I need advice
I fucked up. I became too emotionally involved with a female friend. I got in too deep. I'm trying to get rid of my feelings for her. But I'm really hurting, bad. We would flirt heavy, cuddle, kiss and spend time together. She would text me at night saying how she cares about me so much. but I now realize that this will not work. she does not believe in relationships and talks about how she wants attract other guys. It's tearing me apart. How can you be intimate with someone, tell them you really like them and do so many sweet things. But talk about other guys like its nothing.
Fuck. I'm hurting. I can't do this. But I don't want this girl out of my life. I feel so lost. And I have too much going on in my life to deal with this shit emotionally. Help
Sounds to me like what you really want is to do better, am i wrong?
If she's not meeting your standards, stick with your preferences and take action to defend yourself, since your emotions are offended
I think that if you've already given it a fair shot and been straightforward with her that you want to be in a relationship/have exclusivity and she rejected you, then it sounds like she's just gonna be a lot of trouble for you. If you haven't already then distance yourself from her as much as you can. I realize that might seem like the hardest thing to do, but staying around someone who you have really strong feelings for but who doesn't share those feelings for you and in fact is going out of their way to attract other guys and make sure you know it is just going to make you feel like shit for a long time. Cry it out for a while and slowly piece yourself back together. Pick up some new hobbies, maybe get yourself some abs to make yourself feel better. Best of luck, mate.
I'm so emotionally attached to him, that my dating life became impossible, not that I've ever enjoyed a dating life that meant nothing to me without him, and means nothing to me without him, my friendships can be good, they are not substitutes
I don't know. I think she's the best person in the world. By far the most important to me.
It's my fault. I fucked up. we had that discussion before. When I asked her out. She told me that she doesn't believe in relations and she just wanted to stay friends with me because I am a good person and make her feel happy. Then after some time we became intimate. now, for some reason that intimate time has been fading and she talks about how she just started hitting the gym. And has to look good for the summer so "hot guys will notice me". God dammit. I feel as if I'm getting cucked. I feel so stupid. And so hurt.
I fucking hate myself. I'm so stupid for doing this to myself. This just couldn't be worse timing. I have a job interview for a very very big potential career this week. And I feel like a wreck. I haven't even been working out the past week because I feel so unmotivated.
The only reason I got in shape in the first place was because of her
I meant she may be seeking validation from you when she mentions other men casually, they're probably just friends. if you let her know how you feel about it, as it's clear you don't like it, she should respect that and not talk to you about it, yet if you passively say nothing, how is she to know? Perhaps she doesn't like relationships because if feelings are involved (inevitably), then the hurt risk increases, being hurt, hurts. She could have real feelings for you
She knows I like her. I tell her all the time! She used to tell me how much she cares about me, and she would be very sweet and flirt with me a lot. But this past week everything has stopped. She won't flirt back with me. But we can have normal conversations. and she starts again at the gym tomorrow. I sent her some words of motivation and she said "my motivation is getting a nice butt for hot guys this summer".
She told me many times how much she likes me. even just LAST WEEK!! But she's saying all of this shit. There is no way she could think I don't like her, because I always do things for her. She knows for sure I like her
Sounds like it's been a busy week, and all that exercising too..if she feels the same, trust her. Her comment could be a joke, or she's suggesting she'll be flirting with others soon, like if you're not more forthcoming soon, she may think you're interested but wants something more serious? A few possibilities, arrange to see her soon, keep an open mind to her and be as you have been
I don't think she's joking about other guys. When she told me about why she doesn't want a relationship she said "I don't like relationships because they get too complicated. And people get hurt, plus... If you are not in a relationship.. You can have sex with anyone you want whenever you want. It is such a nice thing! :) "
maybe she is just having a bad week... Should I wait another week and then directly ask her why the flirting has stopped? Like would it be unreasonable to say "why have we stopped flirting? We used to flirt and cuddle a lot. But there hasn't been any. What changed?"
If a guy asked you that. Would you give a honest answer?
She sounds like too much drama and kind of immature. If you really insist on trying you should bite the bullet and ask her out. If she turns you down, cut contact. Do not treat her badly but be firm in your decision. There's no point maintaining a friendship that brings you suffering and it will likely never evolve into more. She may try to shame you for it, "you never wanted to be my friend you were only trying to get into my pants" etc but just as she has the right to not want to date you, you have the right to not want a friendship.
>understand that it is possible to have sex without feelings, but it is pointless, uninspiring, unenjoyable and masturbating is preferable to meaningless sex
That is how I feel. I don't want meaningless sex.
I just feel so confused. She's told me that she really cares about me. And has gone way out of her way to do sweet things for me. But then she talks about other guys like its nothing. Over New Years she texted me saying "Happy new year!!!!!! I wish you go find a cute girl to spend the night with and have lots of sex!! They say "those who fuck on new year fuck all year :D " she was at work that night, so I know she wasn't hinting anything.
How can you like someone. Yet don't care if they have sex with others? It makes me cringe and hurt inside when I think that she is out there trying to get dick..
If you read above I have asked her out. She would be really hurt if I cut contact with her, as would I. She knows I care about her beyond a sexual level. We've both been there for each other through hard times. so it wouldn't be a simple "you just like me for sex" thing. It would be rough.