So, I'm your typical desperate, 21 y.o. male kissless, relationshipless virgin.
Can you recommend any drugs or something that will make me go out and meet women?
I keep coming up with excuses that are good enough so that I actually believe them.
I need something that takes my fear and depression--ish feelings and replace it with carelessness and joy. And women.
Just... anything. Anyone. Help.
Wouldn't recommend using drugs for this, buddy. You'd likely become dependent on them and it's also not a good idea to start anything with "I need this chemical/this specific thing to be able to function like this." Dangerous.
If you're a depressive autist then drugs will make you a depressive autist on a bad trip. If anything you might get anxiety depending on what you're taking and where you're taking it.
HEY IM ABOUT TO BE A RELATIONSHIPLESS MALE VIRGIN IN LESS THAN A WEEK :DDDDD
But to help you:
1. NO DRUGS EXCEPT ENOUGH ALCOHOL TO HAVE FUN AND DONT GET STUPID DRUNK
2. BE PUNK AND GO AGAINST YOUR EXCUSES. BE WILD. PUT UOURSELF IN THE DANGER ZONE AND MAKE MISTAKES SO YOU CAN LEARN THE CORRECT METHODS
3. FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE TO DO AND ARE PASSIONATE IN. INVOLVE YOURSELF PRODUCTIVELY IN LIFE. IGNORE YOUR PAIN AND IT BECOMES SMALL. BUT WE CANT HELP YOU SOLVE DEPRESSION UNTIL YOU TELL US WHAT CAUSES IT.
Good luck. Also, exercise or play sports. Educate yourself in things of interest (eg I love philosophy, religion, art, culture and politics so I read some things on that) so you are smart and have things to talk about and let people engage in. Learn talents and skills so you will appear genetically superior to other men in women's eyes (eg. All the ugly rock stars who get pussy because they are awesome musicians and we know music speaks to the soul and pussy)
It's like going to the swimming pool as a kid. The waters cold and you hate it, so you'll just have to dive in headfirst to get into it.
Women are attracted by daring and you must be yourself. The best version of yourself not the loser version. For me it's to be charismatic, forgiving, understanding and polite. My bad side is being sensitive, feeling victimised, being vindictive, violent, insecure and always feeling wronged.
>FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVE TO DO AND ARE PASSIONATE IN
I do have such a thing, but the problem is that it's coding. That's not exactly helpful.
>Also, exercise or play sports
I hate sports. That's not helpful, either, I know. I'm just saying how things are, so you get a better view on my situation.
>You need to work kn your social skills, but you don't want to hear this.
I don't know how to do this, that's the main issue. I don't think I can do it, to be honest. That entire wow-you'll-get-so-confident-if-you-just-do-XY thing is not going to work out, I believe.
>you must be yourself
>The best version of yourself not the loser version
How can you know? Isn't there this possibility that some people are just born as losers and will die as virgin losers? Not saying that I am one, necessarily, but isn't it pretty risky to generalize this in the way you're doing it?
I'm pretty convinced that I can and should not be myself and instead have to fake being better than what I actually am in order to fulfill my dreams (at least the one related to how many and what type of girls I want to spend sexy and cute time with).
just... you know... BE YOURSELF XD
LMAO JUST TALK TO PEOPLE
JUST APPROACH STRANGERS AND SAY THINGS AT THEM
JUST BE YOURSELF MAN LOL
WHY AREN'T YOU NORMAL LIKE ME? LOL JUST BE YOURSELF IT'S WHAT I DO?
>Talk to random people in public
>Chance of npc companion 1/67
>Chance of random event 1/88
Gee if only there was some way for you to practice social skills.
To be honest, I think this is a pretty perfect comment, >>16813879
As I already mentioned above, just "BEING YOURSELF XD" is not gonna help if your inner "SELF XDDD" is not what girls want.
Sure, it's a solution for people who are "normal" and have features that girls like. To quote the satire (or whatever I should be calling that post):
>WHY AREN'T YOU NORMAL LIKE ME? LOL JUST BE YOURSELF IT'S WHAT I DO?
It's not that easy. I know that I should be trying to get confidence, but it's a vicious circle.
How can I get any confidence if I need confidence to do things that give me confidence?
Is there anything that a friend of mine can "get me into"? Something that builds confidence that doesn't require me doing something on my own and doesn't require having to convince myself to do it? I don't think I'll ever be able to convince myself to just talk to random people. It hurts.
>Something that builds confidence that doesn't require me doing something on my own
Sorry, this sounds too much like "hurr I don't want to do anything"... This is not what I meant.
By that, I meant something where I'm not alone, out there, having only myself between me and those people out there? Something where somebody else can "push" me into things... something that forces me to do stuff.
Because I know I'm going to sabotage myself. That's what always happens.
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MILLENNIAL FUCK
GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF
LEARN TO BE HAPPY FOR YOURSELF
IF YOU CANT ACCOMPLISH THIS BASIC FUCKING TASK
THEN JUST FUCKING DIE BECAUSE YOU WONT FIND A GIRL YOU PIECE OF SHIT
JUST FUCKING STOP DOING THIS SHIT
Go to the grocery store
Buy your food
As you're paying
"Damn i can't believe this weather." (Or relevant equivalent)
Continue small talk and try to keep conversation going as long as possible
Learn what worked and what didn't
Repeat this whenever you have human interaction
When people say talk to stranger they don't literally mean random assholes on the street. They mean people you already interact with even if it's on a minimal level.
Develop some sort of skill that you want to become good at and try to become good at it. Watching yourself and seeing how far you've come since you start doing something that you want to become good at is a very gratifying feeling.
In high school it was developing my social skills and playing sports. In college it was getting girls, programming, and weight lifting.
I also play a lot of vidya and I'm good at them but they don't count.
Even if you don't feel the best, learn how to smile and have good conversation even if it doesn't reflect how you actually feel. Nobody wants to be around someone that makes them feel bad or just seems dull. Understanding that, putting it into practice, and developing a great sense of humor will get you far.
I feel pretty lost, even with this seemingly silly task.
>As you're paying
>"Damn i can't believe this weather." (Or relevant equivalent)
I feel like an idiot even when just trying to imagine saying that like out of nowhere, to people who I'm not already in a conversation with. It feels so fucking weird, even when I'm sitting right here at my desk. Now transfer that to a situation where I'm actually out there... nope. Not gonna work.
>STOP MAKING >TFW NO GF
I never did that. In fact, I don't think I'm ready for a "serious" GF. My primary aim is intimacy, closeness and sexual stuff. I don't think I have enough time and energy to invest into a GF while being a student.
>TELL US MORE ABOUT YOURSELF, AND THE TRIVIAL BULLSHIT THAT HAS "RUINED" YOU
How do I know what has "ruined" me? I mean, everybody experiences bad things, but how do I know which of these has had an impact on my situation?
>intimacy, closeness, sexual stuff
>i dont want a GF
Oh just fuck off dude. Go back to tumblr or something.
You're being ridiculous, get over yourself.
>Can you recommend any drugs or something that will make me go out and meet women?
Do not look for some magic pill, then you risk becoming addicted to this "magic pill"
>Go to the grocery store
>Buy your food
>As you're paying
>"Damn i can't believe this weather." (Or relevant equivalent)
>Continue small talk and try to keep conversation going as long as possible
>Repeat this whenever you have human interaction
good advice here
I was actually thinking this the other day to get me to talk to more people, I just got out of a long term relationship and I need to learn to meet new girls outside of my circle of friends.
>good at it
I am good at a ton of stuff. To name a few:
- very good at coding
- okay at making chiptunes
- okay at other forms of sequenced music
- getting better at drawing manga (though I'm doing that more as a form of "creative outlet" of some sort, not to become good per se)
- I can speak three languages and am learning a fourth one, more or less
- from time to time, I'm writing stuff (no, not silly fanfictions)
None of these things have ever helped me with girls, ever.
It's okay if you don't want to help me. In that case, please leave.
I'm not going to feel bad for that choice of words. Wanting intimacy is perfectly fine.
>wanting intimacy is fine
You need to get over yourself. Be more like me.
Just stop feeling that, you don't have to. You're choosing to be sad.
It's either that I find a way to get my shit together or I'll an hero. As hard as that might sound, it's how I feel. And no, don't even think of suggesting just doing the deed. Please leave.
>I am good at a ton of stuff. To name a few:
>- very good at coding
ok this may be hard to meet a girl with but possible.. maybe a girl you like wants a website, bang you can help her
>- okay at making chiptunes
that sounds good, shit to talk about, make some dumb song and put em on youtube
>- okay at other forms of sequenced music
girls like music, make some music yo!, put the songs out there, just for fun
>- getting better at drawing manga (though I'm doing that more as a form of "creative outlet" of some sort, not to become good per se)
Do you like Cons? go to a comic con or manga con and just sit in the lobby and draw, girls gonna check your manga cause they love that shit. Girls love Cos Play
>- I can speak three languages and am learning a fourth one, more or less
more shit to talk about.. sounds good, talk to girls in 4 languages
>- from time to time, I'm writing stuff (no, not silly fanfictions)
maybe from time to time do a little writing in a coffee shop, at least you will be around some folk.
Do the things you like, this way you will meet folk you get a long with ad feel comfortable with.
>maybe a girl you like wants a website
I don't see this coming, but yeah... uh... meh.
>make some dumb song and put em on youtube
Then what? That alone won't get me anywhere.
>Do you like Cons? go to a comic con or manga con
I'll attend an anime/manga con this year, for two days.
>just sit in the lobby and draw
My skills really aren't that good. In fact, I don't even like when my friends watch me draw.
If the product turns out okay-ish, I sometimes show that stuff to close friends, but that's about it. I'm pretty insecure about this thing.
>talk to girls in 4 languages
1) It's three languages. I began learning a fourth one, but it's a long way to get anywhere with that one. I certainly don't know enough to say more than a few basic sentences. At least I understand everyday-grammar.
2) I'm feeling pretty insecure in the third language, because I don't know that many people who can also speak it. So it got a bit rusty over the years. I can understand pretty much everything, but speaking... well... it works, but it isn't as fluid as it has once been.
I don't know how to answer.
Hey man. 21 year old who just two months ago had his first everything. Until then I hadn't so much as held hands with a girl. I had been working on confidence and self esteem, and I was a lot better at talking to girls than before but it wasn't enough. Know what fixed everything? Fucking Tinder. I don't care what your views on it are, it's a beautiful low level starting point for a low level person. I wasn't excited about it either but it helped. It taught me how to be really good at talking to girls and yes, I found my first gf on there. By the time I met her, she thought I was some experienced player and thought it impossible that I have had no experience. I literally have 0 problems with people, girls or guys, now because I spent so much time on there fucking up, getting rejected, talking to girls and learning how.
ok I think you stressing out a lot, when I get very stressed out I feel very negative as well. You got to make some things for yourself that make you happy. Doing these things will boost your self esteem. For example, I like video editing and I find it very relaxing, so I make my own shitty videos and I put them on youtube. Most the time nobody comments, sometimes they only get 30 views, but I still feel good to see I put like 30+ videos all on my own.. now if I ever have a conversation I can say I for fun make videos, conversations are started this way.
I can relate to you... and honestly the way I feel most comfortable meeting new girls is by meeting friend's of friends. So go out with your friends and just be yourself, do things you like, boost your self esteem by doing things you like.
No. Make a fake account, use it to log it, then start uploading photos of you from your phone onto your Tinder, because that's an option now. Before you could only upload photos from your Facebook, which was stupid. Write a very light-hearted and short bio. Don't be a fag. Be cool, be natural and always try to learn from your mistakes. Good luck. It'll be a fucking tough journey but it's so worth it.
>Can I use a fake account?
start a brand new FB account if you like, and use that one only for tinder, choose a nic name if you don't want your full name. I was thinking of doing the same.
Also I used to have a Tinder account few years ago and all I had to do was create a photo album in my FB and make that album private, the pictures I put there I added to the tinder account.
I noticed that I forgot mentioning video editing as well.
I might not be that good, but I've done some bigger productions back in school and feedback has always been positive, so there's that.
Still, that has never helped me with anything, really.
>most comfortable meeting new girls is by meeting friend's of friends
That might be true, but it feels wrong to just limit myself to that. That might be a good "comfortable" way to find a girlfriend, but what if you just want to gather, say, sexual experiences. Or, for that matter, not-so-sexual experiences with different girls? I think I need to fix myself rather than escape by just limiting myself. I just don't know how to actually do it. (Note, I know how to technically do it, it's even been mentioned in this thread. But I don't know how to actually do it in a way that gets me personally anywhere.)
>boost your self esteem by doing things you like.
I begin to feel like that just doesn't work to me. I feel like I pretty much always do things that I like. But neither do these things get me where I want to be, nor do they boost my self esteem.
Am I broken?
First off, thanks for you input.
Some things, though:
>photos of you
Those don't exist, because I don't like getting photos taken. How would I get photos that look okay? What do I have to keep in mind?
>light-hearted and short bio
What's good for Tinder? I feel like I might go in the entirely wrong direction here because I'm a noob.
Care to elaborate? I'm curious.
>I was thinking of doing the same.
Glad to hear that I'm not the only one with those views on FB and Tinder.
>Care to elaborate? I'm curious.
Talking to someone you like, developing feelings then getting slapped in the face, rejected, straight up ignored. Discovering how fucked up girls can be. Seeing how someone that seems so perfect and can't possibly be bad become everything you hate. It hurts. It's cold, and especially so because it's tinder.
Damn. Take one casual selfie and seriously try to get a picture or two of someone who took it for you in what looks like an outing. Or at least make it look like someone took a picture of you. I think a picture of you with people could be good but I personally never used one (partly because I didn't have any). I regret not taking the chance to take a lot of pictures of myself, especially when I was younger. Keep that in mind and start doing it.
Something like "Let's talk :)" or "Would like to get to know some people" or something witty or funny/cute. Try not to say something that girls have seen 10000 times.
Intellectual activities aren't always the best. I'm naturally talented in math and reading but both of those things dont help me get girls. Usually the reaction they would give me is "oh you're really smart" or some shit like that.
Being confident in yourself is is a big factor. People always tell you to be yourself because it is good advice under ideal circumstances. If I were to know you in person, I would probably be able to tell which of your behaviors are your own and which ones are the result of feelings of inadequacy/insecurity. The latter typically involving something social, but you've already made that apparent from your posts.
Talk more and take a genuine interest in other people. When you are more experienced in socializing, small talk becomes easy. It's important to have this skill because it makes up like 90% of your interactions unless you're talking to your friends.
Your sense of humor is critical in being able to get along with people and be more likeable. Taking yourself and your life too seriously prevents you from ever being able to have a good one. People judge you a lot by your sense of humor, and if you have a weird one or none at all then people will think you're weird and probably won't want to be around you.
You sound like you need confidence and friends right now, not a girlfriend. I wouldn't be too concerned about getting a girl though because sex and girls are overrated on the internet. The right one can enrich your life, and the wrong one will cause you so many fucking problems that you never wish you had
Another word of advice: keep in mind you want to get their number asap to separate yourself from other guys. On Tinder, that's really easy to do, believe me. I want to say stuff like "do it without looking too needy etc" but this is all stuff you will only learn with experience, not theory.
And for the pictures, please try to clean up, dress nice/make yourself look decent. I don't know you but just don't make yourself look like a fucking lowlife. Try to have a pic of you smiling and another where you're not.
>but what if you just want to gather, say, sexual experiences.
I'm not gonna lie, my first sexual experience was a paid blow job, I paid her and she didn't believe me I was a virgin, not a good time. My 2nd time I had sex with an acquaintance, no attraction and I did not enjoy the experience. But best sex I ever had, always with my GF, I have only had 2 GF's in my life. I would wait 7 more years for another great GF
>Or, for that matter, not-so-sexual experiences with different girls?
How bout Friend's of friends : ) they are not really your friends, and it's building new relationships. Human interaction is nice.. probably why us loners come to /adv to interact with other folk when we feeling down.
>I feel like I pretty much always do things that I like. But neither do these things get me where I want to be, nor do they boost my self esteem. Am I broken?
I don't think you broken.. it's possible you have this mild depression and you have gotten bored of your routines.. try finding a new activity, or how bout you find some counseling, maybe some Cognitive behavioral therapy... I've been thinkin I should try CBT sessions lately, to help me break old patterns of social anxiety.
>Discovering how fucked up girls can be.
That certainly sounds like a lot of fun.
Thanks, I guess I might try it eventually.
>If I were to know you in person, I would probably be able to tell which of your behaviors are your own and which ones are the result of feelings of inadequacy/insecurity.
How would I go about asking somebody / a friend? As in, how would I ask them to tell me which of my behaviours are "my own" (what does that even mean anyways)?
>You sound like you need confidence and friends right now
I do have friends
Let me quote >>16813947
>I never did that. In fact, I don't think I'm ready for a "serious" GF. My primary aim is intimacy, closeness and sexual stuff. I don't think I have enough time and energy to invest into a GF while being a student.
But hey, I don't know if I actually know what I want, relationship- and sexuality wise. I'd say the reason for that is that I never experienced either, so I can't possibly know how it is to have a GF or how it is to hug, to cuddle, to kiss, to have sex. Anything.
As I said, maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. I want to find out for myself.
>do it without looking too needy
Yeah, I heard that a billion times, but I fear I'll still come off as very needs, because, guess what, deep inside me, I am needy.
>this is all stuff you will only learn with experience, not theory
True, I guess. I'll have to learn how to fake being not needy/desperate.
>I don't know you but just don't make yourself look like a fucking lowlife.
I hope I don't look like that, haha.
Wow that was very informative and helpful. I am amazed, thank you.
>I am needy.
You will likely come off like that at the start, but again, trial and error and you will learn and get better if you intend to learn and get better. You'll continue to improve the more experience you gain and soon it'll be really casual and easy. You'll realize how stupid this shit really is. Most of it is.
>my first sexual experience was a paid blow job
I've considered this in the last few weeks, but was too scared to actually do it.
Would you say it changed anything at all?
Did it influence your future decisions in any way?
Did it help you to begin fixing yourself?
Do you regret the thought that you had to pay for your first sexual experience?
Would you recommend me doing the same thing, as an attempt to get that "FUCK I'M MISSING OUT AND I'M GETTING OLDER AND OLDER I'M SUCH A FAILURE WHO HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING"-thought away?
> I would wait 7 more years for another great GF
I believe you, but, I want to get a rather wild variety of sexual experiences before I settle down. I don't want to get old with having only had sex with like 2 or 3 women in total. I'll always regret having missed out, I think.
Sure, the sex isn't comparable, but I hope you get my idea.
Would you say a therapy makes sense for my kind of situation?
Also, there are so many different kinds of therapies, I don't know what the fuck to go with, in case I decide to do one.
Note: I still don't believe a therapy can help me. I mean, what can they possibly do? Just talking. Wow. Talking doesn't get me anywhere. I need something physical.
>You'll realize how stupid this shit really is. Most of it is.
I hope I will.
I hope I will before I hit 30 or something. Jesus, please, god, don't make me waste my youth! :(
>please, god, don't make me waste my youth! :(
I'm with you man. That's something I've always agonized over. I learned that you genuinely don't need to taste every race to enjoy your youth. It might depend on the person, but if you realize what you have and what you need, you won't feel the need to do that stuff. I was always the kid who was "looking for the one" but even still, I knew I desired every girl. At one point it got to me, so I got Tinder and got the chance to do that and you know what? Whenever I got the opportunity, I backed off because I realized I don't want it. Even after getting a gf, with whom I'm not even all that crazy about (I know, it's sad) I at some point started desiring other girls but that shit faded really quickly. You might be different but honestly, I realized that tasting the rainbow isn't even fun, even if you're lucky enough to have a strong bond with each girl you choose. In the end, we all only desire one. The rest of your youth is on you.
That's what a handful of people have told me, actually. So I can't not believe you here.
>You might be different
True, I might. I'm sure I can't say anything for sure until I've experienced "every race", so to say. (Note: I don't want to "tast every race", but that is actually an interesting way to put it, because it summarizes the point. Though, I would like to try asian girls, but I don't think I have any kind of chance whatsoever to make out with one. I guess this is one of the things that I *WILL* have to pay for. It's sad, but I don't see any kind of hope to get /that/ going, honestly.)
All I can do is say what I'm feeling right now.
And that is, that I won't really be happy even when I find a GF that I will marry and spend the rest of my life with, if I first haven't "had my way around". I truly desire having experienced variety before I limit myself to just one single sexual partner by getting into a serious relationship.
I just don't want to regret. And I know I will regret if I don't get that shit fixed.
Does that make any sense? I hope it does.
Cool, thanks, I'll be waiting.
How so? It's fine?
I don't want to "try them all", I just want to have the feeling that I've experienced a satisfying variety. I hope that makes sense. It's really hard to put into words.
I do want to find one to settle with, but that's a long-term goal.
Ideally, I'd want to "fuck around", both literally and not-so-literally, while I'm still young and possibly while still studying, because that sounds like the best kind of time to do that.
At some point I should feel the need for something "real", for love, for a serious relationship. I think that in the future I'll be in a better situation for this. When I have the energy, time, money to invest into a serious relationship.
In all honesty, I think if I just began a serious relationship right now:
1) I'd regret "wasting my chances" to find out how it's like to be with other young girls (maybe not immediately, but surely down the road)
2) She'd break up because we might not spend as much time together, doing wild things, as she'd want it to.
But, as I said, that's just what I think. I can't say anything for sure until I try all of this out, which I'm having issues with. Which depresses me. Which makes everything harder again. Vicious circle.
>Why isn't that possible?
The "I don't think I have any kind of chance" thing was related to asian girls. Not sure what it was related to. I might be mixing up things here.
That does make sense and it's pretty common.
And you probably will have your chance with an asian if she's whitewashed. If not, then that's a whole quest on its own. I have a friend with yellow fever. He's really good looking and good with girls, but he wants exclusively authentic asians and it is the hardest thing in the world for him. He's had no success. Only two asians, one whitewashed and the other half and half, a bit more to the fobby side.
>2) She'd break up because we might not spend as much time together, doing wild things, as she'd want it to.
Not as one sided as you think. Also depends hugely on the girl.
I didn't think it would be that common.
I wouldn't say I have yellow fever because I'm not just after asians, but it's certainly something I would want to try, for sure.
What you said about your friend who is good looking and good with girls, however, just shows me that this shit is never going to happen. Fuck. So my only hope is that I make enough money to buy that kind of experience, even if it's fake?
>Not as one sided as you think. Also depends hugely on the girl.
Hmn okay, but I still don't know whether I should risk going into a relationship.
I fear I might end up in a situation where I want to break up because I want to get wild with other girls but I'll be too scared to break up because I might fear that I'll never find a girl again, thus I'd end up with a situation that would be just toxic to everybody involved.
Just as you would with any other girl. Once you get good with normal girls, whitewashed asians will be the same thing. I mean, of course each girl and race will be a little different but you know what I mean.
Thanks, so at least that hope didn't completly die.
I hope I'll figure out a way to make me actually start building confidence that doesn't require any pre-existing confidence. Ugh. :S
Maybe the experience of >>16814238 can help me when he comes back.
>My primary aim is intimacy, closeness and sexual stuff
Without investment, you don't generally get that. Women don't have as strong of a sex drive as men. And you're looking for a girl who just wants sex, no relationship, no other gain. There aren't typically any good quality women like that. Probably safer and easier at that point getting a hooker.
>getting a hooker
That's not the same thing, though. That would just help with sex itself, not with any of the other stuff.
I just hope that it won't end with me just jumping from relationship to relationship, hurting every partner I've met, just because that's the only way to get where I want to be.
Why does this have to be so complicated.
Well intimacy and closeness takes investment. And everyone else is going through the same thing. They want a partner, but they don't want to commit, settle, be chained down.
Basically people want to find "the one" without having to be "the one" back for that person. It keeps people from connecting, makes people bitter, and keeps dating as a game where one person wins and the other loses, instead of the goal being to find a partner.
It's complicated because people are complicated.
>I've considered this in the last few weeks, but was too scared to actually do it.
Would you say it changed anything at all?
I was very scared too when I first called, I had high anxiety but I went through it anyway. It didn't seem to change anything after I did it, except maybe curiosity is gone
>Did it influence your future decisions in any way?
No I still wanted a GF, relationships mean something, casual sex doesn't, specially when it's paid. As soon your time is up you gotta leave.
>Did it help you to begin fixing yourself?
I only did it to end my curiosity, I felt everyone of my friends had experienced sex and I wanted to catch up.
>Do you regret the thought that you had to pay for your first sexual experience?
Yes and No, I would call an escort once or twice a year, each encounter was bad, they were all usually Asian girls in the ad ($40 for a blow job). The last escort I called though, she was nice, she was an independent escort, she had a day time job and escort was a hobby, she really enjoyed her job so I felt very nice with her, I called this escort once a month for 1 year, then I met my GF, my GF just dumped my 1month ago, and I'm not gonna lie, an escort my suck my dick in the near future.
>Would you recommend me doing the same thing, as an attempt to get that "FUCK I'M MISSING OUT AND I'M GETTING OLDER AND OLDER I'M SUCH A FAILURE WHO HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING"-thought away?
Maybe? first of all you gotta save, the escort I was seeing for 1 year charged $180, she really liked me as a client so she would charge me less but like dating it took many girls before I found someone as cool as her.
>I want to get a rather wild variety of sexual experiences before I settle down
experiment then, look at escorts see if you find one. Calling and showing up is the hardest part, once you inside the apartment is all business
>Would you say a therapy makes sense for my kind of situation?
It definitely can't hurt, it's kinda like getting a medical opinion
>Also, there are so many different kinds of therapies, I don't know what the fuck to go with, in case I decide to do one.
I don't know either but my city has a Hospital devoted to Mental Health, I booked an appointment for an assessment, based on that they can determine what kind of help is best for me. They will give me their opinion, it is up to me to follow through.
>Note: I still don't believe a therapy can help me. I mean, what can they possibly do? Just talking. Wow. Talking doesn't get me anywhere. I need something physical.
Maybe it doesn't help?, but talking about your problems does help.. I have a Councillor as well, and I started seeing her again after my gf dumped me cause my stress is so high, but talking to her has helped me, even if she is telling me things I already know, it's a good perspective to hear it from other folk. You might benefit from Group Therapy, CBT forces us to push our comfort levels, the more we push ourselves the easier it becomes, keep in mind your body will experience anxiety every time you push yourself outside your comfort level
Thanks for your input, but I don't think it really helped me as much as I thought it would.
I mean, I dunno... I don't know if such a "meaningless" experience, so to say, is what I need right now. If not, it might be a waste of money that I should spend something else on.
Also, I don't think I'd go for full sex anyways, at least not for my first time. Rather, a BJ or footjob or whatever. I don't know, man.
I'm really starting to worry about everything.
I think I'll have to think about all of this for a while.
If anyone wants to add anything: I'll be watching this thread for the next hour or so and answer any kind of question that might pop up.
I will definitely save this thread because it did contain some advice that might be useful later on.
Thanks, and wish me luck that I actually manage to find a way to get where I want to be in life.
I need to find a way to fix myself.
>but talking to her has helped me, even if she is telling me things I already know,
I do that with my friends. I think I'm at a point where this is not just not helpful, but actually pretty annoying. I do know most of the things that I need to know and talking doesn't do anything for me. It's just a waste of time at this point.
sex with an escort is so meaningless, I never liked them until I met that cool girl, and even then our relationship was pure business,.. one night stands mean so much more in comparison.
I would suggest you try to relax, be yourself, go out with friends, save money, become a good person, you gonna meet girls yo, and if there is a girl that is interested in you, go for it, you can always be honest and tell them you are not looking for a relationship right now. The best way to experiment is with real interactions, not paid. Paying for it will only ease your curiosity
and I would always go for the blow jobs too btw.. sex with escorts always felt wrong, or careless
>How would I go about asking them what behaviors are "my own" (what does that mean anyways)?
You don't. My friends used to always roast me or just tease me for doing socially unacceptable/awkward shit, and I would find out why I did them. If it was because I was afraid to speak up or I just said something weird because of my former lack of social sense, then I would find a way to fix it or just tell myself not to do it in the future.
Defense mechanisms are a good example of what I meant. Some people have behaviors that are used to avoid/hide negative feelings and not because it's already programmed within them.
You are the result of your environment, upbringing, and past events, whether you realize it or not. It's basic psychology. Failures with girls in the past seen in a certain light will often cause you to use defense mechanisms to avoid them in the future or see them in a way that will make you worse at talking to them (putting them on a pedestal for example).