>>16830298 Easy. You need a cereal without flavor like the healthy cheerios and a microscope. Comparing the cheerios and the cinnamon toast crunch will allow you to see the taste of cinnamon toast crunch.
>>16830301 Easy. Make a goal with lots of intermediate steps and stay disciplined. Avoid something that can be broken by outside influences like sleep schedules. I recommend going for a run every day of a certain distance or doing pushups. As time goes on and you stick to your goal, your self esteem will go up.
>>16830337 Easy. Ignore the broad classification from someone who isn't a professional psychologist and don't manipulate people for your own gain. Keep in mind that social disorders are merely disorders, meaning they aren't necessarily ailments. Be true to your self and your values and you will overcome your fear of being classified.
>>16830414 Easy. Stop masturbating to ejaculation until you find a new girl. Your sex drive will motivate you, especially if you 'edge' i.e. play with yourself but don't ejaculate daily, and keep you occupied until you find someone new.
>>16830437 Easy. Force an initial confrontation and ignore any awkwardness that comes with it by telling her that you think she's cute and would like to hang out (go to a public place for food or entertainment). If she likes you she'll be down, if she doesn't like you she won't be down, in either case you move forward. >>16830443 Easy. Now you won't let yourself be angry. If you feel yourself getting mad, tell yourself that you refuse to be angry. Do this enough times over a long enough period of time and your body will adapt. You can speed up this process by forcing yourself to be optimistic about everything, by finding the good in everything bad- or at least by just looking.
>>16830291 I'm looking for a used TV (32" and up) for 100 €. Can be 720p. Main question is, do I go plasma or LCD for used (old) TV. Currently looking Panasonic Viera TH-42PA60E for up to 120 € And LG 37LC55 for up to 100 € (autions). Main problem I have is plasma or lcd for old TVs.
>>16830475 Easy. Plasma. Better contrast ratio and less drop off at wider viewing angles.
>>16830478 Not so easy. You are in a tougher spot than other people in this thread, not because you are depressed, but because you think you need motivation. You are actually wrong to associate motivation with life changes because motivation comes from success, and if you can't get motivated to do things, then there's no way in hell you'll be successful. Instead, you must just do things that improve your current state. You must do them regardless of whether you feel bad or don't want to do them because they will help you make your life better. By doing them, you will feel motivation- but motivation is a byproduct of your actions, not inspiration for them, and you must internalize this to overcome your depression and your ex. You can internalize this by doing the same thing as the second bit of advice here >>16830323 . You will continue to feel bad until you internalize the idea that motivation is a byproduct of success, not something that will lead you to success.
>>16830460 You don't understand. I'm not getting angry at things, I'm perpetually angry. Like a tensed spring. I'm angry in particular about a long time friend fucking me out of money, but I I'm also enraged that this phone auto corrected particular. I don't act on the anger, but it's always there. My chest hurts from it, I clench my teeth without thinking about it.
I'm at work right now and I could continue to sit here or I could flip this desk and start throwing shit, both seem like an adequate reaction to being here.
>>16830508 I do understand. If you want to be less angry then you need to fight it internally. You need to tell yourself that you won't put up with being angry anymore. It's not fun to be angry, it doesn't solve anything, it's a worthless feeling that actively makes you feel bad and by not being angry, you will feel better. So you won't be angry anymore. You just won't let yourself be angry anymore. Instead, you're going to find the good in everything. And you're going to keep refusing to be angry and find the good in things until you aren't angry anymore. It's that simple.
I have been single for a bit under 5 years now. I socialize well enough with women and have made a number of friends, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to flirt. As it is, they are generally just interested in being friendly.
>>16830512 Burnt-in images only happen if you leave the tv on the same picture for a long time. Just don't do that. As for lifespan of tv, I'm not sure. Most of the info I'd tell you you could just look up. I still recommend plasma. >>16830515 Easy. Relationships actually are a chore, one that you decide to keep up if there is benefit in keeping it up. If you don't like someone, and they aren't important in your life, then don't make an effort for them. Don't just do things to maintain the norm, do things to try and cut the slack in your life and to improve your life. As you deprioritize people you don't care about, you will feel the desire to emphasize the people you do care about, like your family and close friends, and you will find the ability to care for others once again.
>>16830528 Easy. Talk it all out with her. Everything. Tell her what you like about her and what you don't. Tell her what makes you mad and what makes you happy. Tell her what bugs you and what gets you going. Have her tell you the same. You could even write some things down to actively try and improve things. Just be supportive and understanding and avoid whining. This talk will either end your relationship or save it, in either case for the better, and you may learn some things about yourself in the process. >>16830530 Easy. Just compliment girls and follow up with invites to dates. See what works and what doesn't, and take your lessons learned to new girls. You will fail sometimes, and it will be awkward at first, but pick yourself up and continue improving your game. All you gotta do is try. Don't hold yourself back.
>>16830536 I'm not really sure what your problem is but I'll do my best in, I guess, solving it.
People in general are awful when it comes to relationships. People lack the ability for sympathy and empathy and are even worse at conveying it. What you'll find is that a lot of people that "care a lot" are those who convey sympathy or empathy really well, but in reality, most people that show sympathy or empathy often are diluted to actually feeling it. The feeling becomes cheap and dispensable to them.
The vast majority of people, regardless of sex, care little for others. Life is too busy to care in the way you specifically want them to, especially nowadays. That one passing moment of seeing someone that cares is usually a false alarm, in reality a moment where someone expressed interest. The damn hard truth is, we're all very different, and people that live and breathe together when they form relationships really only share common interests or worldviews (or completely contrasting interests or worldviews). We don't know how to care about others, and in this fast paced society, it's not worth it to care about others. Things change too quickly, people lose interest, things fall apart. It's damn near impossible to slow down, even if you want to. I think a lot of people want to slow down and really care. It's just not talked about enough.
But. If you're young, and it seems like you are, you should probably ignore what I said above. The way you phrase your post indicates to me that you aren't ready to slow down for a response like this. It's better for you to freak out and make brash decisions and draw boundary lines now so you realize how dumb it is to do so later on in life.
>>16830291 >>16830530 You don't need to filrt if thats not your thing. But you need to make sure your motives (you want a romantic relationship,no let's be friends crap) are very clear. You can be the 'serious guy'. Ask her out and make sure she knows it's a date.
>>16830542 Easy. Start with workplace singles, then shared-interest singles (studying at library/other, lifting), then dating apps, then bars/clubs. Just make conversation, then compliment and ask on a date. Repeat until you're in a relationship. >>16830549 Easy. The hypothetical means nothing. She either is or isn't weirded out. It doesn't matter. >>16830552 You're in a bit of a jam, I'm afraid. Only thing you can really do is help the rumors die by not freaking out and fueling them. Any efforts you make to intentionally kill the rumors will likely follow in them being strengthened. Personally, people made fun of me in middle school when I forgot milk in my locker and it exploded over a weekend, but it only lasted a week because I laughed along and didn't freak out. The people worth a damn to you won't push you down so just don't let the other bastards get to you and you'll be fine.
I need help breaking this video game habit of mine. I has gotten to a point where I will sacrifice work and sleep just to play a little more. And we aren't talking 4-5 hours of my sleep gone, more like 7-9 hours of my sleep gone. Not only that, but I have been bs more of my work for more time to play. I really need help.
>>16830577 Easy. You live life trying to maintain the norm, avoiding breaking things, right? Don't do that. Break things you feel you're not supposed to a few times and you'll feel less anxious about those things. It's like jumping off the cliff into the lake the first time, gotta take the plunge to overcome the fear. >>16830581 Yeah I know it sucks man, but there's very little you can do. You have to take things case by case, if people are dicks you call them out, if they just poke fun then laugh along, in either case undermine their fun by not giving them the reaction they're looking for. A trick that is really useful is to act really odd and standoffish, basically shock them out of trying to involve you in their rumor mill, but yeah you just have to remain steadfast and not let it get to you.
>>16830291 Was depressed for several years, but better now. When I open my eyes and look at my life, I find out that my marriage sucks. My wife is the kind of dead, lazy lump of nothing that worked out ok when I was depressed and didn't want to do anything. Also, I've developed a severe crush on a woman I work with. Unlike my wife, she's intelligent, vibrantly alive, and very beautiful. I know that this crush is stupid and unhelpful, but I'm struggling to get rid of it. Objectives: remove crush, build marriage into something worth believing in, enjoy life. Plan for how to do this: no idea.
>>16830599 This is actually a really deep seated issue that requires some precision. First, you have to internalize that you are a creature of efficiency. Work isn't fun to do, and I guess sleep isn't fun either for you (or it's hard to get to sleep for you), but video games are fun- at least in the way that it doesn't feel like work, or that little work yields a bigger cathartic release. So essentially, on a subconscious level, you play video games to actively avoid wasting unnecessary time on your work or sleep ('unnecessary' because poor quality work or sleep is acceptable).
Once you internalize that you are a creature of efficiency, you must consciously determine your priorities. You must choose what is truly important to you. Is it important to you that you do high quality work? Is it important that you get good sleep? Is it important that you stick to your schedules or work out or whatever? Once you set your priorities, you must rely on discipline to follow through. If good quality work is important, then you must do good quality work, even if you don't want to, right? Because you actually want to do good quality work. You actually want to get good quality sleep. You just don't have the discipline to actually do it.
I lied. You do have the discipline to actually do it and you know it.
>>16830613 Easy. Renew vows. Take trips. Shake things up by doing something completely different with your wife. >>16830622 Easy. Power: oblique crunches (lay on floor, legs up on chair, crunch and touch elbow to opposite knee). Accuracy: keep eye on ball, draw line between feet and aim line where you want to hit the ball, swing through the ball, let body slow down swing at end (don't slow it yourself). Practice practice practice.
my girlfiend keeps trying to break up with me with the slightest altercation, i try and rationalize it with her, she argues, calls out all the shit i do that she hates and she eventually just shoves all her emotions down my throat , but in the end she acts like she doesnt wanna break up and that she loves me and doesn't know what to do. we don't end up breaking up.
wtf do I do about this? im trying my best to do what she wants, and what everyone else wants, when I just wanna chill and have a chill gf who doesn't feel the need to argue all the time. How can I help her? what do I do? what is she even thinking?
I'm straight but i lost faith in womenhood. So, i have a small dick. That's what killed my confidence. I started to blame the world for my virginity, i started to think that women are hypocrites, like everyone lectures me about how i shouldn't be worried about it but none of them are gonna accept a small man, so yeah, hypocrites. I started hating myself, watchinh big dick porn and fantasizing about how life would be easy if i had one. It fucks my mind up.
I want to start to get close with this girl, but I don't know how to. We know each other but we're not too close. If I text her all of a sudden she will notice that I like her. Moreover I'm a socially inept so I don't fucking know how to start a convo and make someone not bored. Help me.
>>16830291 I want to break up with my girlfriend for no reason It makes no sense, she's good looking and loving and very very loyal and interesting, but I just want to be single so damn badly for no reason. I just find a relationship to be a waste of time and money. But the thought of dumping her and hurting her feelings tears me apart inside. What do I do
>>16830291 Doing social interaction tempt me to blow my head off. I'm not exactly sociophobic as that's not out of fear. I don't really care about people, I don't want social interaction, and forced to do it upset me so much.
I skip class often just to shut myself in my college dorm room. The only time I step out of my room is to buy food. The longest I have locked myself is two month about a year ago, I currently haven't gone out for a week.
I've been to a psychologist, the free student consultation one. She can't give me any exact diagnose yet, even if according to chart, I can already diagnosed with certain personality disorder, specifically Schizoid PD
Any opinion, even judgement is fine. What do you think is wrong with me?
>>16830291 I'm too stagnant and complamcent. I feel indifferent to a lot of shit. I need to find a job but I have no luck getting any replies. I had to postpone my life and hadnt lived one since 21, 26 now. I dont feel its worth it. I have unrealistic dreams/ expectations. I downgraded a lot and I play the lotto now, which I hate the concept but since I have no means of getting out there and taking the world by storm, I have to resort to scratching and hoping. Poor fag, living in the city still in my parents small apt. i was raised in. 1 room, life was really hard growing up. Also, a loner. Dont know what I can do anymore. I have so much ideas but no way to bring them out which makes me depressed like when I was a kid, just wish I was brain dead or just dead so I wouldnt have anyway to imagine.
>>16830508 You've swallowed too much of your anger for too long and now it's festering. Let that shit out in healthy ways. A good one is simply just to talk. Find someone who will listen and just unload. Unleash all the crap you've wanted to say but didn't. Get all the butthurt out, no matter how petty or ridiculous or irrational or unfair it may be. Yell, cry, holler, scream in the process if the urge comes up. If you feel exhausted by the end of it, you did it right. Another good way to go about it is wailing on a punching bag if you've access to one. Slap some gloves on and just beat the crap outta the thing until you feel better. Again exhausted = ya dun gud. Don't let it get this bad next time, k?
OP is awake. >>16830642 Easy. Break up with her. She needs to calm down and you won't be the person to do that. Breaking up with her is good for her and you're doing a disservice to her by allowing her to think crazy outbursts are ok. >>16830774 Easy. Stop hating yourself for who you are and tell others that make fun of you for who you are to fuck off. You can stop hating yourself by following the second bit of advice here >>16830460 and the advice here >>16830518. Don't let people freely hate on you, it's not only bad for your psyche but for the people hating too and you can improve things by telling people they're shitty human beings for hating like that. >>16830845 Easy. Just start a conversation and express interest. But the reason you're 'socially inept' is the fact that you pander to others ("and make someone not bored" -you), follow the first bit of advice here >>16830607. It is clear to me that you break things like a normal person does (by making others sad, mad, happy, etc) but you follow up trying to manipulate someone out of those feelings. If you stop trying to fix things, and place less emphasis on relationships, you'll find yourself a lot happier and less 'socially inept'.
>>16830849 I don't know what "starting something big" means, but maintaining diligence and discipline (same thing) is easy, so is happiness, but not letting down others is something pretty much out of your hands (and thereby something you shouldn't worry about). If you're having trouble being disciplined, see the second bit of advice here >>16830502. If you're having trouble being happy, follow the second bit of advice here >>16830460 for any negative emotion you encounter.
>>16830863 Easy. Tell her. It may sound wrong to tell your gf that you desire to be single (but don't want to end the relationship), and depending on how you phrase it it might actually be bad (you need to emphasize you aren't looking to see other people while in a relationship), but expressing any feelings to your partner which, unsolved, might jeopardize your relationship is almost always a good thing. But, it's better that you know less about how this works and just do it. On the slight chance it breaks your relationship, your relationship was doomed already and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
>>16830874 Easy. I HAD YOUR EXACT PROBLEM WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE. Avoided everyone, locked myself in my room all the time... the solution is to not do that. Give effort and let loose. The true problem is you're afraid to be rejected by others, trust me, I know. But rejection is an inevitable part of life, and living your life through self-initiated rejection is extremely unhealthy. You need to try and make relationships, make effort to hold relationships (see second bit of advice here >>16830531), and learn to place less emphasis on relationships (see third bit of advice here >>16831263). College is an overwhelming place but you overcome it by attacking the scariness head on. When you fail, you pick yourself back up. When you succeed, you take note and press on. I regret not doing this (I dropped out), so really you should do it for me. Not just yourself, for me.
>>16830892 Easy. You gotta be creative, consider looking up new sex positions and trying new things. Finger her, eat her out, have her give you head, etc. If the relationship falls apart because the sex isn't good then your relationship wasn't healthy to begin with and it's good that it fell apart. >>16830895 Easy. Find someone new, and when you're feeling anxious, tell your partner. Even if it interrupts sex or whatever, tell them. People that will break up with you because you're emotionally traumatized are not great people to have a relationship with anyway. Just don't avoid the feeling, okay? If you want to overcome it you need to take initiative to confront it, and your partner can help you with that. >>16830901 Easy. Have low standards and put yourself out there. Also quit telling yourself you're a loser, it's not helping anyone and the very temporary feeling of successfully confronting your situation actually has an adverse effect on any attempts to improve yourself (by association of overcoming your self with assuming the negative rather than the positive).
>Girl I havent met before adds me and starts talking to me >Not really interested in her physically nor is she really my sorta type mentally, but shes nice and seems kinda desperate and obviously likes me
>Im feelin fed up with how shitty lifes been recently and how I cant seem to get a relationship off the ground, especially after getting dumped a month ago after I thought I was finally getting somewhere
>All her praise and attention makes me feel good, so Im humouring her and leading her along
>Feel bad but feel good at the same time as she gets more and more into me, wants the dick bad >I havent had sex in 4 months and Im starting to consider it
>>16830922 Easy. Quit hating on yourself, "I'm too (this) or too (that)" is only hurting your cause (see third bit of advice here about telling yourself you're a loser >>16831350). What you need to do is the second bit of advice here >>16830460 and the advice here >>16830518 but instead for feeling like a loser. It's time to start telling yourself that you aren't a loser. Your life will improve by leaps and bounds if you continue to try and make improvements and follow this advice. >>16830933 Easy. Find a new girl and apply time to the wound. >>16831220 Easy. Improve yourself by learning cool trades and picking up cool hobbies and be sociable. People are simple creatures that don't take much to befriend, hell you could pretty easy just do it now if you are nice to others. But picking up trades and hobbies and being sociable will allow people to see that you're not too involved with them and allow them to get close naturally.
>>16831311 I'm surprised that you said you have the exact same problem with me. Even if I realized I'm not the only one in the world, I'm surprised that I coincidentally, actually meet another one.
I do already have at least some vague idea about what I should do, from the cliched advises about never give up etc to some psychotherapy.
Part of my problems which I haven't really found out how to solve is, that there are some traits about my personality that I don't have to change, such as being individualist (not egoist or else), as that's "just how you are", a trait that is not defined as right or wrong.
But I realized people around me just can't simply accept that, especially my own family. Being introvert and told I must not being introvert, valuing people ideas while my family prioritize courtesy, etc. Even if I can make myself to the better, what about people around me? Even if I realized there are problems that I can't 100% solve, how can I be sure that I won't back into this stage? It's foreseeable that when I can fully afford my own living, I'll be keeping distance from my family.
I still have around two years until I graduate, I hope I can tell you when I do.
>>16831300 Easy. Figure out what tendencies caused you to be informally diagnosed with those disorders and correct them. You can correct them by doing the opposite (or just the healthy option) over and over until it becomes the norm for you. Your body can adapt to new social habits just like it did when you were a kid learning how to be an adult. >>16831327 Easy. Pay for head or have low standards while putting yourself out there. >>16831368 Easy. Pursue the relationship. I know leading a girl on feels good on a subhuman level but you'll end up feeling bad about it if she loses interest. And hell maybe you'll end up liking her, who knows, at the very least it's a few nights of fun for both of you.
I kinda want her to lose interest. Sorta. I mean I dont wanna have to hurt her myself. If she stopped talkin to me I guess I'd be slightly miffed I lost my appraisal machine to get me through this slump in life Im in at the moment. But I dunno
You really think I should just go see her and sleep with her? Just for the sake of sex? Guess it would be fun for both of us, she'll enjoy it and I'd probably be able to give it a shot despite not fancyin her for the sake of sex and affection
>>16831381 >there are some traits about my personality that I don't have to change, such as being individualist (not egoist or else), as that's "just how you are", a trait that is not defined as right or wrong. If you're going to let certain traits remain a part of you then you must be willing to deal with the consequences. It's extremely obvious to me that you are afraid of rejection, but that fear is causing you to make decisions to be 'isolationist' i.e. avoid relationships, and it ultimately makes you unhappy. So if you want to be happy, you need to let that self-ascribed trait go. You need to involve yourself and make relationships and commit to others in order to re-engineer that mentality. Doing so will solve all of the problems you've talked about. Backing into the hole is a very real risk, you're right, but making yourself happy when you aren't is a process that takes time and perseverance. Don't let the fear keep you down.
>>16831413 Well in reality you have a couple of options, basically boiling down to pursuing the relationship or not, and the way I see it, if you don't have anyone lined up then what's the harm in pursuing a relationship with a girl you aren't interested in? You can always end the relationship which yields the same result as not pursuing the relationship after already leading her on. You get release, she gets release, maybe you both find love... why not explore the opportunity?
I'm not sure what my specific problem is, I just feel kind of lost all the time. I have no motivation or self control. I feel like I'm missing some piece of myself that other people possess that allows them to be functional human beings. I have never been interested in schoolwork, careers, or relationships. I also don't really have a stable sense of self. I adopt character archetypes in my mind that I try to mold myself into, but it doesn't stay consistent and I find the person I am one day is at odds with the the person I was the previous day, and I don't even understand the motivations that led me to adopt whatever my previous goals were and I discard them. I never get anywhere, I can never become anything. What do I do? How can I guarantee that I'll still want to do it tomorrow?
>>16831453 Easy. For a temporary remedy, exercise and get your heart rate up which will take your mind off things. For long-term anxiety issues over being unsure of things, you can internalize the idea that life doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things (also see >>16830607), and by proxy messing up on the job doesn't matter, but that might have unintended side effects of being ensnared in nihilism. Either way just be conscious and be optimistic, as of right now there's nothing that can go wrong so why worry now?
>>16831442 I'm not sure if I myself would call it "fear of rejection". I do have some experience of rejections since childhood, most prevalent in high school. At some point I think I get used to it.
I'm not a feeling-oriented person, I'm not sure if I can call it fear or something else. Hell, if someone ask me, what I feel, I can keep silent in confusion for hours.
I can easily let go of people I don't think will worth my time and energy, I'm not really concerned about being rejected. As edgy as it sounds, I'm more to doubting they seems very open and always ready to help.
I'm willing to deal with rejection of being individualist, I'm more concerned about how can I be sure I won't easily rejecting people. I can't really say that I'm unhappy about being lonely, I can't even say for sure if I feel happy or sad, or simply joy or upset. I'm at my calmest, most relaxed state if I'm alone.
I don't have particularly high standard for people, but if I can deal with rejection, how can I stop rejecting people here and there? How can I understand, not just know, about people who care? as I usually take them as just bothering me?
>>16831472 you can internalize the idea that life doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, and by proxy messing up on the job doesn't matter, but that might have unintended side effects of being ensnared in nihilism. Either way just be conscious and be optimistic, as of right now there's nothing that can go wrong so why worry now?
Im moving out and also getting a new car asap since this pays almost double my last job. If I lose it I'm fucked. Also should I buy a gun incase I get fucked financially?
>>16831470 Easy. Just so you know, I used to have the exact same problem as you, even trying to become certain characters that I see are models for who I want to be. The second bit of advice here >>16830502 is your solution for motivation to continue doing things tomorrow, essentially follow the great Shia Lebouf and just do it, even if you irrationally, for one reason or another, don't want to improve yourself. For identity issues, it's time to write down your values and internalize them. Make amendments to the list for a month, try to think about your values every day for the month. When you scrap certain values, cross them out, don't erase them. At the end of the month, put your values into play by constantly reminding yourself of what your values are and by acting on them. Eventually they will become a part of who you are and you will have no need to try and become the ideal of what you want to be (because you will be ideal for yourself).
>>16831491 You ARE afraid of rejection. If you get out there and involve yourself with others, you will see that you are afraid of rejection, and by getting out there you will solve other problems too. You also need to relax and not look for as much out of relationships. People can fill holes in your life and help keep you out of your room and having fun. You just have to put yourself out there. But reiterating this isn't going to help, if you just step outside your room and into the social realm trying to care about others and hold relationships, you will see very clearly where you lie and can fix your reclusive nature.
>>16831594 Easy. Try alternative methods like acupuncture or just exercise and work the pain out. Lowering stress in other parts of your life by solving issues that have been bugging you for awhile will also help you mentally cope with being in pain. I personally recommend staying away from pills as they can cause dependency, especially for chronic illnesses.
Was friends with this person, he asked me to hang out, stood me out,(not the first time either) I got mad, told him some painful truths, said the friendship is over, deleted from social media, whenever we meet we ignore each other.
Issue? I miss the friendship and want it back. What are the steps I oughtta take?
>>16831623 I'd venture to guess you haven't tried acupuncture. But yeah chronic pain is something that even true doctors unlike myself don't know how to fix. Just gotta keep your mind off it as much as you can. >>16831627 Easy. Completely remove all drugs from your life for good. If you can do that, you can pretty much do anything you put your mind to. >>16831650 Easy. First, take the initiative and apologize. If they come to accept your apology, see if they want to hang out again. Not doing the second step will mean that your relationship will heal to a scar, meaning hanging out won't be a viable thing anymore, so you have to take initiative to restore the relationship fully. If things fall apart in this process, i.e. don't accept your apology, blow you off, etc. then they aren't willing to fix the relationship and there's nothing you can do. Have faith and be somewhat submissive.
>>16831748 Yes. Don't blame your friend. What you must do now, both of you, is come to accept one another once again, and the only way to get the process going is to take the initiative in apologizing. The goal is to open up an opportunity for both parties to apologize and resume healthy relations. But like I said, if they reject you, it's over and you shouldn't try and pick it back up. If you apologize and they start blaming you, and you're still willing to be friends with this kind of guy that blames you unfairly and doesn't come to admit their own fault, then acknowledge that you are in the wrong and continue to say you want to be their friend and you want to hang out. If it were me though, if my friend wouldn't come to accept their part of the blame, I'd leave them for good and never look back.
>>16831748 >>16831779 I should mention that you shouldn't try to compel your friend to apologize. Taking the initiative and apologizing opens up the opportunity for them to take initiative and apologize as well, and if they don't, then for me at least that's enough to not want to be friends with them anymore. Saying you want them to apologize or anything even close to a show of force rather than concession will make things worse.
I have 3 choices >A product that is okay/good and costs $12 >The same typr of product only better but not good enough for there to be a big enough price gap costing $20 >The same type of product that you hear is pretty good that is also $20
>>16831830 Easy. The last option. When it comes to anything that serves some functional purpose with measurable differences in quality, as opposed to something like music or art or movies, people's opinions are usually reliable. Additionally, just in general in life, it's worth spending more for better quality (especially if it's something you use often), but you must consider lifespan on top of usefulness to really get a good feel for quality. If it's a toss up, which it appears to me is a toss up for you, go with what people say is good and you usually won't regret it.
What should I do to stop masterbating all the time I've done it at least once everyday this year. And I made my resolution to stop jacking off so much. But I noticed that if I cum right before bedtime it helps me sleep. And when I wake up I'm still compelled to masterbate.
I moved to another town to start a relationship with this girl. We've been together for 7 months and now I feel like I need to get out. I've received numerous warnings from friends and family that this girl is showing major red flags and that I need to leave but I havent listened.
She's not working right now, hasn't been since December. I pay for practically everything, I have been paying her rent since I moved down here. Even though our original agreement was to go halfs. Whatever, not even a big deal to me.
She's not the prettiest girl and she's had some major emotional baggage but I still loved her.
What is really setting me off is the way she is always in a rush to move onto the next big step. I feel like I've gotten swept up in these big plans of hers and no longer have control of my life. She has been trying to move us into new apartments that are more than double our current rent. Keep in mind she does not have a job. She's always planning trips for us to go on. She has asked me to marry her within the first 2-3 months of the relationship.
She's always in this rush like she has some kind of expiration date in her mind that I'm not aware of. That wouldn't be such an issue if it weren't for the fact we do not have the means currently to get all of the things she wants like a nice apartment and trips all over the country.
Obviously this girl has issues, I'm a bit of a basket case too so maybe we're right for each other. Our relationship has had its ups and downs but they've always been over pretty minor things that escalated because of both of our own stubbornness.
So after several mini-break up's and getting back together we're broken up. again. And by broken up I mean she's just locked in the next room, because we still live together and she has no job and doesnt want to move back in with her family. Am I wrong to leave her?
>>16831891 Easy. Break the cycle by not masturbating today. Then tomorrow, don't masturbate either. The day after tomorrow, don't masturbate either. Basically, if you have a tough goal that seems far out, like doing a nofap run, just remember that you take each day one day at a time, and that each day is one more day towards accomplishing your goal. You'll notice that your sex drive will fluctuate like crazy once you start a nofap run, the first day or two you'll be raring to go, after a few days you'll have no drive, after a week you'll suddenly have drive again. It'll show itself in waves, so each time you get the urge, just stay your hand. The first few days will be rough, especially with sleep, but commit to your goal and take it day by day and you will succeed. I did the same thing but committed to a workout routine this year and haven't missed a single day using this logic. Just stay disciplined and remember that a year of nofap is really just 365 consecutive days that you go through one by one individually, not 365 days of endurance but the endurance of today, then tomorrow, then the next day, one by one.
I want to become a great man. I want to become great at something, yet I can't choose what path to take and I feel lost. The "just pick one thing u like bro ;)" thing is not something I'm able to do. Basically, I don't know what I should do with my life and have to ask to a guy on a Neo Zelandes medieval tapestry appreciation board for counsel.
>>16831929 What other drinks do you have? You could try all kinds of things, you could even try things that aren't edible in the rum that change the flavor. You should experiment and see if you come up with something cool. >>16831940 Easy. You're tangled up pretty good and what you posted certainly doesn't explain your situation well enough for me to dissect, but what I've told everyone else here having relationship issues still holds true: you need to bring up the issues bothering you with your partner. You can use this breakup to confront some of the harder issues in your relationship with her, like how she always wants to move and go on trips but has no job to help pay for these things. You can tell her you feel like you're being used, because it sounds to me like you are, and that you don't want to be used. You can talk about anything, I know you may feel like you can't but you can. Don't let her ride your emotions to high heaven while leaving you alone to deal with the results. Relationships are two sided, and if you're not getting out what you put in, you shouldn't maintain the relationship, even if that means 'betraying her'. BUT. She probably has a lot to talk about too. Don't dominate the conversation. Allow for free expression from both sides, allow her to air out her dirty laundry and make sure you air out yours. Just talk to her and work it out.
>>16831976 >The "just pick one thing u like bro ;)" thing is not something I'm able to do. You're right, you can't just find something you're interested in instantly, and if you're not on a hot streak, you can't just pluck motivation from thin air, like I say here >>16830502. Which is why you must put the work in to figure out exactly what you want to do in life, then put more work in to actually do what you want to do in life. What makes a great man? Well it certainly isn't his hobbies, no it's more his character, his morals, his initiatives. And what are great men good at? Well they certainly aren't adept at being dishonest or undermining others... oh wait that's character, isn't it. It seems to all boil down to character then, huh. But how do you fix character? See the second half of this post >>16831507. See? It's not hard to figure out an approach if you just think about it. Just think about it. You gotta take things more seriously if you want to improve your life. >>16832017 Easy. The military will probably take you. It's not that bad, I've been in for awhile. But if you don't want to go that route, or can't, then try following up on your applications. Call the companies, meet them in person. At 18 years old, really what employers want is initiative and zeal, you gotta play the game to get hired.
I live in eastern europe in a retty small town still with my parentsbecause i'm studying.this year i'm finishing my studies and i dont know what i want to do woth my life. Here in my country i dont have real opportunities here where i lice because the economy is fucked and all jobs that i could apply to are minimum wage (300-350euros) where could i move so i could hvea normal life, so i could afford at leasta normal flat or something.it's not possible here and i feel so miserable and bad about myself. I have a cooking degree and i can speak english , and german pretty well.. i dont know what to do with my life at this point, because even if i work minimum wage job i can't get another job legaly amd i can't get a mortgage and the rent is insane (70-100 euros) for a shithole 1 room apartament amd thats without heating , electricity and food. Not even talking about fuel or unexpected things or buying anything nice.
>>16832043 Easy. Just tell him you like him and try to hang out with him. >>16832057 Easy. Start having discipline. You see, discipline isn't some innate character trait. No, discipline is hard work. Discipline is doing something you know to be right because you know it's right, not because it feels good or makes you happy. Discipline helps you ride out the tough days, and eventually your discipline will bleed initiative into other parts of your life. If you want to build discipline, you need to find something that you know will benefit you and that requires physical strain. Mental strain is another beast entirely, ignore it. I recommend going to the gym. I know you probably shudder at the thought of working out at the gym. I did too when I was thinking about going to the gym, but then I went. And I went again. And again. And I decided I would keep going, that I didn't care what others thought, that I would figure out the best routine to yield the maximum gains. And I'm still going. If you do the same, you'll build discipline, and if you build discipline, you'll feel motivation to do all sorts of things, and if you feel motivation to do all sorts of things, you'll do all sorts of things. See how that works? Everything you want starts with hard work and commitment. It's time to commit.
I've been in this relationship for over a year now and I started because she helped me with a lot of personal issues at the start of our relationship with my porn addiction and such. It's been a fun relationship I enjoy her company, but I feel bad because I know she wants love and I just don't want to give it to her. Some of it I think goes back to my first heartbreak a couple years ago that was a stepping stone into one of the biggest depressions I've ever been in and I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of my life with that girl. but fate had other plans for me and she chose her parents over me and it devastated me. I feel like shes a big reason why I'm not fully expressing myself in my current relationship also I just don't have any intentions of being in love with my current girlfriend, I feel like an ass and I feel bad because shes head over heels for me, but I just have other things on my mind with life and accomplishing my goals that shes not really on my mind most of the time like I am for her, we also have very little in common which bothers me a bit. I feel bad if I break up with her because our moms are best friends and she helped me with one of the darkest times in my life so I sort of feel obligated to stay, but I just don't feel much for the relationship like she does, I just see it as something fun to do and I enjoy her company, but she didn't like the way I see it when I told her today. I know it sounds like i'm repeating myself a lot or sound like an ass, I usually don't ask for advice or anything, but I'm feeling really lost in this situation and I would love some guidance.
>>16832098 Yes, you can. If things go bust, resulting in you getting embarrassed, or things being awkward, you just move on to other girls. I guarantee you that if things go bust that you were not really all that important to her anyway and that she won't think about you a lot, even in class. It's better to try than to let the feeling swell up inside you, trust me. This girl that I see every day was really into me over a year ago back and I kinda cast her off because I wasn't interested, it wasn't awkward at all and now she's married to a great guy. We all just pick ourselves up when we fall, but maybe you won't fall at all. >>16832157 Easy. You pack up once you're done with school and move to a place with opportunity. Don't let family ties keep you stuck in a place where you aren't happy. Take your skills, the clothes on your back, and whatever money you can save up and just go somewhere. Throw caution to the wind. At the end of the day, even if you fail by not finding work, you always have a family to support you that you can return to. It's like climbing a ladder, you can get to the top where you're happy but you have to take it a step at a time.
>>16832186 Easy. Forget the girl from a few years ago, she doesn't matter anymore, and focus on your partner. She obviously cares about you, and you know she cares about you. She's stuck with you through your depression and porn addiction. I don't know what you did today, and it doesn't matter, whatever is broken needs to be fixed and you need to give her the care she deserves. Take her out, go do crazy things, enjoy your youth, stop living with regrets, stop letting your past hold you back, simply put from now on there is only today and tomorrow and the next day. A lot of people would kill for a girlfriend that actually cares about them. You're in a great spot and there is only open road in front of you. >>16832234 I replied to you here >>16831507, the guy who posted the link to the wiki wasn't me. >>16832239 Easy. Just stop stagnating. There's plenty to learn and do and experience in the world, really too much to do in a lifetime. You should try to do as much as you can before you die. Maybe you'll find something you really enjoy, who knows.
>>16832170 I don't shudder at the thought of going to gym, I used to regularly go to the gym however due to studies the time, opportunity and motivation just disappeared completely. Other than that I understand that I have to build it and I want to start gym up again and bring back that good feeling of improving step by step. But I understand your POV and thanks I'll try that. I appreciate it. Ty
>>16830291 How do you learn to chill the fuck out? To not feel like you're making a mistake every waking moment of your life? It's to the point where I'll take something seemingly minor such as bumping my head or dropping something as validation of how shit I am, like it was something I deserved rather than it just being a matter of not watching what I was doing. I also tend to blame myself for most things going wrong even if the thing isn't entirely in my control. Can't even feel confident enough to look for work cause all I think is I'll fuck everything up and only waste people's time. Speaking of which I'm 26 and living at home, want to get my shit together and I'm figuring my mode of thinking is probably the first step.
>>16830291 There's this girl who I know something like 10 years, (I'm 19 so that's quite something) and we've never really been close. However, I like her but never really made any moves; I didn't think she liked me as more than a friend until she started making some obvious moves by the end of high school. I however was too much of a socially inept retard and basically denied her by constantly dodging her invitations so to speak. It's not that I didn't want it, but I was too much of a fucking autist or something, I dunno, I was just freaked out. I'm not the best at social interaction, as far as I'm aware no girl before her was interested in me.
Now we're both in different universities and have not talked to (or even seen) each other for one and a half years, and I've contacted her again but she's basically doing to me now what I did back then: "I'm kinda busy these days, maybe in a few weeks", "Oh you don't need to come over we'll just talk online".
Now I'm in doubt about what to do. I know she's actually very busy so maybe it's just legit. She doesn't have someone else afaik, so that couldn't be it.
Basically I'm not sure where to go from here. I could wait until she 'has time' whether that's legit or not, and maybe come over in a month or two. But I feel like I should act now, instead of letting things die down again.
Am I just being impatient? Did I fuck up? What do I do?
>>16832322 Easy. See the first bit of advice here >>16830607. Put yourself in situations that you're most anxious of first, and when you fuck up, pick yourself up and carry on. It's like learning to take a punch, once you know you can you aren't afraid of it anymore. >>16832325 Well my advice still applies, haircuts aren't all that functional and quality isn't measurable so other people's words aren't that reliable (since it's more opinion based). Specifically for this case, I'd say go for cheap, but even then you could go for a long term cheapness by buying a clipper and cutting your own hair. >>16832336 Easy. Move on. Find someone at your school instead. Keep in touch with the other girl but she made a last ditch effort in high school before she gave up entirely. I know you don't want to move on but I promise you that nothing good will come from trying to revitalize a long-term relationship that fell apart due to indifference, and not only revitalize it, but take it to the next level. It won't work. We all lose close friends after high school, it's just the nature of things. We go on to different careers and meet plenty of new people. You'll feel worse if you embarrass yourself by forcing a relationship back together and she casually dismisses it.
>>16832527 Easy. Prioritize work and play. Do work first, then play. Play is a lot more satisfying when the work has been done, so if you just do the work first, you can come back here with no regrets- but you will more likely go other places than here if you do your work first because, over a period of time doing work first, you will become more proactive and decide to do more active things.
>about to start antidepressants because of loneliness and things that come with it >force myself to go out for a few months and finally meet a girl who I like >she lives 3 hours away working a horrible job and wants to move here >go out when she comes here for interviews, 2 times now >second date goes really well >maybe see her once a month until she gets a job
>dont understand why she likes me >really feel unlovable no matter what she does >chatting online is awkward and anxious as shit
Fuck why can't she just be here? I never realized how much I hate talking online. Things will never be good no matter what happens to me, I just can't be happy. It feels like it's a part of me that is gone. The only comfort I feel is the reassurance that I can start taking antidepressants but I'm too anxious to start. I already have low libido and it's supposed to lower it even more.
I just feel like such a mess. I don't even know what I'm asking but fuck I want to stop feeling so bad.
I'm can't last a day without fapping. I start with regular porn and now at extreme bondage and some other fetish I would not like to speak of. I have tried for months to stop but I can't and it's starting to ruin my life. But i'm not suicide so that about as good as life is right now.
I have a gf who was my first everything and now I don't know if I should move on to know more of the world or stick with this person I love. It feels like my life is already decided for me if I stay with her and I kind of panic. I love her, but I don't know if I should just cut loose...
>>16832629 Easy. Don't take the antidepressants, you don't need them. What you need is to stop telling yourself you aren't worth it and stop placing so much emphasis on getting this girl. You know that the relationship could fall apart, you know that showing her that you're down on your luck isn't going to go over well and may compromise things, and in reality you understand that you're not shitty, but you haven't yet made the connection that telling yourself you're not good enough is bad. If you don't like chatting online, then don't. You can date coworkers, people with same hobbies, people on dating apps, or people in nightclubs. You can really do anything. You just gotta stop telling yourself you're shit. Read the second bit of advice here >>16830460 but change anger to anxiety, if you follow that bit of advice you can fix everything. Seriously. >>16832630 Easy. For one day, every time you feel the urge, do something to get your heart rate up like pushups or going for a jog. The urge will go away, at least temporarily. If you can beat one day, then you can beat the next day and the next. >>16832633 No, you need to have a short conversation first. If she's aware of your presence for more than a few hours, then you need to talk first before asking for contact info because she'll wonder why you waited if you don't talk first. Conversation will take the initial edge off and improve your chances.
>college freshman, 3.7 gpa >adhd (inb4 big pharma shill, it's legit) >depression, general and social anxiety >trouble staying on meds, smoking weed every day, starting to fall into "social" opiate use in order to not be nervous >having trouble responding socially, letting my friends/girlfriend melt away >want to move out but have no motivation or money to my name >grades slipping
What do? I booked an appointment with school paychiatrists, but I have to wait a month. I only rarely enjoy life anymore, and feel thoroughly unlikable and obviously retarded. I can only judge other people and automatically assume others are judging me just as harshly. My life is going upwards but I don't know why I'm even bothering with it, I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my life.
>>16832643 Easy. It's too rude to tell him to fuck off and it's not strong enough to imply he's not welcome, so you need to outweird him. When you two are semi-alone, you need to freak him out. I suggest adopting a tick, or being annoying and awkward to him. Then he'll lose interest and take initiative to end the weird parasitic relationship you got going on. >>16832646 Easy. See >>16832615. You can come back here when you're done. >>16832709 Easy. Make efforts to hang out with coworkers or classmates. If you don't have either, take up new interests like going to the gym or to the bar and meet people there. You know how to make friends so just do it.
I moved to a new state away from my gf until she was done with school. We broke up. I'm a wreck and need someone to talk to. I haven't been able to make any friends here and all my previous friends couldn't care less about me. I try to stay occupied but I'm poor so I can't really go out, I'm sore from work so I can't really work out. I can't stop thinking about her and its making me really anxious.
>>16832737 Easy. Take her along as you explore the world. There's no need to cut ties with her. Also it's more fun to have someone you care about along for the ride that is life. >>16832826 Easy. Stop smoking weed and don't let yourself fall out of position. You're in a good spot right now but you've got a long way to go. The weed may feel like a good way to deal with depression and anxiety, but it's not. You're just avoiding confrontation with your depression. If you stop smoking weed and work hard in school, you know you will end up confronting things, and that may lead to more depression, but the depression you confront will have become temporary. It will go away as you do well in school and gain motivation for other aspects of your life, like being good to your friends and family and even to not judging others harshly. If you stop the weed use and work hard in school, you will force yourself to confront your problems in a healthy way, and with hard work, you will overcome your depression and anxiety.
>>16832842 Easy. Post on 4chan a bunch when you're away from social scenarios and make friends at your job and outside your job when you can. Offload your feelings in random posts here then meet new people in real life. >>16832858 Easy. Hang out with potentials and make moves while hanging out. Avoid formal dating and pursue intimate relations and you'll have yourself a FWB.
>>16832820 You're very right. The only reason things went so well when I met her is because I didn't really care about anything to a degree where I was still being myself. I was a little tipsy too so maybe it lowered my anxiety on top of that. Is it weird if I don't chat with her though? Her job is seriously the worst thing ever for her. I don't know I've been isolated for a very long time. It's funny, sometimes I just think to myself, man I'm so awesome. How come nobody likes me?
The antidepressants are quite weak apparently, and it's supposed to help with anxiety mostly. I wasn't going to tell her about it. I'm going to 2 therapists and before I met her they both said I should take it. I haven't told the second one about her yet but the first one is maybe a little hesitant about whether or not I should take it now.
Telling myself that I'm not worth it has always been encouraging for me to push myself harder to accomplish things that I desire. Of course this doesn't work so well in social situations though. I guess I'm at the point where I'm trying to separate those feelings.
I guess for now I'll focus on caring less and continuing to go out and meet people. Thanks for the advice.
>>16832894 >Post on 4chan a bunch when you're away from social scenarios This is what I've been doing since I moved here and it doesn't help. I frequent /mu/ and /lit/ and I haven't had any interest in either since the breakup because I can't get out of my head.
I'm somewhat newer to /adv/ but I don't really feel much better after venting here. The last time I met someone new, it was an older guy outside a bookstore and we talked about Italy. This was before the breakup. Now even thinking of that makes me feel like shit because she was the one who took me to Italy.
Cant find happiness in my life. Have a gf. Have friends. But just dont give a shit about anything. Living my life for others. Pretend to be happy and moronic in my social life.Imagine myself in a different world. One thats better. So, as the Beatles song goes, Help! I need somebody!
>Has a recent broken arm >Takes strong pain killers for the pain >Had a drink one night and some slut across the country >Starts snapping her on snapchat and then I made a sexually joke about her >She says no because she has a bf >Ask about her sister jokingly >Knew she had a sister but I always thought she was older >She goes nuts and starts going mental because her sister is 13 >She tells me she's going to report me to the cops and then blocks me. I know it's a douche bag move on my part but literally it was a sort of joke.
>3 weeks later and nothing's happened Am I in the clear?
>>16832885 Sex isn't much different between girls. Plus, one faithful girl can get to know your tendencies and better please you. But if you're desperate for sex with other girls, then throw this girl away like an idiot. You'll eventually find a few. You'll also probably be really upset that you threw the one girl that actually cares for you away at an age where most people get married. >>16832895 Easy. I'll give you a goal, and you eat breakfast every morning at the time you want to get up. Your goal is to become healthy by spring break of 2017 so you can go out to the coast and party, and to do that, you need to work out and eat right. So it's time for a gym membership and healthy foods. If you stick to a breakfast schedule, no matter how little sleep you get, your body will adjust and you will feel more inclined to sleep when you want. By sticking to these goals, you'll fix these specific problems, and motivation will bleed into other aspects of your life. >>16832904 You just need to delay until you make actual friends in real life. It's not healthy to be down on your luck for a long time and 4chan can help you forget, even if just for a little while.
>>16832907 Easy. See the second bit of advice here >>16832875, aside from the weed part if you don't do weed. Essentially you need to work hard in your career and see results, from those results you'll build motivation and that motivation will bleed into other aspects of your life like friends, gf, etc. >>16832908 Yeah you're good, you didn't do anything wrong, she's the one that took it out of hand.
I feel like my family is lying to me. There is some kind of conspiracy in my household going on and I believe it will end up in my death. I overhear them, talking about things I can never truly hear. My father calls me curse words with a whisper, sometimes I try to catch them, but his voice is too low. I feel my father hates me and there is something going on that no one will tell me about. My mother laments too me and yet, when I ask her about it, she disregards it with "I don't know what you are talking about."
I'm at a point of insanity that I might have to buy a gun and defend myself if the time comes. I think my family has been lying to me this whole time. Something I've done, but can't seem to remember what it could be.
Its getting so far that I'll have to murder them all. I'm losing my mind.
>>16832952 Easy. Talk is just talk, especially behind closed doors. People can talk shit all they want, there's nothing you can do about it, nothing you can correct, nothing worth anything coming out of that kind of behavior. They're just empty words meant to spread hate and divide us. You have already proactively confronted them about it and they've denied doing it, so there's nothing to be done on your end. If they're actually talking shit and not fessing up, they're cowards. They're not worth your time or your anger. But I imagine you might have just misunderstood what's going on. You might be right, but even so, it doesn't matter. You have better things to do than willingly load the implied hate of others onto your own shoulders. Don't take shit until they're actively throwing it, you know?
20 and terrified of intimacy perpetuated by the fact that I've never had a serious relationship which im afraid to try because Im afraid of intimacy. Like the idea of letting someone into my life seems apocalyptic but at the same time im craving tht connection. My life is definitely unbalanced without it. Social skills are fine really but there are certain lines of conversation that just make me freeze up with anxiety. I have a complex about never having had a relationship too.
>>16833004 Easy. Convert them by lovingly confronting them on a case by case basis. Continue to get close like usual, but when they have an outburst, confront them by asking why they're reacting like that. Apply time to this process and eventually you'll have someone on your hands that isn't as cold. You may not like the new them, though. >>16833014 Easy. Choose a target, preferably a girl you've talked to before, then express interest and try to date. It will be awkward at first but like I say in the first bit of advice here >>16830607, the best way to overcome fear is to just take the plunge. You'll move on with a better understanding and less fear of the initial steps to an intimate relationship if you fail, or a date and potential girlfriend if you succeed. Repeat until you acquire a girlfriend.
How do I get myself into gym again? I've stopped going for 3 months and put on nearly 2 stone and went up to 20%bf and I'm miserable yet I don't feel guilty for some reason. I am also hungry all the time with a strong craving for food...thanks in advance.
I need to calm down. I am burning with rage right now after I found out that my gf was a victim of sexual abuse when she was 8 years old till 10. She never told anybody except me. I feel guilty because I might have done some things that made her remember the things she went through. How do I handle this? I wanna kill the asshole that did this to her. I love her so much and I want her to be happy.
>>16833209 Easy. You just go. You can use your appetite to bulk, too. >>16833223 If you're fat, losing weight will help a smidgeon, but noses are, well, nosetoriously difficult to change.... get it? >>16833242 Easy. Funnel your anger into getting huge so you can kick anybody's ass that tries to fuck with your girlfriend again and destroy the guy that abused her before.
Alright folks, OP here. The thread was fun but I have a really important test tomorrow afternoon that I have to focus on. Sorry if the last few posts from me were kind of bland, getting ready for bed. If the thread is still up tomorrow night (in like 20 hours or so) I'll respond to the posts made while I was gone.
>>16833293 I am a skinny guy so it might take a while. How do I handle this emotionally? I feel devastated that somebody took advantage of her and treated her like shit. How do I go on comforting her? We just had sex for the first time and im afraid it will be awkward and uncomfortable for her because of her past experiences when we do it again. We havent talked about it yet since im at work. What should I do?
I got back together with my ex but now I'm not sure if I love him anymore. He's my favourite person to spend time with and I care about him so much but now I just feel numb when we're together. it's like I'm just playing along rather than having genuine emotions. I can see our future together and I know he loves me, how do I make myself love him again?
I'm still attracted to a girl I met online almost 3 years ago. For most of those years, she was pretty much the only person I actively talked to.
I told her in the past and a few weeks from dropping contact with her that I was infatuated with her and her reaction was "stop being bored". A few months ago she said something I found extremely offensive, so I dropped contact with her. She apologized for making me upset, but I didn't reply.
So now I'm stuck all alone, trying to live an uneventful life, often remembering her and wishing that if I were to try and contact her, she'd take me more seriously. Even if I do get in touch with her, long distance relationships don't usually work, especially when between people from different countries.
While I'd be happy with just talking to her, hearing about her crushes makes me jealous and heartbroken. I miss her.
I seem to hate 99.9% of all people. I have come to believe that the human race is plain shit, destined to fail if nothing changes about us drastically.
I lived in a lot of different places as a kid (22 y/o now) and I've met a lot of 'different' people. Yet a depressing majority of people everywhere are 'the same', they're basically mixtures of the same basic, obvious stereotypes. People exhibit the same critical flaws that make me unable to respect them no matter the country. They're simply put full of shit.
I used to mostly hang out with burnouts, druggies and social rejects (rejected due to their weirdness/virginity/depression), because I noticed that being full of shit seems to be contagious and small groups with no ties to the 'norm' are less likely to be affected.
But I got fed up of drugs, I couldn't continue the burnout lifestyle and so I'm not meeting anymore people this way (it was fun). I couldn't continue putting up the effort for some of my most depressed friends, so those bridges have fallen. I've already been alone before (happens to travelling kids) and I feel it coming on again. The more I age the less chance I feel of a genuine person appearing in my social circles. I'm at uni now, but I worked during the summer and I absolutely hated my workplace and being surrounded by older corpo-drones.
I'm literally planning to do a Master's degree just to stay at uni for a year longer. I hope that the time will either be enough to meet someone genuine and get close with them, or to charge me up enough to bounce off to another country and start from 0 again.
But I'm afraid of living surrounded by ungenuine people. I need people in my life who either understand me, or can be trusted, or who I can respect.
>>16830291 No will do to anything, staying home all day doing nothing on internet. No job, got kicked from university, and I'm 24. Memory problems, Attention Defíct Disorder, and depressed.
I don't think it can be fixed anymore, since it already happened, but what I do so his stop happening? I feel like killing myself lately, family always except the best of me, and I can't live to this expectations because I'm a fail as human being.
How can I get over intimate feelings over a good friend that I see in person daily to do work/academic reasons without shutting them out.
We've recently discussed this and we know how each other feel about this and it seems to have greatly improve our friendship.
While I am happy that I have finally gotten some clarity and no longer have to worry about what they think about me, I still am feeling sad and feel as if I've lost the only chance to be something more than friends with someone I consider perfect for me.
I struggle with decision making. I seem to be caught up in a "grass is greener" mentality, and have a fear of missing out. It's amazing that I can even get dressed in the morning. I also get trapped in "analysis paralysis" because I overthink absolutely everything.
What makes it even harder is that I don't have an emotional compass that other people seem to rely on. I am largely neutral to most things and have a hard time getting emotionally attached or invested. I'm worried about making wrong choices to some degree but I think I worry more about what I'll miss out on once I commit to a choice.
Examples: I can't decide on a career path. I can't even decide what jobs to apply for in the interim. I have many skills and interests. I can't decide who to date. Lately I've gone on many dates with many girls and I can't choose who to focus on and who to let go.
I've been in this holding pattern for a while and it seems to be getting worse. I feel paralyzed, trapped in an invisible cage of my own making
I don't know who to vote for in America's current election. I'm 27, dirt poor, no job, no real education, or social life to speak of and kinda scared of everything. I just want a way to have a decent job, get a home and maybe finally find the mental strength needed to become sociable and a functioning person besides being a work horse. Yet it seems like none of the candidates seem very interested in stuff like that.
On a more personal matter, how do I get over my fear of the world? I'm scared of people, scared of being wrong, scared of being not good enough and not able to keep up with everyone. It's a fear that's kept me single, virgin, lonely and full of depressing monologues and at least 1 suicide attempt.
I've been in love with of my best friends since the fourth grade, she was my first "real friend" and I am finally starting to try to get with her instead of hiding my feelings, because I know now that she csnt be replaced. But I don't know how she feels about me
>>16830291 How do I find my purpose in life when I know everything we do is all in vain. We have highs and that should be enough, but even then there is that looming darkness that terrifies me so much that I focus on all of the things that make me happy and not important. Thank you for answering all of our questions by the way. It's refreshing to see good people on 4chan.
>>16833593 Assuming you're female, a lot of guys actually prefer cuter and more petite women nowadays. I myself have even been chasing after my adorable best friend for the last ten years, she's flat, barely curvy and about a foot shorter than me and I can't get enough of it
I can never shake this gut feeling that my girlfriend of almost 6 years is cheating on me or wants to cheat on me. I had to spend nearly 30 minutes explaining to her why she shouldn't talk to my best friend who wants to be with her. There were other instances of other men messaging her consistently, when i ask her if she told them we are dating she said only in person but never again. She also sexted one of my close friends, i found out and began to question leaving out details and she lied until the very end. She refused to give me a reason until 6 months later, the reason "I was just getting something from him i wasn't getting from you i guess". She has also been very detached.
I know this is a longer post but i really need some perspective, or advice on this.
I'm chronically ill with no accomplishments and no friends and I can't think of any reason why I shouldn't just die. My life is a pain in the ass even to me and my existence is only possible because of a shitload of expensive medication. What do
I'm addicted to the internet but if I stop visiting it during all my free time I have no friends to do shit with And I acted like a fucking autist around my flatmates yesterday so I don't really feel very hopeful about being able to socialize or restoring my image of a normal human bean Also I have no hobbies or interests, I'm not even very interested in my uni course but I'm probably more interested in it than any other subject here before you say I chose the wrong course It's just not enough to do any outside reading on it which I'm expected to it at this level
OP here, back for a bit, test is in a bit over an hour, just here to get my mind off it. >>16833353 You don't need to do much. Just continue being there for her and try not to remind her of it. When you start working out, don't tell her the real reason you're doing it. You know why you're doing it. >>16833383 Easy. Push yourself to do things for your partner, like cook or whatever makes him happy. Over time it will feel more natural and more right to do things for him and you will feel more attracted to him. >>16833411 Easy. Start putting your resume out there for a new job and definitely tell her what's going on. You don't want to surprise her and she can help you cope with losing anything in general.
>>16833453 Easy. You just miss being in a relationship, not necessarily her. You've put her on a pedestal in your mind and made her the only viable option. Finding a new girl will solve your issues and help you forget about her. If it were me, I wouldn't want to stick around with someone who offends me and belittles me, but maybe you do. I'm joking, of course. Find someone new. >>16833459 Easy. I assume you're not the rare case of having no family, so you should use family as your safety net of sorts while you travel. Revitalize ties with them. If you don't have family, like really don't have family i.e. orphaned, or only relatives are dead, then you're in a different case. Don't consider family out unless you're truly not able to reconnect, the stuff I said previously is my advice if you still can reconnect (even if it's hard and you feel really estranged), but if you truly don't have a family to turn to, you should consider the following: would it kill you to be less critical of others? Everyone has problems and everyone copes with their problems in their own way. People who have similar problems often find their way to one another and form groups, like you said. So maybe, just maybe, you should find people with the same problems as you? Essentially what I'm trying to tell you, if you don't have family to turn to, is to find a new family. Every family has problems but people with the same problems understand each other. Don't look for certain traits of 'basicness' in people your age, most people haven't had enough time to flesh out into actual people so it's not surprising things are this way, just look for people with the same concerns (a lot of people share the thought that people are shitty). You'll be hard pressed to find someone up to your standards, especially at 22.
I just broke up with a girlfriend of almost three years because I don't love her as much as she loves me and I felt dishonest and guilty anytime she showed her love for me. I'm trying to search deep down to find my feelings for her again but they arent there. Nothing triggered this, I don't want to be with another women, yet I still feel guilty and regret what I did.
She moved in at the beginning of this year and I'm giving her time to figure out where she's going live because I care about her well being.
How do I stay strong and continue with the path I've taken? I know she loves she very much and will probably try to win me back.
>>16833466 Easy. You're in the same boat as a guy in the thread earlier. Follow the second bit of advice here >>16830502 and you'll solve your issues. You do want to make your life better. You want to improve your standing and do cool things and such, and you know how to make it better. The only problem is doing it. So, you just do it. Because you want to fix things and it's killing you slowly not to fix them. What is holding you back? Fear of the unknown? Fear of progress? Fear of achievement? Fear of being motivated? What has been holding you back? It's you. It's you just not doing it, even though you want to do it. So just make your life better. The road is long but it isn't arduous. Just do it. >>16833467 Easy. Find someone else to be your partner. A relationship with your 'soulmate' won't work out, so why do you keep considering it? You can just find someone else to be with, that will actually love you and care for you, that over time you will find you care for as well. >>16833507 Easy. See the first reply in this post. You are also in the same boat. So many people hold themselves back for no reason. There's no rhyme or reason for it so why keep holding yourself back? Just take on your goals. You'll feel much better when you do.
>>16833550 Easy. Vote for Bernie Sanders. He is looking to pass a bill for free college tuition at community college. I imagine you've graduated high school, if not, get your GED, but you can attend community college for a nursing degree, and if you work hard, you can get into nursing, and over time other positions in the hospital will open up. My mom was a nurse and now she fixes paperwork for doctors and makes ~60k/yr, and she got her nursing degree in community college. In the meantime, you can apply for federal loans to help you pay for college, but really what you have to do first is find a job. So you find a job while applying for loans to college, then you work full time and go to college full time working your ass off, come out of it with a nursing degree, get hired to a serious job, and start building your career off that. You got this. Just knuckle down and take initiative. It sounds like a lot, and it is, but I believe in you. The path is clear. >>16833574 Easy. Tell her your feelings and attempt to date her. On the off chance that you fail, you will find someone else, and they'll be awesome, trust me, I know. >>16833584 Easy. Go to the gym and work your legs and butt through squatting. Men love legs and butt. If you want to go the artificial route, get implants. Men love boobs. Sexy is curvy and cute is not so curvy. Essentially you need to get curvy, and to get curvy, you need to exercise.
>>16833599 Easy. It's time to forget the notion that the time before life and the time after death exists to you. It doesn't. Your 'in-vain' efforts only exist to you in your perspective, and in the now, as you are still cognitive, they matter. Your decisions have weight, they make an impact on your life and the world around you, and they can not be ignored. It's the same problem as having a set of numbers, like 1-10, and saying they don't matter because there's an infinite amount of numbers and numbers don't even really exist. But numbers help us make calculations that help us improve our lives in things like physics and engineering. Basically you just need to think relatively and selfishly. Nothing matters before you die, nothing matters after you die, it's what you do now that counts. And you can do so much now if you just put your mind to it. >>16833713 Follow the second bit of advice here >>16830460 and the advice here >>16830518 and you will overcome your self-hate issues. >>16834030 Easy. Leave her. She insulted you straight up with no remorse by telling you that she was getting something from the other guy that she wasn't getting from you. That's plenty to genuinely end a relationship on, no one will question that. You will find someone who is better to you. You should also consider taking on more in life to improve yourself so others practically beg to be with you and not pull this shit.
OP here, don't think I did too bad on the test today, have another test tomorrow though but not too worried about that one. >>16834053 Easy. I can't help you solve the constantly-in-pain issue BUT if you follow all of the advice in this post >>16831380 (and the advice linked within) you should be able to solve all your other problems. >>16834938 >>16834934 You, my friend... you are in the midst of a huge decision. Taking her offer will change everything for you. Declining will leave a bruise and change little else. You know all of the factors of both decisions and understand that the decision you make is something you won't be willing to change once made. You are ready to commit. So, really, what advice can I give? Do I tell you to go to her, live an insane life full of complexity, and fully take in the beauty of youthful spirit? Or do I tell you to live the mundane, safe life with a more stable future in a place you are familiar? I can't tell you, that, my friend, is up to you. But I can tell you that I had a similar choice, and that I had the same fears, and I ended up choosing a life away from home- a life that I've found myself to thoroughly enjoy. It's certainly different, and much more involved, but it's a breath of fresh air. It's a breath of fresh air that I needed, one that got me out of my boring ass life and opened up my future. If I knew you, I could probably tell you what you would want. But you know what results from both choices, so in all actuality, I can only really say that either way, you'll work hard and do great things, you'll meet obstacles and overcome them all the same.
I just can't talk about anything fluently because I don't have an interesting life so I basically have no subjects to talk about, I'm also lonley and don't have a gf and have never had one maybe because of this but maybe because I'm ugly, who knows.
>>16834946 Easy. Find a date during the day and date during the day. Stay at your date's home or your place during the night. >>16835198 Easy. Attempt relationships excluding your roommates and work hard in school even though you don't feel like it. You will be around your roommates so as long as you don't act like an autist around them, your image will improve with them. Try and meet people in class and hang out with them. Think of the internet as a temporary space to occupy your time as you transition off it and start hanging out with people. As you're improving your social life, work your ass off in school. It won't pay off now but it will later, seriously. Succeeding will bring you motivation, and that motivation will bleed into other aspects of your life, giving you the desire to do things like go to the gym or go attend parties or pick up other hobbies and just improve your life in general. You have a ton of opportunity here. >>16835201 Easy. Each day, do some really simple task like doing 10 pushups. Do this for like 2 or 3 weeks. Sometime in that period, you will start to want to do more pushups. Don't. Just do 10 pushups every time. On days where you don't want to do 10 pushups, tell yourself to fuck off and do 10 anyway since 10 pushups aren't hard and can be done in like 30 seconds. Then when you're done with those 2 or 3 weeks, allow yourself to do more pushups daily. Or switch to something else. Essentially what you'll experience during those 2-3 weeks is willpower, the will to take on more, but you're going to temper that feeling by still doing the 10 pushups every day. Once your willpower is matured, focus it into other parts of your life. **Consciously do less than what you can in all aspects of your life for a few months** and I guarantee you'll feel much more willing to do things as time goes on.
>>16835510 Easy. I doubt that you actually don't want to be with someone, that you're actually just scared of commitment and having your heart broken, but if you really need an avenue to solidify your decision, find something to get your mind off it like a new hobby or going to the gym. Time tempers all decisions and getting your mind off the initial consequences of your decisions is the best way to deal with the initial regret. I imagine your regret of leaving this girl will come back, though, and there's nothing you can do to prevent that. Sorry. >>16835609 Easy. Stay with your current girlfriend. Studies have shown that girls are more interested in men who are in relationships than not. Don't let random girls rip you from your current girlfriend, those kinds of people will not only try to rip you from her but also tear you up on the inside. >>16836221 Easy. I too thought the conversation topic thing was a problem, until I realized that 95% of conversations are about nothing at all. Not knowing shit is very common, but if you're insistent on discussing actual things, what you should do is learn things about what you're interested in and meet people with the same interests to talk with. On top of that, just have an idea of what's happening in the news and you should be good for conversation topics. For gf and friends, just talk to people about anything. Talk to them about where you guys are, what you guys are doing, etc. You can pull just about any topic from thin air. Overthinking things just complicates things, talk about what's on your mind and make an effort to date girls and you'll find yourself with friends and gf in no time.
I'm not close to anyone, not even family. There's no prospect to finding a new girl to text that will settle with just the right level of intimacy as this one. No sexting, no constant picture exchange, intelligent conversation rather than gibberish over text, while being somewhat silly at times over Mumble for comedic relief.
I do wish she had talked to me more. That's one thing I failed to get from her: spending time with me. We watched movies I streamed and Anime now and then, but that was it. It was my idea of date, and I was happy with it.
I think I do miss her. I wasn't in a romantic relationship more than I was friends with her, and now that I don't have that anymore, I'm sad.
She didn't insult me or treat me badly constantly. She was a wonderful person most of the time. I stopped talking to her because it was the fourth or fifth time she'd let me down, others being hiding things discussed with her friends about me, etc. Last time she was just very insensitive.
>>16836277 Sorry m8 already been through heartbreak in a previous ltr and it was shit but I came out a better man. This time though I just feel completely blank to my girlfriend. Shes great for me in almost every way, yet I found myself not caring about her and not wanting to talk/be around her. I felt incredibly dishonest acting like I still loved her that I had breaking point randomly Saturday night and couldn't even kiss her without feeling like an ass.
We had so many plans for the future together and I wanted them to happen so now I'm upset at myself for letting myself lose my feelings towards her and for telling her there was nothing she could fix last night. Already regretting it incredibly hard.
I suffer from panic and anxiety now also depression came on.
I need to seek help, but my problem is although I am over 18 I'm still insured with my parents for the duration of university. I have top tier insurance but I don't think I can talk to parents about that stuff without having them shrug it off or telling me to apply myself and get my shit together. They have to know it since my father needs to apply the therapy at the insurance company and only he can do it. Already called up the insurance and they confirmed he has to hand in the bills to get the refund. I can pay from my own pocket because its 100€ per 50 minutes.
I even asked this a clinic and what they could do about it but they ignored me and even ignored the second mail with a receiving confirmation.
I am getting worse by the day, uni is suffering under this and the suicidal thoughts are rising.
I've finished college and made one friend the entire time I was there. That friend and I haven't done anything together in about 6 months and neither of us seems interested. My only friend left in my life is now seeing someone and has less and less time to spend with me.
Anyways, I need friends, but I work a 9-5 and don't know how to meet new people. I tried going to a game development club but most people there are socially awkward and can't carry a conversation for shit.
All my coworkers think that I'm relatively normal and not desperately alone in real life.
I spent 90% of this last weekend in my bedroom, on leaving for a few hours to buy Fire Emblem.
I'm studying first year of college to become a welder here in norway. The thing is that i suck at math, like really suck. And all i want is to know enough to become a welder. I cant even measure and find the center on a sheet of metal. Calculations using the head is non existent. Always had fear/ problems with math trough all these years.(lack of help).Im 21 years old. Only now found my dream profession. I dont want to return home a failure again. I want to start living.
>>16830291 2nd year college student. I'm at a big state uni and am already 20,000 in debt, but I'm really pretty depressed and unmotivated. I originally came for accounting but now have no interest in finishing a four year degree. I really like the idea of returning to my home town to get a degree in sonography or radiography and make decent money and be close to my friends and family. No clue what to do. I'm also partially concerned about disappointing my parents by not getting a four year degree, although id still be the first in my family with anything past high school diploma. Advice?
>>16830291 My mom thinks I need therapy because I don't talk to anyone in our family or want to be around them. Honestly they're all gossipy fucks who I can't trust with anything and are seriously judgemental. I don't think there's anything really wrong with me, I may be a little antisocial, I have a gf who I've been with for two years now, a job, I've got a small group of friends I talk to regularly. She cites me not wanting to do much after work as another reason I need therapy, when in reality, my friends are never doing much, and more often than not my gf just comes over to my house to hang out since we're both pretty broke and she has a ton of family at her house. How can I get her to back off? Tl;dr, mom thinks I need therapy, i think I'm pretty normal how do I get her to back off?
>>16836362 No you don't get it. I'm saying that you don't have any other choice. You MUST forget this girl. You must move on. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. She will continue to walk all over you. You will continue to get frustrated. There will be no end. You are infatuated with her. Give up. Find someone new. I'm serious. You can take my advice, or you can run back to her and get abused. Your choice. >>16836548 God, both you and the guy I'm replying to above, shit. You're just the opposite of him. Leave her and you'll feel alright for awhile but you'll swing back and regret it, hard. >>16836680 Easy. Just ask your parents and don't let them get away with belittling you. I'd just tell you to follow first advice of >>16830607 and second advice of >>16830502 and second advice of >>16830460 to effectively solve your anxiety and depression issues, but you've taken the initiative to rule out that option for yourself. Even though it's the best option.
>>16836706 Easy. Organize a group hangout with a few friends from work. By the way, most adults only have friends from work, and maybe one or two left over from the past. It's normal for working adults. >>16836721 You don't need a hobby to meet people. See the post above me. If you're not working then you're in school so hang with schoolmates. If you're not in either then you have bigger priorities than making friends. >>16836727 Easy. Hang out with people who have autism. Then you seem normal. Joking aside, I can't help you.
I've been trying to. It feels lonely when something happens that I want to share or talk about with someone. There's a group chat I sometimes post things to, but people seldom reply, even more so discuss.
I guess I'll try finding online friends. Thanks, OP.
>>16836777 Easy. Knuckle down and learn math, even though you don't want to. You should always strengthen your weaknesses, this is true for all parts of life but especially true for your career. You should know your way in and out of every aspect of your job by the time you graduate college, and that includes math. If you don't, then you've certainly wasted time while in school, you're supposed to learn how to do your job while in school then graduate and do your job. Skipping shit you're bad at is grounds for never making it. >>16836833 Easy. Follow your dreams and don't try to impress your parents. This is your life, do what makes you happy, not what people want you to do, even family. >>16836973 Easy. Make plans with friends and tell your mom that sentencing you to therapy will do no one good and that it'll create more problems than it will solve. Because it won't do anyone good, and it will create more problems than it will solve. If you honestly think you're antisocial, then you just need to do the opposite and follow the second bit of advice here >>16830460 except change anger to antisocial behavior.
>>16837032 It's not a term of endearment. Just don't feel like you will be judged for not having friends, ok. Don't let that feeling hold you back, it won't do you any good, that was what I was trying to convey. >>16837033 Easy. See first bit of advice here >>16830607 and you'll gain initiative and lose the feeling of being trapped. >>16837034 You should probably find some real friends in real life and a real girlfriend in real life.
>>16837037 Easy. Follow the first bit of advice here >>16832837 and you'll successfully fend her off. >>16837040 Easy. Meet people and don't reveal your power level ever again. They will slowly convert you. Just don't fight it and you'll realize that you were truly just too critical and that people aren't that bad.
After finding out I have a mutated gene that causes my body to suck dick at producing serotonin and being put an anti-depressant and methyfolate I definitely feel less horribly depressed all the time and am more energetic.
However one thing pretty much hits me like a truck everytime I think about it, maybe feeling better in general just makes these shitty feelings stronger? Anyways, I'm a 22 year old guy that can't even have sex due to a shitty circumcision and every time I think about what was taken from me and how much I'm missing out on life I feel depressed as fuck and my blood is boiling at the same time.
I don't really know how to effectively deal with this, and I can't even blame myself for it which is usually how I come to terms with various bullshit.
As far as hope for the future all I've really got is foreskin restoration and crossing my fingers that it will give me at least some feeling back. >No one to even talk to about this kind of shit >Doctor can't even help me, his best solution is "wait 10 years" >Little expectation for things to improve >Missed out on young love >In uni with plenty of cute girls around, yet I'm a broken man >Know that even if I had a gf we'd both just be sexually frustrated at best >Even when I dream I'm broken At this moment, all I want is to watch the world burn
I have problems with intimacy and am looking for people to text and voice chat. I don't want to force that on others, and I honestly don't feel like getting a girlfriend.
I tried talking to this classmate and it's tough to find things in common. He didn't stop me to say he wasn't understanding what I was talking about, and probably didn't care, so I got excited thinking he was following my train of thought and went on an on.
This other girl I tried to talk to approached me because she saw me looking at some stick figures I made to try and memorize things. She sat close to me, looking at my notes and it felt extremely uncomfortable. Could barely say a word, but luckily it ended soon after she sat beside me.
>>16837098 You're not going to find anyone by pulling a brand new hobby out of thin air. You should always prioritize making friends with schoolmates and coworkers over hobby stuff, especially when you're not an established working adult. >>16837101 I'll have a solution for you tomorrow afternoon, like 20ish hours from now, you have a complicated issue and I need to get to bed.
I currently live in California and my gf of about 10 months lives in new York, I've lived here since November. Our relationship is strong and she just visited, I loved it. She's so great. The only problem is she has such a great thing going out east, and she won't move here for a long time. Maybe even a full year. I'm considering breaking up, even though if she was here we'd probably be on the path to marriage. Her job isbgrest out there and will be hindered if she moves. Am I wrong? What should I do?
I have an extreme porn addiction and no matter what I do I can't stop. I have done therapy, cold turkey, tried weaning off, tried meditation, internet filters, unhooking my computer and putting it away in storage, changing my habits, recovery workshops, but nothing has stopped this addiction.
It is a shameful fetish and it makes me suicidally depressed and self-hateful. What is to be done?
The boy I really care about for no reason whatsoever doesn't care about me, doesn't think about me, doesn't want me, and avoids me at all costs. Not only do I not want to have a relationship with him, I dont' want to fuck him (again) or be his friend. I just want to know what's up with him, that's all.
>>16830291 I never realized it until now but I'm way too comfortable with the idea of killing another person or the death of other people around me. I used to go to gore threads alot but not really so much anymore. Usually when I tell someone that I wish they would die I'm not even playing a little bit. I actually want them to stop living. Every time I see someone smoking in the train station I have to talk myself out of pushing them in front of the train. The thing that really brought this to the forefront of my mind though is the fact that a friend of a friend said something insulting to me and the first thing that came to my mind is that I'd like to see her die and I imagined a bunch of stupid edgy shit that could happen to her. How can I get over this without having to see a therapist or being locked away in a crazy house?
Hi OP. Social anxious fuck here. Couple questions, wat do. How do I stop caring about what others think about me? I recognize that these thoughts are bullshit and I'll be fine at the end of the day, but I've conditioned myself through previous years of low self-esteem to the point that it's not just a habit, but my day to day thought process. I'm tired of these thoughts plaguing my mind, and I just want to be free. It usually happens when I'm walking past a cute girl. I get tense, worried about what they're thinking, self conscious about how I'm walking, forgetting how to walk. I'm basically a pussy. Weird thing is, once I'm engaged in a conversation, I do pretty alright. dafuq?
Lived with girlfriend and her mother for 3 years now, me and girlfriend plan to move back to my country and tell her mother today, she's a full on narcissist and will go batshit crazy, the flight is not until next week so we are fucked if she kicks us out already.
Once we move we will have nowhere to stay, and no work.
>>16830291 >>16837932 ik it's long, and ik you probably wont get around to responding to it.. but i'd really appreciate your help here. literally everything you've said so far I've agreed with and found helpful.. I just dont have that same insight towards my own problems.. please?
I'm going through my first breakup and I want to kill myself. I know I won't, and that depression is normal in this situation, but I already have issues with anxiety and depression and I don't know what to do. I keep taking sleeping pills because I canot sleep. How do I get over being in love with someone who doesn't care about me anymore? How do people do this?
>>16830291 I can't hold my tears. Every years like since I was in kindergarten until now there's always minimum 1 time I cry in classroom... for various reasons. And I never want to.
I hate being center of attention. I hate being pitying by others. I hate that the other party are being blamed for this thing when I don't even think that they are that mean. I've always wanted to be a tomboyish funny and nice girl. Yet I never graduated from being the quiet crybaby girl. I even vowed to not have lover (well I do had a few guys confessed to me) before I can fix this and my quietness
I don't know why. My chest doesn't even feel that hurt. Yet the tears just keep flowing. Whether when I'm angry, sad, panic, anxious or just flashbacking something. And strangely it's just easier to arise when I'm being the center of attention. I hate it. I'm tired of being told crying won't solve a thing. I'm afraid people think I'm manipulative I cried in front of class just because I had to explain the sociology material when I'm unprepared I cried in front of school hall when I had to do a few public speaking I cried after doing the presentation alone when the one who had to do it was my other friend but I was assigned after I helped her to find the words for it. I cried in front of class when my class leader ask me that I hadn't pay for the class savings I cried when I had to explain my reason for not attending the class to the lecturer and there were some other people there they might think I'm being manipulative since before that I speak a bit louder than usual because I was panic And I hate that sometimes it's hard to stop. I've tried to make my mind blank but it doesn't work. I've tried to smile widely and laugh but it keeps flowing. Sometimes I even locked myself in school's bathroom until it's gone.
Help. I've made "not crying in public" to be my resolution every fucking years from kindergarten. Not being able to stop it kinda makes me go through some existential crisis.
>>16830291 19. I don't really my current major. My exam scores are really bad and it seems the teachers and classmates hates me since I made some trouble and still here. But my parents don't allow me since the college will become a prestigious one in near future because this and the location is the nearest to my home. I also don't know which college major should I go apply to. I've changed major before this so this time I must be really serious about it. I always wish that I can turn back time.
>>16830291 Torturing myself with over-analysis of what I should do in the future.
>25, Italian >Bachelor of Modern Languages (English-Japanese), paid by the gov't >stayed in Japan for 6 months, happiest period of my life >met an Aus girl there >move to Aus for two years >thinking about marriage >things go sour, we break up >I'm back home with my parents >no jobs no life here >full-blown depression
What would you do? 1. Move somewhere else in Europe/UK to get a Master's. 2. Move to the UK find a wageslave job. 3. Stay with my parents and become their carer. 4. Follow my childish dream and move to Japan, maybe through an advanced language school. 5. Start doing hard drugs and then kill myself.
Long story short 26, live at home, shit degree I dont care for, dreams are on their death bed, too stagnant and complacent. Poorfag and I cant enjoy shit anymore. Unemployed and I apply to jobs with no luck. My life is on hold for a few years now. Feel like a total loser that I shoulf just fucking run or kill myself.
>>16838831 >1. Move somewhere else in Europe/UK to get a Master's. If you can get a job with your current education level there's really no need for this unless you want a Master's. >2. Move to the UK find a wageslave job. Hell. >3. Stay with my parents and become their carer. I don't really know what this entails but it sounds like some /v/core NEETness to me. >4. Follow my childish dream and move to Japan, maybe through an advanced language school. This sounds the least awful, assuming you can get a job as a teacher. Also you're prince of the weeaboos. >5. Start doing hard drugs and then kill myself. Pathetic weakness.
>>16830291 I'm an attractive guy now but I was a skinny, weird loser a few years in back in high school. Problem is, there were tons of cute, witty/funny interesting girls there that I was too much of a loser to talk too. Now that I'm in college and actually have a chance, almost every single girl dresses the same, acts the same, talks the same, etc...just basic bitches as far as the eye can see. Worse, I'm at a fairly conservative school in the american south and I think getting casual sex would be impossible here- any party sluts would probably be out of my league, and any girl I have a chance with would probably want a long term relationship. To compound, things, I recently stopped masturbating (two months ago.) I'm extremeley horny most of the time and with no clear outlet. All the girls at my work are taken and between that and classes I dont have much social free time. So my questions are: where to find wiing girls at a college campus and: how to signal I want short term relationships?
>>16839400 >Odin in Valhalla >next life Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night knowing that whatever heroic, fearless, loving thing you did was fucking moronic in terms of what actually exists in the real world.
>>16838486 Not the OP, but could you clarify some things? You do not feel overwhelmed by your emotions, but you cry often nonetheless, correct? Secondly, do you still manage to have a normal social/work life besides the crying? Finally, have you ever suffered abuse or some kind of trauma?
It could be a disorder of some kind where you need to cry to relieve stress/release dopamine/serotonin to function. I'm no doctor, so you should see a medical professional.
>>16830291 I am suffering from Ptsd, Major depression and anxiety.. Im going to the dr on Sat im having panic attacks about going to the dr on hard core anti anxiety med's. Im torn between feeling so depressed im not sure if life is worth living for and so angry i wanna go fucking crazy and beat the living shit out of the first ass hole who pisses me off. Also when ever there is a loud noise i freak the fuck out dive for the floor nd become combative in mindset.. Im torn in emotions from level headed and bat shit crazy..
I highly doubt you can say some thing that can help with my problems but im so despreate ill give anything a try as im at the end of my rope.. Thats why im finally going to the dr after years of feeling this way...
>>16839473 If you're going to see a doctor soon, that's the best possible thing you can do to yourself. Try and comfort yourself with the knowledge that you're taking good care of yourself. Until then, try and limit your stimuli and get some sleep.
I have no motivation to do anything. Life would probably be much easier and fulfilling for me if I just sat down and learned an hour more or exercised for 30 minutes. It wouldn't even be that hard but I still can't do.
It also have problems getting enough rest, I toss and turn sleeplessly in my bed for at least an hour every single day.
I don't feel satisfied these days. My life is a grind now. I go to work, I sleep, repeat. It feels like my accomplishments weren't earned. My home, my car, my job... I got them all myself. It just isn't something I take pride in. Games aren't fun either. I used to play way too many video games, played tabletop games with friends. Now it isn't fun being around others or as fun losing myself to games.
I have been to a behavioral therapist who thought of my situation as classic depression and that was before a good chunk of this started. The medication scares me because of all the horror stories behind it.
I want to get into some sort of programming career but have absolutely no programming skills, got shitty grades in HS, and have very little money for college. I'd pick a different field but honestly I'm not good at anything and programming seems like the least bad thing out there that pays decently.
I don't have a girlfriend, but I'm not mad about it. After all, I am overweight, unattractive and not very interesting, so it's only natural women don't want to be with me. Again, I'm fine with that. Maybe I'll get my shit together some day and meet a nice girl, or maybe I won't. It's my problem.
But my friends are constantly on my nerves. "Oh wow, anon, I can't believe such a cool and intelligent person like you still doesn't have a girl. Like what the hell, man? Where are the girls looking, ha ha.". Then I try to explain them how the world works (they're all good-looking normies, so it figures they can't comprehend what's life like on hard mode), but then they start going all "nah, dude, you look fine, man, just b urself, just b confident, man, you're, like, centering on your few bad traits and ignoring the whole bunch of wonderful ones".
How do I make them shut the fuck up, or at least understand? They talk about me with their own friends and even their parents. It's gotten to a point where I can't even meet people from their own circles, because I'm not sure what they've been told about me beforehand. They treat me like a scientific anomaly, and I hate it.
>>16839866 Holy fucking shit don't you hate that about your normal friends? It drives me nuts. I'm fucking 6'6" 250 lbs, most "normal" girls don't look twice at me because I'm a fucking behemoth. I'm not exactly fat, I work construction, but I definitely don't have a 6 pack.
>>16839876 I just wish they wouldn't try to play fucking heros and "save" me. The thing is, I -never- bitch about my problems. Never. I don't complain, I don't whine, I never even ask for advice. Maybe if I did all those things, they would have an actual obligation to help me, but I'm perfectly self-sufficient and I don't throw my problems on other peoples' backs, so why the need to 'help' me? That's what I don't get.
>>16839913 I used to ask for advice when I was feeling lonely or down, but it's the same bullshit like you said. BE URSELF, B CONFIDENT.
MOTHERFUCKER, I have been myself, I have been confident, and women still don't look twice at me. I think if they were real friends they would just tell me, "Well Anon, you're ugly as fuck, an electrician, a little chubby, you live in an apartment and drive a 1994 Toyota truck, that's why you can't get a chick"
I don't even ask for help or try now. If it's meant to happen it will happen I guess. I'm in the same boat.
>>16839932 Funny thing is, there is one friend of mine who actually 'gets' me. He also happens to be gay, maybe that's the reason. We were drinking a bottle of whiskey one time, and he just straight up told me: "Dude, if you got in shape, you'd be hot as fuck.". It felt so fucking nice to hear someone actually being genuine for once.
>>16839950 That is funny as hell. The most popular bar in town is a gay bar, and everyone goes there regardless of if you're a homo or not. I hear the same shit from the flamers in there, "if you lost a few you'd be hot", hahaha.. If only.. I love food and beer too much and work too hard.
Well im a littly lazy, but my biggest problem is dedication i guess. Ive always wanted to pick up a specific hobby, study intensively or just do something, but I lose interest or motivation real fast. I just cant seem to find something and stick to it. Could anyone possibly give me a few tips to be more dedicated or keep my motivation up?
Have no fear, OP is here! Holy shit you guys were busy... ah well time to solve some problems I guess >>16837101 Like I said yesterday, you have a complicated post. What I have to ask is whether your shitty circumcision actually prevents you from having sex, or the fact that you are circumcised has made you think you can't have sex, because the way you phrase your post, it sounds like the latter and not the former, and that you're subconsciously just using circumcision as an excuse for your antisocial behavior, for which I recommend you not do. But if you're truly incapable of having sex, meaning having sex would make your dick rip in half, then I truly have to ask, how do you get yourself off? And I'd use your answer to say your future girlfriend could just use that method to get you off, and you don't have to use your penis to please your future girlfriend, there's multiple ways around that that can do a better job than even the best dicking. But the whole 'feeling better just makes shitty feelings stronger' idea is nonsensical, at best you could argue that feeling good just means you will eventually feel bad and the drop off feels worse than feeling bad all the time, but I'd tell you that feeling bad all the time is fucking awful and having a good moment or two is much more preferable. >>16837105 Yeah your mental state is a combination of self-hate and focusing too much on relationships. You need to adjust your values to your career and stop telling yourself that you think you're awful, whether that's just when it comes to relationships or everything you need to stop that train of thought. See the second bit of advice in this post >>16830460 about how to confront feelings, but change anger to self-hate or anxiety, and also follow the first bit of advice here >>16830607 to help fight anxiety. Essentially you need to focus on what's truly important to your future, and that is your career, and desensitize yourself to other people by confronting your issues.
>>16837120 I responded to you just fyi. >>16837128 Easy. You joke about anything you two are doing together. For example, joke about how Skype sucks, or how whatever service you two use to talk sucks. Essentially your objective should be to show her that you have things in common, like opinions about shitty services, or other opinions (I've taken the examples you've listed but you can do this for anything you two talk about. Talk about your shitty day or what not and frame it so that she agrees). Over time, she will show more interest and like you more. If you want her to like you more as a potential partner, then you need to flirt, you need to be somewhat eccentric and poke fun at her and defend yourself in a fun way. But you're never going to get anywhere meaningful with her if you two talk online. Good luck navigating that if you intend to, that shit is extremely unpredictable and needs extreme, case-by-case precision. >>16837522 >>16837030 I didn't even see the girlfriend post, thank you. You can try to make it up to them. But things are probably broken beyond repair so it's probably time to find someone new.
>>16837534 Easy. Ask her what she wants to do and consider moving to New York. Strong relationships shouldn't fall apart due to logistics issues. And no, don't start considering whether your relationship is actually strong or not. Genuinely give moving to New York some thought. I'd put my resume in the New York area and see if anything pops up. But maybe you're in school, if that's the case, I'd wait the year and not break up with her, then try to find a job in New York. But then again maybe she can find work in California, I dunno. You need to talk to her about it. >>16837579 Easy. Get a girlfriend to satisfy you instead. She can help you get release. You can continue on porn while you search too. >>16837582 Easy. /soc/ should have all the hookup opportunities you need. The internet is also just a safe haven for them anyway, you can find them on blogs and Tum-bler (dunno if filtered). Lowering your standards will help too.
>>16837588 You're right by going in before/after applying. Just continue what you are doing and listen to the first guy in your thread. >>16837944 Easy. You focus on school or work and your social life. You have a long way to go I imagine before you're where you want to be, so put the effort in and you won't have time to care about the past. Your motivation from successfully moving forward will also help you deal with anything in your past. Don't forget the past, though. They're lessons learned that you can avoid as you move forward, but that's all they are. Don't let them weigh on you. >>16837958 Easy. Grow up. High school is dumb and so are high schoolers. If you're in college or past college and still having these feelings, you need to change your mindset. Lust is lust, it's not sensible judgment and it shouldn't guide your decisions, especially if you're of a sound enough mind to know that things would be bad if you tried. But I'm pretty sure you're in high school, so do whatever. You'll figure it out. Life is fun, enjoy it.
So I'm a pretty attractive guy in my second year of college, and I want to start a relationship or at least get laid (I'm a virgin.) I was a creepy weirdo in high school who nonetheless had one girl obsessed with me, but I didn't fuck her or even kiss her because I had just lost my religion and wasn't sure whether sex was OK or not. (Pretty bad, I know.) Any way, I cleaned up, grew up, and put on some weight in college (in a good way, in high school I was six foot and 140 pounds) and I want to make up for lost time and spread my genes a little. Problem is, I'm attending a somewhat conservative/religious school in the American south (not a private school), and I get the impression from most girls I know/meet that they're looking for marriage material. I'd be fine with meeting my future wife here, except almost every single girl dresses/acts the exact same way, just basic bitches as far as the eye can see. At least the girls at my high school had more personality. Also, any slutty party girls here are probably out of my league. All the girls at my work are taken or ugly, and I don't have a whole lot of free time. Any advice on where to get laid and/or find a long term girlfriend in these circumstances?
>>16837962 Easy. See the second bit of advice here >>16840215. Following that advice will help you stop hating yourself and help you stop comparing yourself to others. >>16837980 Easy. Work a full time job to help pay for you to go to vocational school for a job as a mechanic. Lots of voc schools have programs that basically train you to be hired right after school. Mechanic jobs are actually pretty cool, contrary to popular belief. You have to problem solve a lot and it's fun getting down and dirty in the guts of a car. And cars are a good stepping stone in general too, you might have an interest in rebuilding your own classic car, or doing mechanic-y work on the side that might lead you to other fields of work. Lots of potential in that field. Car nuts are usually pretty badass, too. >>16837992 Easy. See the second bit of advice here >>16830460 but for the thoughts of killing other people. You can change your mental tendencies just like you could when you grew up as a child and learned how to not behave like a child.
>>16838012 Easy. See the first bit of advice here >>16830607 to overcome anxiety, and use the second bit of advice here >>16830540 to do it. Experience will cool your nerves, all you gotta do is go ham and fuck up a few times. You'll internalize after the first few fuckups that fucking up isn't that bad though, because it isn't, and it can actually be hilarious sometimes. Just stay optimistic and try new things and you'll feel much better in general. >>16838026 Easy. Just wait to tell the mom. Surprise her, give her no chance to fuck things up for you guys. I'm sorry if my advice came too late, if you've already told her, then you should try and find some form of shelter, whether that be a cheap motel or a box, I dunno, you can overcome any hardship if you really want to, I mean just look at people who are homeless for years. You can survive a week if you've been kicked out. If you haven't told her though, just wait and surprise her. >>16838136 Don't underestimate this OP, guy. I can see right through you. It's easy. Like, really fucking easy. You know all those feelings of neediness she's having with you? She 100% will funnel that desire to control into your kids. Marry Kim, have kids, and you'll be set with a wife that cares about you and cares about your kids. My dad has told me before that my mom was the same, after I asked him directly about it when my sister and I left home and my mom got obsessed with keeping our dogs happy. That kind of woman just needs something to control, and having kids is the solution. I grew up with an overcaring mother and a father that distanced himself just enough to lead an interesting life that I could model my own after. You could serve as that model too, and Kim is your perfect partner.
>>16838145 Easy. You find someone else that cares about you. Breakups are hard on a lot of people because people continuously beat themselves up about it, about what could have been better. But really, when you made decisions during your relationship, you had a certain amount of information available to you, and you made the decision that felt right based off that knowledge. So don't beat yourself up for something you couldn't control and can't go back and fix. What happened happened, you couldn't change it then and you can't change it now. But what you can do is get it off your mind, and a new love will go a long way towards getting it off your mind. Just don't make the same mistakes, you know? Live and learn. >>16838388 Easy. Work hard and give it time. It might grow on you. My uncle has been in carpentry for a really long time and he's had trouble recently with the housing market recession finding work, which I imagine might be the same problem you're having. In any case, whether you decide later that you want to switch to a new field or not, you still don't have the choice of getting out at this moment, so give it your all and try to succeed while you look for a way out.
>>16838486 Well to build immunity against any behavior, you need to either strengthen your defenses against it, or weaken the situations you find yourself having the behavior in. In this case, your unwanted behavior is an uncontrollable reaction, mainly due to stress. Reactions are much more difficult to control than actions, for example, people in this thread with anxiety issues are just overthinking things- overthinking being the action causing the problem. But with you, it's a reaction, because encountering a situation yields the reaction. Fixing reactions are harder than fixing actions, but it can be done. Essentially what you need to do is strengthen your defenses and weaken the situations you find yourself in. You can strengthen yourself by putting yourself in controlled-stress environments, for example, speaking in front of close friends or family. Speaking seems to be central to the issue, mainly the issue of posing arguments or defending yourself in public, so doing that in private will make you stronger. You can weaken the environment by doing things like imagining your audience in their underwear- a classic tool for this. In general, you can internalize that people have issues like I do when my overthinking gives me anxiety to weaken the environment. There are other ways to do this as well, you just need to find whatever works for you. Imagine they have dicks taped to their foreheads, imagine they all have buttplugs inserted in their butts, etc. I like to have fun with it sometimes, there's this specific guy that I think is an awful person so I just imagine his micropenis in an auto-dick-erector constantly and it helps me not be awful to him. Doing the same should help you a lot and you'll probably come up with your own nonsense to help you, too. Life is funny sometimes.
>>16838518 Easy. You obviously don't deserve anyone better. I say dump her and let someone better be with her, then go off on your own and consider every girl you see for the rest of your life on a scale relative to your level without dating them. You'll probably be happier that way, honestly. You can lead an independent life and do cool things without breaking hearts. >>16838527 Yes I will, fucking try me, I'm the god damn OP, have you even looked through this thread? >>16838535 Easy. Think of the coolest jobs in the world, then figure out a game plan on how to get into a position where you can do that job and follow through. Don't go to college just to go to college, you should be looking to educate yourself enough to work the job of your dreams. You might be intimidated by the sheer amount of cool jobs out there. Really all you have to do is choose one of the cool ones that will be stable (or unstable if you like it that way). Your job isn't the entire picture for your future so just picking a random cool job that you can make happen and support a family with is enough.
>>16840624 I believe an older woman is into me (10-year age difference) and she wants me to tutor her in English and math (she never got a full education, grew up in a third-world country). I think she's got other things in mind. In case I'm right, how do I proceed given that I'm a virgin and the last successful makeout I had was 7 years ago?
>>16838831 Yeah I like option #4. It's a natural progression from your educational background. You could go work as a language teacher for English there. I'm just finishing up my 中文 course (if you've read the thread and seen my posts about my tests, that's what I'm being tested on) so I have the opportunity to go teach English in China and make bank. You can also get your masters while you work in Japan and maybe even become a university teacher. >>16838842 Easy. Follow the second bit of advice here >>16840350 except for any major you find interesting, including mechanic, also including nursing (>>16835556). If you can't make it here, then make it somewhere else. Don't torture yourself. >>16839402 It really is easy. The only difficult issues are deep-seated psychological issues that require some navigation, for the most part people here have motivation issues and motivation issues can be offset by just doing things that improve your life, and doing it enough that you feel motivated.
>>16839416 Easy. Use Tinder. Everyone on Tinder is looking for hookups and every normal college girl uses Tinder for hookups. >>16839469 The anon went about telling you that you need someone in your life that you will feel compelled to defend in order to feel the same for other people in general in a weird way. Don't downplay that advice, I'd tell you the same. >>16839473 Yes this anon here >>16839489 is right, PTSD is no joke. You can fix the anxiety and depression issues somewhat by being disciplined and achieving goals that you set for yourself.
>>16839534 Easy. You already know the route you need to take, and you know the only obstacle is just doing it- except that isn't the only obstacle, and you actually know that. You know you have a lot of things on the side you need to take care of that you've been putting off. It's time to take care of those things. You'll get your motivation back if you just take care of the stuff on your periphery that continually bugs you. Make hard cut decisions on the things that don't have an easy solution and you'll find motivation leaking from the freaking woodworks that you can use to take on the other stuff in your life. >>16839571 Easy. You're obviously special (not derogatory) to not want to just follow the norm of getting a house, a car, and a job. You may think you're a part of the majority but the people on the internet you deal with are a small minority in comparison to everyday people. So you gotta find special ways to get interested in things, and find special things to put your time and energy into. I can't just give you these things, in fact I'd be doing you a disservice by listing potential special things for you. The truth is, you're largely an independent person, and the only way to find satisfaction is to do crazy shit no one else is doing. >>16839830 Easy. Take online courses and make a Github profile. Learn how to program and contribute edits like bug fixes, new features, or code tweaks to bigger projects. Take note of everything you do on there, including code for others, and start building a resume. You can submit your Github work to companies to show your experience. You'll essentially climb a ladder, working freelance on random stuff as a volunteer, then for small teams on small projects, working up to big projects or even full time salaried work at a company. You can build a career starting from home this way, plus it's fun to decide what you want to work on in the early stages of your career instead of workers being bossed around all the time.
>>16839866 >>16839913 Easy. If you truly want them to shut the fuck up, then you can't be their target for their good deed of the day. If you really are fat, unattractive, and uninteresting, then that's what is happening, they're saying the opposite of what is true because it makes them feel good to do so. You have a couple ways of losing aggro, one of which is abandoning your friends, which I imagine you don't want to do. The other option is a fucking crazy one: become exactly what they compliment you for. They'll stop complimenting you if you lose weight (hence becoming more attractive) and become interesting by doing awesome things. Really it's the only choice you got if you want them to leave you alone. >>16840015 I'm back, I hope I'm not too late to take your questions, that's what I'm here for. >>16840034 Easy. See this post >>16832170 and all of the other posts about motivation in this thread, just ctrl+F motivation. Essentially, you have to work hard in your career, which is a given, and work hard in other aspects of your life too. Life is work. Working hard yields results. You'll have motivation as you succeed and improve yourself. Working out is a pretty direct way to see results so I recommend doing that. Seriously just Ctrl+F motivation and read all of the posts, some may not apply directly to you though.
>>16840254 Easy. You need a steady relationship. Giving random girls good dickings a few times won't make you feel better. >>16840269 Easy. Make changes that give you a chance. And stop fucking hating on yourself, seriously I've said this like a million times throughout this thread, you're just like all the other pity patty guys in here, hating on yourself isn't going to get you anywhere including into a relationship. People that are much worse off than you still find partners. You know how to improve yourself, for example working out, finding a good job, doing cool things, being interesting..... really those four should be enough to keep you busy and dating for a lifetime. >>16840279 Easy. See the third bit of advice in this post >>16830572 for how to deal with rumors if they do spread and >>16832986 for how to cope emotionally with people that may be talking shit behind your back.
>>16840441 how do I grow to fall out of love with sarah and fully appreciate my relationship with kim? I would love to be in love with her and not have these problems, but I don't know how. she's neurotic, anxious, and possibly bipolar. we cant have a good day without her making a problem out of nothing.. usually starts off as "why dont you love me" which every time I hear I want to drive a nail through my forehead. also frequent triggers are "why are you mean to me" "why cant you treat me like you love me" and "you dont really want me, you want to change so much about me"
she makes me question my own sanity on a daily basis.... and if she didnt do the shit and simply acted like a normal human being, I'd be content. how the fuck do I learn to be happy with this long enough to have kids with her and commit to this for life? pic related. kim.
>>16840322 Easy. Be their marriage material while fucking and dumping. College is not a common place for people to find lifelong partners so stumbling on a keeper should be an accident that is caused by getting with a lot of girls. Also let go of the spreading genes meme, it's better for everyone if you just forget 4chan in general and go have fun making some random girl's day (only consequently ruining it soon after because you aren't interested). Just work out and work hard in your classes and have fun on the weekends. Tinder is great for hookups, just so you know. >>16840531 Oh shit man, good luck with that, I don't know what to tell you. Joking aside, you should probably commit to a life that improves the image of black people (and doesn't contribute to the BLACK LIVES MATTER movement, which consequently has made the gap between white and black widen, I mean come on look at the name of the movement, don't white lives matter? We get that you think cops shouldn't shoot black people specifically but I personally think they shouldn't shoot people in general either, and that doesn't exclude blacks. In reality, people of all races should do their best not to threaten armed people in order to reduce the likelihood they pull a gun and shoot you to defend themselves). >>16840647 Easy. Just bone her. She'll give you an awesome bone to call your first because she has experience. Plus you can bone her a lot while you get paid to teach her. Win-win, trust me, you have a neat opportunity here and maintaining that unique relationship will be an experience.
>>16840832 Okay, first off, if you're actually a middle-aged mom, I really, really hope "boy" doesn't mean a fucking kid. If it does, well, I can't give you advice. Not to sound 'edgy', but you're a lost cause if you're having sex with kids. Second off, you're right, you're not a robot. But your life needs some stability if you're running around fucking other men while raising kids. If you find a husband, you won't even have an excuse to be on a friend level let alone have sex with them. This will also put a physical barrier between you and him so at least you will feel a bit better about trying to keep up with them, but depending on the 'boy', he may be fucking creeped out and never want to speak with you again. >>16840837 Easy. Ask her why she thinks you're being mean or unable to love her or trying to change her. Just listen to her opinions on things. It'll help her ease her emotions and calm down. Be supportive. You'll also find, through this process, a greater capacity to care for her. You'll find that she's a real human being with interests and dislikes and tendencies and fears. And you'll be the guy that knows her inside and out. And that will drive you to care for her, and that will help you leave the thought of Sarah behind, and that will solve your issues.
>>16840667 >Yeah I like option #4. It's a natural progression from your educational background. You could go work as a language teacher for English there. I'm just finishing up my 中文 course (if you've read the thread and seen my posts about my tests, that's what I'm being tested on) so I have the opportunity to go teach English in China and make bank. You can also get your masters while you work in Japan and maybe even become a university teacher.
Ok ok I got the message; everyone I talk to, anons on 4chan, friends (bar my exgf, and she was the cause of my current shitty state) tell me to go to Japan. I'll get that damned JLPT and I will try to organize something for this September. I have to say my gut is screaming to go back there; every morning I wake up and ask myself why I'm not there. Every day I wake up here is a day fucking wasted and it makes me wanna kill myself. I don't care about my career, or money. I come from a poor Christian family so my values were always clashing with the richer Western countries ones. That was probably one of the reason I got depressed working in Australia... Everybody seems so focused on buying shit and showing off. There's a part of me that tells me that I should conform and get a job (not in my town obviously, here it looks like a fucking post apocalyptic scenario) and the whole Japan thing is just a stupid weeaboo idea. Am I a weeaboo? Or is wanting to live there a legit desire?
>>16839387 Dude am I still a weeaboo if I don't watch anime, but just old Japanese movies and read post-war Japanese literature? Legit question. Funny thing is I had to pick a language at random to study with English, and I choose Japanese cause it seemed the most interesting at the time. Those kind of decisions shape your life completely and you don't even notice until 5 years later.
>>16840901 No you're not a weaboo for being interested in Japanese history, watching anime religiously makes you a weaboo. Also I think non-OP guy might not make it back in time to chime in, thread is autosaging as we speak. But you're right about making decisions that seem like nothing at the time that end up a huge influence, when I decided to join the military I had no real idea what I was getting into and now life is fucking great.
>>16840890 I'm beginning to lose faith in you senpai.. I literally got around do asking her why she thinks I'm mean to her. pic related is some of the 8 responses I've gotten as of now. this happens multiple times a month OP, I've heard it all before and done everything I could from listen to constructively criticize to just flat out telling her how this shit makes me feel and that she'd be great if she didn't do it.
>>16840939 to clarify, by 8, I mean 8 pages of this shit. off the first question you told me to ask not 20 minutes ago. havent even gotten the chance to respond to one yet.. probably gonna go fap until she's done.
>>16840939 >>16840950 She needs to vent. That is the entire purpose of asking her why she's acting crazy. You need to be there, listening intently. Right now she's aggravated, it's the built up frustration that she has from not being able to micromanage you. It's like dealing with a pimple, first you pop it, then you push the rest of the pus out, then the pus becomes blood and you know you can stick a bandage on it and it'll heal right up. When she gives you opportunity to do it, you need to be submissive and apologize, telling her that you love her and you want to make her happy. But you have to remain steadfast about not being micromanaged, even going so far as to telling her straight up that you don't want to be micromanaged. But you have to be really careful saying that. You have to be absolutely sure that she's ready to take any form of criticism, and right now, she's not. Right now you need to wait for an opening, preferably a break in text where she had sent a 'gotcha' text and stopped texting, and apologize for making her so upset. Then you need to push the pus out by asking what else you can do to make her happy. Let her down gently. She will understand that micromanagement is unrealistic, you just have to let her down gently by apologizing.
>>16840978 Easy. Get with the hooker, but only if she isn't trying to get you to pay her lots of money. I've reached a point in this long ass thread that I can't give you a complete answer that satisfies you, sorry. Basically she's your ticket to improving your game.
>>16840215 >feeling bad all the time is fucking awful and having a good moment or two is much more preferable. Definitely agree on that one
And on the main subject, the doctor fucked something up, I assume removing too much skin and causing excessive scar tissue to form but the end result is my dick is twisted to the point that it is curved back towards my body (To describe it better, I bought a silicone tube thing to try and jerk off with ages ago, and I can't even get my dick in it), pain that lasts for hours after jerking off/having a wet dream, and have very little feeling in my dick period (Only at the tip of the head, probably the size of a penny or nickel)
>how do you get yourself off? Increasingly fucked up porn (By normal, not 4chan's standards) and massaging the tip where I have feeling. Usually takes anywhere between 30 minutes and an hour, honestly probably wouldn't be worth the effort if not for the fact that it keeps me from having wet dreams all the time (And waking up to hours of dickpain when it's time to go to work)
>>16840984 It's not that easy. She is a great fit for me. She's fun, she talks to me, she's older than I am ( I like), and she really does get me. She has tried to stop doing what she's doing and get into my line of work (financial industry), but her life has become complex.
Last night she called me and said she was taken in for unpaid tickets. I went, waking up my parents and freaking them out about it (they don't know about her for obvious reasons), but they' found out last night.
They think she's a friend from school, and now that they know, they think she's unstable. They really don't know the extent of our relationship.
Anyways I show up at the station and lo and behold one of her other clients was waiting to get her, but it was a mixup because she didn't believe he was coming. He decided to be a hero and take her anyway. I was so disgusted seeing him, I ahte the situation she's in, I hate that she went home with him, I ahte that she asked me at all. She abrely speaks to me like she used to. I have had to ebg her for attention, and we make plans but she makes excuses like "I slept past my alarm" or "not in the mood" or "my kids need me".
And I try to be really sympathetic to her situation because she has two kids and DHs is trying to take them from her, but damn it seems like spending time with her is an uphill battle I cannot win. I am at a loss. And you know what? No other girl wants me enough that I can say I have other options. I don't. Not now anyways.
>>16841005 I honestly wasn't interested in the details, which is why I told you the advice in full, allowing you to essentially fill in the blanks on your own, and having read all the details, my advice does still apply, but I kinda regret reading it honestly haha. You'll find love, don't let the dick thing set you back, there's always ways around it. The surgery will help. >>16841013 I have an inkling that I'd just be reiterating what you already know by giving you advice. All I can say is that if you care for someone, you should commit to them and make it work. If you bring up how you don't like her line of work, you may be able to convince her to find other work, but it's hard to be flexible with two kids. I'd recommend considering the possibility of supporting her financially to get her into school or into a new job but I'm not sure that's the best line of action. It really just depends how much you care for her and how much you're willing to support her.
i have this loser friend who used to tell me i should work out and stuff so me, him and a bunch of friends could go on spring break 2017. what should i tell him so that i dont have to workout cause im lazy and suck at sleeping
>>16841176 Easy. You quit being lazy and go workout it's not even hard and it'll be hella awesome and I feel bad because I'm still working out for sb17 and none of you guys are. Like what am I going to do, go alone? What?
>>16840901 >Dude am I still a weeaboo if I don't watch anime, but just old Japanese movies and read post-war Japanese literature? Legit question. >>16840917 >watching anime religiously makes you a weaboo. Weeaboo is to Japan as Anglophile is to Britain. Anime is optional, but common.
>>16841401 Easy. Apologize to your roommate and do something for him like DD for him and buy him a few rounds of drinks. He's still mad at you for barfing on his bed and causing a scene, not because of the incident itself, but because you haven't made it up to him in his mind. Settling those tensions will allow you to refocus on your schooling, which is frankly the most important thing in your life right now and you can't have a roommate at your throat like this. You should mention that, too. When my roommate now moved in, he was quite an asshole and kept me up all night with his tv fucking blasting because he couldn't sleep without it. I took the issue to my sergeant after he skipped mandatory PT to play video games causing him to confront me and for me to confront him. He apologized, we settled the issue, and our relationship kinda sits at tolerant-of-one-another. You just need to make it up to the guy and you'll be fine.
I'll just keep this vague and hypothetical. I've got a ~30% chance of being extremely happy and ~70% chance of being extremely unhappy, or a ~70% of being reasonably content and ~30% chance of being fairly unhappy. Which should I go for?
>>16841477 Ok I'll cut you a deal, I won't give you advice, and you tell me. Alright? I won't say shit, I'm committed, cmon man I'm desperate over here I NEED to know and the thread is DYING page 9 for petes sake almost 10
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