My husband bought a $70,000 car without telling me today. I can tell he had this planned for a while now. He's 29, I'm 25 and we've known each other for 6 years, married for 3. He's NEVER done anything like this before. He's never done anything behind my back and I'm furious. Should I be? We don't have any problem with money ( we own our house, have plenty in savings and equity ).
He just came home today from work in a new car. A corvette to be exact. I asked how much it was and he told me $70,000. He told me he didn't tell me because he thought I would be against it and frankly I don't know if I would have been. I can't think striaght right now because of this.
seems like a simple problem with communication
just tell him to tell you everything beforehand and let him still do it at first and gradually let him do less until he's telling u everything and u have a say in it
midlife crisis lol
instead of getting mad at him like a bitch, why don't you calmly talk with him about your concerns like a normal human being? I don't disagree this was a big purchase he should have told you about, but fuck you if you think this is all about you
If its his personal money that hes earned himself (from his income after paying his share towards bills etc so basically just his spare money) then hes entitled to do whatever he wants with it, although it wouldve been nice of him to just maybe mention it once. If he bought it with money that wouldve had to have come from money you earnt aswell then you can be as pissed at him as you want and i think it would be justified.
This and >>16834068 this.
Its his money but as a significant purchase he should have really discussed it or at least informed you. You've no right to tell him what to spend his money on when you're already living securely.
This is clearly going to be a problem in the future if he did it behind your back and sees nothing wrong with doing something so shady to get what he wants.
Divorce him and take his Z06 and your house in the process. I'm assuming it was a Z06, otherwise your husband just dropped a lot of damn money on a piece of shit.
duh, he bought a convertible
but, where does the money come from? mostly him? mostly you? even split?
either way, yes, it is a problem, and you should talk to him about it.
but the reason you're mad depends.
if it was your money, well, you'd obviously be mad. but somehow i doubt that's the case.
if it's his money, then you feel mad because you know that he knows and feels that he hold more power than you in the relationship. so much power that he can make a massive purchase without even talking to you about it.
if its' an even split, then you're mad because he was inconsiderate and selfish.
Act super happy for him. Get. Him to take you for a joy ride. After you need to have a conversation about how you are really happy for him to treat himself, since he deserves it, but that you are really hurt and concerned that he must have been thinking this for a long time and not told you. Let him know that this gives you a lot of anxiety, and that you respect his position as head of the family, but that such a large decision really warrants a discussion beforehand, so as just not to shock you, and scare you as you are a team in life.
That's really, really deceptive.
I'm not really sure what to tell you, man. I'm not saying that's divorce-worthy, but ... god damn is that a lot of fucking cash. It's just not okay to make decisions that affect your potential financial security without consulting you. And unless you're literally multi-millionaires, that's what this was. It also speaks to a serious lack of trust in you. I'd never, ever consider behaving that way towards my fiancee.
Uh, yeah, I'm really not sure what useful advice I have to offer. I can at least answer this.
>I'm furious. Should I be?
Maybe just follow him around and yell "SEVENTY. THOUSAND. FUCKING. DOLLARS," every time he tries to talk [ed note: this is bad advice, do not actually do this.]
He's gay, you idiot, and once you tie somebody else's financial security to yours it's not just "your money" anymore. Not when you're talking about that much, anyway. (And why exactly are you assuming that it was purely his earnings? OP hasn't said whether or not he works.)
Not even if you get a prenup.
That explains why people dont want to marry in the west anymore. I thought these stories were over exaggerated, but I guess they weren't.
I can't believe a head of the family can't even buy hinself a car lol.
I assumed that it wasn't his money because he didn't explicitly state that it was. If it was his money, he would have mentioned it as it would be a whole other issue (theft) .
You gave him reasons to not be comfortable with talking about his desire. The same way parents hope they never have to give an indepth sex speech to their children, then complain when they're basement dwellers, gay, or a furry.
If there was no right way beforehand to bring it up to you without some degree of anger he was right in leaving you out of the loop until the damage was done. A tango takes two.
Your husband is a fucking moron. Holy hell anon. This is horrific. If my husband ever does something like this... I don't know, I might divorce him on the spot. That's just so irresponsible and financially fucking retarded. His financial life goals are CLEARLY not in line with yours. And he didn't tell you, so he knew he was doing wrong and did it anyway.
A fucking 70k drop to a rapidly depreciating asset that loses half its value the minute you drive it off the lot. My head is spinning. WHY. Think of the portfolio enhancements that could have got you. That could have been turned into a retirement fund.
This. Marriage is pooling your assets as a couple. It isn't his money, it's their money. It goes both ways. Any major or frequent purchase should be discussed and approved by your partner. A marriage is 50/50.
>tfw 30 and going through the exact same thing he probably did
I really want to buy a classic car and fix it but my wife hates the idea. It's a really strong urge and tonight i couldn't sleep and just started pulling apart my lawnmower
>the only smart person ITT
I'm not married or gay, OP, but I would leave my girlfriend/fiance if she ever did anything like this - clearly you two aren't on the same page financially, and he sounds like he doesn't make great long-term investments, anyways.
If it was his money, you have to let it go - just stay cautious. He may have always wanted to buy a fancy car, he may be going through a midlife crisis, he may be buying fancy shit to impress his new mistress/mister(?) (this happened to my family when I was a teen).
If it's both of your money, you have a right to question and be upset - you earned it, too.
It sounds like he doesn't respect you enough to take your opinions into consideration - or he didn't want to hear you bitch at him. Either way, this is purposely deceitful behaviour and should tip you off for future investments/decisions.
I'd invest in my own private, separate bank account if I were you.
Sometimes the women choose to (or are pressured by their husbands to) give up their career to raise the children of the family personally.
For example, my dad is a doctora and my mom is a nurse. My dad preferred that my mom stay home and raise us, so he encouraged her to quit her job.
Now, she's 100% financially dependent on him even though she would be perfectly capable of providing for herself and also making money if it weren't for her kids.
Being a stay at home mother/father does take a lot of work when done right, but it's not something you get paid for.
So, the money in the family IS my dad's money, but my mom would be able to contribute if they just got a nanny and both worked. But since my dad didn't want to do that, she just stays at home.
Not saying that OP's situation is like that- she could be a gold digger with no specific skillset.
But as a woman, it's actually really kind of bittersweet to give up the job you've worked your whole life for to become a mother. You kind of feel like all your hard work and good marks in school were for nothing, and now you're completely dependant on someone.
If I were in a situation like that and my husband spend 70,000$ without even giving a heads up, I'd probably feel disrespected.
It's because you aren't a man. Men are fascinated by design and engineering. Even male babies respond positively to mechanical imagery. It is beautiful to look at and interact with, it's very satisfying.
Same reason men fixate on tools, weapons, buildings, etc. Looking at them immediately reminds men of what those items do and how they were made. Men generally have better spatial awareness and a better understanding of logic, and this has a knock-on effect on their tastes and interests. These two subjects really capture the imaginations of men and evoke a lot of strong feelings.
That's why they like to own cars and stuff. It's not ugly to them at all.
Are you stupid? I'm from the US and married and things don't actually work like that unless you're stupid. He's allow to use his money for whatever as long as everything else is fine. It's his moneyz not theirs unless he's a cuck.
Wow. This is a sign of things to come.
Money disputes are the leading cause of divorce. That money would have been far better served in a retirement fund.
My future wife and I will be on the same page when it comes to money, for sure.
Okay. But I wouldn't buy a 70,000 manga collection or something, even if I love the artwork and stories.
I mean, RENT a car for a weekend to scratch the itch. You don't have to drop a small fortune for a shiny thing. It's just fucking stupid. Shit, a rental is a few hundred bux at most. And you can try out a bunch of different cars instead of having only one.
>That money would have been far better served in a retirement fund.
You don't get it. It's not about having shiny things or "testing" things. They're beautiful and worthy and respect, it's like art.
And you weren't replying about the 70k, anon just said he'd like to own a classic car. The 70k might be a waste of money but merely owning a car, especially one you think is ugly, is almost definitely a misunderstanding on your part.
You can admire art without spending a fortune on hanging paintings in your house. Go to a museum. They have tons of car shows, they have rentals so you can have a whatever for a night. You don't have to BUY it. They're beautiful, okay, do you buy everything that's shiny?
A car is a transportation tool. It gets you from A to B and then sits in the driveway or parking lot. Do you want gold plated screwdrivers too?
And don't even say women spend a lot on clothes, because I buy most of my clothes used, from goodwill, or on very deep discount clearance. I like fashion and I look good. but I spend my money responsibly. Because I'm a human with forward thinking and future planning, not some impulsive money-dropping animal. You can have an interest without going full retard and spending your life savings on a toy.
If you like cars, fine, whatever. Rent one. Even lease one. Why do you need to buy it? I like fine art, but I don't spend a gagillion dollars to hang museum pieces in my bathroom.
Okay, so you agree with me he could have leased or rented cars, to use them, rather than buying it for seventy goddamned thousand dollars, since "owning things isn't what matters."
Thanks for admitting I'm right.
70k is more than most people make in a year. It's more than a lot of people make in two years. It's enough to buy a vacation home, or spend on 6 months traveling the world, or you could put it in a fund and retire a year or two early.
The crux of the issue is he did it behind her back. No discussion or anything. If OP had spent 70k on Coach purses and armani dresses, out of the blue without discussing finances with her husband, what would you say about that? You seem to have a lot of bias because YOU like cars. Well flip the issue to the other gender and ask yourself if that would be okay. You're full of shit.
I don't know why you're attacking me. Cars you don't own can only be driven. It would be like renting a suit. You can "use" it, but are still severely limited.
And it doesn't matter how much people make in a year, if OP and his husband can afford it then it does not matter how much it costs. $70,000 over the course of many payments is not that much if he has a decent income.
OP isn't a woman, by the way. You don't need to side with "her." He isn't a woman.
>OP isn't a woman, by the way. You don't need to side with "her." He isn't a woman.
Oh, it's this meme again.
>Cars you don't own can only be driven.
Yeah. That's the entire purpose of a car. What else are you gonna do, blow it?
>Yeah. That's the entire purpose of a car.
This is what you don't get. You keep going on about how you know better and how you're so much smarter when I keep telling you that YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. I don't even like cars but I know why other people do.
>Oh, it's this meme again.
You're a walking stereotype. You don't understand something so that makes you automatically disregard it.
You sound like a bitch, let the man have his dream car, that's what money is for anyway, to fulfill your dreams.
>being this mad because a guy bought a car with his own money
Just admit the idea of working hard for something is beyond your line of thought
It's not HIS money. It's THEIR money. It's a huge fucking purchase and the prick didn't even have the decency to mention it to his wife beforehand. If your wife went and spent 70k without telling you, on some stupid shit, would you be mad? Yes, yes you would.
You mean HIS husband, and how do you know It was not his own personal savings, not the couple's?
I would be mad if It was MY money, but It also depends on what was bought, even though It's a car It still holds value better than let's say clothes or a trip to the Alps.
I don't know about furious. You're not in a shitty financial situation so it's not like you're gonna be eating cat food tomorrow. He did something seriously fucked up by intentionally hiding it. He could still have bought the damn car. It's just "he didn't tell me because he thought I would be against it" that's antithetical to the whole "we're in this together" aspect of marriage.
Tell that pruny-dicked nigger to drive the two of you to weekly counseling sessions in his Corvette. You might come to enjoy the car and he might come to accept communication as an appropriate tool for a grown man.
>It still holds value better than let's say clothes or a trip to the Alps.
CARS HOLD VALUE AHHAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, kid, go "invest" in buying a few cars and tell me how that works out 'fer ya.
A trip to the alps would at least be a nice memory. A car is just an overpriced shiny thing. Fuck, if you bought gold-trimmed silk sheets, at least those might have health benefits. A car? Fucking retarded. It doesn't hold value, it hemorrhages value. You may as well throw your money in the trash if you want to buy a new car. 10 year useful life best case scenario, then you sell it for peanuts to some high school kid as a beater. Holds value like used toilet paper. Holds value like a computer that will be obsolete in two years. Holds value like a bag of salad that'll be rotten in a week.
This anon has it.
This is likely more about stupidity than malice, but it is VERY stupid.
Frankly, it is also cause for alarm. Your finances as a family are stable, but this is still a significant impact to them, and you should have had a say. Especially when the reason given is no better than "because I wanted it". If there had been an actual emergency requiring a snap judgment, then this might have been understandable (if eyebrow-raising). But this is midlife-crisis bullshit; you don't mention needing a new car, and even if you did, this certainly not the kind of car one looks to in a crisis (unless it involves high-speed chases, and if that's your emergency then you have other things to worry about).
Bottom line: I wouldn't go talking to lawyers or anything. I might not even get rid of the car. but you two need to have a talk about boundaries. This was Not OK. If he digs in his heels, then that points to deeper problems that are going to need couples counseling.
>Fucking what is men's fascination with ugly, overpriced cars? Of all the damn things
Fucking what is men's fascination with ugly aesthetic features when they use too much make up? .
do you contribute to the finances? do you share joint accounts? is his credit fine? did he buy it with his money? are all other financials in order?
The combination of the answers would need to be almost all negative to warrant you being upset. You consider yourselves married, and you describe your time together as knowing each other seems rather cold and disconnected.
If he payed for it with his money as is doing well financially enough to fund your life style and have him own his car than you really shouldn't be upset.
This has to be bait.
Bitch, are you trying to put a lock on your husbands whallet too? You already did! He gave you everything and now you even want to restrict what little freedom he has left? This is why hubbys end up in the beds of other women so keep that in mind.
And you are giving it a meaning when you say ''merging''.
You have any idea of what that fucking means? Thats financial suicide from both parts rigth there. Which, in the end, is biased towards the wife no matter what you do.
I would seriously reconsider my marriage if that happened.
Anyone who drops money you could buy a house for on luxury goods is someone fundamentally incompatible with me. ESPECIALLY if they did it without even talking to me beforehand.
My uncle spent most of his (rather meager) income on fancy cars and now he can't afford to retire and is bitter as fuck. He doesn't even use them.
I don't the specifics of his marriage, but merging finances is standard practice when marrying where I live, so I would assume it was his and his wife's money. So mostly his wife's since he couldn't keep a stable job
You realize this is a pretty common practice, right, and it doesn't usually end in disaster? It's also a matter of degrees -- there's many options between "completely separate accounts, no questions asked about each other's money" and "everything goes into one account that we don't touch without each other's permission." Most couples fall reasonably in the middle.
He worked as a gas station, got caught stealing, went without a job for a few years, drove a taxi for a while, went on benefits for back problems, now works at a gas station again
his wife worked as a nurse's aid.
Well yeah, what do you want me to do, post his phone number so you can call him up and confirm?
Well, you already made it perfectly clear that you do not understand men at all and you don't really understand marriage either. It sounds like you're just using your uncle to make a point because you hate cars.
You say he owns cars and that he is poor, probably because of the cars. I can take you on your word for that, even for sake of argument. On the other hand, you claim that his cars are worthless and that his life was ruined by them. That is your main point: cars are worthless and a waste of money. But how in the world can we possibly believe this is true and not some kind of ridiculous confirmation bias? You made it very clear that you view cars as worthless and you are very angry about men spending money on cars, so it could just as easily be that you're lying to support your world view.
Well, err, I am a woman and if my husband wants to buy himself nice things with his own money that he worked hard for, then he can go ahead and do what ever makes him happy. As long as its not the money that would otherwise go to important things such as bills, retirement savings, a new home, etc.
OP, do you have a job?
Pretty hilarious. I'm curious as to why you're ignoring all the posts asking whether it was his money.
I bought a $64000 cts-v when I was 28 that I still own, but I can easily afford it.
Since OP disappeared after his second post I'm assuming this is a bait thread that was made by a poorfag who thinks that $70000 is an ungodly amount of money.
>There is no "head of the family." Legally, at least.
>has never heard of head of the household filling
So are you 16 or a manchild who still lives with his parents and has never filed a tax return before?
I think you're confusing me with someone else. My uncle's life wasn't ruined by cars, his life was ruined by a series of poor choices, buying cars he couldn't afford was just one of them.
I don't hate cars, no more than I hate lamps or forks or swimsuits. I just don't think spending large amounts of money on luxury items is a good way to live, and if you think it is, we wouldn't be compatible.
Spending 70,000 dollars on a long world trip would probably be worth the money for me if I could afford it. I absolutely wouldn't buy a trip like that without thoroughly discussing it with my partner before, and before being absolutely sure we both had things financially secure (including retirement funds and having money saved up for possible kids).
Someone who would prioritize luxury items of financially stability and communication with their partner is not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.
From the OPs post:
>we own our house, have plenty in savings and equity
So lets assume they are finantially secure.
Are you ok with the guys decision of spending his money on what he wants now?
Or you will continue to keep telling us how you wouldnt like to be with a guy like that etc like if they even wanted to be with you in the first place?
A trip would literally be throwing money into the trash. The trip goes away when it's over.
Finances do not matter if you have enough money. Their income and savings are not what this thread is about.
You can't be serious. How can you possibly insinuate that other people are teenagers or "manchildren" when you don't know what the legal term "Head of Household" means? In America, if you're married, you CANNOT FILE FOR TAXES as the "head of the household." You can file jointly or separately, but never that. "Head of Household" is for when you're unmarried but have dependents.
>A trip would literally be throwing money into the trash. The trip goes away when it's over.
That's your opinion. You don't appreciate trips. I don't appreciate cars as anything beyond a means of transportation. The point is, they're luxuries and you don't really need them.
It's not an opinion. You don't get to keep the trip. This is not an opinion.
This just in: disagreeing with a woman is automatically an opinion. Reality warps in the presence of women to eliminate facts.
It doesnt upsets me. Shifting the parts and shifting your biased logic and then confronting you with it doesnt mean I am angry at you.
On the contrary, I am expecting a proper answer.
But, oh well, what are you going to call me next? Sad virgin loser with small dick or something like that?
As opposed to the perfectly amicable
>Or you will continue to keep telling us how you wouldnt like to be with a guy like that etc like if they even wanted to be with you in the first place?
What you get to keep is memories, experiences, things you've learned, a different outlook on the world. They may not matter to much to you, but whether my car is red or blue also doesn't matter a fucking bit to me.
If you're not upset, then what's the problem?
>then what's the problem?
Theres no problem at all.
Read the first 4 lines that you suspiciously ignored, when your attention was completelly shifted to that awful comment I made about your situation.
I see, but a 70k trip is not?
I know english is not your first language.
Thing here is, assuming the guy used his own money (money that I have to remind you he earned, not you), he has all the right given to him by his conyugal freedom to spend it on anything he wants. Being a trip, a watch, a car etc.
On the other hand, I am sesing jealosy on OPs part. It must be hard to be the one that takes care of the house and the children, but has to beg to get what she wants because its physically and emotionally dependant of a man (which really is her fault)
>I see, but a 70k trip is not?
My entire point is, it IS a luxury and I don't need it. So I'd never spend that kind of money without talking about it first.
>I know english is not your first language.
>Thing here is, assuming the guy used his own money (money that I have to remind you he earned, not you), he has all the right given to him by his conyugal freedom to spend it on anything he wants. Being a trip, a watch, a car etc.
Yes. I'm not saying OP should call the cops for theft. I'm not saying OP should leave him. I'm saying *I* wouldn't want a guy like that.
>On the other hand, I am sesing jealosy on OPs part. It must be hard to be the one that takes care of the house and the children, but has to beg to get what she wants because its physically and emotionally dependant of a man (which really is her fault)
OP is a gay guy, not a woman and nowhere are children mentioned.
How much it costs is kind of irrelevant.
The big red flag here is him just hiding shit like this from you and not even having the decency to be honest and have an open line of communication. You're his fucking wife and he can't just casually mention the fact that he's thinking about buying a car?
Somethings fucky in this marriage.
If he earns enough be happy who cares
As long as he can afford it and isn't spending money you earned your anger will probably be quite baffling and upsetting. A man's gotta do things to spice up life sometimes
a woman can't catch a break on this fucking site.
even when it's the man being a douchebag, let's call her a bitch instead. You people are hopeless. just a bunch of man-children .
your husband made a huge purchase behind you back? fuck you for being upset.
Its no big deal. As he said he though t youd be against it. Even now it looks like you are.
Money isnt a problem, as you said, so he can have his goddamn toy.
The only thing you should be on about at all if anything is why you cant have something cool, too.