How do I stop feeling guilty about the fact that I'm attracted to other men?
I really don't want to be bisexual or gay, but over time (I'm 24) I've realized I probably masturbate to gay porn as much as or more than I masturbate to straight porn. I'm not comfortable being seen dating a man in public or anything like that, I feel like homosexuality is disgusting and unhealthy but at the same time I've been masturbating thinking about sex with men for years and pretty much don't have very good relationships with women. I consider myself a masculine man, and the only men who really interest are other very masculine men. I guess I'm bisexual but I have periods where I'm more interested in one sex than another.
I feel very conflicted and unhappy. The homosexual lifestyle doesn't appeal to me.
Control yourself and stop masturbating.
I used to browse /d/ a lot and I fapped to vore and transformation and shit. Pretty fucking queer shit.
Anyways, like I said, I no longer cared for that shit after I stopped fapping and only looked at normal images. Just try to stop fapping all together.
What is this "homosexual lifestyle" retards keep insisting is a thing? Seriously, there are plenty of gay people who are just like everyone else. I *know* gay people who are just like everyone else, and don't just constantly have casual sex or use meth or whatever else it is they're supposedly doing all day.
Hell, I'm bisexual and don't really give fucks about it. I'm saving myself for marriage, though, because I'm kind of a Jesus freak.
I don't think you understand. This isn't something I can change, it's merely something I've tried to deny for years, now I just want to stop feeling awful and be at peace with myself. I don't really masturbate to porn very much, if I do it's mostly to my own fantasies. But even if I stopped masturbation entirely, it wouldn't make me stop noticing attractive men in public. It wouldn't make me stop noticing attractive actors in film and television. I've never browsed /d/ or liked cartoon porn of any kind, mostly I feel guilty for the times I try to fap to straight porn and fail. The most cartoony thing I can admit to liking is that I've always liked Ken a lot since I was a 5 year old boy.
I guess the whole concept of having sex with a man kind of scares me. Like I am attracted to men, but the thought of inviting some man into my house or going out on a date, meeting up at some guy's house etc. It just all seems so weird and unnatural, plus I'm scared because of how I've heard STIs are transmitted in higher frequency amongst men who have sex with other men. I don't know how to explain it, I've had times where I met guys I had a connection with and somehow I just chickened out because the idea of coming to terms with the fact that I'm that attracted to other men scared me.
There are plenty of straight acting gay guys. It's common for gay guys to say they're looking for straight acting guys to date. You don't need to do some "homosexual lifestyle" except for the having sex with men part.
That isn't quite how it works.
The arguments for God being okay with gays and bisexuals are about the same in complexity as the arguments for God being okay with feminism... which everyone accepts. I really don't see why everyone doesn't just get with the program already.
>The homosexual lifestyle doesn't appeal to me.
There's no such thing as a "homosexual lifestyle"
>I really don't want to be bisexual or gay
Too bad. I didn't choose to be straight but it is what it is. There's no way around it.
>I consider myself a masculine man
That has absolutely nothing to do with your orientation. It seems to me that your view of homosexuals is very much so based around stereotypes, like if you have sex with men then somehow you're obligated to dress like a twink and carry a tiny dog in a purse and put blonde streaks in your hair.
Despite your belief, being gay does not define you, just like being straight doesn't define me. You can have sex with men and not be a flamboyant character from the Bravo channel. And, honestly, unless you live in one of those backwards southern towns or mormon flyover states no one gives a shit if you're with another man in public. Thats just something you're going to have to get over.
>I feel very conflicted and unhappy
Because you're a gay man who insists on trying to date women. You can fight it for as long as you want but both you and I know the only thing that's going to make you feel better is to accept yourself for who you are.
Oh, then you've just been brainwashed.
Just unbrainwash yourself, you obviously have a predisposition to be against homosexuality.
I don't understand why people feel like they can't control their fantasies. Sure, I looked at drawings, but obviously I imagined it too.
You just have to stop imagining it too. Control your imagination.
Stop making this more complicated. Its very easy.
Beliefs regulate emotional responses, and emotions can make more likely or unlikely to behave in a certain way. It works like this:
Using your situation as an example:
Being seen dating a man in public>"Homosexuality is disgusting and unhealthy">feels guilt
The fix here is this: Change the belief you have about homosexuality, question it first A) Is homosexuality really disgusting based on some real evidence? or B) the idea of homosexuality being disgusting is just a fuck social construct?... like it always happens its B), think about it, you're feeling like shit because of that social construct of homos, now the answer is, change it.
Pro tip: if you can't do it on your own, go to a psychologist, DO NOT GO WITH A PSYCHOANALIST they're bullshit, go with a behaviorist or cognitive-behavioral therapist
im gay, but i went back into the closet after starting my life over, and i have to say its pretty great. i enjoy all the benefits of being gay without any of the nonsense of it.
i know you feel guilty, but i also felt guilty the first time i had alcohol for instance. its something hammered into your head as bad (even if its just the mocking of effeminite gay guys with the preface of 'lol but were open minded' that societ has these days). but once you actually acti t out you get used to it and realize its not a big deal.
honestly i live in one of the gayest cities in the world. i know there's certain areas with gay bars/nightclubs or where being seen with another man would be considered pretty normal. I really don't know why I feel so bad about being attracted to men. I don't really have any gay friends, all my friends are hetero guys and women. I'd feel weird suddenly being like "hey guys, this is my boyfriend.", even weirder if later on i decided to date a woman. sexuality is weird
its pretty weird. but weird doesnt have to be bad. i feel ya on the situation. im a bit of a slut so i havent had to come out of the closet yet. i dont intend to come out until i actually meet a guy worth introducing to my friends.
Also I should mention this has nothing to do with religious belief, I am atheist. I'd more feel uncomfortable of what people would think of me, how my friends/family would react etc. To be honest I think they feel bad for me, like they think "he has such awful dating luck" or something like that.
Follow my advice OP, just think about any idea or belief you have about homosexuality that is causing you disturbances and question it, question it a lot. Where did you get it from? Is there any evidence of your belief being true? Is it just a social construct?. Question the shit out of it, if it doesn't survive the scrutiny, change it for a more rational belief. For example: If the belief is "Man, being fat is HORRIBLE, everyone thinks im ugly, i MUST not be fat", question it, and then change it to something more flexible like "Man, being fat isn't healthy, i'd RATHER not be fat, but im okay, i can fix it" something like that.
Remember, flexible beliefs = healthy mind
Inflexible beliefs = shitty mind
you might be pretty close to the mark tbqh
i don't even know how to explain it. sexuality is such a primal impulse, you don't even know why you're so turned on. I guess the fact that other guys make me very horny sometimes makes me uncomfortable, the idea of my landlord or my family or whoever knowing I'm dating some fit, manly looking guy (pretty much the only kind of guys who catch my attention). somehow I feel like wanting to have sex with a man is "unmanly", I always figured I'd get married, having kids and that sort of thing. I don't even know if I'd want to have a serious relationship with a man, it's more like I start thinking about a man, or i start looking up gay porn, or i'll install grindr and start scouring my area for attractive men (usually trying to be as discreet about it as possible). sometimes just exchanging pictures and dirty talking with another man is another to get me off. I've never gotten to the point of inviting a man over or going to his house (probably disappointed a lot of guys, probably remembered as a massive flake). And then after I get off, I just feel massively disgusted by myself, think "Jesus Christ why did I do that? was I seriously about to invite some strange man into my house, pretty much just to fuck him? I'm gross", sometimes I've forced myself to watch straight porn after just to confirm to myself that I'm not gay.
You're right, it is pretty irrational. I guess my emotional responses just don't match up with my reasoning.
I am gay and normal. College grad, guy friends both gay and straight, a little feminine but but I have a sense of masculinity as well. I get along fine.
I do wish I was straight though sometimes. It would be nice to settle down with a sexy girl and make a few babies, be the man of the house, etc... something appealing about that to me.
Just accept all your feelings about it. Probably not a whole lot you can do about it until we can rewire who we are via science or some shit.
So realistically, and just from reading what other people have stated I am not sure what lifestyle you are talking about. Who you sleep with doesnt change who you are. Whether you have sex with women or men or both, that boils down to simple chemical and physical attraction. Human beings are herd animals by nature we thrive on contact and want to be around other people. What appeals to our senses appeals to our senses, enough said. I am a masculine guy, and I have a masculine boyfriend. I know how to change my oil, shoot a rifle, etc but I also know how to create costumes and cook. My "lifestyle" is my "hobbies" what I like to do its very little in the way of involving association with other people, with the exception that like minded people tend to associate together. If you want to be unhappy, then be unhappy no one is stopping you. However, on the same token, no one is stopping you from being happy either, except maybe yourself.
Plot Twist: I finish my career in psychology this year.
One more thing OP, never exchange an actual therapy for 4chan advices, my advice might have been "educated" but, it is in no way compared to actual therapy. No need to be loco to visit a psychologist.