Right /adv/ I need help.
For my entire life I've been an outcast type of person, part willingly when I was a kid because my parents told me to, now though I just don't have any social skills. I've never had a friend since IRL people just ignore me or self esteem problems makes me shut the hell up. Online I got the same issue, I never managed to get forum/video game friends, never felt able to talk in any chats, hell even here I hardly ever post just out of that "I need to shut my fucking mouth" mentality. I'm turning 20 this year, never had a friend, no love life, never had a job, and barely attending college. Its starting to kill me now, I don't have any self esteem to speak of anymore and I'm so scared to even try to communicate with anyone I took a double dose of atvian just to make this. I feel like I hardly exist, and I don't know how to fix it.
How can I start trying to function? I'll take anything, fuck knowing how to get self esteem back from a mind taught to hate itself would be good enough. Sick of always being alone and silent.
I'd hate to tell someone to try psychadelics, so i wont. Try going into a sensory deprivation tank. Think about what makes you happy in life. I dont know enough about you to say anything. I can drop my email if you want to chat.
I am willing to be your friend. It doesn't matter if you have any social anxiety. I have a chat room that is easy going and laid back. I am on palringo, go to discovery and type infinite myths 2. I am Mesadio. I hope to see you soon.
I honestly can't think of anything that makes me happy. I just sort of exist in a state lingering between neutral emptiness to moderate self hatred. Even then I have no idea where to even find a sensory deprivation tank.
They're not anti depressants as far as I know, they're for anxiety. It keeps my brain from going crazy and makes me sluggish. Beforehand I'm wound up twitchy and generally not doing well, after I feel like I'm asleep but awake.
Go at it sideways. Don't try to make friends or find a girl or come out of your shell.
Find something to do that gets you out of your rut. It doesn't have to be dramatic. Get a job, join a gym, take a class, join a club, do volunteer work.
Do it for the sake of doing it - because it's fun or interesting or fulfilling.
In the process of doing it, you will be in the company of other people doing it. Some idle chat about what you're doing will be natural and unthreatening.
The more you do it, the more relaxed you'll get, and the more you'll be able to feel comfortable around the others. Sooner or later someone will suggest that the gang go out for coffee/drink/snack afterwards. And because you know these people and they know you, you'll be able to do it.
I've tried getting out of the rut before. I can't get a job, even faking my best smile and giving the best answers I can think of during an interview no where has hired me. Classes I go to just for preliminary college classes, the only one I thought about going to for fun the professor flat out told me my being secluded was going to ruin my grade, so I just stopped. I've done a bit of volunteer work but people who do it with me clearly don't like having me around so I left them alone, ditto for the clubs I tried.
Clubs didn't matter much though the whole doing it for fun thing doesn't work for me. I can't think of anything thats fun or interesting to me. Used to draw but it started making me hate myself more and now I can't stand to do it. Especially around people.