Guys, I need some advices for this one
> Recently got 18 y/o
> Dad divorced mom
> Decided to stay with him
> He found a new partner
> Serious between them
> Move in with her this month, early february
> Since I have no job for now, and that their house is actually quite big, I was also invited to live there
Thing is, she has kids
> A girl that very recently got 14 y/o
> And a girl of 12 y/o
> The youngest one seems normal, and while slacking off sometimes, do get good grades from time to time from what I saw from her notebook
> Problem being that, the eldest one, however, is lazy, does nothing most of the time except watching TV or staying glued on her phone, and her grades are failing | Her gpa is currently 1.something
This is where it gets interesting
> The girls open up to me on a lot of subjects
> One of these subjects being drugs
> Admit that they smoked cigarettes
> The youngest one only did it once, last year apparently - And she didn't like it since she choked on it, and never tried again... From what she said
> The oldest one did it when she was still 11-12 y/o, same age as her sister, and continues doing so semi-regularly, as in something like twice a month with friends
> Also admit that she smokes weed at more or less the same interval
Now, I know that some of you might say something like : Tell the parents
Or : Simple try to convince her not to smoke
But, come on now, both of these options will just blow up in my face
A = If I tell the parent, i'm instantly gonna be labeled as the snitch, loosing the easy trust they had in me even though I just barged into their lives about 4 weeks ago, and it won't change too much anyway since she will continue doing whatever she does at school... You know... The place every kids hang out for at least 5 days a week every week
B = If I straight up try to convince her to stop smoking, it just won't work, and I also do not want to because, well, to be honest, I did smoke a bit during my early teenagehood too, and I do remember how frustrating and boring it was when someone was trying to convince me to "just drop it because blablabla"
Thing is, her behavior straight up enrages me, but at the same time worries me, specially because of her grades
I know that I did some shaddy stuff too at her age, but I didn't let whatever I did get in the way of school
Right now, she said to me that she was going to practically beg her mom for... Wait for it... Not 20... Nor 10... But 5.
Just 5 bucks so that she can hang out with her friends tommorow and buy cigs with money they all pooled together
For now, we all get along pretty well, so I had an idea
Do you guys think it will be a good thing if I just give her some cash in exchange of me tutoring her ?
Yes, paying her so she can smoke and possibly get stoned just so that she can finally study
I know very well that she could just "use" me as some kind of emergency when she's dry and then simply go back to her mom for more but... Well, i'm a bit lost here, and I can't think of another good alternative to help her
And that's precisely the reason why i'm posting here in the first place, you guys do give some good advice most of the time so... Well, help a wannabe good big bro plz ?
How well do you know their parent? Is it possible you could tell them that you need to share this information but also need the kids not to know it came from you? Is the parent responsible and you could trust them? Or are they a blabbermouth and the kids would find out? Also is the parent even a good parent where they would do anything about it and handle it responsibly if they did know?
Sorry, thought you guys were inactive these hours of the day
Well, I know my dad is pretty cool about this kind of stuff and would probably give me some advice if I asked... But if I did, I'm pretty sure he would also immediately tell her, which is a bad thing since she's the kind of person to make 'family reunion' if the kids did something wrong about pretty much anything (well in their case, 'anything' means mostly chores and school related work)... And more importantly, she's REALLY NOT going to like it if she finds out
The whole question is whether she is smart enough to "get it" that in this case she has to be thankful for finding out and not let on that it was from you. If she is, then you could talk to her and your dad and explain that so they know but also know it has to be handled smartly. If she isn't, then you may have to deal with this one yourself.
Tough situation, but not your problem. You can't help her unless wants help. My suggestions is to just be a big brother. Listen and don't judge. Offer support if she wants to change. Otherwise concentrate on your own life and don't get involved.
Most important, don't get dragged down as well.
>has no job
>lives at home for free
>judges other for having shitty lifestyles
Tend your own lawn before you start judging others. You're there by the graces of God, don't fuck it up by acting like an entitled little cunt
Nah, she's probably gonna act under the effect of stress and or anger
Not gonna work
Well, if she's becoming a part of my family then yes, it will be a problem.
Specially because I don't want to see her doped on weed and 'not giving a shit' at the age of fucking fourteen.
But thx for the advice anyway, guess it's a hit or miss huh
She's definitely going to handle it... but not in the smartest way i'm afraid, she's also the bossy kind.
Apparently, she calmed down since she met dad.
Since I only met them not even a full month ago, I might not really know how it works around here, so I'm trying to keep it safe by possibly going in solo I guess
Yes, which is not how an adult would handle it. An adult would have enough self-control to understand it's a delicate situation and be subtle about things. Understand?
And these girls have had to grow up with a mother with that little self-control. Think about that.
Sorry I'm late
The way you phrase it makes it sound like my now step-mom is a monster XD
The way I'm seeing it, she's going to handle it the way almost any normal parent would if they learnt that their kid smoked weed : By going in and initiating a discussion.
Maybe at first it would start calmly enough, and while they will eventually breach the subject, the way I see step-sis right now, she would probably throw a tantrum and throw the whole "subtlety" part right out of the window since... Well... She's 14.
But you're half-right about what you were saying about self-control : I'm not denying, she IS a little short-tempered, and that's what I'm afraid of.
That instead of a good "adult" conversation between mother and daughter, she'll just argue all night and cry like most teenagers do.
That's why, if possible, I'd like to keep it OUT of the parents grasp
I didn't say she's a monster, just not very mature. And no if they understand the situation and that it's important they not find out you told on them, they would handle it delicately. Sounds like you think she can't do that. That's too bad.
I think you missed my point. The subtlety I mean is she has to do it in a way where the kids don't realize you told on them.
OK, I get it now
Well, maybe I can tell them, but I guess I'll have to wait a bit before doing anything, otherwise they'll know, since if it happens, I'm pretty much the only suspect.
But hey, thanks for the advice guys.