It's been 4 months and she still didn't contact me back. I'm desperate /adv/.
I tried to get back twice after we broke up, only to be blown off again and again, the last time we talked to each other, she boldly said "I don't want to be with you, i don't feel anything for you."
I couldn't believe it, we shared so many beautiful moments together, of course i wasn't perfect, nobody is but i tried my best, i was loyal, i bought her gifts, i took her to eat on fine places, i was romantic, attentive and i also knew when to give her space, when she said these words my soul was crushed.
When my friends saw me crying they said "Relax man, she just needs some time, she will come back to you"
It's been 4 months already and i feel deep down that she is NOT coming back, i feel like i'll never see her again and she probably doesn't even miss me.
I'm so desperate, i'm in so much pain, she's the one woman in want in my life. I was her first boyfriend, we used to talk about how we would move together one day and eventually become a family, have a dog, have family time every weekend, how did this happen?
This pain is unbearable.
You have to understand that for what it's worth, for a very long time, she felt that something wasn't right, and that feeling of it's not right grew and grew until she could not ignore it anymore. She became afraid that what if she put on a fake smile for 1 more month and that 1 more month turned into 1 more year and that 1 more year turned into a fucking engagement and marriage? Now she's vowed herself into a lifetime of being trapped in a lie.
There was no right moment for her to say she cannot do it anymore. She felt overwhelmed at the immensity of the eternal future of having to hide her misgivings about you and the potential the relationship held.
Having said that, she loves you, or at least firmly believes that she set out intending to give her all in loving you. It's why she held back for so long in telling you no, she could not go any further in the relationship with you, and also sadly why it had to be so sudden.
Just be glad that she didn't feel cornered into blaming you or ending the relationship on "your fault". I just survived a 7 year relationship, 5 years of it married, where my husband took those 7 years to figure out if he loved me enough to have wanted to marry me in the first place. He could not deal with the fact that it made him a villain to have stuffed me around for so long, he broke up with me many many times until I tried to move on and find someone, then use that as a retroactive excuse of "you cheated on me!" to give himself the courage to say he didn't want me from the beginning. That hurts far more than an honest "I can't do this anymore".
Find a new girl, I know its cliche but i swear to you the second you do you'll forget about this heart break and laugh at how hurt you felt.
you seem young ,trust me you'll bounce back as soon as someone is interested in you.
I'll try to sum up
>met girl online many years ago
>quickly became friends
>have so much in common, like soul mates
>friendship grew into romantic feelings
>flew over to mee her in person
>grew even more in love
>went to see her a few more times and asked her to be my girlfriend
>life is good and i go see her every other weekend
>she does not seem to be as involved and in love as i am
>start to question her on it, she says that's just how she is
>her lack of romance and sometimes indifferent behaviour gets to me
>confront her about it
Then everything i posted in the OP happens.
I am 24, she is 25, we met 6 years ago and remained online-only for 4 years until i left the army and could fly to meet her.
>she boldly said "I don't want to be with you, i don't feel anything for you."
>When my friends saw me crying they said "Relax man, she just needs some time, she will come back to you"
While your friends mean well, they are not giving helpful advice.
And realistically speaking, you never stick with your first boyfriend/girlfriend for the rest of your life, save for 1% of relationships. She is not the end-all of everything.
And the talks of "becoming a family, have a dog, have family time every weekend,etc" are coming from a naive girl who just got into her first serious relationship. You're naive, too.
See other people.
Once you decide it's definitely over with her, no matter how much you don't like that, go no contact with her. No talking to her, no checking her facebook, nothing. It will hurt like hell but then you can focus on your pain itself and you will realize a lot of things about why you feel so hurt and alone and even things about your family growing up you forgot about. In time you will notice the pain healing. It feels like it never will but it does if you stick it out long enough with no contact.
I'm trying but it's so hard to accept that the person you love doesn't love you back and never be yours.
I don't cry over it anymore but my heart still stings and i'm looking sad most of the time. I lost joy in doing things i once loved to do, like playing videogames or watching movies.
I live each day on auto-pilot and find myself wondering all the time what went wrong, what is she doing, is she with another man...
This hurts so much, i don't to love ever again.
The harder part to accept is that the person you loved isn't the person you thought. You didn't really have enough time together to see that she was not really stable and was showing you one side of her when things were early on but there was a lot more to her and you were only seeing kind of a thin front that wasn't really the core of who she is.
Dude, you're 24, and it's been 4 months.....Go find someone else (someone who doesn't live a million miles away) because there is no chance she's coming back. Breakups suck, yes, but if you handle it right it's a chance for you to grow as a person.
As other's have said, just wait for another girl to come your way and it'll be fine. Just make sure you're at least half open to the idea as it's very easy to disregard women if you're not open to the idea and you're stuck on another women (being your ex in this case).
>"Relax man, she just needs some time, she will come back to you"
While your friend's sentiment was nice, they're wrong and were only trying to make you feel better. What they should have done was extol the virtues of picking yourself up again, told you she was a bitch and got you another drink.
While they may be sympathetic now, they are going to grow very tired of your clinging to this girl and you'll find yourself without a shoulder to lean on.
You need to cut contact (all contact, don't allow yourself to see her on Facebook ect) or you'll never get over her fully. Unfortunately the internet makes it very easy to fulfill those 'stalker' desires.
Source: I'm seeing a girl who broke up with her bf a year ago. The poor guy still hasn't moved on properly.
You should convince her to go back to the other guy because you know it would make him so happy that it's even more happy than you could ever be with her. Getting a girl back that you lost and can't get over is the greatest joy possible in life. Do the right thing.
Except the happiness would be constantly plagued by "what if she leaves me again" and "oh god she's talking to another man, she's definitely sleeping with him" ect ect.
Except for very specific circumstances, once you break up with someone, you cannot have a health relationship with them after. Not to mention, by taking her back after she breaks up with you, you're setting a precedent of her doing what she wants and walking on top of you.
No way. A guy in that position would be too deluded to even think about that. He would be in pure ecstacy. Also there are lots of married couples together for years who broke up and got back together at some point.
Fuck off, the guy that lost her has to learn to get over it. He probably lost her because he was getting too weird and clingy. >>16838504 has no obligation to give her up and you need to stop giving advice
You're not alone OP. I'm a year into this journey now and I never saw it coming.
I met her by chance and fell in love by accident.
I was 25 and she was 18, and I knew from the moment I met her that she was too young for this to realistically work. But she wanted me, she fell hard for me and I fell even harder for her.
It was a one night stand that went horribly right and lasted two years.
Now I know two years doesn't sound like a long time but when you fill 730 days it becomes very real, and I loved her for every single second of it. I even lost part of my face in a workplace accident the day after we met and that wasn't even enough to scare her off. Within a year we were living together, eating together, showering together and romancing together every day. We were loving and we were planning the future, just like you.
You better believe I looked after her too. Made her coffees and chipped the ice off her car in the mornings, breakfast in bed every Saturday, took her out for dinner each week and always footed the bill without blinking. The sex was off the wall and we never lost our tempers at each other.
and then one day she comes through the front door, and just... changed her mind. Not an explanation not nada not zilch. I couldn't begrudge her, She wasn't mean about it. She was too young too settle down I guess. Now I'm too wary of women to ever want to venture into that hailstorm again, not while I'm young at least. Will she come back? Why are we still friends? Is Bill Murray going to ever do another Ghostbusters? Who the Fuck knows?
The point is that although you are in a world of hurt, You are one of a lot of men that are sinking with you. If you keep chasing her desperately, I guarantee it'll end in tears. You can wait like me but you'll just end up too angry to salvage yourself by the time you are over it or angry with her in the unlikely event that she ever does return. Maybe focus on your own adventure. It's a beautiful world out there.