My boyfriend and I have been together about a year. The relationship has been wonderful and he genuinely makes me the happiest I've ever been. It bothers me that he listens to a ton of ASMR. It feels almost like he's cheating. I'm not crazy about things like this normally. I don't care if he looks at porn or even other women, or if he has female friends, and I definitely trust him.
But ASMR though is... Really fucking intimate. If you're not familiar with it, it's generally women in their 20's seductively giving whispered "haircuts" or a variety of other things, like "massages" or "therapy sessions". It's always something intimate like that, and he listens to them frequently, like when he's stressed or needs to relax. And to me, he's taking a chance for our intimacy to blossom and putting it into a random, hot woman who's essentially trying to give people "tingles". He listens to it so frequently anymore that I've begun to feel unimportant and ignored, and it's making me extremely restless and uneasy.
I've talked to him about it, and when I bring it up he gets really defensive. He says that it's the only thing that keeps him calm, and that I'm being absolutely ridiculous. He says me being jealous would be like him being jealous that i listen to classical and orchestral music a lot.
So, I guess I just want to know if I'm being absolutely ludicrous or if I might have some moral right to feel the way I do. I've run out of ideas on how to deal with it or at least how to come to terms with the fact that I'm not a source of relaxation for him. Is there a way for me to do this, or possibly another way to go about bringing it up to him so that he doesn't get angry? Thanks for taking the time to read this, and thank you for the help!
TL;DR: My boyfriend listens to a lot of ASMR and I really don't like it. Am I just reacting poorly?
Has it impacted your sex and/or love life?
If no, it is not an issue. People respond to stress with different ways. He could be shooting heroin, so if putting in some earbuds is the worst thing he does, you're doing alright.
However, if sex has gone down since he started, or he's getting more easily agitated, bring up your concerns to him in a more constructive way. Say that yes, it does make you feel insecure, and you want him to relax with you, not by tuning the world out for 20 minutes. Offer to give him a neck rub or massage once a week if he sees it as an attack on his relaxation time, to show you're willing to meet him half-way.
on one hand, maybe you can't fill the gap asmr provides, intimacy in a bottle with no judgement since it's not 2 real people with any real consequences on how he reacts.
or maybe he's just getting being a horndog.
Would you be as niggled if he was just watching porn? cuz him leaving you for an asmr girl is about as likely as him wanting to fuck a porn star over you, which is dubious at best
>make your own ASMR for him
>then you can transition it from headphones to you laying in bed next to him and whispering into his ears, soothing him to keep him calm
he's watching it for the girls, just so you know. the ASMR feeling wears off after like a month of listening to it.
had ASMR tingles my entire life, watched ASMR for about a month until the feelings practically went away, kept watching for whores
don't confront him on it because it will be super weird, but just know that he's watching for the whores 9/10 times
This is bullshit.
I've listened to ASMR for years now. When I was a little kid, whispers would be the only thing that would put me to sleep, and the subtle tapping or popping noises of certain whispered words make me super comfortable and put a nice relaxed feeling in the back of my neck.
Some of the girls are attractive. But that's not the point. I'll listen to it in the background, or at work with the screen of my phone face down... It's not a wank fantasy.
I listen to admr videos (i dont watch them, just listen in bed). I dont get the tingles and shit but it relaxes me. I wouldnt tell my girlfriend because she'd probably call me a faggot and laugh all the time :^)
lol yeah this is straight bullshit.
half of the ASMR I watch don't even feature the girl's face, just her hands scratching a book or another guy sharpening a blade on a whetstone.
I wouldn't worry about it, unless your guy has a huge hand fetish
OP, it's relaxing. It helps me get to sleep when I can't. You're over reacting. If there were males in the video, the only difference that it would provide is that the voices wouldn't be as soft. Why in the fuck would he develop feelings? That's about as fucking stupid as someone falling in love with a pop artist by watching a music video.
My two favorite ASMR producers are:
1- a girl with a really noisy purse that she digs through, it helps me sleep
2- an old dude who shows off his collections of items and knowledge with the viewer, it gets me crazy cozy
It's not sexual, at least for me. The dude is a legit god-tier person. I wish he were me grandpa, because he just has so much shit to talk about. Not many old people are that cool, but he's a talking piece of history.
Yes you are being somewhat jealous, though really we have no clear idea of how much he listens to it. If he is spending several hours a day plugged in and watching / listening to ASMR videos then maybe you have a point, otherwise, not so much.
Personally I don't associate anything sexual or romantically intimate with it. There are many types of ASMR video however and some certainly are sexually themed. Though you posted a picture of Maria so one can only assume that your boyfriend is listening to her and she is pretty mainstream.
>the ASMR feeling wears off after like a month of listening to it.
It differs from person to person, I've been listening to ASMR (both male and female) for years now and I still have the effect.