in love with you, since we are just friends. I don't know how to fucking stop it. I hate it, it's killing me to know that you will never feel the same as i do. Oh ffs man, just find yourself a gf and show me that u don't need me, it will be much easier to get you off my mind and my "heart" . I feel much better now. Thanks 4chan. T.~
Hmmmm. Shall I write you a whole load of craziness this weekend? Well yes, I believe that I shall. Even though this will continue to make things more awkward between us, and possibly sour your mood. I am far too selfish to temper my behaviour. Whee.
I hope you're fucking happy, when you "see me around" think of all the guys I've fucked and all the nights I've spent drinking alone trying to get over you. I needed you more than ever and you left me. I wish i didn't resent you, I've always been so kind. But fuck you, you selfish prick
I can't tell if you are genuine in your flirting, or if you're just that way with everyone. When you turned around in the van this morning, you put your hand on my knee and kept it there when you could have easily pulled away and recoil like a lot of people do when they accidently touch someone intimately.
Is that even intimate? Or am I looking too deep into it?
>>16850144 As someone who was abandoned by the person I loved when I needed them the most, I feel like it IS a crime that's just as bad as cheating. I can't look at them the same anymore. That act of selfishness and the events that followed completely tore what love I had for them to shreds.
I don't want to show too much that I am interested in getting to know you better. I think ive done a horrible job of that tho. If I am reading things wrong, I don't want to feel or look stupid or make anything awkward.
I don't want you to hurt me again. You think hurting me is very black and white, that there's only, at most, a couple of ways you can hurt me. But there are more methods of hurting me than I can count, and I learned about all of them through you.
Part of me wishes I would have had the chance to have seen you today, but then I think about it a little more and feel like that would have been worse, because today was terrible. Seeing you just would have made it worse. I feel like crap right now. I'll get to see you on Tuesday and unfortunately have to give you your book back and let you know the bad news. I mean, I could lie and tell you that it's fine. But that's not a good idea. I should just be honest. It's not even my fault that shit got fucked. For once, it wasn't even my fault that everything went to hell and the rest of us are getting totally reamed. At least I'm getting out now while I can, so I can focus on the other things I need to do these next few months. I think it's better to get out now than to try and fix things, because a huge shitstorm is coming and there's no fucking way I have enough time to prepare for it. It's not about running away - it's about saving my own ass before it gets handed to me and fucks up the other shit I have going on. I need to keep telling myself that. It's not running away. I am not running away this time. This time I'm being smarter, and handling it before it gets worse. That's good. That's progress. I need to give myself more slack.
This turned into a letter to myself even though it was supposed to be a letter to you.
Got married to somebody who loves me as much as I love them but I still think about you every day. Can't have notifications on my phone because they give me anxiety knowing you aren't the one texting. You really fucked me up. I constantly hope you'll get in touch, though. It'd make me feel a lot better for a while.
Mom, I'm sorry you won't be able to see what I am becoming. I've grown so much and I've become so strong. Best of all? I'm a good person. I learned the growing and the strength from your example and in a way I did the goodness as well. If you hadn't have been as downright malicious as you were, if you had shown one iota of love or respect for me, if you had actually treated me as a person and not as a dog, then I wouldn't have become what I am. I would be just as bitter and hate filled as you. I would be taking that pain out on everyone around me. In a sense you finally did "break the cycle". I will live a healthy, somewhat strange, but love filled life and it is thanks to my fear of becoming like you and hurting anyone even remotely close to the ways you hurt me. I hope you're doing well and that life has turned around for you. K
Dear you, I feel I never deserved any of your kindness, and regret deeply that I was never brave enough to return any of it. You are the most pure person I met in my entire life, and it'd be unfair, if life was tough to you. I'll miss your touching childlike sincerity and awesome jokes. Hope a beautiful girl with big heart will love you and you'll love her back.
I hate that because of social media and camming, so many women think they're porn stars or that they can win over some guy with random nudes, just like all the other carbon copies with no self respect, you don't see men sending pics of themselves to girls to be wanted, it doesn't happen nearly as much, get a grip. You look so desperate. Save it for someone worth it. So many tales of men saying they have girlfriends yet some stupid bitch still keepings sending him pics of her underwear, seriously get a proper hobby
K, Sometimes I think that I'm falling for you. Other times I think that I'm a terrible friend for feeling that way. I'm sorry that I'm such a waste of time. I wish I could know what goes through your mind when we look into each others eyes. But I'm too much of a coward to do anything. Maybe that's part of why I avoid sleep so much. So that I'll be so tired that it'll just slip out that I like you. B
Babe, I wish you put literally a quarter of the amount of effort I put into us. I am sick of being your doormat, you fucking asshole. I don't ask for much, but you can't even do that tiny bit for me. Love, Me
>>16853876 Feeling unloveable and worthless, leads to believe you are, and continue to attract unloveables and worthlesses. Start working on your esteem, not so it hurts others, and take it from there. Don't worry, I was single for absolutely years and had similar feelings about myself
>>16842081 I feel so conflicted about you. You used to really value our relationship but now it seems you're pulling back. I don't know how we would logistically work out, between the differences in age, and family situations - but mainly the distance is killing me. Lots of what you say doesn't match up with your (ex?) girlfriend. I really want to trust what you tell me, but facts can't be denied. I think that you might just be using me, and I am worth more than that. I trusted you and showed you aspects of myself that no-one has ever seen before. Part of me thinks that, maybe, I could do better than you, but before I met you I never wanted a relationship. You've shown me what it could be like and now I don't know if I can settle with anyone but you.
I think about you all the time. There are so many times during the day where I want to talk to you, but I feel like I'm suffocating you because our relationship isn't really balanced. I've been distant because I want you back, but you still haven't reached out, and I'm not going to stick around and wait.
You told me not to take this to heart, and I'm not, sorta. I'm not worried that you'd be angry or annoyed at me; I know you're not. What's bugging me a little though is the fact that I had to hear about it from J. It just hurts me a little when stuff like this happens; makes me think that you don't really consider us as close as I consider us to be. We've known each other for so long and you know that if I'm doing something to bother you then I prefer to just hear about it straight from you. The last thing I want is to be making you feel uncomfortable or irritated.
>>16853929 I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years, the ending was necessary, yet being safe from harm is important, the best way is to have plenty of backup and support from people you know to manage the long term. I guess I meant the negative thinking is what prevents a loving relationship, start to build your worth (not narcissistically) and and believe it can happen, it takes time
Is that what you want? Getting my hopes up then act like a total stranger? It's my fault for thinking that I will be together with you when I already know you won't love me no matter if I changed my style and the way I'm speaking. It's no use at all to regret. You still love your crush. You will never notice me. We will never be together. But I'm still standing here.
I couldn't wait around for you, but now I realize I should have waited a bit longer. I'm happy, still, it's always there under the surface, the bliss I so naturally feel, yet in turns I'm miserable. I'm sick of the way I almost always end up treated.
It starts out as "omg you're so fucking perfect let's run away together!!" And admittedly, I get cold when anyone says things like that. He did, he said things like "let's just go to Vegas and elope" and now... Well, I'm getting the silent treatment out of nowhere, for no real reason. He's, well, busy, you would know, but it's no excuse. I'm busy, possibly busier, and I could spare thirty seconds to write a fuck you if I wanted (I don't, I'm petty and vicious right now)
I feel that with you, we would have let things naturally progress, I wouldn't have grown colder, perhaps you could have warmed me up.
But I don't know, and perhaps will never. I'm not going to keep waiting once I actually leave him, but it doesn't mean I'll ever take any other guy seriously. Right now, and for the foreseeable future, you're the one I care about. Why does this have to happen again?!
>>16854415 I have this same question. But now I just assume that men are assholes who constantly crave attention from females, so if we aren't giving it to them immediately when they want it, they seek it out from someone else. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm starting to think I don't mean as much to him as I once did.
2. How many other people did you try hitting up 'to see' (and/or successfully meet up with), before getting around to me?
I'm actually so afraid of saying no to you because you'll just manipulate me and gaslight me and and get angry at me, and make it all my fault. Then you just won't even bother with me, or with following through with the same plan we've now made over and over again. Until finally, all I'll get from you is a 'maybe see you tomorrow' or 'see you whenever then.'
Now I'm in absolute fucking tears because even in the time that it took me to write all that, you literally did those things in that order.
You think you're not good enough for me, even when that picture paints it so much more clear that I'm the one who's not good enough for you.
And now I get to do exactly what I've done for the past couple of days: >wake up early with next to no sleep and spend time and effort into making myself look good enough for you >wait around for hours waiting for you to tell me what time you'll be in town to meet me >have a couple of panic attacks about the probability of you canceling, again. >have you finally message me with some excuse as to why you can't meet me anymore >have some more panic attacks.
This isn't fair.
You either want to see me or you don't. It's not fair to expect me to meet up with you at 4 in the fucking morning when I'm running on no sleep and am in so much pain that I can't get out of bed. You know how much pain I get from this, why would you want to make it worse?
Now I get to panic some more and, of course, now I can 100% guarantee that you won't meet up with me later.
I feel like I'm literally in a pit of despair and confusion and hurt.
>>16854487 I think you're right. He said something to me recently that my friend thought was meant to make him seem desired by other women and therefore throw me off (about how one of his female friends wrote him a love note in one of his college textbooks she borrowed, telling me this as he was about to lend me a different one, which seemed random as fuck) and all it did was make me feel jealous and shitty and wonder if he was trying to imply to me that I'm not showing enough interest or whatever. I know I'm rambling but I don't know how I feel about him, considering there are all these things that make him seem better than me and I can't imagine why he'd want me in the first place, though he flirts with me constantly. Maybe he just wants the attention. I don't know.
My angel, my all, my other self. Even in bed my ideas yearn towards you, my Immortal Beloved, here and there joyfully, then again sadly, awaiting from Fate, whether it will listen to us.
My thoughts go out to you -my immortal beloved, I can only live completly with you or not at all. Be calm, my life my all - only by calm consideration of our existance can we achieve our purpose to live together. Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the heart of your beloved.
I'm sorry that I'm so useless at the moment. And I'm sorry that I've fallen in love with another woman. You were worried that could happen when I first became friends with her. I put your mind at ease then, mistakenly believing that I most certainly would NOT develop feelings for her. Well, I was wrong. I feel more attached to her now than I've even been to you... even though my "relationship" with her is nothing more than a friendship with a one-sided crush. I'll try and be better, for you. I don't feel like we've lost anything, though, that's the thing - because what did we ever really have? But I will try. And maybe you can try, and things will be ok between us again. Or maybe you can go on not giving a damn, and I'll end up leaving you to go and be alone and wonder where everything went wrong. Either way, it's going to be fun.
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