>>16840031 No, but I relate to that movie on a deep level.
>>16840037 I don't know how to approach people in that way. I still haven't grown out of the creepy childish stalker-thing where I sneakily just learn as much as I can about them without actually becoming friends, and that is a problem.
Yeah, that is the root of the problem, then. You just have to realize that you're not really developing a crush on THEM, you're just in love with the attention. The rest is pretty much a fantasy you've invented.
It's easier said then done, but you basically need to reverse your thinking on this. The types of crushes you're talking about are pretty much just an endless mental loop of "Will he like me? Does he like me? Will he actually like me?"
You need to start asking yourself "Do I actually like him?" And usually, you can't really have an honest answer to that question until you've at least had a few real one-on-one conversations.
The first step is just to be friendly. Say hi, find an excuse to make conversation.
I never said it would "make the delusion of being cared for disappear." I never even said it was a delusion. It might not be, guys who show you care and attention might actually be interested.
The point is, not EVERY guy who pays attention to you is actually going to be a good fit for a relationship. There's nothing wrong with having an "irrational" crush. If you actually get to know the guy, you might learn things about him that cause you to lose interest. Or he might turn out to be great, and you can go out together, and that's good.
I'm still not quite sure what you meant by
>I am 100% aware that this guy doesn't actually care that nobody's teaching me to do the job. He's just annoyed that someone's doing his job badly.
Are you talking about the guy you have a crush on? I think you're assuming we have context for this situation that you haven't actually explained yet
I started a new job recently. It's not very hard but I'm not very bright, and the person who was supposed to instruct me weaseled away so I for the past two weeks I have been doing the job badly instead.
And then This Guy (imagine a pockmarked white Mike Tyson who always seems like he hasn't slept for 2 days and just came from his father's funeral) who is already training 3 other noobs of his own asked whether my instructor has done anything at all to help me, and he's kind of started teaching me too.
Pretty much every time we pass each other in the hallways he'll stop me with a "didn't [the instructing weasel] teach you how to _____" and then teach me how to do the thing I was doing wrong.
Every once in a while he'll casually just walk up to what I was working on, shuffle through it and put it properly. There isn't any real damage or particularly serious consequences in doing the thing badly, it's just easier to do things right.
How does lunchtime usually work at your job? Do people eat together, or does everyone go their separate ways? That's usually a great way to get to know your coworkers without coming off as anything other than "friendly"
Pretty much, you just need to see if he's interested in talking/spending time with you when there's no PRACTICAL reason for him to do so. Right now, it's all in the grey area. He could be taking a special interest in you, or he could just be making sure everything's getting done properly.
Lunch is a good start. See if you can make that happen.
>>16840270 we have three breaks during the day, two 15-minute coffee breaks and one that's 30 minutes. People generally have them in a 15-30-15 order, and you can't (or shouldn't, all I got was "don't") have a break within the first or the last hour. So peoples' breaks overlap some. And people tend to lounge around in the break room at the very beginning or ending of the shift.
He's not a chatty person but we've talked some. He's shared some personal things unprompted, but I don't know what to do with that information.
>>16840505 >Tell me concrete situations where you feel you are doing something wrong. I don't know. People just haven't liked me most of my life. I was bullied as a kid and I still don't have many friends.
>>16840671 Those things could be relevant. Learn from people's reactions and do better next time. Also take up some hobbies, spend time together with friends, gain experiences. Things that you can work from. If you spend a lot of time alone, your imagination will be weird.
>>16840671 I also have a broad (but not deep) knowledge of trivia. I tend towards a reputation for being the trivia guy, but I make sure to read the atmosphere of who even cares about shit like neurology. But the problem with that is trivia and stories you've read about is never as interesting as trivia and stories you've lived. You've got to go out and do shit. But also watch out, no one likes the guy who goes to concert and suddenly he's an "expert" on "concert culture". Be conscious of how much you actually know about something and how much there is to know about something. When Alexander Pope said "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing/drink deep or drink not of the Pyrian Spring" he was talking about assholes who have learned a little and think they've learned a lot.
Also there's no way for us to judge how easy it would be for someone to be attracted to you without pics, so unless you post them we can't really help. Doesn't even need to be a nude either, how you dress is a very communicative tool.
>>16840689 So it will wash off if I spend enough time with other people?
>>16840693 He's very rough-looking and not at all "my type". There's just a weird contrast between the amount of care and effort he offers and the otherwise air of permanent gloom.
>>16840731 I don't consider myself an expert on anything, all the weird shit (that I generally refer to as "weird shit") is just random shit I've read that I have no personal attachment to. If someone says I'm wrong about it, I don't heel down and fight them about it, I'd just be happy of learning better.
I don't know how to learn equally interesting things without getting killed.
>>16840758 >I don't know how to learn equally interesting things without getting killed. There was no reason to assume lethal danger, which indicates that you think that's what constitutes something "interesting". Go to a play. Join some kind of organization. Volunteer somewhere. Find a hobby that doesn't require loads of disposable income but does require you to talk to other people. If you're a musician, join a local chorus, band or orchestra.
>>16840791 Exactly. Something that a lot of people need to realize is that interesting people aren't interesting because they do interesting things, but because they think interesting thoughts. Who would you rather hang out with: the Eagle Scout who did it because he loves hiking and thinks nature and tracking and knots and community service are cool as shit and have some kind of perspective on it and can apply what he's learned to aspects of his life you'd never see a connection to? Or the Eagle Scout who did it just because it looked good on a college application and forgot everything within a year? With the right mindset, even the mundane becomes magical; with the wrong mindset, even the magical becomes mundane.
>>16840811 The way I did it was by making lots of acquaintances and a bunch more friends. I wouldn't have gotten into, say, pen-and-paper RPGs (probably the most social nerd hobby around and a great way to make sure a group of friends stays in touch) if not for a pair of guys I met in college and still talk to now. Now my primary game group is people I went to high school with, because I and one other guy decided to introduce it to them on a whim.
Another anecdotal example: I joined a new church around this time last year. At the time, I was basically a hermit - I'd dropped out of contact with a lot of my high school, college and hometown friends, I was on 4chan all day erryday, my job search ethic sucked ass, I wasn't doing anything in my industry (entertainment production). It's been almost a year since then. I made a ton of new friends through the church, there's a small group I go to every week where I met about half of those people, I'm in a leadership role in their tech team (directing cameramen and controlling displays) and the leader of the entire team wrote me an absolutely glowing reference letter, they let me know whenever they're planning to do a choir thing so I can participate, I'm back in contact with high school and college friends, I worked for 3 months (seasonal), made a few industry contacts and just had a job interview, and I started exercising and lost 20 lbs so far. Pretty much the only thing that hasn't changed for the better is I'm still a kissed virgin with no relationship prospects who lives at home and has no car, but most of those things can change once I get work.
>>16841003 It's not that you're unhappy, it's that other people know that you're unhappy. The reason girls tend to like a guy more if he's in a relationship is because a guy in a relationship tends to be more genuinely confident because just the simple fact of having a girlfriend can stroke your ego to completion, and when you're emotionally validated you're not going around looking for someone to emotionally validate you. The trick is to not let unhappiness stop you or allow it to dominate your mood.
I'm such a good liar that my family still doesn't believe that my depression and anxiety are real, or that they're causing it. I've looked my own mother flat in the eye and told her I'm unhappy and she does not believe me.
>>16842273 It's not the unhappiness. Men take pride in making you happy. It's that for some reason you are giving off creepy or crazy vibes, or are so unattractive that men just don't want to date you.
>>16842315 >crew cut Well growing that out would be a really good idea. Don't grow it out totally long, just medium long. Even that is much more feminine. It needs to show that you pay attention to your appearance.
>>16842327 I hated it like that, too. I just hate having hair, period. I keep myself clean and fit as a matter of personal comfort, but I just fucking hate paying attention to my appearance, all the time and every single time. I've never spent a moment in front of a mirror that I did not hate.
i don't know, i'd like to stop that as much as you, the problem in my case is that i'm fat and ugly so i mistake every scrap of attention as interest
not even being facetious i've gotten crushes on neckbeard weebs because they're the only ones who'll talk to me but said neckbeard weebs won't even take me most of the time
i think the solution is, (but it's too late for me to do this because i'm already old, you might still have time) to try and get yourself into that category of women who actually have choice. where you're not settling for just someone who'll give you the time of day, but someone who you find genuinely attractive. it takes a lot of work, but life sucks and i want to kill myself.
>>16842340 yeah it sucks men are fucking idiots but if you want one of them you gotta like put in a lot of effort it's strange to me as well, because i grew up neglected and poor and didn't fully realize just how much work goes into maintaining some sort of social appeal. i see women spend on average hundreds of dollars a month maintaining an appearance and that shit is COMPLETELY foreign to me. when i was a teenager i was worried about whether or not i was going to get beaten that day or if i got to eat. i had to learn all of this shit in a crash course by myself, no friends, nobody to talk to, just trial and error finding out whether or not people were repulsed by me during employment for the last decade or so.
>>16842370 I did try. I did wear makeup, grow out my hair (when I realised I could never bring myself to getting it past a bob without getting the urge to cut it, I spent 100 euros on hair extensions), wasted so much money on makeup, dresses, heels, jewellery and perfumes, plucked my eyebrows, shaved everything every two days, even bought false eyelashes I never managed to glue on successfully, and the performance never stopped being a boring, unpleasant, disgusting chore.
I spent four years at that, and it never stopped being exhausting and unpleasant.
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