How do you tell someone you miss them without seeming clingy or pathetic?
As recently as two years ago, she used to be my best friend. Now she's such a stranger, who I suspect barely tolerates me.
She hasn't returned my texts for weeks. My friends are caught up in their own lives right now, too. I can't even focus on my day-to-day life anymore, because I feel like nobody cares about me.
In my experience this is a catch 22. If you've already been ignored extensively the only way you can get on her level and make meaningful contact is when you are in a situation where you haven't got that hole inside you. Is this just friend or ex or crush?
Crush. She knows. We talked about it a few years ago. She's like a sister to me now.
She recently got a boyfriend, and I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We used to confide everything in each other, but we've been drifting apart and now I feel like this bf has replaced me entirely. I want to tell her about my breakup sadness, which is exactly what I would've done when we were super close, but now I just get radio silence.
I feel pathetic for being so preoccupied by it.
You need to move on bro. She probably doesn't feel like being close to someone with an obvious crush is a good idea now that she has a boyfriend. You need to move on to a different woman as it's clear you still have feelings for this girl and are hung up. Find other people to talk with and expand your social circle. Try online dating. Whatever helps.
We were planning to meet up on the weekend back on February 2nd. Everything was going amicably as could be. Then I mentioned that I broke up with my gf.
Boom, no more replies. I've messaged her a few times since. Still no replies.
I am online dating now, but it's full of non-nerds and girls with kids.
I was in a similar situation with an ex (I'm a girl though so my perspective may help you out a bit)
I stayed friends with my ex a long time ago, we were best friends but he was quickly going down a very self-destructive path that I finally got off of (drug related)
I could see he wasn't moving on and remained extremely emotionally invested in me and it wasn't healthy. I decided to limit our contact for a bit and it did in turn help him move on and we reconnected again after a while.
There's also a chance her new boyfriend may have something to do with this? Does he know you or have jealousy issues? Maybe keeping contact with you will start a fight with him she just doesn't want to deal with? It definitely happens in some relationships especially if she told him you were interested in her in the past.
Best advice I can give you is try and get another girl. She is clearly worried that you want her. Which is not helpful behaviour in a friend. In my experience though the fact she knows you like her means that there is potentially for conflict and from her behaviour it is clear that she wants to avoid this at all cost. Irregardless of whether this is acceptible behaviour or not I can imagine that it would hurt you serious. And you cannot make her change her opinion as you seem to have been already shut off. Are you able t go out and just get laid? It helps put things into perspective. Especially if you are sexually inexperienced. Have any freinds who like to go out? Go out and just talk to as many mew people as possible. If you are too scared/unable to do that (and many men are) the least you can do is be happy for yourself as judging by your story you depend on validation from others. You need to have a purpose in your life other than a women or else you will be sad. There are lots of useful online resources if you are interested. But start with school of life (youtube channel) and look at their relationship stuff. It's the most acessible for everyone in my opinion.
I've never met the new bf. She said that she'd like to introduce us, though.
I accept that we're not going to get together, but I miss the friendship a lot. It's probably not healthy, but it makes me sad that I lost my "sister" this way.
>She is clearly worried that you want her. Which is not helpful behaviour in a friend.
I hear you. I wish there was a way to convince her otherwise without being obvious about it.
>Have any freinds who like to go out?
I want to, but my friends and I are all nerds. Won't get any good social interaction until the next anime con in April.
>the least you can do is be happy for yourself as judging by your story you depend on validation from others.
I know. I can't help it, though. I can't feel okay unless I feel loved and appreciated.
Like I said try do some self developemental stuff meet some people at the anime con who go out semi regularily at least. Improve your social skills. This has helped so much with the neediness for me. Guys have a habbit of sticking together with low social skills groups think of ot like grinding in an mmo if that helps. The more you interact with different people (read girls) the less you get hung up over one. Lost your sister. I'd say she abandoned you more like. You get me? You don't want somebody like that and in all honest could you 100% say you have no feelings for her? If you still want to make it work the only think I can see helping is proving that you have other options then she wont be worried about your attentions toward her. You sound pretty young, how old are you?
>How do you tell someone you miss them without seeming clingy or pathetic?
You only have control over the first part: telling someone that you miss them.
The second part -- their reaction -- is completely out of your control.
If there's a response from them that is worthwhile to you, then make the attempt. Unless you think the negative response is just going to cause real problems in your life, I think trying to fix a relationship that you enjoy and miss is worth it.
Realistically, what's going to happen if someone who doesn't have much of a presence in your life decides that you're "clingy or pathetic"? Are they somehow going to be so much less of a part of your life? And even if they are, so what? If they're someone who doesn't want you in their life, then you should let them go.
>in all honest could you 100% say you have no feelings for her?
No. Idk, I guess. I love her a lot, but I'm fine with a platonic closeness. She found a guy, and I (briefly) found a girl, and I'm sure I'll find another one... But regardless of our dating situations, I never want to lose her. Not so long ago, she was my closest friend.
>the only think I can see helping is proving that you have other options then she wont be worried about your attentions toward her.
I don't know how to do that without looking like I'm trying to.
Uggghh. I feel like I've made things weird between us forever.
Don't pay attention to any of these losers.
Move on . It's over. She doesn't'it want you, and that's hell, but we all have to go there sometime and we all have to make it through to the other side. What I am saying is, let go of her, take your time , lick your wounds, and hopefully you'll realize there is that much more to life than any of this mess.
It's not like that, though. We're still friends. Really good friends. And the idea of us drifting apart scares me.
I told her I liked her two years ago. We've been just as close ever since. But it has changed things between us. In a lot of ways, it actually made us closer. She went from being a friend to being like a little sister I care about deeply.
Even little sisters can become distant, though. I don't know if it's something I did, or just an unavoidable part of growing up.
It's obvious that you want more than just being friends while she doesn't. This will only make you miserable and annoy her.
>We're still friends. Really good friends.
>She hasn't returned my texts for weeks
Something doesn't add up.
Okay, well, *up until a few weeks ago* we were really close friends.
She used to be a lot more social. I know she's been shutting out all of her other friends lately, so it isn't just me.
Just fucking move on man, learn to deal with it. Go outside, meet some people. Who cares if you're a nerd and suck at being social, don't use that as an excuse to just stay at home obsessing over her. Learn how to talk to people and go outside and stop looking at your phone.
Get your priorities straight, there's plenty of other women out there.
What makes you good friends? You keep saying that but she didn't sound like she's every fiber anything to help you. You're putting her on a pedestal, any little whiff of her pussy is baiting you into something that doesn't exist. You are probably being a good friend, but I can almost guarantee you she doesn't give a half as much as you think she is. That's the whole reason you miss her, cuz she likes missing you instead of seeing you. You're going to say "nuh uh" it's not like that, but tons of people have been in this situation and the faster you figure it out, the less hurt you will be.