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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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Hey there,

I am a 20 year old dude in Community College, having a hard time finding any sort of meaningful relationship with girls.

I've had girls interested in me, but it always fizzles out or just doesnt work out in the end. Most recent example, and one of the worst choices in my life. My best friend of 6 years started to like me, I caught on, asked her out, got a yes, but about a month later she said it would be better if we stayed friends. She hasn't spoken to me since.

In the past, I have been friendzoned a fuckload of times. I get that it just means that they aren't interested in me, and thats fine. Platonic relationships are great, but people arent interested in having them once I've shown interest, which sucks even more. I just dont understand why this keeps on happening to me. Its not like I'm going for supermodels or anything. Just people who are smart(personality), somewhat attractive to me and who I can have a nice conversation with. I'm short (5'7), but I dont think I'm hideous (pic related)

Some of my friends have said to hide my geeky interests(Art, History, Anime(not a weeb or anything), video games computers), but is that really a long term winning strategy?

Its been about 6 months since I've even tried. I know it will end in the friend talk, or an awkward half-rejection without any real explanation.

I dont know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm getting close to just saying 'fuck it'.
>>
Well you don't know what's wrong with you, so how are we supposed to know? From what you've said, there's nothing wrong with you - the only problem I can see with you is that you look at least 5 years older than you actually are (which might not actually be a bad thing at all).

Also don't hide your interests, that's retarded if you actually want a relationship with someone.
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>>16830277
>attractive
>seems to be smart
>possibly shy

Have you even asked anyone?
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>>16830297
I haven't found anyone who's shown interest.
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Explain some signals that they're giving you that you think are the reason you can't develop these relationships.

If you're getting dates, but can't follow through, it's your personality. Your interests are uninteresting, for instance, and being short doesn't help. What are you passionate about? What are you going to school for? Are you trying to get a quick bang out of these girls, or are you looking for girlfriend material? Do they know this? Are you dating girls at your level? Are you dating girls who share your interests?
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>>16830277
try to be a lot more assertive when you probe for information following one of these friendzone conversations.

if you don't know why they're doing it, you're boned.

you could also save up money and ask a hooker/prostitute/stripper.

anon, it's like an engine. you need to diagnose the WHY before you can fix it.
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>>16830304
I'm not getting dates really, I don't really see any girls who are interested in me so I dont have anyone to ask.

I guess I'm passionate about science, specifically neuroscience. I want to better understand consciousness, and how it arises out of a series of chemical reactions. It's what I am getting my BS in (Transfering to Kings College London or UC Davis in the fall). I never really mention it though, because its even more boring than my interests.

I'm looking for someone that I connect with, its been a while since I've found someone like that, and even longer since its been romantically mutual.

What is an interesting interest?
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>>16830307
Im good enough looking for some tinder fucks, thats not what I'm after.

I'm trying to figure out why.
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>>16830314
You should mention that, since it would be (hypothetically) important to your future relationship, the same as mentioning where you work. Plus it's prestigious, and it's nice to date someone with prestige.

Do you have game? Obviously not. I mean, are you a little bitch nigga in person, or are you cool, calm, and collected? Can you look at yourself objectively and say "I'm a pretty nice catch overall"? What is your greatest flaw? Being 5'7 is a small part of it, but 5'7 with awful posture or 5'7 with a funny high-pitched voice can spell disaster.

But regardless of that, excuses won't help. As for the girls, why don't you connect with them? Different interests? They're dumb? Different values? Are you religious? All these can be gamebreakers as you probably realize.

Consider it in sum: "I'm in community college, looking to transfer to a four year soon. I like video games, electronics, neuroscience, and liberal arts stuff. I'm also 5'7. Message me if you want to talk!"

Not very appealing to a girl, is it? Play to your strengths.
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>>16830355
I guess my biggest problem right now would be depression/confidence issues. I try not to let them show though. I'm defiantly not a little beta bitch, but I'm not exactly chat alpha either. I'm quiet and somewhere in between the two.

I'm agnostic atheist. I could see the dumb part though. This could be exacerbated by community college.

What strengths do you see? I'm not a girl so I cant really tell. If a girl said that, I would think 'average' but not awful or anything.
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>>16830277
>community college

When do you leave the hell OP?
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Honestly, you might just want to chill for now and try again after you transfer to a real college.
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>>16830277
I was in the same place as you OP

I know it sounds like its you, that you're the fuckup. Your pepe image makes me think your browsing r9k. get off that shit and chill.

just chill senpai, your in retard college. if you're leaving you'll be fine. you're pretty above average and seem to be decently intelligent. just dont helium before then :)
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>>16830386
You look good - a positive and a negative, since you look five years older than you are. People see your picture and they think, oh, he's a college graduate, getting his life together, so you're attracting a specific type of girl looking for that. Then they find you're only 20, and they think they don't want to date someone that young. You could easily pass for 25-30 in that photo because of your beard and fashion sense.

Confidence issues are a major issue when dating - this might be your main problem. You might not realize it, but if you're not 100% "on it" with the girls, smiling, joking, playing it like it's a hobby, then they'll be able to tell. Do your best to remove doubt from your thoughts - doubts about your dating abilities, doubts about your hobbies, doubts about the way you do things. You're reasonably handsome, but you don't come off from here as a person who can get somewhere by being the strong, silent type, so you have to develop your outgoing abilities.

That segues into another key issue: Do you have friends? Girls can (and indeed must) be able to smell loner rapist psychopaths when they need to, and sending signals that you're at all nonsocial is going to hurt you.

This is pure speculation that you'd be a bit of a weenie, stable boyfriend, "nice" but unexciting, and unfortunately at your age, most girls are going to prefer excitement compared to a stable weenie.
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Beta faggot
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Being friendzoned is really not a problem. Take them out and let them be your wingman.

Don't let rejection get to you. If you can't handle this you will never even handle a heartbreak. Besides, you don't have the time to approach every women, hopefully. Because you are a busy man right? Start connecting with other people emotionally, even men. This is really really important if you want your balls back, and avoid the "nice guy" catagory.

Also you aren't that attractive either, mostly because of a poor sense of style, diet and lack of exercise. You don't come off as a man that can take care of himself properly, I know this guy >>16830457 sees it differently, but I'm not here to put rainbows and unicorn on your situation. You really think you will easily get a gal with a box gap, with this shit going on? Not here in europe at least.

Also young women are like young men, fucking kids. Who cares if a 20 something year old doesn't fancy you because you are too boring for them. Like you said "fuck it." Really ask yourself, "do I need all these negative thoughts, and do they serve me?" In your mind, you have already set up all outcomes for failure. Why do you harm yourself this way? Forget about this. Love yourself. But really, hit the gym, get a seasonal wardrobe, and start eating healthy. People your age are shallow, so either play their game or "fuck it."
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>>16831186
>Seasional wardrobe.

I live in San Diego, I don't even know what a season is.
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>>16831313
I know the weather in Cali is generally nice. I just think it looks odd wearing a zipped down sweater like that in the sun. As opposed to a cardigan. Maybe in Cali they don't mind as much. Also zits are never good, changing bed sheets more, exercise and drinking water could remedy this cheaply.

What type of person do you see youself as, and how do you want to come off as?

I have a friend who is 5'4 super short egyptian and skinny dude. So he has found a qt 5'2 and they are happy together. He hasn't changed much mentally, however he started dressing exceedingly well, plus he is finishing his master's in petrol engineering. Point of that story is not to give up. You are only 20 so you have lots of time to improve. Do it.
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>>16831427
>What type of person do you see youself as, and how do you want to come off as?

I see myself as a geeky but not super nice guy/straight edge person . Thats exactly what I want to come off as. I dont want to have to make a fake facade.
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>>16831633
no girl is going to like a 'nice guy geek'

if thats you you need to act differently and hide that shit senpai.
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>>16831633
>I dont want to have to make a fake facade
I feel you but like RuPaul says we're born naked and after that it's all drag
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>>16832254
'nice guy geek' is my type, and I know theres other girls out there. Mabe OP is just attracting the wrong time?
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>>16832419
OP samefag detectd.
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>>16832254
I'm a "nice geek guy" and had a few girls fall for me. You just have to look for the right ones.
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I have seen far shorter and uglier men than you arm in arm with gorgeous girls.
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Wait a second... you are 20?! you look like a man in his mid 30s.
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You don't need to hide your geeky side you just need to learn to tell better stories about it to make them interesting.
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>>16832507
Yeah, I know.

That might be part of the problem :<
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>>16832539
you could grow some sick sideburns or chops even honestly
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>>16832539

I'm 20 too but people tell me that i look like a teenager because i don't have beard( really diggin your beard by the way ) you should try going after older woman.
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>>16832539
that dtr
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>>16832539
>>16831633
So much better this picture everything. So take good care of yourself and get rid of that nasty negative attitude. Dressing well and taking care of yourself, has nothing to do with fake facades. It is the best way to kickoff your confidence.
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your twenty years old dude your barley out of your teens do not dress like that. You look like your 32 years old. Wear hoodies and jeans and nice youthful t shirts.
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>>16832937
>Can't be /fa/ and young at the same time
Thread replies: 34
Thread images: 7
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