military father, gone for the first few years. we were in cuba and puerto rico but i didnt have any long term interaction with him til say... 4? when we were in puerto rico.
at the time he seemed cool. dad was always the less lenient parent, so if we needed soemthing we'd generally go to mom. this made dad frustrated, but hed say no for any reason, including laziness. mom went out of her way to say, give us a glass of milk or make us a sandwich. dad would just say 'wait til dinner' or something to that extent.
He was easily angered, but i was generally a good kid so it didnt matter much at the time. id get spanked maybe twice.
we later moved to america and things were pretty smooth sailing until my dad flew off to greece for a year. he didnt have to go, but he and my mom were having marital issues so he left three of us with her.
i didnt resent him for this until my adulthood. the year was rough. my mom was being stalked by a man (not the marital issue, this guy didnt appear until about 4 months into my dads departure) and he was terrorizing us a lot, but because he insisted on taking orders overseas, he couldnt just come back.
eventually we all moved in again, and for the next few years things were nice, but got progressively worse. if my dad had a bad day, he'd take it out on us. for the most part i wanted to do my 'own thing'. i was always rather independent. for the longest time my father would rage that i spent too much time on the computer until i picked up film editing as a hobby. he considered that 'career worthy' and he'd let me stay on the computer all day if i was making a video.
the biggest issue for the bulk of it was he expected you to have all the sensibilities, experiences, responsibilities etc. of a man, but would treat you like a child (which is kind of how most teens are treated, but to a greater extent).
as work became more stressful, so did life with dad. no matter how good a job we did cleaning, hed find a reason to be mad. there came a point where, despite us having a specific list of chores, we'd get in trouble if we didn't just do spring-cleaning tier chores every single day.
during the summer, hed come home during his lunch braek just to see if our chores were done. and if they werent, we'd get in trouble. which is silly cuz in the school year we wouldnt do them til 4 at the earliest, and he doesnt get home til 5 or 6.
then he retired from the military. he wanted to get a civilian security job but ended up being a stock boy at home depot. it got REALLY bad. we were remodeling an entire house at the same time (Grandpa died) and if we did anything wrong, dad would rage. understandable because this was an investment for him, but at the same time, by little brother was 12 and expecting him to know how to paint a wall correctly when he'd never done it before is a bit much. unfortunately even for a 12 year old my brother was seriously bad. he found ways to fuck up the easiest of tasks, and i ended up redoing all his work for him.
older brother inherited a very fancy truck when grandpa died, so he would just drive out of state to hang with friends (he was a legal adult) so i was forced to stay home and work on this house for the last summer. even ifi wanted to go out i couldnt cuz it was in a brand new state and i knew no one.
thats one thing i resented a lot actually. sidebar: my parents moved us a LOT cuz military, but they purposely chose to move us at the BEGINNING of each summer. they said it was so that we'd have time to make friends before school starts. obviously i spent most of my summers alone because of this , and my dad would limit how long i was allowed to read books cuz he expected me to go otuside and make friends just by walking up to kids on the street. ridiculous.
anywho, so my dad became this bitter monster because he made minimum wage. i turned 18 and wasnt suppoed to start college for 6 months (going to start in a january program) but i switched schools that would take me in september and moved on out, despite my mom wishing id stay behind. always felt guilty about that, but i couldnt keep sitting in my room pretending to make movies my whole life.
i visited once or twice a year after that . dad and i had our quarrels. my dad always had this fixation of never sleeping in past 9:30 on weekends. even when i came to visit hed force me to wake up and just say 'it was time to wake up' as a power play. i said i wante dto sleep in and hed come and pour water on me (yes, as an adult, on vacation, visiting my family).
after that i had a talk. my mom was for some reason upset by this and got sad. it was christmas and any friction during christmas upsets her. my older brother didnt like this so threatened to punch me over it cuz 'thats how i get out my feelings' (this was in response to me posting my 'feelings' on the situation on facebook')
I was holding a gun at the time (we just got back from target practice) and i just said 'im holding a gun'. my brohters never bothered me since then.
i had a long talk with my dad that night about how im an adult, im here to visit mom, and if i want to sleep in i will. he didnt say anything. never woke me up again unlessi t was for a specific event (like we planned to get breakfast in the morning.
all in all my dad wasnt that bad. he was fun to talk to about science and stuff. he was unreasonable a lot and a bit traditional in his thinking, wheraes my mother would treat us like were real humans and if were reasonable with our requests, she was reasonable in granting them.
my new boss has become a surrogate father in many ways, and its pretty gud desu.
He worked as a foster father -- mind you, I'm adopted -- and a small business owner. Most of the time he was at work, but while he was home he was pretty strict, especially since most of the foster children came from extremely dysfunctional homes.
What he lacked in explicitly teaching me he showed me through his actions. He was a pretty honorable man; he had standards and values that he lived by no matter what. And because of that he had lost a lot of friends and business partners. But I can say I'm proud to have him as a father -- though he never really had an impact through actually raising me. He was pretty absent in that respect. Sure, I hated him for a bit when I moved out because of that, but I'm moved past it and realized he did the best he could.
He came from an abusive home -- his mother was neglectful; couldn't provide food or proper shelter; and his father beat him countless times.
And the fact that he came out of a different divorce almost unscathed emotionally, at least according to my mom, is pretty big. I mean, most mean would be bitter for the rest of their lives.
He wasn't spectacular by any means -- not very successful in his business (bankrupt), but he made up for that.
He's had over 1000 foster children through his home, and I can see looking back that each kid -- to some degree or other -- has changed for the better. I even talk to some of the now grown up children that lived with us, they said that they really needed a father figure like my dad.
Workaholic, Engineer made a very good living. A little bit of physical abuse when I was ~10. Pretty much absent in all aspects of my life, only enjoyed telling me when I fucked up or how I wasn't good enough. If he wasn't prone to irrational fits of anger, he would make a fantastic sociopath.
Despite my dad always being in my life, he is still a stranger and I know very little about him. My older brother was the closest thing to a father figure that I've had.
I'll be honest, I don't have many good memories of my dad as a kid.
In most cases, they usually revolved around him yelling at me for several hours over something innocuous, like forgetting to brush my teeth or leaving a glass on the coffee table instead of taking it to the sink. He yelled about everything. He yelled at my mom a lot. Little things, like not screwing a lid on all the way. He worked late nights and was an insomniac, so he'd basically drink until he passed out (on the couch, at the kitchen table, once or twice in my own bed). It was a lonely childhood because my house would always be empty when I got home from school. I had to make my own dinner every night starting when I was 7 or 8.
There were a couple good times. One time when I was 6 he came home from work and gave me a bouquet of flowers. One time I caught him staring at the mirror, and he hugged me and apologized for yelling at me so much. But these were few and far between.
I love my mom infinitely more. Honestly, if finances were taken out of the equation, I would not miss my dad if he was gone.
I was actually going through about 45 years worth of pictures today. Made me think about my dad a lot. He taught me how to play baseball, fish, and be an honest man.
He worked construction so I never saw him in the morning and he would often come home late. As tired as he was he would always play with me as soon as he got home. I worked construction for a few years so I now how taxing it can be on you physically. He always managed to make it to my ball games when he could. He would sometimes be late but he would come straight from work. He was an alcoholic his entire life but he never raised his voice or lifted a finger towards anyone in the family. Such a kind person despite his problem. I remember my mom telling me when they met and he took her and my sister to America he got her practically every single Barbie for Christmas. That's how Christmas was for us because he grew up literally dirt poor right after the Depression. So we were pretty frugal but Christmas was all out.
He retired while I was a teenager. The bottle started to catch up to him more in his free time but he still managed to not take anything out on us. By the time I moved out he had gotten pretty bad. I would often have to come by the house to check on him while my mom was at work. A few times I found him bloody and hurt from falling. He wrecked his truck at the end of the street once. He wrecked my sisters car when she left it over at the house to go overseas. Despite all this he was still a good father in my opinion. He lived a tough life and provided for the family. It would have been nice to not deal with that shit but hey life can't be perfect. I learned how to be responsible and own my mistakes from him. He was a great man. As trite as it may sound I can only wish to be half the man he was... without the drinking though. I think he would be fairly proud of me.
My situation is a bit unique, because my dad was pretty much my only parent -- mother died of cancer when I was a toddler.
I still live with him, and am going to uni (I'm a legacy student there, along with my sister) on money he saved from survivor's benefits from the aforementioned death.
He's an eccentric who works from home at a computer -- rakes in three figure salary, so we were never hurting -- and lately he's been making more and more demands on my time, I think he's grabbing tight because I've expressed desire to move out, while he wants both of us to stay during undergrad.
He loves us, but because of family history of abuse and him dealing with his own problems (sickness, craziness) he's left us on our own too much and not really given us a good example. He's a socially retarded recluse and responded to our emotional troubles as children by cross-examining the situation and pointing out the mistakes we made instead of emotional support.
I myself am a bit retarded, and when I was diagnosed (I was 12 at the time) he acted as if he'd been personally attacked. When I came to him regarding my symptoms (school-related, understandable because he'd skipped me forwards a grade despite my fucked head, or otherwise), he'd shout at me and tell me I was "doing it on purpose," to annoy him. Eventually I got fed up and started arguing back, defending myself from his accusations. This kind of destroyed our relationship -- we used to be two peas in a pod, but now I don't share much about my life with him anymore, because he still accuses me of shit to this day.
I want to move out, but I'm his remaining family, and I feel bad because he'll get lonely without us.
He was very guiding and helpful, always telling me to do my best in everything, especially school. He was someone I looked up to.
And then he divorced my mom for one of his coworkers, which really broke the bond I had with him and really messed up the focus and guidance he instilled in me. He was pretty much out of my life for a good period of time.
It's been years since then, and I've managed to get by and lean to accept it. I still talk to him and he still offers the same guidance as. But the effects of what he did still reside in the back if my mind. But even then, he's still my dad.
My dad wasn't and isn't an angel, but I knew/know he loves us. He was always busy and impatient when I was a kid. He still gets impatient. Survivalist and all that--annoying anymore--awful when I was a kid and everything had to go into some damn bucket for future use when the world fell apart (Go, Wolverines!). In the end, he is human. He's a better grandfather. Has time, spoils them. He has apologized for some of the stuff that happened when I was a kid, but really he was just an imperfect person. He loved me then and he's better at showing it now. He always put his most prized possession behind me and my ambitions--his money.
>>16832454 Dad was there but because he paid bills and didnt want us to struggle because we are not rich. He stuck around in the place for us, mom and him were through in 96. He use to come home drunk and my parents would fight. He left my mom for some chick, I went to her house and played with her kids a few times. They were nice to me. My parents are the two most miserable, complacent people who broke eachothers spirits yet happy when they do there things. My dad always wanted to leave. He was barley involved yet in the house, my mom raised us. He did teach me how to ride a bike, swim, tie shoes, drive sort of, so he did get involved when he felt like. Im not close to him as my little sister but whatever. If anything, he was a better dad to us than his dad was to him. His dad wasnt around. As an adult, Im like him, like to do my own thing and dont like to be bothered. Hes alright though, not perfect, not #1 dad in the world but wouldnt trade him.
>>16832454 My mom and father divorced when I was 2. He moved to another city, and often times didn't pay my mom on time. It was pretty shitty, since it was me and 2 brothers. I was the more emotional kid, so I often took care of my mom when she was crying and wishing that she didn't exist. I often cried at night, thinking we wouldn't have a home or stuff to eat. I also feared death a lot. Even though all that happened, we still loved our father, and my mom actually kept talking with him as if he was a friend. When he would come to visit us, he always would have a day to give a 1-2 hour monologue about something way too serious for kids to hear, but we would anyway because it was rare to have him around and we still loved him. I guess my older brother took the place of a father figure for me, but he was very immature and kept fighting with my mom, which made our relations very bad for some time. Eventually we bonded, but I still was afraid he'd do something like hurt or maybe even kill her. One day, he woke up at 3am, and told me he was leaving. Next day he was gone, and went to work with my father in another city. I left home some years later, and now I'm studying in a public university a state away from my mother city.
>>16832454 My dad was ridiculously headstrong. He built a house for my mom and us with a fucking oxygen tank on his back. He farmed his whole life with one good lung and worked himself into the grave. I didn't appreciate it when I was young but he was honestly an amazing father. He always told us he loved us, taught us the value of work and was there as soon as we needed him. He flew from Florida to Kentucky twice a week to check on me in the hospital after my tumultuous birth. Knowing how good of a dad he was terrifies me because my daughter is so young and she doesn't know me and it's because her mother and I are on horrible terms. I'm so scared she won't know me or care about me, that going to my house on the weekends will be like a chore and I have no idea how to make this shit work.
>>16832454 My father was largely absent in my life, because he was a workaholic. He worked overtime constantly so we could have more money to buy things we didn't need and go on nice vacations. He sacrificed his time and health for this, always cane home late. What I really needed was my father. I still need him, now more than ever...but he's dead now.
There were some interactions, but I was never close to my dad. I still feel strange about this. I never even addressed him as "Dad." I only understand as an adult that he did what he could, and I guess that's all I could ask for.
>>16833188 He was a hoarder and incredibly stubborn, hated hired labor. Spent a lot of time helping him fix stuff, resented the time I offset doing that, because these were largely not tires of bonding. He did teach me the basics of auto repair, something every man should know, and I have taken to trying to fix electronics myself. I could do more if I as proficient at soldering. He Aldo taught me some cooking basics, such as knife skills and why cut up meat cooks faster than a giant slab.
My Dad was involved in the military before any of my siblings were born. I'm the third of four kids. He and Mom both met in the military, each of them had been married once previously. Dad was a good man at heart, but he has a hard time showing it, and tends to not know how to act in situations appropriately - the only emotions he seemed to have were "I'm tired/sad" "I'm angry" and "I'm happy, so I'm going to tease you no matter how pissed you are".
He worked hard to make sure that we were all taken care of financially, but the problem was the lack of emotional support. He never went to any of our games, concerts, things that we were in that were important to us as kids until we were much much older, and even then only sparingly.
My father hasn't really taught me anything. At least not directly. My life goal has been to be like him when it comes to having a good moral compass... but pretty much do the opposite of him at anything else. Be a good father to my children, show them love and compassion and not just order them around to do housework. Show love and respect to my wife instead of always complaining, saying that she's always wrong without hearing her out, or make fun of her because she's overweight (while Dad is also sporting a big gut himself).
I love my Dad, but I never want to be him. My strongest memories of him aren't his hugs, or his laughter at his own teasing jokes - my strongest memories of how he was always disappointed in me.
Biological father I never met face to face. Had one phone call with him but that's it. My father figure, "W" was awesome. He'd buy us toys, let us play with his awesome golden retriever, take us places. Then he died. My uncle tried to fill in for that role but I never saw him that way, he was too much like an uncle I suppose. I miss W....
My dad's a solid piece of shit. I'd start the list of reasons off with the fact that he threatened to kill my mother, he threatened to hit my sister and brother at different points of there life, and he's broken down a door to punch me in the face before. I don't know why he still lives with us. He doesn't have a job and he hasn't had one since I was nine years old. He's bullshitted money out of his parents and charities on numerous occasions, lying for reasons as to why he can't work and saying he has a family to feed. He doesn't have a car and mostly just sits around the house wasting resources. He sighs a lot and complains like shit is supposed to be going his way. At the very least I'm glad he's not happy, and I can say that for sure. Hopefully my mom follows through on her word and kicks him to the curb when she gets a new place.
>>16832925 No he didn't because I went to school. But yeah, I'm typing this quickly on a 3 year old android phone as well as typing fast, seldomly making corrections because I am an illiterate sadist who likes it when grammer faggots get all nitpicky about typos and grammer errors on my post. Thank you,
>>16832454 21Femanon here. When my parents got married, my mom moved across the world to live together with my dad in his hometown (which is also where I grew up until 11yrs of age). My mother was depressed for all those years there because her culture was so drastically different from ours. I don't remember ever having a long conversation with her because she would sleep all day and clean. I basically ended up growing up with my dad and brother. I remember looking up to my dad as a child: he knew a lot about life and gave me invaluable lessons. As a result of my connection with my brother and father, I grew up as a tomboy.
However, as I grew older, I started to understand the dynamics of my family. My dad never had a stable job. He refused to apply to jobs in order to follow his hobby. He was basically a freelance here and there and I was ridiculed for being poor. He expected my mom to do every chore in the house even though he didn't have a job. My town did not respect my dad: he didn't provide for the family and was not able to interact socially (would rage at the slightest amount of disrespect, was irrational and emotional) As a result, my peers did not respect me either. I was bullied for about a year at school and remember coming home everyday and cry. I would spend every day at home.
When I was 11, I moved to the US and that's when things worsened. I became ashamed of both my parents and never invited anyone over as a result. My parents also got a small business and were home 6hrs a day to sleep. From 11years of age to now I basicaly lived without my parents. They had no idea who my friends were or what I liked. I was fine with that so I grew up without any real connections with them.
>>16833389 Samefag here. I am still ashamed of my dad who was never a rock I could lean to. I know it could be worse but because of my interaction with him, my romantic relationships were also affected >I had very bad self esteem from my neglecting dad and my first relationship ended with someone a lot older than me using me for sex. I am probably attracted also to older guys because I might be trying to have a father figure. >I won't introduce my current bf to my dad because I feel like my bf will be just as disapointed in him as I am >I look for men who are confident and social (respected too) because my dad wasn't. This sucks because I'm introverted but am still attracted to guys who like to go out. My current bf and I are incompatible in the social scene but I still hang on to this trait because I don't want someone like my dad. >I look for men who have stable jobs (it doesn't matter how much they make, as long as the job is stable) because my dad never had one. >I look for men who are not emotional and clingy.
I grew up to be such a cold person. My dad is a very nice man, but I still don't want him in my life. I feel disappointed that he doesn not know how to lead my family and even though my mom is the one making every big decision in the house, she is still treated as an inferior.
My dad was in the Air Force for a long time. My mom and him met when they were both working for the Saudi Arabian Royal Family. My dad was security, and my mom was the physical therapist for the princess.
They fucked, and accidentally had me. Even though, they were both very happy to have me. My dad was gone for the first two years of my life because he had to travel with the Arabian family. Although, he would visit me.
>My mom and dad never got married and broke up a little while after me being born.
My dad was nice to me as a kid, so was my mom. Although, my dad lost his temper and would hit me a lot as a kid. I started lying about small things because I was terrified of him. I couldn't lock the house door because you had to put a lot of muscle into it. My dad would keep telling me to lock it, but I couldn't. He would call me stupid and do it himself.
I remember him slapping me across the face because I couldn't countdown from 10 to 0. I was around 4 years old?
My grandmother had to get in between him and I once or twice because he kept hitting me and wouldn't stop. It wasn't punching or to the point where I got bruises. Just slaps that hurt me physically and mentally.
I switched homes between my mom and dad,I doubted my dad loved me. Even though he would take me on fun camping trips and all that. I was afraid to ask him simple questions.
Over the years, I began understanding his humor. He buys me shit and we now have a great relationship. I tease him by hugging him and we make stupid jokes a lot. Our relationship now is basically me saying to him that I forgive you for how you treated me.
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