I'll keep this as brief as possible. I'm 23/f and the guy I'm referring to is 31/m.
We've known eachother for about 5 months and the past few weeks have been spending a day out of each weekend with eachother. This past weekend after we spent the day together, 4:30am creeped up on us. We were at his house and he asked me if I just wanted to stay over. So, I stayed. First time ever that I've spent the night with a guy without SOMETHING sexual happening. I was honestly disappointed, as I've grown to have a bit of a "thing" for this guy.
I know he's extremely caught up on his last relationship, as he's confided in me about it (and they've been apart for years). But I'm starting to have doubts about myself. I wasn't necessarily "rejected", but I feel as if that's the case. Or that this is strictly platonic and I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. No kissing, cuddling, etc. We discussed sex with other people right before falling asleep. I know it was on both our minds. We're both not "prude" by any means, but have discussed how we wouldn't just sleep with anyone without feelings involved anymore.
My questions are as follows: How weird of a situation is this? Has this ever happened to you and what was the end result? What the heck?! Was he too scared to put the moves on, or did he just have no interest? How would you proceed?
Thanks in advance for any sincere insight.
TL;DR; : Spent night with guy, nothing sexual happened...why not?
I did this to a girl once. I just wasn't interested in her that way.
There's no way for us to know really, but it's possible he was just anxious. Could he have not got physical signals from you?
In all fairness, we were both stoned. I don't think I was giving off any physical signals. I didn't want to cross the line...I usually leave that up to the guy. I'm pretty "unsure" of myself. I tried not to come on strong.
He may think of it as a platonic relationship since you are only 23 and he's 8 years older.
Of course, it could be something else.
He may be afraid to dive into something like that when he's dealing with that kind of shit on his mind and had only met you 5 months ago. He may feel like that's a bit fast for things if you guys aren't even in a relationship at this point. Especially if he doesn't even know how you feel about him. The whole "have discussed how we wouldn't just sleep with anyone without feelings involved" would come into play.
Another thing with the age difference is he may actually feel attracted to you but is overly conscious of the age gape there and feels like it would be inappropriate to bring it up. Again, this would be especially true if he doesn't know how you feel.
And with how things go in this day and age, with things being left up to the men and then we get shackled with all the blame...
If you want signals, sometimes you gotta send some yourself.
if you were both stoned, he could get charged with daterape or something.
maybe he was just hedging his bets. being 10 years older, he has more to lose if he has a disagreeable run in with a female.
It WAS a nice day/night. I enjoyed myself. It wasn't awkward. It just wasn't everything I expected, so I'm dealing with the let down. I get that it's not always cool to leave things up to the guy, but I guess I'm old fashioned. And I don't want to scare this guy away. I'd be humiliated if he turned my advances down, but I know ya got to take risks in life!
Because he didnt want to pressure you. You trusted him enough to sleep over, imagine if you didnt want to and he made a move.
Hes thinking about it from that end. Next time make him think its okay to make a move.
This. So much this.
I've done exactly what OP described. Brought a girl home under circumstances that did not start with a clear cut " wanna come back to my place" moment.
This guy is more mature and sensible than a guy 10 years younger. He's not wanting to be the creep that hit on you although he would (in a heartbeat) if he knew you were dtf him.
What you do next is simply message him, or ask to him face to face, what you asked us. And let him know "if you wanted to, I wanted to ...."
>4:30am creeped up on us. We were at his house and he asked me if I just wanted to stay ove
He's 31 and tired at 4:30, if he makes a move he'll feel he had to follow through. I myself don't know the fascination of girls wanting to fool around that late and I'm way younger then him.
>not in a sober state of mind
regardless of whether or not you wanted it, it would be an easy win for a lawyer if you had any sort of regret about it
he's not necessarily unattracted, he's just not an idiot
I don't fucking get your gender. You shout rape if someone does as much as look at you. You bitch and whine on /adv/ if someone doesn't fuck your face off. Fuck off with your shit.
OP in a mother fucking nutshell:
>If guy doesn't sleep with me, better go bitch on /adv/.
>If guy sleeps with me, better go lawyer the fuck up and play the we were stoned and I didn't consent card.
I feel it warrants a response in that
1) This is my first 4chan post EVER. Not looking for a springboard to "bitch", just wanting others opinions on my situation.
2) I've never cried "rape". Yes, I've regretted decisions I've made...but I don't try to get money or any other compensation for a decision I had a part in. I wanted this, so it would have been completely consensual.
Ding ding ding.
>He may only like you platonically.
>Was stoned. Relaxed. Chilled as shit. Could've just wanted to sleep. Could've been tired as fuck.
>2) I've never cried "rape". Yes, I've regretted decisions I've made...but I don't try to get money or any other compensation for a decision I had a part in. I wanted this, so it would have been completely consensual.
Okay, here's the thing. You might not have done that, but other girls have.
You might say "he knows I wouldn't do that", but other men have thought the exact same thing about other women and it didn't turn out so good. Men gotta be careful as fuck these days.
You might say you've never done that, but there was a time when girls who have done that, hadn't yet. There's a first for everything.
As a woman in this day and age, you need to know that if it can be in any way possible, percieved as a possible sexual assualt charge, a guy aint gon' do shit with you. Want the D? stay clean and sober.
And by the way, you aren't entitled to sex, you misandrist peice of shit. ;)
Also, considering how many women complain about guys "just wanting one thing", you don't really have a right to complain about a lack of sex. Deal with it.