Oh shit boys I'm in a panic just now and I don't know what to do, I feel like such a high school kid writing this, not the grown 21 year old man that I am. God damnit.
I really liked a girl for months, finally worked up the courage to try asking her out on a kind of date, but didn't quite manage it due to circumstances/nerves and it got a bit awkward, but it was ok, not the end of the world. I felt depressed about it, so I spoke to her best friend to see what she thought about it. She was surprised when I told her, she gave me good advice (even suggesting we go out together for a Chinese meal in a big group of friends and see how things go), I instantly felt better talking with someone about it, and she asked me if I wanted her to have a chat with the girl/see what she thought. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that, but she said she would be discrete, like maybe do it from the angle that she liked me or something, and I caved and said "yeah, alright".
Next thing I know, today I get a text from her telling me she actually just straight up told her.
"She doesn't really know what to think, she's mildly stunned and shocked and doesn't know if she likes you back, I'm not sure whether this was a big mistake now, it probably was. Sorry, I tried to be subtle but she wasn't understanding so I was straight with her"
She went on "I'm so sorry, I'm thinking I've kind of ruined everything... just give it time, she didn't really react, she was just like "okay" "
Then told me "Look, I don't want to be in the middle of this, you text her and please sort it out"
After reading this and hyperventilating for about 45 minutes, I now want to jump off a cliff and into a wood chipper. I told her I'll phone her tomorrow to find out exactly what she told my friend so I know what I'm dealing with, but holy shit...
What the hell am I going to do? I won't see my friend for 3 weeks, after that I'll share a table with her four times in two weeks, then college wraps up for a vacation. But... what the hell... do I text my friend in a week's time or something? What the hell do I say... this isn't how it was supposed to go, I just keep feeling worse and worse about it. I just have this horrible dead sunken pit in my stomach and I feel sick.
We're all adults (although it might not seem that way considering how immature this whole thing is), and I want to sort this out like an adult. Does anyone have any advice for what I should do?
Never, ever talk to the girl's best friend. Or any of her friends, for that matter. They are not to be trusted.
>Sorry, I tried to be subtle but she wasn't understanding so I was straight with her."
I can assure you there is more to it than this but she'll never tell you exactly how it went down.
>girl can't even commit to a fucking date
Just move on. You're not asking her to get married or even jump into a relationship with her.
Kids these days don't even understand what the fuck dating is for. She absolutely thinks a date = serious relationship.
My advice? Cut your losses and walk away. This girl doesn't understand dating, doesn't know what she wants, and she isn't worth any more of your time.
Crushes and infatuations come and go, believe me. I'm guilty of being infatuated with one or more girls at any given time but I don't waste my time on girls who can't even commit to a single date, regardless of the reason.
>She can't even commit to a fucking date
I think to be fair to her I haven't actually asked her out on a date yet. What happened is I tried awkwardly to ask her to meet up, she misinterpreted it as a group of friends kind of thing (which I was cool with), then I went to her best friend for advice and she seems to have literally told her "Yo, OP likes you". Not "Yo, OP wants to get to know you better over ice cream" or something
Well, she fucked you hard by doing that.
Only thing you can do now is cowboy the fuck up and ask her out ON A DATE.
And whatever happens, happens.
Nothing more you can do at this point. Her friend made sure of that and I'm thinking she did it on purpose for her own stupid ass reasons.
>She did it on purpose
I'm going to carefully judge that tomorrow when I talk to her.
>Cowboy the fuck up
Yeah, I like this girl enough I still want to ask her, but that's going to be a seriously awkward text message.
"Listen, sorry about what happened last week. Do you want to give it a shot?"
Don't not worry about what the friend did or didn't say, it's irrelevant to you getting what you want, which is a date with the first girl.
Behave socially like a bull in a china shop, never stick your tail between your legs, get embarrassed or ashamed. You're more likely to get with girls if you have that kind of attitude, and if the girl turns you down, it was never going to be and you can already be looking elsewhere.
>Ask her out in person
I would, but I won't see her in person for 3 weeks. It's a long story. I really would, believe me.
My preference would be to call her. I don't know how comfortable she'd be with that though. If I was asking a mature 30 year old woman out I'd call her, but young people like me are all about texting these days. I find it a lot harder to deal with though, fuck texting.
Alright, you're right. I'll be a man. I'll give her a few days to process shit then text her next week asking her out on a date. Should I text her at first asking how she is, or just get right to it?
I can foresee a situation where I text her some small talk precursor shit like "Hey, how's things? How's your work placement going?" then get nothing back.
Don't worry so much. It was not as smooth and romantic as you had planned, and instead it turned out rather straightforward and direct (via that friend of her's). That is not a real issue, it is only a perceived issue. If he gets hung up on that your relationship might not work our *this time* around, but it still might work out later. There is a lot to be said about persistence and patience. Little is more convincing in love, actually. :-) And if she decides that she does not want to get to know you, that is also telling. It means she is not open to a relationship with you right now. In that case it would not have worked out the sneaky and smooth way, either.
Conclusion: if she is interested to get to know you this way, yay - its out in the clear, the cards are on the table, and that is a good thing. Don't play hide and seek - that is for insecure guys, anyway. Grow up and admit you are interested in her. Be a man and pursue her. If she is NOT interested, you saved yourself a lot of time. You can still decide to pursue her openly, and win her over. just make sure to accept a no when she sets a boundary.
I don't even know if you should wait a week. She knows, and most certainly knows that you know she knows, so any prolonged waiting now will either feel like really arbitrary, or like you're panicked and stalling.
Maybe give it a day, and be open (but remain confident, remember, the bull gives no fucks) about the situation. Say that would rather have gotten to her before her friend could, and simply ask her out.
>And if she decides that she does not want to get to know you, that is also telling. It means she is not open to a relationship with you right now. In that case it would not have worked out the sneaky and smooth way, either.
You're 100% right. I'll admit that the whole "sneaky and smooth" stuff isn't my forte and I felt quite uncomfortable trying to keep that up, I'm glad I don't have to go through that shit and potentially confuse her/lead into worse situations than this.
>its out in the clear, the cards are on the table, and that is a good thing.
I don't know if this makes sense, but after I've taken a few hours to calm down, I'm starting to feel good about the fact that she knows I like her. I don't really know why, but it's such a relief for that to be in the open.
>just make sure to accept a no when she sets a boundary.
I will, you can be sure of that.
>Grow up and admit you are interested in her. Be a man and pursue her.
>Maybe give it a day, and be open (but remain confident, remember, the bull gives no fucks) about the situation. Say that would rather have gotten to her before her friend could, and simply ask her out.
Thanks guys, I'll go for it. It almost feels better doing it this way in a strange way... it's a fuckload more straightforward. I just need to find out exactly what this girl told my friend so I know what I'm dealing with, so I'll get that done tomorrow, then I'll be that Bull that gives no fucks.
You can tell right off the bat that she isn't interested. If she were interested it would be obvious. She's not going to develop an attraction for you, so there's no reason to try to salvage this, just move on.
Well, I'd be inclined to agree, but when I met her I wasn't attracted to her (at all, really). After a few months I developed an attraction to her when I realised how much we had in common and how fun she was to be around.
You think I shouldn't bother, though? It would make life easier if I didn't. Then again, I have nothing to lose as things stand...
I get what you mean, but unfortunately women don't work the same way. Generally a woman will know if she's attracted to you within the first minute of meeting her. Very very very rarely will attraction develop later.
If she was attracted to you, you would know right from the start and wouldn't have had to talk to her friend at all.
>Ask her out in person, dude.
>Or just fucking call her.
This...and do it soon.
Otherwise you are going to look like the loser that you are.
Hyperventilating for 45 minutes?
What the hell is wrong with you?
>Generally a woman will know if she's attracted to you within the first minute of meeting her
Well, the thing is, when I first met her last year I was nearly 1 stone heavier, not as confident and had a poorer dress sense and was generally not as rad. I've been working harder at those things in the months since then, and when I look at old photographs I've changed a lot. I'm not quite the same person I was when I met her, I've worked hard and I'm happy with the results.
That's awesome man, keep it up! I'm afraid that still doesn't mean you get a boost in your attractiveness to her. It's not like when a fat girl loses weight and suddenly has all the guys on her.
Alright. Finished the conversation. She's literally stunned/speechless, it's hilarious. That's the cutest thing ever.
Asked her out. Ball's in her court, she wants time to think. All I can do is wait. Thanks folks, you're all amazing. Long live this board.
Well, basically you're in a sinking ship on fire and have nothing to lose. Might as well just be direct af next time you talk to her and be like, "You already know I'm into you. Let's cut the bullshit, are you into me too? If not that sucks. Too bad."