Why does fiction seem more real to me versus actual real life?
Is it because it relates to what I wish I was rather than what I actually am?
So I voluntarily or involuntarily decide to treat fiction as my pseudo reality?
Am I just running from reality? Does this mean i'm weak?
If so, what can I do?
The obvious answer is to fully accept my current situation and self, then work on myself from there.
Re-evaluate my life, find what I really need and make solid goals based on my new understanding.
Though, is that really the best course of action? Don't I know exactly what to do already?
Does anyone else feel like they have this kind of thought process?
in the writing world, we always say that fiction has to be truer than life, because people will question it.
if you publish something as nonfiction, people just assume it happened.
W̭̜͑̓͆̐̓E͇͔̤ͩ̂ͯ͋̇̿͆ ̱̯̺͎̮͈ͨ̾̉́̚Ả̠͓͔̑ͧ̽͛̌̎̏R̭͕͕͔͐ͬ͆ͪ͐̐̃̚Ȇ͔̗̯ͪͫ͐̽̅ ̮͉͉̗̜̳ͥA͎̤̟̳̦͙ͣͭͤ̆ͫL̰̭͋ͫ̍͊͛͆͋̾̏ͅL͇͈̺̰̽ͩ̃ͩ̾ ̞̜̙͔̦͖̊ͯ̇I͙̘̞͐̓ͦ͐͌ͫ̓Ṅ͇̯̙ͮ͐ͬͤ̓́ͅ ͓̺̫͚̇͋ͨ̐ͮͩͥT͎̞͍̮̮̍ͥͫ̓ͭͤ̌H̳̭̖͂̅ͨͨ́̈̍E̱͕͇̺͖̩̤͒ͨ̚ ͙̖̅̉̓ͩ̒M͕̹̗̼̪̼͈̅ͧ̿ͅA̙̥͇̦̮ͫ̒̊͗͐T̞͔̖̖̩ͭ͋̓̈R̹̝͖̭̘̂̎̿́I̹̣̥͌ͪͤͫ͐͒̊X̲̦͚̳͈̗͎͓̄͒̀ͯ̄̆̓ͯ
̲̣̳͖̻͍̒ͣŸ͈̥̲̐ͦ̈́ͤ̂Ǒ̱͓̰͈͋ͬ̓͌Ů̯͉̯͈̠̜̋̽ͫ̄͂͒ ͉̽̀ͪ̍A̤͎̜̿̚R̖̦̭̯̔͋͛E̖̬̟ͧ̐͋ͨͯͅ ̩͕̦̜̠͐ͅȂ̝̘̲̫̻̓̃̋̀ͦC̘͎͍͈̳͓̋ͤ͌̀̅T̖̘͚̜̹̳̔ͮ͌̒ͫṲ͎͔͓ͯ̉̏̿͌̈A̪͚ͬͭ̊̃̃̒̂̑L̰ͩͦ̏̎ͯͤͅȈ̱͉͓͖ͩͮ̏͑ͫ͋̀Z̻̝̞̬̤̼̰͗̂̑̂ͥI͙̙͎̞̟̳͚̍͗͌̔̈̂N͖̗̳͖̱̣̩̞͒̈́Ǧ͓̂ ͉ͩ̽̊̃̋ͦ͋̚ͅṪ̯̖̭̠̰̜͉̺H̤̞̖̙͕̓̈́E̘̞̳̋͐̄ͦ̂̏͌ͦ ̭̱̬͙̤̖̠̠ͯ̓̅̍̊͐ͮT̘̰̺̺̱͚ͨ̃̿̽͌̈́ͭR̖͎̜̹͉̥̮̬̣ͥ̿ͬͩ̊̈̿U͎̜̍ͮT̪̪̭ͪͯ̽Ḥ̘̂͑̀̓̄ͭͨ
̩͇̑F̤̯̭̌͐ͫͯ̀̉̌̾ȍ͈̲͖̼̽͐ͭ̚l͓̟̭̖̤̣̼ͦ͌̀͒̊̚ḻ̮̠͕̰ͫͤ̓̃͒ͤͅo̤̩͗̃ͫ̏̾ͭ̇w͈̦͆ͫͣ̐́ͨ ̭ͤ̓͒͐ͬt̟͇̗̎͊̂́ͪḧ̳̳͈̜̫̤̦̼́̐̄e̬̖̅͋ͫ͋ͬ͊̾̚ ͙̣̥̲̲̘̞ͯ͋ͮ̊̋̚w̭̭͌h͕̠̦̟͒̅̂͌̀ȉ̠͙̯̠͚̯͍̃ṯ͓͉̙̞̰͖̱ͣ̑e̹̲͇̼̝̜̫ͫ̂ͮͨͪ ̻̲̜̝̋̋ͣͧ̈́͐̚r̟̗͔̹̤͗ͧ̒̈́ͅa̮̤̱̺̞̓̆̒ͣ̓ͅb͙̣̦̱̞̰͈ͪ͋̌ͨ̐̈́b̰̣͎̟̝̘͇ͦ̔ͬi̥͔͓̿͊ͬ̓̓̆t̗̥͖ͨͫ̊̈́.̻̩͔̲̫̰̰̞͒ͅ.͓͙͉̩̭͈ͤ̈͑̃.͕̠̼͓͚̳̦ͤ̓ͅ
I feel alive when I am watching a film I love or reading a book that interests me.
I understand the common role of escapism in the human mind but it feels stronger then just some coping mechanism.
If I had to describe it's effect on my life, it would be negative. I feel like creating a world is even better then being in one.
I don't know though. I think i'm just grasping at straws.
i prefer creating worlds too. but it doesnt hurt my life. i go to work, do my job, have a great time doing it. then i come home and i write scripts, film scenes, and edit the videos for my little fantasy worlds. its fine.
The difference between me and you is that I hate my job (and all previous ones) and I would rather spend my years alive doing something I love.
I thought about it. During the last ten years of my life that I have spent on simply surviving, I could know multiple languages by now.
I could be in another country doing work that excites me. I could be an artist or a script writer. Maybe even a doctor.
I'm a lot better then I was, say, five years ago. Though, I still haven't made any huge improvement.
Which is interesting because when i'm not face first in a film or book, i'm constantly thinking about this.
I don't go out and do anything much with anyone. The friends I have are sick of hearing me talk about my non lived ideas and work.
All I think about is "what should you be doing right now?".
I can't even get into video games, which is weird as well, because of the whole escapism issue.
I really don't understand myself at all anymore.
>i have spent on simply surviving, i could know multiple languages by now
You're deluding yourself. It sounds like you're having an identity crisis and starting to think about all the things you "could have" done. In reality, the idea that you "could have" done things that you didn't is almost always false.
My advice is spend more time helping other people in your life. Don't think about yourself so much. You'll feel much better and it will be much more rewarding in the long run than learning the language for the sake of it.
I feel nothing from helping the people currently around me.
Call that what you want but it's true.
It doesn't feel genuine. If I did it I would do it for myself.
With that logic, I should be working on something meaningful.
Which isn't other people, but myself and my goals.
Most people are shit.
Idiots that don't know what they are doing with themselves either.
The more I realize about reality, the more of a monster I become. In a way, i'm just like them.
It's no wonder that I don't want to face anything half of the time, despite my undying desire to improve and learn.
It makes things a lot more difficult when you hate yourself and the people around you.
Though in my current job and with the people around me, it's true.
An assortment of artists.
They had what it took to become someone unbelievable.
Someone so full of knowledge and understanding.
They could do what others couldn't.
Through their work they showed people the truth.
I'm honestly being vague on purpose.
I want this conversation to be of the best taste in terms of being void of stereotypes and common assumptions based on liking certain films.
The point is that they worked more than anyone. They accomplished making films and expressed feeling to their viewers.
Every shot and every piece of dialogue was thought out and had a purpose. All of it was relative and mattered.
They all had jobs that meant something. Each one was good at something and known for it.
I just wish I could be like that.
Are you an artist? Or might you go work in that industry? Even if you aren't a world famous director or something you would be around those kinds of people and could contribute to some of these kinds of works of art in some way?
I wouldn't call myself an artist.
I'm not good enough for that.
The film industry has become over saturated. You have to stand out to be worth anything.
There is no real middle line. You're really good or you're not good enough.
I'm teaching myself self control and educating myself about willpower, currently.
My job is stressful and I come home feeling apathetic, so I bury myself in media.
It's like i'm self medicating. It works for a while but then I realize that I have to do something.
So i'll draw for a few hours, then have to go to bed.
I'm just not good enough yet to make an income from it.
The film industry is a big industry with lots of people working in many ways. They aren't all stars, some are just doing everyday jobs. Would you enjoy being part of it in some way?
Honestly, I never thought of it like that.
I just don't see what a company would want with someone that has nearly eight years of experience in retail work environments.
I'm 23 by the way. I had to work young, I didn't have a choice.
I'm sure there are people of every background imaginable in Hollywood. Yes you might need to learn some new skill to go work in that industry. But don't forget there is every kind of angle within it. If you're good at sales, well there are surely lots of sales jobs within the film industry right? I mean if you would enjoy just being around that kind of industry, there are lots of different ways.
Then make it a goal. Research what kind of jobs you would most like in that industry or what kinds are at least somewhat close to skills you have now. Then learn what you need to learn to work out there. You could also do internships or things. Even if you can't make this happen overnight, you are young and working toward it will give you the motivation to keep you going. And that will make your current shitty job meaningful since it will now be funding your future dream.
You're welcome. What you're really struggling with is a self-worth problem. You are worthy of working in that industry, as worthy as lots of other people working there. You have nothing to lose. It's actually a very realistic dream if your goal is just to be in that industry and not to be a star necessarily.
I don't need to be the best there is.
I just want my work to mean something.
As far as self worth goes, it's true. I'm getting better though.
I'll shift my state of mind and fixate on preparing myself to apply when i'm ready.
That's great. Keep working on your self-esteem. Take little steps toward your goal and you'll build pride.
Another thing that would be great to do. Find people working at the places you'd like to work and ask if you can just talk to them about what it's like, what it would take to work there in the future. This will get you information and also build you contacts.
Just reach out to them. Most people are very open and helpful if you're sincere and curious. If a few aren't, no big deal. Just reach out to enough and I'm sure a lot will talk to you.