Girlfriend of about a year and a half left me, maybe 2 weeks ago.
Great timing for Valentines day and her birthday actually, saved me a bunch of money.
But, I left a HUGE box of condoms at her house. I would always buy them in the larger 50 packs because we were a steady couple, had sex often, and figured why go out and buy a 4 or 5 pack when I could buy two 50 packs, leave one at her house and one at mine, and be stocked up for a while?
well, we hadn't used a ton of the ones since I last bought the box for her house, and now, we are broken up. she came to my house and got some of her stuff, and returned a few of the things I had left at her house. Condoms were not one of those things.
like I said we broke up a few weeks ago, and I'm still bummed out about it. but, I want those fucking condoms back. not because I'm going to use them, I'll probably give them to my roomie, but I'll be damned if she's going to use them. I don't think she's going out and slutting it up now that we're separated, but still. just the idea of her having some dude over, even if it's in a month, 2 months, whatever... the idea of him coming over, and her going "hey, I have this big box of condoms, we can just use those" makes me sick.
how do I ask for those back, tastefully?
we are trying the whole "let's be friends" thing because our relationship really wasn't all that long, and we have a lot of common friends, live close to each other, and go out to a lot of the same places. so, I don't want to make it super awkward or anything, but I do want those back. they weren't cheap.
There is not way you can ask for those condoms back without her interpreting it as an insult and trying to hurt you back.
Buy new condoms or hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
>how do I ask for those back, tastefully?
I don't think you can. It's either leave them where they are or telling as it is: Yo, can I pass by your house to get some of my stuff?
Don't stress over the "let's be friends" thing too much. It's not exactly easy to remain in good terms with a person you used to fuck.
> Yo, can I pass by your house to get some of my stuff?
that option is out the window, since she already brought me back all the stuff I left at her house. can't stop by to grab "more" stuff, because there is no more. except those damn condoms.
it's not about buying new ones. it's not because I don't have any. I still have plenty at my house, from the stash I last bought for my place. but, the stash at her place is still pretty full.
it's not about money, it's not about worrying about running out of condoms. it's about even in 6 months, her bringing some dude over, even if he's a respectable dude who says "oh, sorry, I don't think we should have sex tonight because I don't have any condoms" for her to go "OH, hey! no worries! I have a bunch right here!"
I don't care how much time has passed. I'd honestly rather them be in the trash than her use condoms with another guy that I had bought.
Dude, I know you don't wanna listen that but, yo, you're probably, probably overthinking that. I mean, I know those fucking boxes aren't cheap but you're letting what this girl is going to do with her life from now get to you. Seriously.
It doesn't feel right, but it's not like you're a cuck for having an ex using your condoms with somebody else. I mean, shit, wouldn't that even be embarassing for her to bring up? "Hey, I have this FIFTH condom box that me and my EX used to use when we fucked all the time!".
"Oh, you're so sweet anon. We should have sex tonight."
"I didn't bring a condom."
"Don't worry, I've got a BIG BOX OF CONDOMS right here"
"Oh.. Uh.. No thanks."
Seriously, if I went to a girls house, and she had a dresser full of condoms, I would really just settle for a blowjob instead.
I don't feel like a cuck. it's not about manhood, dominance, or anything.
it's the fact that I still care about this girl, definitely more than I should. the thought of her fucking anyone right now really hurts. even if it's months from now, the thought of it still hurts. I wanted to marry her. I don't date, I pick someone and stick with them. they are in all of my future plans, my whole life revolves around them, everything I do is working towards a future with them. and now that it's over, the thought of her having sex with anyone else, period, makes me actually sick.
I don't think she'll be embarrased about it. like I said, even if it's a respectable dude who wants to be responsible and use protection, it's not like she has to say WHERE they came from or WHY she has them. "oh, I have a few right here, no worries."
it really fucking hurts.
Tough shit, OP. Anyway, I still think there's no "nice way" to go about this. Grabbing your condoms will send a very clear message that, yeah, you plan on using them.
If this is unsalvageable, the sooner you get her out of your head - entirely - the better. You'll only suffer otherwise.
I got them at her request. she was on BC, and we did raw dog it quite a bit, but she was a bit of a scatterbrain and had times when she forgot to take her pills, so she wanted to use condoms just to be certain. neither of us wanted kids.
maybe "revolves around them" is a bit of an over-expression, more appropriate would be "involves them". my future plans involve this other person, once I've chosen them.
I don't think I was wrong to want that. I still don't think I was wrong in anything I did.
Condoms are for STD prevention. And if both parties are clean, contraception is the woman's duty. A man doesn't conceive a baby, a woman does. Why should a man wear a hazmat suit, when both parties are clean?
well, that's dandy. I'm not stupid enough to fuck a woman without making sure I've taken the steps under my control to make sure she doesn't get pregnant. I don't trust certain women, especially ones that just want to fuck, to NOT try and lie about BC or any other preventative, just to get themselves pregnant with a kid and get my money.
>contraception is the woman's duty
yeah, if you can even trust them to do what they say they are doing.
>A man doesn't conceive a baby
even if that's true (which it's not), he certainly has to pay for it.
>clear message that, yeah, you plan on using them.
even if I tell her "look, I want those back, i am giving them to my rommate who needs them"
which, he does. he fucks a lot of randos and tries to stay safe.
my mind is not set, though, which is why I came here.
do I want them out of her hands? yes.
do I want to try and save face and be "friends" with this girl? yes.
can I do both of these things at the same time? i don't know.
I don't care if they go to me, my friend, or in the fucking trash can.
What a weird fucking thread with weird fucking replies. Just ask for the condoms, dude.
I realize what you're going through, I also get very attached to my girlfriends and I've never "casually dated" either, but if you want to move on you're going to need to start doing what you want to do without particularly considering her feelings. I don't mean that you should deliberately try and hurt her or something, don't be a child, but it's not like it's fucking vindictive to ask for her to return your property (relatively expensive property at that). Who gives a shit if she feels insulted or jealous? SHE left YOU. And the responsibility is kinda hers for either forgetting it or deliberately not including it.
Here's how you do it. Text her, "Look, there's absolutely no tactful way to say this, but I was also hoping to get that huge 50-pack box of condoms that I bought back from you. I'm not trying to provoke or insult you at all, it just wasn't cheap. Please let me know when I can swing by and get it."
Obviously don't mention any shit about how you can't bear the thought of her using them with somebody else. In fact, if you can, put thoughts like that completely out of your head until after you pick them up. Just keep reminding yourself, "it's my property, I'm not in the wrong to want it back."
I'll go ahead and add, as well, that if a simple, respectful and courteous request like that is enough to ruin your budding friendship with her (and obviously you should also be extremely respectful and courteous when you actually pick them up) then that friendship was probably doomed anyway. But I very much doubt it will. You're both adults.
I don't think remaining friends with your ex is a good idea in general but I really doubt this will screw it up.
this is how i've been feeling. it's mine, I bought them, I want them back. not even necessarily for me, but just so that she doesn't have them.
I'm not in the wrong for wanting them back.
but, where I disagree with you is in the
>Who gives a shit if she feels insulted?
because, like I mentioned before, we are going to see each other a lot, it's unavoidable. we met each other because we have a lot of friends in common, and we still do. the interest in each other grew from hanging out and seeing each other a lot, and we are trying not to separate our friends into "my side" and "her side,"
I feel like asking for my condoms back is something she could use to go up to our group of friends and say "can you BELIEVE what he did? he asked for his condoms back" and cause a decent number of my friends to think I'm a piece of shit for it.
what she thinks of me doesn't necessarily matter directly, it's more of an indirect worry of mine because of how my friends may react.
I understand, and that's why I suggested you phrase the message so carefully (though actually, you should probably just call it a "50-pack box" and not a "huge 50-pack box" ... that's sort of rubbing it in.) If you really wanted to soften the blow, you could even write something like, "I want to be clear, I'm not trying to insinuate that I'm going to need them tomorrow. Honestly I'm uncomfortable even having this conversation at all. It was just a lot of money."
Frankly whether you use them tomorrow or a month from now is none of her business anymore, but I'm trying to spare you some drama.
If you guys were high-schoolers or college freshmen then I could easily see this conversation ending with her throwing the open box at you and yelling "here's your FUCKING condoms, asshole" but if she's generally a reasonable adult, she should be able to handle this with a level head.
"Hello, since you and I are now broken up and I plan to have loads of sex with loads of different women and possibly men, I'd like to have that 50 pack of condoms that I left at your house. Otherwise I expect reimbursement. Kind regards, OP"
Just be honest with her dude.
"Hey, so can I get that big box of condoms back from you? I feel weird having bought them and you might use them to fuck someone else. I have to be okay with you fucking other people because we're broken up, but it's just irritating to think about having bought the condoms."
I think that's a super reasonable request and if you're really trying to be friends, it might even start establishing a little post-relationship trust.
>"or, you know, we can use them all up together in one glorious post-breakup sextravaganza"
Let me help you OP.
Straight up ask for them.
Fuck it. She's a turbo slut or she's not.
No need to cry over lost condoms.