/adv/ I betrayed a friend. Hard.
I'm not gonna go into details of what I did, but I did a very bad thing (very bad).
Blah blah blah, a few days ago he found out, and when I apologized directly, he called on all of my bullshit, and I could not say anything except sorry.
He hates my guts now and I can understand why, and I don't expect him to ever forgive me.
I just want some advice on how can I live with myself, or look at myself in the mirror now. I did one of the worst things a human can do besides betraying a family member, and I just can't get rid of this horrible feeling I have.
I guess you are right. I can't shake that feeling of utter disappointment and disgust with myself.
I always used to say that betraying someone who trusts you is the worst thing you can do, and how I would never do that.
Guess I'm all the wiser now, knowing that one slip and principles go to the shitter.
Even now, you're only upset because your conscience is bothering you but have no remorse over what you did as far as the damage to the other goes. If you have a fascination with doing evil things, you can look into working for Satan. Otherwise, change and become someone good. What you're feeling now will pass with time and then you'll have to make a decision as to who you want to be in this life.
I've been there, bro. There really are no words, are there?
You cannot balance the books, as it were. What you've done, you've done, and cannot undo. But you can become the kind of person who would never even consider that course of action. You cannot make amends to your friend, but you can at least make peace with their memory by helping others in their situation.
I won't ask what you did, but why did you do it? The first step is to admit your weakness.
Darn, I'm over 18, can I still post?
I know I have to change.
I just didn't think I was capable of this.
I don't know why I did it.
I don't know. Other people did something like that so I did it too.
It's the worst possible reason, and I feel all the shittier for it, I don't understand how could I do something like that. "Everyone did it so I did it too haha" is literal 12 year old reasoning. It's so fucking stupid when I think back on it. So fucking stupid.
I feel like this is a new bottom.
A good life lesson is that you can't always fix things. Beating yourself up is the wrong reaction. You need to accept that you did something wrong but take the timeto figure out why and what lead to it. Then correct it. Otherwise you'll do it again.
It's a good start that you internalize. You aren't pointing fingers which means you accept responsibility. Now follow that up with positive action and you will have only lost a battle, not the war.