Question for femanons, but have you ever felt it? Is it something that goes away? I think I'm feeling it right now and it's terrifying me.
22, almost 23.
To clarify, I have always wanted to have a family and kids, even stay at home up until they're five or so. But it was always something I wanted after getting a stable job, maybe late twenties or early thirties. But I'm a couple weeks from turning 23 and just calculating years and kind of freaked out that if I have children then I'll be fifty by the time they're in college.
It's nothing really definite... just an urge to settle down? I haven't felt that for a year (when I last dated), but it feels so weird to have that want without a person to attach it to.
24, just entered the GET PREGNANT mode. It lasts until I think about what kids are actually like, what childbirth and pregnancy are actually like. All you have to picture is a kid crawling on your floor and that sets me straight reaching for the condoms and BC. Still always think about getting a hot load of cum and getting pregnant.
Not nearly as bad as carb/dessert cravings.
Have you always had the carb/dessert cravings? I used to have them bad when I was a teenager, and while I still have a sweet tooth, I can't stomach a whole cake anymore.
I've led a more boring life (part upbringing part personality no doubt) and I have to admit the "having a dick in you" is freaking me out more than the "a baby might explode out" part.
>22, almost 23.
Jesus. You're no where near this.
My mothers appendix burst when she was 6. It was ignored by doctors and It destroyed her ovaries. She was never supposed to have kids. She had me at 40 and my sister at 42. Menopause doesn't even BEGIN until 40's. You're fucking fine.
When did she get married? Was she always told she wouldn't be able to get pregnant and did she try fertility treatments?
I agree it's irrational (and not because I fear menopause) and the fear of ending up a single mother stops me from rushing into things so it's not like I'm going to grab the first guy I see... but still.
Also congrats to your mother for a safe delivery!
My mother was pretty young when she had me, but my grandmother had my uncle (her first child) at age 38 after 10+ years of trying to conceive and she didn't survive the third pregnancy (age 45, and pretty weak constitution).
>Just asking how bad it gets or if there's any way to stave it off.
it only gets worse as you get older, why do you think there are so many stories of women in their 30s poking holes in their partner's condoms so they have an "accidental" pregnancy
Gosh, some people have all the luck! If you hear my mother (or any female relatives really), it's "your grandmother died because she had children too late DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO GROW UP WITHOUT A MOTHER", hahaha.
But I'm glad to hear the delivery was safe and that your mother was still capable of conceiving!
I had a terrible diet when I was younger (thanks mom), where I ate about two pastry/dessert things a day. Amazingly didn't get fat thanks to youth metabolism. Now I've been on a clean diet for over a year (like a three year progression, but the last year has been really healthy) and I barely eat any sugar now. I still get hella cravings though. I just have tea or fruit to shut them up. But if I do have something, it's never as good as I imagine it will be.
>I have to admit the "having a dick in you" is freaking me out more than the "a baby might explode out" part.
Not sure what you mean. Are you afraid of sex, or are you saying you crave sex (which would be normal...I think about dick constantly.) Don't fear the dick. Just use protection and you're good. Having sex is healthy and natural.
Given what kind of creatures I've seen men fuck out of desperation and thirst, I'd say women are the sane gender. I've never, NEVER, been desperate enough to pull some of the shit I see relatively normal guys do frequently.
30 here, never felt it. I've already had my tubes tied and eggs frozen though. If you want to have your cake and eat it too (and have the means, of course) I would recommend you freeze your eggs before age 30, just in case you want kids.
I don't know if it matters but my husband and I both come from really broken homes. We're talking reality TV levels of broken. So maybe thats why we're not desperate to repeat our parents' mistakes.
I completely admit that my paranoia is unfounded but it's basically: there is no 100% chance of birth control. One of my cousins had a copper IUD and somehow managed to get pregnant. She got all the way to the abortion clinic before... some maternal instinct I couldn't believe she possessed? caused her to have the child. On one hand, she's happy (AFAIK, she lives in another state) and on the other hand motherhood made her do a complete 180.
Fucking fatties like this whale catcher >>16828670
I've seen men crawl around yikyak posting THIRST 24/7. I've seen men fuck uggos, crazies, fatties, pizza faces, the most caustic and vile creatures dumblr and reddit can produce. I've seen men fuck that crazy ex who fake pregnancy scammed them for attention. I've seen men approach sleezy cheap party sluts who would fuck for pizza (aka cheap, trashy whores.)
I fuck wholesome, well educated men only. Fuck, even if it's just a hookup I want him to have a college education. Maybe not the hottest, but also 5/10 minimum. And he needs to have a good personality as well, or at least sound intelligent and reasonable. Even for a one-night stand, I have standards. Men don't have standards. Men are like animals who would fuck anything with a pulse. I honestly look down on the entirety of the male gender because 95% of them are thirsty, desperate losers.
Birth control is pretty goddamned sure. The vast majority of "accidents" on the pill are from stupid bitches using it wrong, like skipping pills all the time or taking them with other meds that render them inert. I'm sorry to say but your friend is stupid. As long as you make decisions on logic, not emotion, your body is NOT going to take your mind hostage and start auto-piloting you to single motherhood. You aren't an animal, you're human and can make decisions.
I agree that men are more likely to settle in the sense that the qualities which are attractive to the majority of men are... hm, I don't know how to phrase this correctly, but they're, by and large, different from what women are looking for. Now there's throngs of women who date way below their league (and many, though not as many, desperate women) but... well, a lot of guys are still looking for housewives while women want a provider.
Really need to stress that good partners are a diamond in the rough... but being a breadwinner is tougher than being a housewife.
Just wondering, would you fuck a guy who was well, self-educated, but elected not to attend college to pursue entrepreneurship?
Like someone highly intelligent, with no formal education, but not a billionaire entrepreneur either, just someone who does well on his own.
Well so long as she's happy being a mother and has the means to raise her child I don't see it as a problem. It just came as a shock because she had always said she never wanted children and the reason she got the IUD was because it was the most certain you could get, etc., but I guess she changed her mind.
There can be happy accidents but I'm too cautious to allow for them, hahaha.
>just because someone else is attracted to different things than me obviously that means he's some sex starved degenerate
>its totally not possible he could find that person attractive
>absolutely no way
>because then that would mean everything vogue told me guys like was wrong
>all this work I've done to be something I'm not
>all this time I've spent hating myself
>it would all have been in vain
>better just insult the men who are having sex with the women they're attracted to and insult the other women too for good measure
Not that anon, but that doesn't sound unattractive to me! So long as you don't have a complex about it (honestly being hung up about any perceived fault tends to be worse than the fault itself), not having a college degree is fine.
t. best man I ever dated was a farmer
Maybe. If it's a door to door salesman type who sells pyramid scheme knives, no. If he has a business or some legitimate, actual job, maybe. My standard is seriously doctor-engineer-lawyer-accountant level, though, because I'm in that category and I expect a man on the same level. For a hookup though, I even fucked an English major once. Still, if you work at a convenience store and have no career aspirations, not getting any. No scrubs.
Are you seriously trying to argue you're attracted to 300 lb dyed-hair problem glasses tatted up landwhales, anon? Stop trying to save face. You know you do it because you have no other options, and you're weak willed and need some poon.
depends on the girl but my massive porn collection of fatties would probably say otherwise
can you really not understand that people are attracted to things other than what the mainstream tells you is what you have to be attracted to?
Are you okay anon? You sound kind of stressed.
I agree most guys who fuck landwhales are desperate, but there's a lid for every pot yadda yadda. There's got to be some people who genuinely like it.
My step mom was 50 when she died and she never forgave my dad for not giving her her own children. It was one of the biggest things she held onto out of resentment.
I dint think it ever goes away. It's desire for children, and then it evolves into shame for never having produced any, and then loneliness when all your older friends have family networks they're connected to and you don't.
If you've got the itch, it's best to scratch it
If you definitely want children, I absolutely recommend you have them young. Under fourty, definitely. Although modern technology gives you much better odds of successful conception and safe delivery, being a parent, especially to a toddler, is fucking exhausting. I had my parents AND in-laws helping at points, and we had a goddamn babysitter to boot, and I just think jesus I'm so glad I got that over with.
Once they stop vomiting and shitting over you kids are 1000% more lovable. The worst part is you still love them at the earlier stage, but it's like, no way am I going through that again.
Ouch, that's hard to take. 50 is pretty young, did she have health problems? Sorry for your loss anon.
Was she a good stepmom nevertheless? Did your dad get a vasectomy or did they just continuously use BC?
Yes, I have, unfortunately. My sister became a mother December, last year. Her son is absolutely adorable, and looking at him makes me uneasy. Not because of his appearance, but what he is and stand for. She has struggled so hard with him ever since he arrived. Not that there's anything inherently or medically wrong with him, it's simply more a case of "Oh Jesus, no one prepared me for this...!". It makes me nervous, to say the least. My sister was always the smarter one. She achieved great success with her studies, and only dropped her Phd. because she became pregnant. Her entire presence has become daunting, raising the bar so high I can hardly see it anymore.
I want a child, definitely. But... I'm not sure if I should. I've made a lot of dumb mistakes in my life, and I am only now out of my teenage years. Something so precious - I'd be so afraid to break it. So I've tried to think about different stuff when she comes to visit with her son. Still, it's like a kick in my uterus every time. I'm so proud of her, and I adore her courage, and her lovely son...
Congratulations on becoming an aunt!
Aaahhh I know what you mean. My cousin was pretty much my older sister role model, right down to the executive position after only five years in industry. And I always thought I'd carve a similar (albeit less grand) path in industry (and she joked about being the weird aunt to my kids) and now...!
I'm sorry I don't have any advice and sorrier still that I didn't feel any of this at your age, but I think it's good to know what we want, if only at the moment. I'm mostly scared the desire to raise a family comes and goes and that it'll be gone once I actually have kids.
I starting feeling it at ~24. Was really weird because I never wanted kids and hated the idea of it. I'm a strong believer in eugenics so I morally do not want to propagate my genes. However, feels like there is a primal desire to have offspring and it makes me feel sad about the idea of not having kids despite my views.
I want it to go away. I think freezing my eggs just before 30 would give me that piece of mind though, even if I still elect to not have kids.
Hahah ah... yeah. I'm an aunt. That was another thing that hit me kind of hard. One moment I am just me, a silly teenager. Now I'm an aunt... I try not to think too much about it.
> I'm mostly scared the desire to raise a family comes and goes and that it'll be gone once I actually have kids.
My sister sincerely told me that, while she wished her son would vanish into thin air moments before she had to push him out, holding him in her arms afterwards, there was nothing in this world that could make her give it all up. I don't know if it's true, but I think that, once you have the child, something changes inside your head. Like, you become conditioned to care for your child, or something. She even talked about having another one, for crying out loud.
Not really, no. I'm only 23 and still studying, and I have an idea of when I want kids. My boyfriend has a similar timeline and I see us staying together and getting married and whatnot, so I don't really have an issue with trying to find a partner when I'm ready either.
Taunting, not stressed. I post here for fun, you know.
I know a million morons who all have kids. You can't be worse than them, femanon. If you're thinking, "I don't want to fuck this kid up," you're already in the 80th percentile of good parents.
This is definitely the sort of stuff that should be ironed out before marriage. I really can't believe that children never ONCE came up during the discussion.
I mean, unless your wife was like the OP of this thread and is suddenly getting babymaking urges.
It sounds like you're not thrilled and I'm sorry about that anon. You could try to look into your heart and see if you are at all ready to be a father. If you really don't want to be one (or just can't see yourself becoming one in three years), just end it now.
Honestly though, things will work out.
>This is definitely the sort of stuff that should be ironed out before marriage. I really can't believe that children never ONCE came up during the discussion.
This. My boyfriend and I discussed whether we wanted kids and when we wanted them within 6 months of dating. If you've got to marriage without having discussed important things like this, you probably rushed into marriage.
My parents were uneducated morons who weren't ready to have a kid, but I'm still happy to have been born. Not gonna make their mistakes (here's hoping) but morons aren't bad parents. I never felt unloved, for one.
That makes sense, but I never really hear about it. It's mostly stories of guys scared the kid isn't theirs or annoyed that their gf/wife wants kids. I think fathers (especially traditional ones) are a lot more pressured though, and they want everything to be financially stable before starting a family and I admire that.
What about you anon? Do you feel similar inclinations?
If she actually said it like that, get out, get out fast while you can. The kind of person that drops that sort of life-changing decision so unilaterally is not the type that will make a good parent.
>if we don't have kids in 3 years she'll leave me
That's pretty harsh, man. You should have discussed it before marriage. Better get to pounding that pussy. On the other, you can pressure her to a super healthy lifestyle if you say it's for the health of the kid you're putting in her belly. Won't get fat that way!
I disagree. My parents were morons who had an accident. I was neglected all my formative years and it fucked me up pretty bad. I've only recently unfucked myself in those regards. A lot of kids get fucked up by their parents whether you realize it or not. I mean, glad you're fine, but are you really? I mean, you post on 4butt.
This is arousing.
> On the other, you can pressure her to a super healthy lifestyle if you say it's for the health of the kid you're putting in her belly. Won't get fat that way!
Wife getting fat would result in near insta-cheating if not divorce from me. Not sure how other people put up with that.
I mean people don't use marriage as an excuse to start smoking do they?
Oh I definitely agree that they weren't ready to have me and personally would not recommend people having children in their condition. But seeing as how you're well-educated and successful enough to exclusively sleep with lawyers and whatnot, I'm going to assume you're not that much of a failure either.
I think neither of them were educated, which was quite crippling, but they never neglected or abused me. But we were the family that bought uniforms from thrift shops and sometimes accepted handouts and moved from place to place. I'm thankful though, that I was never put in foster care.
Now your situation might have been worse than mine and maybe you would have preferred foster care?
(Sorry, talking about parents cuts me deep. They're both gone so my memories are rose tinted as fuck.)
How much weight gain is acceptable/healthy for pregnancy? Assuming your wife is fit before and about to give birth to a seven pound kid, would you expect her to gain ten pounds? Twenty?
>I'm going to assume you're not that much of a failure either.
I was until 21 or so when I made some drastic changes and tackled my own social anxiety. If I'm fine now, it's no thanks to my parents. I was really bad off for a long time.
>they're both gone
That sucks, man. Least you have some happy memories.
i do. have the baby blues, its only really due to the fact all my other friends are already hooked up and got kids and or partners as well.
im not one of those guys who is into the tap-n-gap or multiple GF majority.
i see the 2 seat cars and to me i just see them as selfish. i have a family car but no family to share it with.
> If you're thinking, "I don't want to fuck this kid up," you're already in the 80th percentile of good parents.
I appreciate the kind words, but I am from a very conservative, affluent family that doesn't really accept failure. That's not to say I don't believe I could be a good mother, but more a case of super anxiety that I won't be able to live up to the precedent now set by my sister. I'm sorry if I came across negative
Hey, good on you for getting out of that spiral.
I don't think I was left with psychological issues, but poverty (even the not starving but constantly ashamed sort) does dent a bit. So yeah, guess I'm still pretty broken.
Anon stop. I didn't want to feel like this. I don't even have a four seater car. ;_;
Thats my boat. Every single time I start to think "man...maybe kids would be nice" I go babysit for my cousin or one of my friends so they can have a nice night out and cure that shit.
We ought to distinguish between good parents and good kids. Yes, the former enrich the latter, but some people rise up above it and some people just constantly go against the tide.
More to your point though, I know it can seem daunting -- especially as you love and respect your sister -- but when you do become a parent, definitely take her advice but do not use her as a measuring stick. Keeping up with the Joneses is bad enough between neighbors, it sucks to see it in families even.
(I was the model kid in my family in childhood and adolescence but now we're all pretty successful young adults so, you know, there's more than one road to success.)
to make matters worse for me, i cant listen to certain radio songs because the just upset me or certain places when i was a kid i dreamed of having a wife kids job and house etc i got some of those but the wife and kids seem to be the most elusive.
kids only are good when they are raised well. and that comes from good parenting. kids only want to what the adults do. thats why some of the bad kids have gone off the rails because they were looking to the wrong people for gidence
I know, and I have been VERY LUCKY so far, but even on days that I'm unsure, I use spermicide; to which my beau is perfectly fine with. I would LOVE to get my tubes tied, but I cannot.. Not until I have at least 1 child.
Here's what you should do:
Make sure to use your womanly charms to weed out the unsuitable
Sometime before it gets serious, put your desire for marriage and children on the table
If he agrees, he's golden. If not, back to the dating market you go. If anyone asks, don't go to the heart of the issue, just say your interests didn't match up (marriage and kids is not exactly first date material).
Proceed until you find a husbando. Have kids, raise them, dropkick them into kindergarten, and proceed with the rest of your life until the grandmother biological clock starts ticking.
I have to disagree with you there. Parenting matters, but temperament is a factor to consider as well. Parenting isn't always going to have obvious affects and a lot of kids don't much care what adults do.
My parents treated my sister and I more or less the same. I spent my teens building an arrest record, doing coke, wearing embarrassingly bad eye make up, and getting into the kinds of fights that could easily have killed people. My sister spent her teens ballroom dancing and building a 4.0 GPA. I ended up a doctor and she's two years into a Ph.D. program now.
Sometimes you just have a kid who is more aggressive.
That's a normal thing toddlers do. My Nephew will play dead weight when he has to go somewhere he doesn't want to go; he'll also turn his back and ignore us thinking that we're going to give up.. lol.. I love him, don't get me wrong.. But holy fuck me running if I ever have a kid...
Except you have successful orphans and abuse/neglect victims.
Note I agree good parenting is extremely important and there should be more education for expectant parents (especially the first-time parents) but it's not a complete make-or-break. Furthermore there is such a thing as being too supportive.
Good luck on your search for a family though anon. ;_;/
So... you're both successful despite having wildly different temperaments? Not too sure what your story shows, except that kids (and even teenagers) are not certain indicators of adult behavior.
That's a good lesson. Every kid is different, so what works perfectly fine without kid absolutely won't phase another. I feel like you CANT treat siblings the same because they are often so different. It's why I feel some kids grow up fine with a gentle hand, and some kids just need to be smacked.
I'm saying that parenting only accounts for so much. Having kids is rolling dice. You might get the ballroom dancer, you might get knife fights, you might get anything in between.
>But holy fuck me running if I ever have a kid...
I always see people who felt that same way change their opinions though. Being a parent apparently enables someone to tolerate bullshit to an unprecedented level.
Pardon my rude, but.. Fuck you.
There is NO way in hell that I'd change my mind. Like I said, I'd love to get my tubes tied, but according to TN law I cannot be "fixed" until I have at least 1 child of my own. So I had to go with the IUD.
It's like I said, I love my nephew to bits. But I cannot do the screaming, the tantrums, the hitting, the biting, the pinching.. I hate that part of kids, and I won't tolerate it.
Sure, but my cousin, who seemed like a model kid, is an alcoholic closing in on 400 pounds because his parents are pieces of shit.
Parenting can be frustrating because you don't necessarily know if what you're doing is working in the moment. I think I turned out the way I have because my parents taught me some valuable lessons, but I didn't hear those lessons until I cleaned up my act in my early 20s. Hell, I was still getting in ugly bar fights until I was almost 30 because I'm kind of an asshole. I still miss that, sometimes, and I couldn't tell you why.
Also, we have 5 kittens that turned six-weeks today and we're trying to teach Nephew how to interact carefully with them... But deep down I am terrified when he gets close to their playpen, because if he crushes one accidently, can I resist the urge to not tear into the kid because of an accident? I nearly killed our dog because he snapped at my cat.
Trust me. I can NOT do permanent kids.
What is this? Is there anything stopping you from medical tourism to get your tubes tied?
Also while I agree with your statement (you know yourself best, if you don't want kids, don't have kids), there are some kids who don't have tantrums and whatnot. They're rare obviously, and often portrayed in media as having some mental disorder, but normal mild children exist. NOT saying you should roll the child lottery hoping you get a kid you can bear, just that with three billion kids there's got to be some quiet ones.
My little brother never cried, save for sparkly/iridescent things. No idea what triggered it, and he obviously doesn't remember a thing, but outside of that, he was really... well, boring, as a baby.
I didnt mean to send the vibe that people are obligated to have children. If you go that route you do you. I was just commenting that I've seen people develop unprecedented patience.
I think you're taking what I said a bit too personally. Can't you just get the operation in another state or something though? It's not like they can force you to reverse the operation.
Not the rebellious teenager. I think all teenagers should get at least a little rebellious, ASSHOLES, RUDENESS (maybe not so much as a teen, but in kids) those are things that tip me off to a bad parent. Not saying please and thank you,
Yes, actually. The OBGYN/Surgeons will not do it because I can "change my mind" and that doing the surgery would be a liability - Maybe if I get a damn signed and stamped paperwork saying that I am mentally unstable for kids of my own then maybe they'll "take me seriously" per say.
Okay, but when do I test out the waters for this stuff? Poor communication (I presume) is what lead to this poor anon's marriage >>16829103
At the same time, I agree that springing this stuff for a first date is too much.
>Okay, but when do I test out the waters for this stuff?
I think it depends on the individual relationship. I'd maybe save it for some months in, when you start talking about what you want your life to be like some decades down the line.
Take it really slow in terms of physical contact and they'll get the message. Yes, most guys aren't going to like it and YOU might not like the guys who will put up with it, but it's the easiest way to make it obvious (without spelling it out) that you're in the market for the whole nine yards.
Just checked it up and it's 18-21 in most states though it's more restrictive if it's on Medicaid and the doctors are constantly scared of lawsuits. That being said, wikipedia cites 99% efficacy (so I'm still splitting hairs at that small possibility). I have no clue why they're not letting you do it at age 31. Freely available in New York for those over 21.
Considering you're being cut open, they put you to sleep. Most important you can do is research. There are quite a few risks (tubes repairing themselves, your hormones going completely out of whack and experiencing menopause at age 30, the fact that this is a relatively "new" treatment [in that it's strongly advised against and not many people wade through the bureaucracy to get it]) but for me personally it was worth it. I like knowing that I will consciously want kids if/whew I decide to have them. If my tubes grow back I'll just have them cut again. If I get early menopause I'll deal with it when it comes.
>My standard is seriously doctor-engineer-lawyer-accountant level, though, because I'm in that category and I expect a man on the same level. For a hookup though, I even fucked an English major once. Still, if you work at a convenience store and have no career aspirations, not getting any. No scrubs.
This stuff always nags at me. I basically started fairly late, and probably won't graduate until I'm 26, maybe 25. I'm always feeling like it's going to be a major point against me.
Really depends what you want but a lot of career women (who tend to have higher standards) don't want to give up their career. Understandable, but is that what you want?
Of course, if that's your type, by all means. Graduating at 26 is nothing, I had my first permanent position at 30.
>Understandable, but is that what you want?
I'm kind of indifferent. If one of us were to produce substantially more than the other I'd advocate for the other one to take fewer hours to stay at home more often. If relatively equal, halfsies unless one person was more comfortable doing that.
However when people talk about how important someones career is, the fact I'll always be some number of years behind bugs me.
>I don't know if it's true, but I think that, once you have the child, something changes inside your head
Absolutely scientifically true. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, ect. all significantly change brain chemistry and circuitry.
A woman at an average weight before pregnancy should gain between 25 to 35 pounds during pregnancy. Mind you that a lot of that is the baby itself, placenta, fluid, ect. Women should definitely not get fat during pregnancy as that's bad for the baby.
That's pretty understandable and I wouldn't be able to fault him. (I-is the exam hard?) Bitch better be studying though.
Nothing wrong with starting late.
This. The body actually floods you with feel-good hormones during pregnancy, bitch, and lactation. It makes you fall in love with the kid. However, early in pregnancy when you're making a keep/toss decision, that effect is minimal to none.