>>16832607 Well when someone asks you if you can lift 100kg, you say you can't. But you could with the right training. OP is asking what that training is. Don't pick on words here, his issue isn't one of using English correctly although I understand that language can help him make some helpful realisation.
I've done all I can. I cannot tolerate any more of your paranoid bull-shit. Granted, yes, I fucked up but you're no saint either... So I ended it - I ended us ... and I feel so much better for myself, I feel proud and strong and how I look at it .. If we're truly meant to be, we'll come back at a different time in our lives - to which you've hopefully grown up and got the proper help for the condition that destroyed us. ... If I hear from our friends that it was -I- who fucked it all up, ahahaha... You just try, little bitch.
except for hwo muscles physically cant lift that without training. your brain could make you physically do the generic things OP is likely thinking of. it doesnt take training. it takes literal getting up and doing.
hes also not asking for advice, just whining in facebook status form.
>>16832664 Still it's not that easy sometimes. It's a matter of fear probably too. If you don't trust your self for behaving well in a social situation, then right before you leave home you might actually feel fear that you'll make things worse.
To overcome this fear you have to do it and it should go well. But if it doesn't go well you light end up even more afraid of trying it again.
I don't have a fits-all solution though. If it was me I would try to write down all the possible outcomes and then try to decide if on average it's worth doing it. If it wasn't worth it yet, I would see what I could do to make it worth it, how to power the probabilities of a bad outcome. No idea if this would be suitable for OP though.
no one said it is. but it literally boils down to >are you going to do it
thats all it is. its not a matter of muscles or brains its literally WILL YOU GET UP AND DO IT. no matter how hard, it snot something that anything is preventing you from doing.
as for the fear, i dont know the exact situation, but generally speaking trying gets more results than not trying.
you can either sit down and NEVER have the cake, or get up and TRY to make a cake. only one of those options has cake, even if its a risk you will just die while making the cake.
all that being siad 99% of fear is inconsequential. say this is about , for instance, asking out a girl. sure, its embarassing and rejection sucks. but its like getting a shot at the doctors, literally ten minutes later you dont even think about it. its one sharp pain you see coming and then life goes on as if no one knows.
>>16832730 Well the fear I guess is about messing things up. Say you don't have a gf now; trying might leave you without a gf, with some wasted time and possibly having made an ass of yourself. The trick is realising that those things don't matter. Try it ten times, make your self look like an ass ten times (most likely you are not but even if you do), if that gets you a woman, you won't regret it in the end.
My grandfather killed himself Friday and idk how to deal with it. He was one of the nicest guys I knew. Whenever I would go over to his house he would give me some gift or something he didn't use often. We've been fishing and biking plenty of times. I wish I would have spent more time with him. He left no note, no one knows why he killed himself, but what we do know is that he was in a lot of pain the last 2 weeks.
I feel empty and weighted down. I haven't cried, I can't really bring myself to do it, I don't feel like doing it. I also don't know how to act around my family members when I've met with them this weekend. I'm really confused and don't know what I should do or how I should handle this personally.
I fucking hate myself for having been kind and non confrontational with my supervisor because I feared his authority. This allowed them to get away with crappy supervision and kept fuelling my feeling of comfort because I was not being judged. Now it's too late to go back.
god fucking dammit fuck my job. This probation bullshit is ridiculous. I can't even take vacation when I really need it and my fucking mind is becoming unhinged.
I probably will only be able to take off for a week this year and I have to go to my sister's wedding instead of spending the only vacation time I can get with someone I love (that I haven't seen in almost a year). She insists on having the wedding even though she's going through chemo right now and there's no guarantee she can even GO because of it. so instead of being sensible and holding it off she's forcing everyone to put their money on the line for a wedding in Hawaii even though many of us can barely even afford to do that.
and she has the fucking nerve to guilt trip me like "Well you don't HAVE to go...." like yeah okay fine play the drama card. How sorry for you do you want me to be about your cancer? like lmao nevermind the fact that I wanna cut open my wrists every fucking day. no no, YOU have the cancer. The world revolves around YOU now. life is so tragic for you for having stage 1 of a completely treatable cancer. excuse me for not curling into a ball and bawling my eyes out over that. excuse me for not magically getting over my severe depression so you can have your ~perfect special day~
I fucking hate my sister. She sexually harassed me multiple times while I was 5-10 years old. Now I'm an adult, still having all these traumatic memories, but because she did it while I was on the cusp of puberty all of my fetishes relate to the things she did to me. Now I have trouble masturbating because normal Porn rarely makes me hard, and the porn that does give me an erection also gives me flashbacks. And then I start feeling self-hatred over the fact that I'm getting hard over something so terrible that happened to me. I've tried talking to people about it, but most of them either don't believe me or tell me that what my sister did wasn't "that big of a deal" and was just "normal sibling rivalry."
I've slept a total of 4 hours over the last 3 days because I cant get my ex out of my head. We only broke up very recently after a 2 year intense relationship and it's starting to really drive me fucking crazy not sleeping.
She was great, but fucked me up real good. I did the same to her. That's why I ended it. It wasn't healthy anymore.
I just need fucking sleep. I need something. Closure maybe. I just can't take much more of this.
I really don't know if I want to be happy. I hate myself and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to have good things happen to me. My life's going nowhere and I alternate between trying to make it better and digging myself into a deeper hole.
I love my job, but I work quite a lot, both during the day and oftentimes at night as well, and it makes having any sort of relationship or friendship with people who aren't colleagues rather difficult lately. I also do coke on weekends, probably shouldn't. And my migraines are steadily getting worse and I'm really, really afraid I will just never find anything that helps and I'll just have to be in constant pain for the rest of my life. I hate that.
I don't really enjoy anything most of the time. Usually when I play a video game or go for a hike or something it feels dumb and pointless and I stop. I keep trying because of those rare times I do enjoy it and it's frustrating when I don't.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck I like you so much. I know we live a great distance from each other, and the one time we met up the sex was terrible because of me. But I just wish we could just meet up again and maybe go somewhere - anywhere.
I'm also glad you broke up with your fuckboy of an ex. Just flirt with me more, dammit.
I know we wouldn't work out, I know these are just feelings of infatuation. Why must I get bothered by the thought of you going out with other guys? Stupid heart or brain or dick, or whatever's making me feel this way. Stupid stupid stupid.
You know how there's the cute/smart/sane, pick 2 meme? That's how I feel about him, except he was the full package. Who the fuck else could like art, weeb shit, vidya and be cute while not realizing his own cuteness? He was the sort of handsome that didn't get acknowledged by others for some odd reason, too attractive for spergs but his quiet personality made him invisible to Stacy.
He stole my heart so many years ago and now he'll never know, or worse, he's on 4chan right now and I make him uncomfortable. I get so sad when I realize that we will never have a chance because I was too afraid to embarrass myself.
>>16833266 >>16833298 as weird as it is, i agree with anon; actually rape your sister a psycho like that probably isnt in a stable relationship, so you really have nothing to lose: if she threatens police action, threaten right back and shit like that will get you closure
I dreamed of my uncle again yesterday. I knew him from childhood and crushed on him from there. Now I'm in my twenties, last time I saw him he had a few grey hairs, but I still felt the same. I wish I had the courage to tell him, but I'm afraid he wouldn't understand it the way I do, he has a son (my cousin) around my age. It's so strange, I haven't seen him in years, yet I dreamed of him, almost confessing my love... still I held back.
>>16834018 I'm currently going through a similar experience to you except I see him every day and can't go for it. This guy is all three on the impossible cute/smart/sane thing and likes all the vidya, old movies, nerdy sci fi shit but his extroverted personality and obscure references make him too weird for normal people and too outgoing for anyone who would be into the same stuff. He's awesome and I can't get over the fact I met someone like this in real life.
The problem is he's a TA for one of my uni classes and he's going to be a TA for at least two more of my classes later down the line. I can't do anything because that would be fucked up since he's responsible for grading literally everything in the class. But damn. (Also it doesn't help he's constantly flirting with me because no one else gets his dumb but hilarious jokes).
>>16832587 I think I've finally hit my breaking point with my depression. None of my friends would be willing to hear about how I feel and I absolutely despise the fact that I might be legitimately depressed. I don't want to use it as an excuse but I also don't know how to deal with these feelings any longer.
I come home from work and instead of playing games with my friends I actively ignore them and just stare at my desktop or watch YouTube videos since I can't summon the energy to interact with them. When I do actually do things with friends it takes every ounce of energy I have to act happy and normal yet when I get home I'll sit in my chair and stare off into nothingness. I often feel that my family and friends would be better off without me. I'm just a stupid dumb fat idiot loser.
I tell myself constantly that I'm bad at everything I do and don't deserve all the good things I have in my life. I believe myself most of the time. I have a good job, a degree, a car, and soon a house. I feel like I don't deserve any of it. I'm just a fucking fraud who's skated by on easy Street my entire life.
I don't want to feel like this. I want to be the happy cheerful 22 year old I used to be and not this bitter depressed angry 28 year old man. I'm angry at myself and everyone around me all the time and it eats me up inside. I rage when I drive and rage internally at work since I can't actually get mad there.
It took everything I had to write this post because it's all so dumb. I'm dumb. I'm dumb and I hate myself so much. If I wasn't so afraid of dying I'd have killed myself by now.
I see the truth now Dafne. Well, whatever you know? I was dumb to think that we would ever be able to have something serious. We're not made for that. You didn't even try a little bit, not a single bit. I'm sorry it had to be this way, especially after what you told me, but I had to push you away. I love you but I hope that feeling fades. A
My parents were just playfully arguing because my step-dad wouldn't let my mum inside unless she fist bumped him and made the noise that he makes every time he fist bumps someone.
They're 33 and 37, two grown adults, and were standing there for at least 10 minutes laughing their asses off 'arguing' about mum not fist bumping him.
I was laughing too, it was hilarious and just one of the weird things they do together.
She finally gave in and made the silly noise while fist bumping him, and the look my step-dad had for her just before he started laughing again was one I'll never forget. It was almost the same look as the one he had when my mum was walking down the aisle to him.
They fight like crazy sometimes, but I have never in my life met anyone more in love and more compatible than them.
It made me realise that I'll very very likely never have that again. Of all the billions of people in the world, my mum and step-dad were lucky enough to find each other; their true love, their better half, their soulmate.
I don't know if I believe in soulmates, but I do believe there are all different kinds of love; friendly love, familial love, first love, self love, and all the others in between.
Then there's the love my parents have. The strong, unyielding, and passionate yet calming love. The love that comes easy yet requires work. The love that makes you feel on top of the world with happiness, yet can drive you up the wall with frustration. The love that burns brighter than any star, and will always be a flame that can never be fully extinguished.
I'm only young, every day I'm making new mistakes, and every day I grow a little more than the last.
I know that I will go to my grave knowing I was lucky enough to experience that kind of love with someone. I'll also go to my grave knowing I was unworthy of that love, and foolish enough to have lost it.
Why do you have to be such a jealous bitch for? I wasn't even flirting with her It just turned out that we have a lot in common I've been single for 3 years dude I still feel lonely and unloved And she actually cared She asked how my day was She asked if I was okay If you didn't want her talking to me you could've asked her out by now You've been hanging out with her for 3 years and all you've done is kissed once I don't mean to sound cocky but I couldn't sealed the deal the other night if I wanted Lucky I'm a good guy and you're my bro But you're a little bitch I'm kind of mad at you But I'll sleep it off, I can let this slide Let's see how you react tomorrow Please don't let a girl get in the way
I'm overwhelmed by the world and unsure of what I want and it isn't normal. I really want meaningful relationships in my life but all I find are mundane pplz that don't mix with my personality. I'm just tired of struggling against my nature constantly.
I don't trust you. I know I should leave. I should've left 3 years ago. Why am I still holding on? I keep having the same dreams about you and I am so scared that everything my family says about you is going to be right. I have a feeling you are going to fuck me up sideways and under then leave me fucked up. Don't do that please. Just go now if you have even a shred of doubt in yourself. I can't do this again. I wish you weren't so secretive.
this friendship has run its course, i'm so sorry, but i think it's time we let one another go. i'll stop appearing every where, and fade in to the background. i loved you, i really did, but i'm afraid we don't have much keeping us together. know this, you were an important man, but now i must go and find my own path.
Why did I even mad? She's not even mine. I'm such a foolish garbage for thinking that nobody should never get close to her while I just stare at her from afar and doing nothing but imagining cringy romantic scene. What a delusional beta I am. KNOW YOUR FUCKING PLACE YOU CANCER.
>>16833420 24's pretty slender but the point is, and i've experienced this too, is that at some point fat girl syndrome becomes a mental state that requires therapy or vast amounts of time to get over another hilarious problem is that by the time you get over it, there is a proven 95% chance that you have gained all of the weight back and then some more! (depending on severity and length of time you were overweight) so it's better, right now, to find someone who'll settle for your fat, worthless ass, than lose weight and put someone through all of your fat girl emotional problems only to gain it back to their horror and then, also depending on the severity and length of obesity, you'll have that really nice sagging wrinkly skin that contributes to fat girl mental health problem i want to put a gun to my head but i have chilluns to look after, chilluns that i got with a husband that i got after i gained my weight back
>>16832587 I'm a virgin and I'll hit 19 in 3 months and I hate my life and fantasize about going on a mass raping spree. Also for the past 2 nights I've drea med of sex but the first time I was stooped right before I got to do it and the second time I was watching someone else do it. Today after waking up I got into the shower, washed everything, and then sat down and put hugged my knees and just sat there for a while, when I got out I just laid naked on a bed for a while and did nothing. I also probably have mild autism which makes me smart as hell but makes me not be able to into social that we'll which makes it even harder to get laid. Fuck everything.
I thought I was going to mess up the first semester of the year (the second one started some weeks ago) but I actually got good grades so I'm almost sure I'll graduate college this year. I even got a non-mandatory certificate, which is a big plus for me according to employers. I'm relieved because I decided to not get a job and study at the same time to have enough time to study.
Meanwhile, friends who don't have a job but skip almost all the classes anyway didn't get their semester. I can't bring myself to feel sorry for them because they didn't even make any effort and they decided to skip even more classes this semester. The worst part is that they live 10min away from college so they don't have any reason to skip class, and I live literally at the other side of the city and take at least 1h just to go to college. They always ask me to send them my notes, I feel like they don't deserve them.
>>16832598 stop thinking this way. instead of saying I CAN'T bring myself to do it, take personal responsibility and completely revamp how you think. say, I don't WANT to bring myself to do it. thats the reality, and it will change how you think and how you work.
gladly it works the other way around too. instead of saying "I can't go out with friends because I have too do this work first" say "I want to do this work first"
trust me, changes everything, especially if you're even more of a procrastinator than I am.
here's an article touching on this approach to changing your thinking and actions. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201301/the-2-words-you-have-stop-saying-or-thinking-today
now get your work done, gain control of self, gain agency for your life, move with power and purpose.
>>16832664 >except for hwo muscles physically cant lift that without training wrong. your body prevents your muscles from using their full power out of an ingrained self preservation thing. if you constantly used your muscles to the max you'd shred them, but you can lift far more than you think.
hence mothers lifting cars for their trapped children or whatever other crazy shit people do in high adrenaline situations.
>>16833517 good, so you've got nothing to lose going for your dreams. you didn't lose it all, you gained everything, just what you gained isn't material.
its right there for you, right in front of you. surety of self, truly. not propped up by material objects, not propped up by ego, propped up purely by you and love of self that you can only gain by only having yourself. you're going to find out who you are and mold yourself for coming years if you've truly lost everything. be wary of what you mold yourself into. get up and move, stop feeling sorry.
GET THE FUCK UP, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. there is nothing keeping you where you are, but you will not gain momentum unless you start moving. I've spent years getting this moving and you can too. I've failed in more, worse, and more final ways than most and now I'm working up to the top. nothing is going to stop me and you can get to the point where nothing will stop you either.
so what are you gonna do? welcome to what it truly is to be an adult.
You told me to call you when I would "tell you the truth" ... Well, I don't want to, not that I am lying, but because I know nothing will change on your end. I also told you to stop calling so of course I haven't heard anything from you. I'm not sure what to do, really.. It's day 2 after our fight and I'm now in the middle ground as of what to do.. Do I dump you, or do I give us another chance? Do I give us another chance knowing that you'll still jump my shit if I dare talk to anyone outside of you when we're on the phone? You've been shown again and again that the only individuals here with me are my family and pets.. But you won't take it seriously. I do not feel that I need to take a lie detector test because I know for a FACT that even after I would pass with flying colors you'll still call me a liar.
I love you so much, but.. I cannot do this anymore.
give my company the loan. I don't think you understand, I'm not fucking around here and I'm not dildomcjimbob that doesn't know what he's doing or where he's going and is trying to screw you for money. I'm not playing around, and this isn't even a lot of money.
if you deny me, I'll just get creative. I will get the loan, its going to happen. its just easier for everyone if this happens now instead of after I figure out how to move everything about to get the money where I need it.
>>16835233 It's because you do shit like this: >Well, I don't want to, not that I am lying, but because I know nothing will change on your end.
You are immature and don't know how to be in a relationshit. You don't build trust and openess. Someone who has nothing to hide is open. When the act the way you do, it raises suspicion, and makes people put guards up. You're just selfish and childish. You don't love them, or you'd want to put them at ease. You only love yourself and your comfort.
I had an argument with a very good male friend while we were drunk, and we both said harsh things to each other, it's quite blurry exactly as to how it ended, what is really getting to me is that we got close pr and at one point we were against a wall and not shouting at each other, before breaking up, anyway I just don't know what happened, it feels like something happened between us but I'm not sure and feel as though I would certainly remember it because I wasn't that drunk, yet there is a period of time that is blank (we were outside) and I wish I could know what happened. I really want to get back with him anyway, I'm just so stuck on what happened and why I don't remember
I changed the lock almost immediately. and I saw you try to go by when I wasn't home. you lied, you didn't act right by me on a very simple request, I'm glad I locked you out.
I'm certain I nipped some drama shit in the bud with that. who'd you bring with you? I know I don't want them in my house. yeah. zero regrets. I felt bad and then the way you acted absolutely reinforced in my mind that I absolutely made the right decision.
I haven't looked back.
sorry, but not sorry. we werent compatible, for this >>16835662 exact reason.
The anniversary of a very traumatic event is coming up in a week or so, and it's incredibly depressing to realize that I have not moved past it even remotely in the last two years. I'm in the same place that I was last year (right before trying to kill myself and getting institutionalized), except maybe even worse because treatment destroyed every small enjoyable part of my existence, even what I had last year.
I don't know why I ever got sober. I miss drugs. I miss my friends. Everyone forgot about me while I was gone. I'm not any better, I'm physically sick as fuck from health complications but I'm too scared to go to a doctor in case they send me back to the nut house and ruin my fucking life. I never even did trauma therapy after all that time because I was sexually assaulted by a staff member at one of the treatment programs I was legally forced into and I just gave up on the whole system. I'm further in debt than I wanted to be after being forced to drop out of the college courses I was in at the time, and I'm way behind on getting my degree. I'm a whiny fuckin bitch, as if that weren't obvious.
I don't think I'm ever going to make a full recovery. I'm tired of every year somehow becoming worse than the last, even after unbelievably crazy, horrible, Lifetime Movie-tier shit happens. I think I'm causing my own misery but I have no idea how to fix it. I just hide in my house all day and cry on 4chan anonymously.
We need to talk about what happen that night. I know you don't want to because it's uncomfortable for you, but it's also uncomfortable for me. It's also becoming an elephant in the room of our relationship.
I'm sorry that I am not who you wanted to be, I'm sorry that I lack the ability to do what you wish I could do. I realize that trying to fulfill my dream is putting economical strain on you, and I am sorry for being such a burden to you.
You could kick me out of your home and leave me out to dry in the claws of society, yet you haven't done that. And I hate you for it. You still try to "fix" me even though I clearly have no desire to bend to your ways. And I have stopped speaking because of it.
But still, I refuse to take the "safe road" through life. I refuse to bend over and do what is told by those bigger than me. I refuse to numb myself in order to wade through your polluted water blindfolded.
Fuck it, I want to chase my dreams. I no longer want to dream, I want to wake up and be that, which I have always dreamed about. Yet I still want to shut my eyes tight, sew them forever shut, never to be opened again.
I just want to be myself without somebody trying to "fix" me. I just want to keep building my dream until it is no longer a dream.
But you've sucked me dry. You've drained me of my will. I feel hollow when you are home.
You say there is nothing for me in my chase. You say I waste my time. I say there is everything in my chase. I say it is worth all my time.
D,i think i love you. I thought about you all the time. Even when I knew you had a gf already,that you didn't want anything seriously with me but I don't know why,whenever you make a move,I can't say no. I just love it when you and me together. I realized it wasn't a good thing cause you had a gf,I don't want to be the third wheel to destroy your relationship. So from now on,don't even bother contact me. Cause I can't help but go with the flow. Cause i love you.
It honestly seems like we only broke up so he could go and fuck (and most likely fall for) whoever he wants without feeling guilty, yet still wants to fuck me. I feel like I only matter to him and am only worthy to him when he wants to fuck and get off. It's like I'm worth nothing except when he's fucking me and getting off to me.
I feel worthless and it's as if my purpose and only talent is to fuck. It's the only thing I'm good for.
Today wasn't any better. I can't focus at work at all and I'm not excited about anything. Fuck I hate myself so much. All I want to do is chug a fifth of vodka, call up a whore, and waste my money. But I know I'm too much of a bitch to do any of that.
I have seen you a couple of times when I buy a snack in the cafeteria. You caught my attention while I was idling in between my classes waiting for the next one to start. I swear I caught you glancing at me like you were interested but you have a group of guys clinging to you. You seem like someone I would like to talk to and see if there is a connection between us. But one of the guys might be your boyfriend or a really clingy guy whose in the friendzone.
Either way I am to meek to say anything and those guys will probably say negative things about me since I am the new guy and they see me as competition (my ex had a guy friend who detested us dating making inane rumors about me. I found out later he wanted to see her) I don't want to deal with a similar fiasco again so we'll probably say nothing to each other.
I can't stop thinking about you and how you make me happy but I just can't trust it. You asked why I stuck around and I wish I had the answer for myself. I'm waiting for you to pull the rug out again. I'm going to accept whatever scraps you give me and I'm past the point of caring how pathetic that is.
People keep telling me how brave I am for getting ECT, and none of these people understand how fucking easy it is. I mean, recovering from anesthesia is kind of miserable, and I have no sense of balance for an hour or two after the procedure, but this really is the easiest and simplest decision I've ever made.
Making phone calls, that is some hard and anxiety-ridden shit. Going under anesthesia so my brain can painlessly be shocked with an electrical current is easy.
I'm so disgusting and ugly and fat. I'm so fucking over seeing him like all these gorgeous girl's photos. It makes me feel like I'm about to throw up because I'll never fucking compare to them. Ever. I'm made up of nothing but hideous and vile faults, and every single time it comes up in my feed that he liked a stunning model-tier girl's photo, I just want to fucking die because I will never have even a miniscule fraction of their beauty. Why the fuck is he even bothering with a repugnant piece of shit like me, when he can literally get any beautiful girl he fucking wants (and probably already has)?
I don't GIVE anything? Well.. What about when I wipe your ass so you don't have to sit in your own waste all day, I cook for you either every day or every-other-day. Granted my ability in house work could be better but I am trying.. I brush your hair, I feed your animals, I do your laundry.. I take care of your Grandson... And on the day I do not want to cook anything for you then I'm suddenly a selfish person? FUCK. YOU.
I really wish I could kill these feelings I have for you. I know you just see me as a friend but I can't help myself. You're the cutest girl I have ever seen and your smile makes me so happy. I want to keep hanging out with you but I don't know if I can handle the pain of never being your boyfriend.
I don't want to give up our text sessions that span into the night. I don't want to give up our friendship. But it's not healthy for me to be this obsessed with you. I don't know what to do.
You never believed me. I'm evil, I'm numb. There may be tears on my face but there's nothing in my chest. I just wanted to experience life with you. For you to be a part of my life. I'm going to Cali. You can come with. Why am I the bad one for wanting to live life? Our goals are in the future still, they're so far in the future I don't even know if they will even happen. You're too patient. I'm too spontaneous. You were my best friend through most of my life, was this a good decision? Can you even love me beyond my convenience to you? Don't be mad if all my adventures are with other people. You were the only one I wanted but you didn't want me. You just wanted the idea of me.
You broke my fucking heart, you were the world to me and you left me because you were "lonely," You're a fucking liar you never loved me, do you know how lonely I feel? You're an asshole and I hate myself for giving in to you, your honeyed words, you didn't mean shit
i've realized that i'm an outsider in all of my personal relationships, and can no longer find comfort in their company. even the one person to give me the warmest affection i've ever known grows colder by the day, and i truly fear that this person only tolerates me at this point.
I miss you, Mari. Yet I can't show it because you moved on so easily. You're with G right now, and all you miss is the attention you got from me when he wasn't giving you any. You love affection and attention, I fell in love with you as a person. At least you're not depressed or lonely anymore.
>>16838276 I know that isn't you but I just wish I wasn't so hurt I want to be your friend you are still my best friend and it hurts so much, you're going to move on to someone else and I don't know what to do
I would do anything if I could be with you again...but everything was my fault. Why do i always fuck everything up? I've never had a successful relationship...I need someone to talk to that actually cares, all I do is rant though so by this point i'm not worth listening too. Sometimes i feel like attempting suicide was a mistake, i should have just killed myself. I thought maybe my life would improve somehow but it hasn't, maybe im too hard on myself? I do work a lot and am currently taking 14 units at college. I thought this would distract me from her, but its not.
>>16838344 It's funny, I grew up in an abusive household yet I'm exactly like him...I'm a fucking asshole. I'm afraid of violence but the only way i know how to deal with it is getting angry and getting people away from me.
I have a huge crush on my friend even though I know how illogical and improbable it is for us to go out or even how fickle this feeling probably is. However, all of the excitement and mushy feelings aint that bad I guess
I haven't expressed a single feeling in 6 years, and now, i feel nothing. My dog died and i couldn't care less! I lost my best bud', and i didn't shed a single tear or became sad.
With my "friends" (classmates, coworkers). I am cheerful, and makes a lot of jokes. But it's all a masquerade. Deep inside, i'm dead and feel nothing. I'm just doing this so they don't ask me weird things like "are you sad?".
I think a lot about morbid and dangerous stuff or sometimes just why am i staying alive.
I'm afraid of myself and I fear that, one day, i might snap and hurt someone so I went to a doctor once and talked to him about my condition and how miserable i am feeling. He just said : "Cheer up". Really ??? "Cheer up"??? It took me almost 1 year to finally move my ass and see a doctor to tell him i am at rock bottom. and i only get a "Cheer up"??? Wish i could hang him with his own stethoscope and gore him with his pen while he is suffocating.
Whatever. I don't care anymore since then. I'll just wait my nerves snap. It shouldn't be too long.
I know it's the Internet and it has no value but i felt slightly better i think while writing those lines.
Shortly before my gf came over today, she messaged me 'leaving my house now', we didn't set a time so to clarify (so I could get ready, etc) she replied 'omg I said I was'. I called her out for being snappy, she said she wasn't being snappy/or annoyed. I didn't push it/ask for an apology because I did want to see her today and couldn't be bothered dealing with the drama over something so petty.
Was what she said snappy? Should have I called her out more for it or did I do the right thing (by just dropping it)? Its just been annoying me thinking about it for the past few hours
I don't have libido lately. I wonder what's happening to me...do I have ED? This can't be...I'm only 23 for fuck's sake. I will disappoint my potential partners if this keeps up. I can't tell anyone, but this shit sucks.
I'm a neet with a severe social phobia and depression. I cannot function in social situations at all. The thought of buying groceries terrifies me. The thought of interacting with family members terrifies me.
I tried going to school but I gave up because I was having panic attacks (my heart was racing and it literally made my shirt move, for one).
I think this fear all stemmed from the fact that I was bullied throughout my life, which made me shut everyone out, and that I haven't had a friend since I was 11. Doesn't help that we're poor, I have no idea who my father is and I'm gay.
I'm just stuck in a rut and I have no idea what to do. And I'm too much of a bitch to kill myself.
>>16838846 I'm sorry you have had a hard time anon. I promise that things can be better if you are willing to go outside of your comfort zone.
Have you sought professional help? I'd suggest trying to get a doctor to prescribe you benzos. They are like an immediate fix to social anxiety/panic attacks. Speaking from personal experience with this. I used to be in a similar place to you. Happy to answer any questions/give any advice you want specifically.
>>16838877 I was prescribed the exact same thing and found it completely useless. See a doctor to get benzos, they will alleviate your anxiety problems instantly (but make sure you don't abuse them). Once you are on them and feel confident that you have a way to deal with panic attacks/social anxiety, pursue your interests anon. One small step at a time but I guarantee things will get better if you try :)
>>16838892 When I was on citalopram the only side effect I had was being more thirsty than usual. I never had it as bad as you but was in somewhat similar circumstances. Just give benzos a go, find a doctor that will prescribe them to you. It will make a huge difference. Another benefit of benzos is you only take them when you need to, as opposed to an SSRI like citalopram that you have to take daily (which means more chance for side effects). Best of luck with everything anon.
>>16838846 You sound like me 5 years ago. I tried everything and what fixed me was a nice girl to do things with. In your case find a guy you trust to help take you out of your shell. Good luck anon, love conquers all.
>>16838485 I have a huge crush on MY friend. There is no way in hell it could ever work out. There's a good chance at least one marriage will suffer. But, yeah, that giddy feeling of love love love just can't be beat. It's been months now and I'm still riding high on this feeling, every day, despite knowing how stupid and destructive it is. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a real piece of work.
>26 >Long period of anxiety and depression. >Trying to get life on track.
Went back to college. Im in second level English, and I have to get into groups with people every day. We talk about things ranging from abortion and involuntary body cavity searches to televising someone's death for news and the effect it has on the family.
There was only one person a while ago who invited me to a group. Lately, she's been in full groups so I need to find people with smaller numbers. Ask to join in, and they all prefer to talk to each other, facing away from me. Try to be a part of the conversation and they just go "uh, yeah", then swing back to the guy across from me 100% of the time. Part of me just wants to say "fuck it" and keep trying to interrupt them, and give no fucks about how they feel. The other part is feeling justified in thinking that they probably view me as a creepy old guy.
I'll be glad as fuck to get out of that class. Its emotionally exhausting to be around people that treat you like a leper.
Stop being a dildo J. You know that I am going to spend time with my kid. Dont get pissy with me because you wanna sleep all morning then I dont come with you to do your bullshit. Especially when you act like a tool towards me. I dont have to allow you to use my car and I dont have to buy you a moped when I get MY tax money back. Get your shit in shape or you will on your ass. I have no issues being the crazy lonely cat lady. I hate people anyway
I would do a lot of things for a date. It's been over a year that I've been single and I'm getting increasingly lonely. Sadly, I'm more of the relationship type than the hook-up type; and I'm 23 so I'm kind of fucked.
Cheers to another year of depression and loneliness. Maybe this year will be different. It hasn't been the first 2 months.
I sent my ex an e-mail hoping to fix things before next Friday. Because spring break is literally the only chance for us to see each other.
I kind of feel like an idiot. I kind of feel like I should have just given up. It feels good to say a lot of things I've wanted to, it feels good to get things off my chest TO her and not just on /adv/, but at the same time I feel a tightening in my chest like I should have just let things be. I put everything I have into the email; every emotion, regret, desire. I have no idea when or if she'll read it. She might see its from me and not want to open it. She might have read it already. She might be reading it right now, for a third or forth time. And that's why I feel like an idiot. Because I know I get anxious, and I'll be excited and disappointed every time I check my e-mail for the next week. I don't even know what I expect her to say. But I know that if the email that I put my entire self into changes nothing, then it really is hopeless for me to think anything can change. Maybe it was already hopeless for me to think that I could change anything. But she always did say I have a way with words and speaking and writing that she's never heard before.
I start a new job on Monday. I'm happy about that. It will give me a chance to finally meet new people and get my mind off of things, even if its only for 10 hours a day, 4 days a week. I'm actually a little nervous because its my first time working in a few months and its the first kind of job I'll have like this. I was really excited about it with no doubts until I read reviews of the company/position online. But at least now I can have my expectations low.
>>16839791 >>16839907 >used to write love letters here to a K I met a little over a year ago >she never replied, even though she read them >so it started hurting more and more to write them >something finally clicked, because we finally got together, like the gods heard me cry >more love letters, happy ones then >she still didn't reply, but I didn't care because of the glimmer in my eye every time I heard her speaking >I fucked up eventually; hell, we both did >I tried again, but she wouldn't give me a chance because she misunderstand my intentions >making a fool of myself, so I should stop being a masochist eventually, right >trying like hell to move on, but I can't seem to, no matter how hard I try >the gym doesn't help; my projects and hobbies don't help; going out doesn't help, hanging out with friends doesn't help; female attention doesn't help >having trouble giving a fuck, and I'm having trouble just not being done with it all and giving up >tell myself I'm going to make it anyway, no matter what stands in my way >tell myself I'm going to die still trying to make it all better
>>16832587 I didnt kiss or get laid in high school when I might have had the oppurtunity, and now that I'm more cynical and living in a huge college city, I am more isolated and I'm afraid I will be sexually stunted. I'm fucking tired of seeing the same tired looking whores, ugly girls, basic bitches, or female spergs every day. I don't have the free time to join a club/group that might have girls, and more and more girls lose their virginites every day while I'm sitting here with my thumbs up my ass. I'm an attractive guy, I am confident and funny, I take care of myself and have some hobbies/interests, but god damn it I'm young and horny and I need to breed. I stopoed masturbating because jerking off made me feel like a loser, and now I have almost daily fantasies about forcing myself on women, and fall asleep thinking about feeling the warmth of a woman on my cock. I'm not depressed or clingy and lonely, but fuck it's terrible not having any attention from women, or oppurtunities to pursue them, or no good women to pursue in general. This college is pretty religious and conservative, so most of the girls are looking for marriage anyway. I wouldn't mind meeting my wife here, as long as she actually had a personality, but based on what the girls here have displayed so far, that doesnt seem likely.
She's gorgeous and I'm sat here trying to cut and get used to a new gym routine so that I'll meet her standards because in this fantasy world in my head, once I lose this weight she'll fall for me and we'll live happily ever after.
I'm telling her that I'm trying to lose weight and she's saying stuff like "you don't need to lose weight!" and "you're not fat!" but it's like... she would be beautiful at almost any weight but I guess because she got bullied for being heavier, she's more sensitive to other people who say that they're fat.
Like... shit. I don't even lift for her and I got sidetracked so I don't know why I said I did. The thing is, she's amazing.
Damn. It's the first time that I've been interested in a girl and felt as if she was out of my league and although we talk fine it's weird because I don't want to drop the ball and fuck everything up.
>>16840646 I am in your exact same position anon. Except she's always been beautiful and still manages to be extremely close with me despite my lard-ass nature.
There's two working theories in my head; either I'm friendzoned to hell and back and it's just so far down the rabbit hole that it starts to look intimate, or she really would hop on my cock the moment I lost weight and became a remotely-fuckable person. I might as well find out which it is.
Think of me next time you feel tempted to eat something you shouldn't. I'll be saving your post myself, anon.
Mid-2012 through January of this year was basically an enormous waste of time I have nothing to show for besides a bigger waistline and more credit card debt. I have no one to blame but myself and the way I leaped at the escapism of an online relationship with someone who enabled my horrible habits but also treated me very poorly emotionally.
I'm only now beginning to resume my education where it left off and getting back in touch with my friends from before who I should've been spending that time with.
And even then, I could be doing a better job at it. I probably need to re-learn how to drive; I haven't sat behind the wheel in over a year. I need a hobby that doesn't revolve around consumption of another person's work. I could be dieting/exercising more efficiently than I am, though the weight is still flying off because of how much there is to lose.
I'm a lazy piece of shit and that needs to change if I want a life outside of mindlessly browsing the internet, clicking away at tiny updates and news bites for a quick mild endorphin rush.
So once again I've found myself pining for a guy who is totally unacceptable. There is absolutely no possibility nor reason for him to ever speak to me again. In fact, it would be better for me if I never laid eyes on him again. He was a terribly lay and a terrible person to me. Everything that happened was a mistake on my part and probably some kind of drug-fueled joke on his. Anyone without an incurable personality disorder combined with terrible loneliness would have forgotten him long long ago.
However, some times at certain hours I want him unbearably. Some days I think about him all day. Some nights I just look out the window or drive around hoping to catch a glimpse of him, just to know he's alive somewhere near me.
But now I have to try something different. Now my focus is to find a boyfriend or boyfriends who will make him hurt the most if/when he ever sees us together. The one I have now isn't good enough. There's one still in my pocket who's alright and there's a better one I'd give myself a 70/40 chance with if I play my cards right.
Maybe it's time to give it up. It's just... I don't think I'll ever be able to get a decent job. I'm terrible at talking to people. I went to a career fair today and talked to 8-9 employers. Pretty sure none were interested in me in any way. I have no confidence, FUCKING NOTHING for confidence. And I came away from the fair thinking I'm never going to get a job that's decent. I just don't make good conversation for employers. I don't like talking about myself. I feel weird talking for more than 30 seconds. Why would they want to hire me?
I just don't see the point in continuing this SHIT LIFE I live knowing full well that my career prospects are FUCKING TERRIBLE, given that the only reason I held out hope for the past few years was that I thought my career prospects would be good because school was easy for me. Too easy, honestly; so easy that I just didn't care. I know I'm smart enough to do some of these jobs well but I'm terrible at connecting with people. And I don't think I'll get any better. So why bother? I can't handle being a disappointment to myself and my parents. I can't stand being a loser. I would rather be dead.
I am a beautiful, amazing, mature and loving person who will not settle for anything less than I deserve. I deserve all the good things that are coming for me and any man that attempts to have a relationship with me shall know the extend of my magnitude and respect that. I am awesome.
>>16833942 I dated a girl for 4 years, lived with her for 3 of them. when i first moved in with her i knew it wouldn't be a lasting relationship, but i just kept loving her. then she broke up with me and i was depressed for months. Now theres a girl at work i really like and actually have shared interests with, but she has a 2 year old and is all ways "busy".
I hate that every job I've ever had I suck at. I always get told "go faster!" or "why can't you do anything right?" at pretty much every job ive had. Even had a boss call me a fucking idiot once. Now that ive been fired from another job and need to look for a new one, im already getting ready to hear the insults.
This is a world in which people are focused on how much use you can provide. Once someone or something is more useful for the purpose, your value as a person diminishes to them. Eventually, your value diminishes enough that you will be forgotten and replaced, not necessarily in that order.
There will always be competition in what you would try to be of use at. And inevitably, you'll be replaced by someone more suitable to be of use to said person or persons. The only way to not be a temporary tool for someone is to not play
I searched my soul through the tarot and my soul lied to me. See, she told me I was going to make a big change, and I did. She said it was going to be for the better, it isn't. I wasn't supposed to regret any of it. I do.
She was right about how challenging it would all be, however.
Fuck. I just want to go out and have fun but not by myself which is usually okay with me but I'm really feeling lonely tonight and want to be with someone. So this guy was supposed to meet with me but he says the weather's too bad so he wants to stay in his apartment and have me come over and do coke and weed. Who wants to do coke and weed and sit and watch TV and/or fuck? Fuck that! And my other friend is just sitting down to watch 'The Witch" which I wouldn't have minded seeing but it's on the other side of town. So goddamn it I either have to suck it up and go out alone looking like a loser or wait for 2 hours.
i've been on antidepressants since i was hospitalized in mid-september for cutting/ suicidal thoughts. my second suicide attempt was at the end of january when i tried to od on my medication while drunk. i've been alone in my younger sisters dorm room all day and i started having suicidal thoughts again. i wrapped a cable cord around my neck and started pulling just to see what it would feel like. i even looked up how to hang yourself but i felt like a pansy because i'll probably never be able to actually do it.
life is just shit again right now. im lonely and it sucks.
When I think about us from an outside perspective I'm overcome with the impression that under most circumstances we should've ended up dating. Like us not being together was some weird mistake; a slip through the cracks that wouldn't have happened more than once or twice if this were all a simulation someone ran 100 times.
Maybe it's for the better. I went through some shit in the meantime and so did you. And that part's not over. But if we get together someday, we'll have the experience to make it work out right.
You said it "felt like being home" when we started talking again. I think that feeling will come back tenfold if we admitted our feelings for each other.
On a more mundane note, apparently we'll be neighbors soon. By sheer chance. Just as everything else is lining up as well.
I want to see something I can fool myself into believing is about me in anonymous letters, I want to feel some connection or something deep from outside of me. And I need someone to be my partner, to just talk with that same looseness, humour, creativity, and emotion. But I cant find anyone, and when I finally talk to anyone, they seem so rigid or so parallel to my personality. I'm fucking killed by knowing some person once felt like that right match, by the simple separation of location that killed the relationship. I'm not actively doing anything to find my partner in crime, and all that's left of my time I spend trying to find some emotion in anonymity or simply wasting away more hours. I think of how it's possible my writing is unrecognized for it's power, how much fun an all night oddysey could be, how I'll move to some other nation where there's some difference. But I'm invisible, I go out with noone, and my international belief is delusional. My everything is either delusional or meta or depresstired do not try to turn an acquaintance into a partner for fear of presenting myself or feeling akward. I speak less, look less to people's faces, exclude myself and listen closely to ensure my independence of the social situation is not questioned around me. I want to die so badly, so not to have all this work to do for my lone self, but I want to end my loneliness, even if I'm not trying. I swing my bat to try to release the anger with myself, but it's useless, the hat over my head will not stop me from obsessively parting, going to sleep will nit reward me with dreams or death or energy when I wake. My every moment is tired.
I've totally given up on the idea of being in a relationship. At first I was a fucking wreck about it, but I think I've finally come to terms with my loneliness and isolation. I'm a 2/10 as far as looks go, so it only seems natural. I'm sure that's just my self-loathing talking, but I think I'm highly undesirable. The last girl I was "with" was a long distance relationship and that was a total train-wreck. I'm ranting on 4chan. I guess I have an answer to why I'm fucking alone.
It's uncomfortable for me not knowing what's going on, I would rather talk about it. I'm scared this is over and you're just here because you don't want to hurt me. I'm keeping distance because I'm afraid I was too clingy. I just don't know how you could say out of nowhere that you "don't think you love me now" like before and you don't know when it started. That "this would have worked better at a different time" or you "don't want it to be like this" Do you know how that fucking eats at me? I don't know what I can do to change this and I probably can't and it's fucking killing me.
I just..I'm so scared M, I love you so fucking much, I'm so scared of losing you and I'm holding it all back because I don't want to ruin it.
I don't know what to make of everything in my life at the moment and I certainly dunno why I bother you with snaps. I suppose I want to keep you in my life even if it's only such a feeble, meaningless connection. I hope you don't mind.
Do you sometimes have these moments of painful clarity when you suddenly realise how many chances you didn't take, how badly you hurt yourself with a grim, devastating determination just to atone for your stupid mistakes but it helps nothing at all because you keep making new ones and they all pile up, one mistake on another, one failed dream on another, and you are somewhere under that all, exhausted and gasping for air and still fucking clueless how to fix this stinking cesspool?
That's how I feel now.
I was reading McEwan and accidentally discovered - I think - what killed my grandma. Series of tiny strokes, easy to miss, hard to notice, at least untill they start to steal your words, memories, motoric functions and eventually stop your mind from sending out electrical impulses and in consequence stopping your heart and well, killing you.
Sounds nasty, wouldn't want to go that way. Eh, I miss her so fucking much. Sometimes I fear it'll never leave me.
I'm so fucked up, you have no idea. I didn't have either but it only makes it worse.
In December, I met someone who quickly became the greatest friend I've ever had. I think we only hung out 3 times, but those 3 times have stayed in my mind as very clear, beautiful memories, and I loved every second I spent with this friend, online or in person. I realised after a while that I had feelings for him, and I actually saw the school counsellor about it because I felt fucking stupid for liking another guy, i didnt think it was possible for me to, but the counsellor made me feel reassured that everything would be okay and that as long as I am happy with this guy, I shouldn't worry about it. And you know, she was right, I never worried about it since then. The last time we hung out was one of the best experiences of my life, and not because I was watching a celebrity perform on stage, but because I was at this incredible concert with the person who meant the most to me. I thought he felt the same, so I very stupidly told him in person that night about my feelings. Even then, we still stayed very close friends, maybe it even brought us closer. More than anything though, this person was my closest friend, and I never wanted to lose that, and even though I told him how I feel, he stuck by my side as my friend, and that made me feel like we would stay this way forever. I think since i thought he felt the same, that I pressured him to be in a relationship with me too much.. I didn't mean to pressure him, but I think I did... We both have different ideas of what it means to be in a relationship. To me, it is when you both love and care about each other, but to him a relationship is for people who want to have sex together, which is why things wouldnt work out.
>>16841925 Also, there were other things i didnt think about, such as that he's 2 years younger than me, his school is very different to mine, and his life has been very different to mine, he's only lived here for a few years too. There were lots of things I should've taken into account but I disregarded them because I just wanted to be as happy as possible with this guy, but I realise now that I already was.
Right now we aren't talking.. he doesn't think we can be friends anymore, and he thinks it is best if we never speak to each other again.. I dont know why.. I think he thinks this is the best way to end things rather than to just keep getting closer and then hurt more if we fuck up. It's not fair.. It's really not fair.. I know he's hurting too, I know we're both in a lot of pain and he's making the situation worse for himself and me too. I just want both of us to be happy together. I really tried to get through to him, I thought we had sorted things out, earlier today we were talking as if everything was fine again.
>>16841926 Earlier today I finally felt good again, it was nice to talk to feel like we were good friends again. But no, this afternoon he decided that he has to end things. I feel heartbroken, really heartbroken. And not because I had feelings for him, but because he was the best friend I've ever had. This is really painful.. my exams are starting in a week and suddenly there is so much stress and pain in my life, there is so much pressure for me to do well at school, but all I can think right now is about him, and how much he means to me.Maybe he needs time alone to sort out his feelings.. I feel so stupid, cause I'm always focused on how i feel and i really do care about his feelings and that he's okay, but I dont show it enough, and I just really feel like i fucked everything up. This is the most important person in the world to me.. He came into my life right after my sister got diagnosed with a life-changing illness, and life was really tough at that time, and he made me feel like everything was okay, I never told him about my sisters illness, I just wanted us to be happy and make more incredible memories together into the future. Life is going to be hell without him. I hope we can fix things and stay friends. I don't want to keep living if I feel this much pain.. He is convinced that this is the end of our friendship. This all hurts so much, I just want to be happy, I just want to keep making memories with harry.
I want to lick her cunt. If she won't let me do that then I want to lick her juices off of any cock or toy that's been inside her. Failing that I would be prepared to suck any cock that has ever been inside her, and take photographs of me sucking it, and send them to her so that she can ruin my life if she wants to. I'd like my wife to know that I did it, too. Or maybe, I'd even suck on a cock that hasn't been inside her yet to get it good and hard ready for the first time she fucks it. I want to be humiliated. I want to serve her.
>>16841948 you're so lucky you get to have a mistress!
i'd love to spend some time away from this family, maybe an evening every so often, where i don't have to endure my husband ignoring me or fail completely at our only chance of sex when the kid's asleep
in spite of his short comings i love my husband, but i need more intimacy, i need the energy of new love and the motivation it brings
but i'm not a man, i'm an old hag weathered too much by stress and time. the men here are also high strung, aloof, and snobby. i've got nowhere and no one to go to.
I was stressed out so I ordered like $1200 worth of shoes.
I thought it would calm me down but now I'm even more stressed because I think it might arrive when I'm not at home and my boyfriend is going to be fucking pissed that I'm buying shoes again. Fuuuuuuuck.
I think I'm bad at showing or expressing my feelings. I actively try to hide any sadness, anger, or, desires. I avoid confrontation too much when I'm mad at someone and fail to tell people when I like them or am interested.
I stay awake for hours into the morning thinking, almost fantasizing about being emotionally honest with people. How they make me feel happy, sad, annoyed, or aroused, instead of always defaulting to a happy and funny but distant guy.
I haven't made a new friend since I graduated (a couple years ago). I can get past nervousness of meeting new people, but consistently fail to ever see anyone I meet again. I've even had a few girls I hit it off well with, and even a girl I thought I ruined my chances with (I don't know about that girl though, she also facebook friended my brother who I was hanging with, she could have been interested in him more than me), try to get my phone number or facebook but I never do anything.
At least I can still hang with the people I went go school with and am happy to be their friend, or so I think. I can't shake this feeling that I should be meeting more people.
I don't normally post, and even thought about deleting all of this when I finished writing my thoughts out instead of actually posting.
I'm not sure about.. things. I've had big thoughts about myself but seen them come crashing down along with my life after a summer few years from now. I've been fixing it and now I'm doing well. I've even taken a new way to life. Maybe that's it. Maybe all that being new on this particular road is what gets me anxious. It's so much different than what I've done before. I keep telling myself that it's the road of a winrar, with unpacked (lel) own self being the one you are. But the past doesn't wanna let go. Some would say I don't wanna let go of the past.
Seriously though, how can you just let go of a chain of events that would lead your whole world all spiky 'n' shit, against you and against your will? Why? Well because of someone who disagreed with what you said or did. Not talking about love, just a few people that are just, y'know, plain nuts. For a man who has been alone for all his childhood due to just one bully it' doesnt feel very nice that only one slutty af bitch stirs up a social pornography that just entices everyone who ever hears of it to come and judge sides. It's not that I was a saint either, but that's beside the point.
That's the past, now. Three years soon. And from the metaphorical scraps I got what's left and what wasn't there just for show. Today, things go pretty well, as I formerly described. Today's problems are fed by yesterday's though. No scar this deep can be light to bear, especially if "recently" reopened. What the hell do people think I'm fighting with inside?
I'm kinda tired of having to recount my friends and enemies only because I change, and this time I aim to fix it, in a way. I'm on the verge of a certain so-called level up, and I'm not sure what will happen after. All I wanna do is to get prep'd and face tomorrow. All I WILL do is to get prep'd and face tomorrow. That's the inevitable. What is now is doubt, a darkness of sorts. With no true ties to any friends or family I'm kinda on my own. I love it.
>>16842145 I wish I could believe it, I really do. But no one wants me around and I'm unlovable. I'm sick of feeling like this, I'm exhausted. All I do is bring pain and hurt and anger and frustration to everyone I care about, even when I try so hard to be better and to be better for them. I'm not good enough, I'm nothing but a mistake and everyone always regrets ever knowing me eventually. I'm pathetic.
I have never cried so hard before until I lost you; I begged God to take me in my sleep but it didn't work.. I've never hated myself more than what I do today. I lost something great because I'm a selfish, and childish little cunt... Part of me wishes and hopes that he'll give me a second chance later on down the road... but I know it won't happen. I fucked up way too hard for him to even consider me. I know deep down in my heart that he found someone else anyway, so why does it matter if I get a second chance with him? I want him to be happy... Even if I am not.
I'm ready to be alone today, my family out of the house, so I can get a second cry out of my system, because I cannot openly do so while family are here - they'll want to know what happened and I do not want to paint a negative picture in their head of you.. Because while it's none of their business what happened in our relationship, I do not want them to hate you even more even though it was I who was at fault.
I am so sorry, Joey. Please, find happiness.. Live your life, find love, and learn to live without me.
I have been depressed for years. Today I woke up feeling almost nothing at all. Everything seems pointless now and it even took me 75 minutes of self-loathing while staring at my ceiling to even get out of bed. I think I have reached a new state of depression. No misery, no anxiety, just me, a numbed zombie. And it is okay, it dulls the anxiety and panic attacks.
>>16842729 Nah, I'd like to think so but there's only one person who would actually miss me, and that's my mother.
She's literally the only reason I haven't done anything yet, and is the reason why a small part of me is glad none of my other attempts have been successful. She's even told me that she wouldn't be able to keep living if I wasn't here, and she's already had to bury two children, she wouldn't be able to keep going if she had to bury me too.
The thought of her trying and failing to cope if I killed myself stops me from trying. Which, I guess, is kind of a good thing.
Thank you anon, you made me remember why I'm still here. I hope good things come to you too.
>>16842872 This is the first half: http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15790069/#15790110 http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15811681/#15811739 http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15811681/#15820800 http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15905695/#15907702
>>16841369 >Fuck. I just want to go out and have fun but not by myself which is usually okay with me but I'm really feeling lonely tonight and want to be with someone. So this guy was supposed to meet with me but he says the weather's too bad so he wants to stay in his apartment and have me come over and do coke and weed. Who wants to do coke and weed and sit and watch TV and/or fuck? Fuck that! And my other friend is just sitting down to watch 'The Witch" which I wouldn't have minded seeing but it's on the other side of town. So goddamn it I either have to suck it up and go out alone looking like a loser or wait for 2 hours.
You are a giant cunt. Do coke and fuck a guy. He deserves some action.
I'll keep it short, basically, my gf of 2 years cheated on me with a bunch of my "friends", became a prostitute and scammed me out of €500 while doing so, we broke up (obviously) and 8 months later she has finally paid back the 500. my ex became a total slut, only thing she would ever do or talk about was sex, banged 70 people was her estimate since me (yes thats around 10 different people a month) Now here I am with a new GF happy as fuck. I wished the entire time that my ex would suffer and end up alone but every time i met her to collect the money she owed she seemed miserable as fuck, shes dropped out of college, her parents are on the verge of divorce, her dad works halfway across the world and is home like twice a year and she is moving out because all her housemates dont like her and shes contemplated suicide so i basically got my wish, but heres the thing now that she is miserable I can't help but feel sorry for her now and instead of hate and anger I feel that I want to talk to her to help try and cheer her up. Should I just be done with her and remove her from my life or is the right thing to do talk to her to make her feel better?
>>16843242 So I went out alone and met a different friend and cried on his shoulder. He patted me and said he was always there for me if I needed him and then he asked if I would go into the bathroom and wait for him so he could eat my pussy. That made me feel sad as hell and I left. Then my movie friend texted me to meet him and so I fucked him and I came so hard I cried. I mean sobbed. I've never been that far down before. It was kind of embarrassing. I didn't want him to think it was because I liked him so I was very cool about it after. I told him I'd just been getting my female on and that bitch crazy. I should not have fucked him. Every time I do it I tell myself it's the last time. So tonight I'm going out with the coke guy. He's a very mediocre lay in comparison but at least I can't hurt him.
my 25 y/o bf saw no issue with camsex with a girl who just turned 15. I feel so disgusted, even if men are attracted to teenagers he knows the predatory part of it and doesn't care. it's like all my attraction to him disappeared overnight. I don't even want to look at him now let alone touch him
Yesterday in a related conversation, my husband looked straight at me and said "You're not a good person. You're a terrible person." He said it smiling, like it was a joke, and so casually, but something in his face told me he was completely serious. Then he said, "I'M a good person." I sort of smiled and looked away.
He's the only person in the world that I feel like actually knows me. I struggle a lot with guilt for things that I know logically shouldn't be this much of a struggle for me. My shoulders feel heavy. I've felt like this, and he hit me with that.
This is going to fuck with me for a very, very long time.
I feel like we may have had some kind of sex, at least something intimate, as I remember us being close before we left one another. I'm just mystified as to why I don't remember what we were doing for that part of the time. I want to know, and I wonder if he wonders what happened too, yet we've never spoken about it. We're magic. I love and trust him with my whole life, he is my whole life
I didn't kiss you on that second date. I'm sorry, i'm new to all of this, and your honestly every guys dream-girl, yet you've chosen me. Did I fuck up? I don't mean to seem boring or uninterested, i'm just worried of losing you Rachel
I can barely eat a piece of chocolate or drink anything, doing so makes me physically sick.. I had to force myself to eat today to avoid worry from my Mother and Sister and every time I do I feel like vomiting.
It wouldn't hurt me to drop some weight though.. So I guess it works out.
>>16842958 Thank you, but no one loves me. How can I be loved when I'm unlovable?
>>16843247 Honestly, I don't think I've ever done anything in my life to warrant the way I see myself and the way some people treat me. But I do have a very, very long list of bad shit that's happened to me and that I've had to try and (unsuccessfully) deal with.
But I deserve all of it, and more which I have no doubt will happen sooner or later. I'm worthless, I'm nothing.
i love my s/o but recently out of nowhere ive been feeling really attracted to a long time friend. we hung out recently and i realized how much we have in common (duh, we're friends) and now i feel butterflies when they contact me. i get a big dumb grin when talking to them but my feelings for my s/o remain strong? i've never felt like this before and its confusing and hurts. also, theres no way my friend feels the same way about me anyways. ah well. normally im a good person...
You and your friends seemed to get a little bored and need to seek some reactions. I've said the same thing time and time again, don't go thinking I've suddenly changed my stance. You and I will not interact, I will not acknowledge you and I will have no influence over any aspect of your life. In return, you're not having any influence in mine. You are not the person I once cared about, and your personality is fucking disgusting as are the personalities of the people that seek attention just as much as you do.
While it may be true that the ex I broke up with in December is an attention seeker, he's got a far better personality than you. Don't think I want to associate with someone who, trying to get a reaction, is so willing to confirm exactly why I don't want anything to do with them.
Focus on the girl you spent so much time fawning over, and the circle of friends that support you in your attention seeking out of boredom. I don't want you interacting with me, so don't try to seek attention again. You are not the person I cared about in the past, and as such I want nothing to do with you. I am only concerned for my ex boyfriend and my family. You are not someone I want anything to do with, I turned down an offer to talk to you again for a reason. Until you grow up and act like a man, not a mouse, I will not have anything to do with you.
In fact, I like that. Yes, you're a mouse. My ex boyfriend is a cat. I'd rather the cat over a rodent be anywhere close to me.
I gave you perfectly good advice and you fucking ignored it, and surprise surprise you're still fucking miserable!
Shut the fuck up already; if you're going to ignore offered solutions then you've got no fucking right to complain, bitch.
You also ignored me when I desperately needed help so why the hell should I keep giving a shit about you?
(Also, since I have had to listen to this whining topic since fucking Valentine's Day: It's not that you're unlovable; it's that you're a fucking mopey bitch and you're a mopey bitch because you don't listen to reason when being told that your shitty college and your cunt of a mother are literally trying to kill you from the inside out.
TL;DR: ALL YOUR PROBLEMS CAN IMPROVE BUT YOU PREFER TO WALLOW IN YOUR OWN MISERY, YOU CUNT.)
>>16846302 It's not just him, everyone I've ever met has shown me I'm unlovable in one way or another, particular a few people. He just happens to be the one who's shown me the most.
I feel like it's my fault though. If I were more intelligent, if I were more funny, if I were more laid back and carefree, if I were prettier and beautiful, if I were thinner, if I had a thicker skin, if I wasn't riddled with mental illnesses and physical illness, if my family life were better, if ~he~ hadn't have done that to me (which was my fault and I deserved it anyway), if I were all these things and so, so much more, then I'd maybe be good enough. Maybe I'd be lovable.
>>16846681 You are not unlovable, and someone who can reflect on the past to that extent, regardless of the nature of events, is not someone who is meant to be alone. Someone who can reflect on the past like that is someone, I believe, is meant to find someone right for them. Someone they can be the happiest they can be with, and someone who will treat them right, kindly and with a gentle touch.
You can reflect, that's more than can be said for many people. You can think back on your memories, that's more than many people can manage. So instead of swearing you aren't worth anything, realize that you are.
I do not know you, or at least I'm sure I don't, but I do not believe that your concerns are concrete. You're lovable, and you deserve to be loved. So I hope and trust you'll find it. For you to find someone that makes you the happiest you could be. Someone that could truly make you smile and make you realize that what other people have done doesn't mean you aren't deserving of happiness.
I do not know if I am telling you this because your post stirred something, or because I wish I could tell it to my ex who would often think similarly. But regardless of the reason I wanted to reply, I truly mean what I say. So I wish for the best for you, anon. Go on and smile
>meet girl >for various reasons didn't have time to get her number >we agreed that i'd send her a message to fix a date so we can get to know each other >do it on facebook two days ago right after the party >no "seen" note >she accepted my friend request and is very trigger happy with her "like" button on various posts that then end up on my feed >she is never shown to be online >still no reply from her or any indication that she even saw the damn message
If I was sane I'd say this is weird. I'm not losing sleep over it but it annoys me.
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